New Map Proves America Is Spongy Tumor

Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the "tyranny of geography" and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere).

But the REAL secret here is that the United States is clearly not a country at all, but rather a mass of poisonous tissue with the consistency of a half-cooked egg souffle. If you cut it open, you will find hair and teeth in it. TRUE FACT.

 Maps of the 2008 US presidential election results [Mark Newman via Andrew Sullivan ]