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We are the grossest nation ever.Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere).

But the REAL secret here is that the United States is clearly not a country at all, but rather a mass of poisonous tissue with the consistency of a half-cooked egg souffle. If you cut it open, you will find hair and teeth in it. TRUE FACT.

Maps of the 2008 US presidential election results [Mark Newman via Andrew Sullivan]

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91 COMMENTS

  1. I kind of think it looks like a hope phoenix rising from the bitter flaming turd of a country the right-wing retards left us with.

  2. I think it looks like a finger painting done by a charming tot in a Christian school, when asked to share their memories about the pics at the last anti-choice rally they attended with Mommy and Daddy.You know, the darling snaps of fetuses.

  3. [re=172505]MedianHater[/re]: Fuck me… why did I listen to your advice? That’s fucking gross. But at least now I know what to call that massive mound of flesh under my chin…

  4. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

    “teratomas have been reported to contain hair, teeth, bone and very rarely more complex organs such as eyeball, torso, and hand.”

    ugh. Nate Silver doesn’t make me think about gross nightmare abortion tumors.

  5. ZOMG, are we still talking about voting maps? ‘Specially when there is a new installment of
    Palin’s Petticoat Junction?

    Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, said his daughter spent the day Saturday trying to figure out what belongs to the RNC.

    “She was just frantically … trying to sort stuff out,” Heath said. “That’s the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for.

  6. [re=172531]Guppy06[/re]: Well, by population Alaska is about 1/429th of the size of the mainland, and Hawaii is about 1/233rd of the size, so, imagine a tiny red clump and a blue clump that’s about twice as big

  7. [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: Any guesses on whether several $8,000 dresses from Saks are included in the “underwear” that the “kids” somehow “lost”??

  8. [re=172553]Mull_Man[/re]: I thought the in-the-tank-4-McCain spongy tumor map deliberately made the Bay Area look like a Satanic cloven hoof kicked high in an obviously gay-76-Trombones manner.

  9. [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: THANK GOD! I have been waiting all day for someone to bring this up. Perhaps if the children did not lose their underwear so much they would end up slightly less pregnant.

  10. [re=172542]Boozeweek[/re]: I thought that was Joe Lieberman’s name: he can be easily resected from the surrounding tissue/senate and, as Wikipedia notes, teratomas, like Joe Lieberman, don’t raise the same ethical issues as other research on stem cells, because teratomas/Joe Leiberman cannot become fully human.

  11. Aw man this is like too much coz that is totally the tie-dye I bought at this Grateful Dead tribute thing the other night which was amazing an’ I was like so tripped out like it started raining and I totally thought the rain was turning yellow so I opened my mouth and drank the yellow rain which was so cool cept I’m not feeling so well right now . . .

  12. One pill makes you larger
    And one pill makes you small
    And the ones that mother gives you
    Don’t do anything at all
    Go ask Alice
    When she’s ten feet tall

    Please stay away from the brown acid Wonkateers.

    J. Garcia

  13. Looks like one of the Angels from dogma, with only one leg. All the red is the blood spattered all over his body after it got blown off by Silent Jay with a machine gun.

  14. [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: I read that too, and thought WHAT THE FUCK???? The RNC bought undies for that Palin brats? And if she ‘never asked for a thing’ how the fuck did the RNC end up buying her kids underwear??? I mean if someone were handing me new undies for my kids when i hadn’t asked for them I’d run in the other direction!!

    Of course, this is the Republican party so children missing underwear should not be too shocking.

  15. I’ve been staring at this thing for hours but I can’t cross my eyes right to see the magic eye image. I think they got some fractal equation wrong, probably the one that starts with:
    Walnuts age – (Moosilini’s IQ * probable number of Bristol’s Kids).

  16. Somebody rubbed Preparation H on most of the “M” states — Montana, Minnesota, Michigan, Maine are all shrunken and shriveled. Must be the same red-stater who turned M’s upside down in the M&M packages.

  17. [re=172541]mattbolt[/re]: Ha, my failing eyesight or the number of joints I smoked made me think your comment read “tiny red DUMP” when referring to Alaska

  18. [re=172553]Mull_Man[/re]: There hasn’t been a dungeness crab in San Francisco Bay since about the early 1960s. The pollution killed them all off. The ones you get on Fisherman’s Wharf are flown in from Washington State or whatever.

    Nowadays, if you want crabs, you have to hit one of the bars in the Castro . . . If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do . . . .

  19. I saw the butterfly too!! or else a gross and disgusting alien life form. But I live in the blue dot in the red mass in the upper mid-northwest or something like that.

  20. Republicanism is a red infected mucus inhabitimg the nation’s remote sinuses. (With apologies to Douglas Adams) the election of Obama may now be known as the coming of the big black handkerchief.

  21. 1. “As The Eagle Soars”
    2. The last robin I merrily ran over driving to work.
    3. The vile, poisonous, lib gayosity infecting our country from Barry’s anti-Christ, anti-Walmart, Satanic worship, eat-more-fruit, socialist/Marxist, no-frontsees/no-backsees, Islamo, salt-is-bad, spread-whitey‘s-wealth free love hippie ashram or someplace like just it. Maybe, Jackson Hole.

  22. I see Barack Obama winking at me and giving me that special smile. That’s what I always see when I look at anything having to do with my imaginary husband.

  23. This is a rare historical document, smuggled from the National Archives in somebody’s pants. It’s a CAT scan image of Transmissible Spongiform Encephalopathy making brain souffle in the skull of our 40th president. Back in the glory days, when our leaders came by their derangements honestly.

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