We are the grossest nation ever.Ewww, observe this gross map! This eye-searing cross between a ribeye steak and a six-week fetus is supposed to illustrate something important about voting patterns by representing the size of a state according to population rather than acreage. This frees sad coastal Democrats from the “tyranny of geography” and puts uppity Wyoming Republicans in their place (i.e. nowhere).

But the REAL secret here is that the United States is clearly not a country at all, but rather a mass of poisonous tissue with the consistency of a half-cooked egg souffle. If you cut it open, you will find hair and teeth in it. TRUE FACT.

Maps of the 2008 US presidential election results [Mark Newman via Andrew Sullivan]

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  • NoWireHangers

    I see a butterfly, Sarah. A beautiful purple butterfly with wings of Hope.

  • Yaybuls
  • VoxPopuli

    Ugh – it looks like a warped Shrinky Dink.

  • facehead

    I see a butterfly being raped by a jellyfish.

  • wheelie

    I see an eagle, a blue eagle, and it’s just hit the windscreen.

  • hobgoblin of little minds

    I kind of think it looks like a hope phoenix rising from the bitter flaming turd of a country the right-wing retards left us with.

  • teebob2000

    Eeewww. I left that in a Kleenex this morning…

  • vintageways

    It kinda looks like that planet in the movie Soloris (the good one).

  • hedgehog

    I see a butterfly, Sarah. A beautiful purple butterfly with an enormous penis.

  • Kwame&#39

    It totes reminds me to pick up tampons on the way home from work.

  • wonk_the_heck

    Florida is a total penis.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=172489]teebob2000[/re]: rusty pipes?

  • jagorev

    I see two peacocks f*cking missionary style

  • MedianHater

    Google image “teratoma” and take a look around. Not a bad way to round out a Monday.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I think it looks like a finger painting done by a charming tot in a Christian school, when asked to share their memories about the pics at the last anti-choice rally they attended with Mommy and Daddy.You know, the darling snaps of fetuses.

  • Kev-O-Tron

    [re=172505]MedianHater[/re]: Fuck me… why did I listen to your advice? That’s fucking gross. But at least now I know what to call that massive mound of flesh under my chin…

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    I see tits.

  • azw88

    This is your election.

    This is your election on Acid. Any questions?

  • magic titty

    I see Spiderman’s farts.

  • AJO

    Hmm…Cape Cod is exactly the same size and shape. What does that mean?

  • WadISay

    This looks like a groin to me, but then most things do.

  • Polly Sigh-Entist

    Thanks Sara, I almost forgot about teratomas but you had to remind me…(ick!)

  • mattbolt

    Put it back on the grill, there’s still red bits on the inside

  • mattbolt

    New England = Head of a snarling dog.
    Florida = One of those Jackrabbit sex toys.
    Both are apt metaphors.

  • Guppy06

    So… where’s states 49 and 50? Don’t make Governor Sarah hunt you down by airplane, gosh darn it!

  • slick7

    All the beautiful places where my friends and family live are in blue, and all of the places that I’m forced to go to for business are in red.

  • tiny mexican


    “teratomas have been reported to contain hair, teeth, bone and very rarely more complex organs such as eyeball, torso, and hand.”

    ugh. Nate Silver doesn’t make me think about gross nightmare abortion tumors.

  • problemwithcaring

    ZOMG, are we still talking about voting maps? ‘Specially when there is a new installment of
    Palin’s Petticoat Junction?

    Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, said his daughter spent the day Saturday trying to figure out what belongs to the RNC.

    “She was just frantically … trying to sort stuff out,” Heath said. “That’s the problem, you know, the kids lose underwear, and everything has to be accounted for.

  • mattbolt

    [re=172531]Guppy06[/re]: Well, by population Alaska is about 1/429th of the size of the mainland, and Hawaii is about 1/233rd of the size, so, imagine a tiny red clump and a blue clump that’s about twice as big

  • Boozeweek

    Little-known fact:
    Joe Lieberman’s secret service code name = “Teratoma”

  • The Station Manager

    Florida is throbbing pretty god damn hard right now.

  • rocktonsammy

    I see a need for more blue, especially in those red states.

    Grant won.

    Obama won,

    Finally, bookends.

  • FreshCliches

    Alt-text: The illegitimate child of Nate Silver and Jackson Pollock.

  • Dave J.

    [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: Any guesses on whether several $8,000 dresses from Saks are included in the “underwear” that the “kids” somehow “lost”??

  • chascates

    This explains why I’ve been feeling bilious since last Tuesday.

  • Mull_Man

    I like the way the Bay Area looks like the claws of an enormous dungeness crab. And that Texas looks like a pulmonary embolism.

  • messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    [re=172505]MedianHater[/re]: **sigh** I did, and now regret it. Babies puking up hair and arms is not my cup-o-tea.

  • Strappo

    Slow fucking news day, eh?

  • I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    [re=172523]AJO[/re]: That it’s exactly as important as it thinks it is? That’s a little unsettling.

  • blinky_twinkie

    [re=172553]Mull_Man[/re]: I thought the in-the-tank-4-McCain spongy tumor map deliberately made the Bay Area look like a Satanic cloven hoof kicked high in an obviously gay-76-Trombones manner.

  • OffTheRecord

    [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: THANK GOD! I have been waiting all day for someone to bring this up. Perhaps if the children did not lose their underwear so much they would end up slightly less pregnant.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=172548]FreshCliches[/re]: I tend to think it’s more along the lines of Willem de Kooning. (Sniff)

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=172542]Boozeweek[/re]: I thought that was Joe Lieberman’s name: he can be easily resected from the surrounding tissue/senate and, as Wikipedia notes, teratomas, like Joe Lieberman, don’t raise the same ethical issues as other research on stem cells, because teratomas/Joe Leiberman cannot become fully human.

  • satyricrash

    The Montauk Monster!

  • wheelie

    Aw man this is like too much coz that is totally the tie-dye I bought at this Grateful Dead tribute thing the other night which was amazing an’ I was like so tripped out like it started raining and I totally thought the rain was turning yellow so I opened my mouth and drank the yellow rain which was so cool cept I’m not feeling so well right now . . .

  • Rush

    One pill makes you larger
    And one pill makes you small
    And the ones that mother gives you
    Don’t do anything at all
    Go ask Alice
    When she’s ten feet tall

    Please stay away from the brown acid Wonkateers.

    J. Garcia

  • Servo

    Hee-hee. Texas looks like a giant bruised scrotum.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    The red lines suggest the locations where there isn’t a Starbucks lining every street.

  • bitchincamaro

    I see dead people.

  • pourmecoffee

    Weird. To me, this looks like the angry, disapproving face of my mother. Does anyone else see that?

  • CivicHoliday

    Looks like one of the Angels from dogma, with only one leg. All the red is the blood spattered all over his body after it got blown off by Silent Jay with a machine gun.

  • qaf

    [re=172589]pourmecoffee[/re]: Yeah, except I think it’s your mom, not mine. Spooky.

  • azw88

    [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: I read that too, and thought WHAT THE FUCK???? The RNC bought undies for that Palin brats? And if she ‘never asked for a thing’ how the fuck did the RNC end up buying her kids underwear??? I mean if someone were handing me new undies for my kids when i hadn’t asked for them I’d run in the other direction!!

    Of course, this is the Republican party so children missing underwear should not be too shocking.

  • ivenson

    Bleeding archaeopteryx (sp?).


  • Keram2

    [re=172505]MedianHater[/re]: ARAPOFGPOHG! Fuck you for your ability to pique my curiosity. Fuck you!

  • Borat

    I’ve been staring at this thing for hours but I can’t cross my eyes right to see the magic eye image. I think they got some fractal equation wrong, probably the one that starts with:
    Walnuts age – (Moosilini’s IQ * probable number of Bristol’s Kids).

  • villageatrois

    Somebody rubbed Preparation H on most of the “M” states — Montana, Minnesota, Michigan, Maine are all shrunken and shriveled. Must be the same red-stater who turned M’s upside down in the M&M packages.

  • wheelie

    [re=172539]problemwithcaring[/re]: Sarah’s still struggling to get on top of all the briefs.

    Arf, arf.

  • Borat

    [re=172541]mattbolt[/re]: Ha, my failing eyesight or the number of joints I smoked made me think your comment read “tiny red DUMP” when referring to Alaska

  • Neilist

    [re=172553]Mull_Man[/re]: There hasn’t been a dungeness crab in San Francisco Bay since about the early 1960s. The pollution killed them all off. The ones you get on Fisherman’s Wharf are flown in from Washington State or whatever.

    Nowadays, if you want crabs, you have to hit one of the bars in the Castro . . . If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do . . . .

  • heathenish

    I saw the butterfly too!! or else a gross and disgusting alien life form. But I live in the blue dot in the red mass in the upper mid-northwest or something like that.

  • joe the bummer

    It looks normal to me.

  • joe the bummer

    I don’t see anything different here.

  • joe the bummer

    Florida looks a little noodle-y, but that’s not different.

  • Numbat Dundee

    Republicanism is a red infected mucus inhabitimg the nation’s remote sinuses. (With apologies to Douglas Adams) the election of Obama may now be known as the coming of the big black handkerchief.

  • loganmo

    Aborted Barney the dinosauer?

  • Jukesgrrl

    I think this proves once an for all: people don’t like being cold.

  • psychedelicSludge

    whatever it is, IT BURNS! IT BURNS!

  • gjdodger

    It looks like what John McCain hawked up, right after he went, “HENGGGH? HENNNNGGGGH?”

  • S.Luggo

    1. “As The Eagle Soars”
    2. The last robin I merrily ran over driving to work.
    3. The vile, poisonous, lib gayosity infecting our country from Barry’s anti-Christ, anti-Walmart, Satanic worship, eat-more-fruit, socialist/Marxist, no-frontsees/no-backsees, Islamo, salt-is-bad, spread-whitey‘s-wealth free love hippie ashram or someplace like just it. Maybe, Jackson Hole.

  • Mull_Man

    [re=172618]Neilist[/re]: Never said there was. Must be why I always buy them in HMB. I’m 5th gen. Californian – pre Gold Rush. So there thhhhhbbbb.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=172634]joe the bummer[/re]: Feed your head.

  • glamourdammerung

    It looks like a bald eagle being assfucked by the state of Alaska.

  • Wee Mousie

    That’s what got caught in Cheney’s gullet when he tried to endorse McCain.

    It’s even more disgusting when you know where its been.

  • the invisible woman

    I see Barack Obama winking at me and giving me that special smile. That’s what I always see when I look at anything having to do with my imaginary husband.

  • robanybody

    This is a rare historical document, smuggled from the National Archives in somebody’s pants. It’s a CAT scan image of Transmissible Spongiform Encephalopathy making brain souffle in the skull of our 40th president. Back in the glory days, when our leaders came by their derangements honestly.

  • Crow T. Robot

    No Fumar!

  • Crow T. Robot

    (the above joke will be comprehensible to exactly three people, all of whom were extremely baked at the time, approximately 22 years ago)

  • schvitzatura

    Richard Kelley’s Southland Tales Treer Corporation logo?

  • TGY


  • dogscantlookup

    But is it art?

  • wonderboom

    i can see my house!

  • Hound

    Who knew Florida could look even more like a penis?

  • BruceLee5000

    This is what’s inside McCain’s Walnut cheek pouch.
    Including, the blue, throbbing, Florida member.

  • BruceLee5000

    OMG, Florida’s tip is even PURPLE. Someone needs to take the rubber bands off all ready…

  • nurple

    Blue State America is delicious flesh, Red State America is uneatable gristle.

  • bearbait

    [re=172497]wonk_the_heck[/re]: And is apparently receiving a reach-around from the republicans.

  • Heywood Floyd

    My God, it’s full of stars!

  • Roxie Beaver

    I see a crazed angry ferret-faced, claw-handed, miss-shapened butterfly, with a huge diseased uncircumscribed rhino penis. Gross.

  • Roxie Beaver

    [re=172529]mattbolt[/re]: What, what!!??!! There are “jackrabbit sex toys”????

  • darbyogill

    I see a Gnarls Barkley video waiting to happen.

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