About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hola wonkerados.

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103 comments

  1. joezoo

    Shame on him, sitting down with dangerous rogue leaders without preconditions and all…

    What’s that? That jokes already been made a thousand times? Great apologies.

  2. Borat

    Is it really necessary to have a different phone number for McCain and also Other??

    I would rather see the phone numbers be something like “Human” or “Subhuman”. Or “Normal” versus “Freak”. Other ideas for how Cspan can save money?

  3. SelfDeprecatingFed

    I can’t wait until the ceremonnial handing over of the “Magic 8-ball of executive decision making.”

    It only has 3 responses:

    1) War
    2) Bailout
    3) F*ck it dude… let’s go bowling.

  4. ph7

    [re=172173]Servo[/re]: Thank God we’re not having to speculate whether Cindy’s carpet matches her drapes.

  5. Schadenfried

    Good God, not the call-ins. I saw a few minutes of it after the election day smoke cleared. The McCain voters did not disappoint. One woman said that the public demand that his birth certificate be released because she’s not convinced that he was born in the US.

  6. mattbolt

    Oh man, Heart Surgery Chick got shut out, COLD.

    Heart Surgery Chick: And I wanted so badly to walk into that poll and I did and-
    CSPAN Talk-jockey: Yeah, yeah, shutup for a minute lady, they’re HERE OH MY GOD LET’S WATCH
    Heart Surgery Chick: Oh, thanks!

  7. Sussemilch

    “Heh, down that way’s the bowling alley, and I’m guessing you won’t be using that, unless you’ve been getting lessons or someptin, he he *snort*”

    “That reminds me Mr. President, I brought you a copy of my book, but I’m guessing you won’t be reading it, unless you’ve been getting lessons or something.”

  8. dano

    Right now Bush is stumbling around holding a half empty bottle of bourbon and trying not to puke on Barry & co.

  9. Schadenfried

    [re=172184]Borat[/re]: One guy called in on election night and said he voted for Cynthia McKinney.

    I do like the Human and Subhuman idea.

  10. Doglessliberal

    [re=172172]cal[/re]: no? The red one? I think she looks stunning. It flatters her both with color and cut. She looks Amazonian in a good way.

  11. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    Bush is explaining why Cheney has all the secret codes, but he doesn’t. And where he keeps all the good porn.

  12. illnoise

    Michelle could beat down anyone there. MMmmamazon.

    D’ya think they called each other to decide on tie color?

    Bb.

  13. Monkey

    The Bushes are showing them the secret eavesdropping console that allows them to watch the white house staff making sexy in the stairwells.

  14. Uncle Al

    Wow for once Bush isn’t all touchy feely. He looks pissed off. Maybe someone told him about Barry saying a zillion times that McCain should lose because he’s just like Bush.

    Warms my heart to think Bush is feeling bad about something.

  15. MathewBrooks

    [re=172181]TeddyS[/re]: Yes, you’re right, but technically i think its called the South Portico.

  16. schvitzatura

    Laura is either wigged out by M. Obama’s Nancy Reagan red dress or looking at her own fish white arms…

  17. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    BTW, my BFF Barry just emailed to ask me for $30. Apparently the DNC is a little tapped out after that election thing, but they’d be happy to send me REALLY ugly “victory” T-shirt if I send Barry the money.

    Wonder if the “loser” T-shirt in McCrankypantsland is any better.

  18. Servo

    [re=172192]ph7[/re]:
    For Cindy, the concern is not the color as much as the condition. She might give McCorpse turf toe.

  19. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=172172]cal[/re]: I rather like her dress – it’s simple and bright. Holy smokes she is tall.

  20. Sussemilch

    [re=172216]Itsjustme[/re]: Maybe that will be one of Bush’s holdover appointments. Gates, Bernanke, and Barney.

  21. OffTheRecord

    [re=172209]Itsjustme[/re]: Seriously. Michelle is pretty smoking hot. You don’t really notice it when she is standing next to Obama because they have equal levels of hotness.

  22. Doglessliberal

    [re=172227]MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend[/re]: she combines classic and flattering with a little bit of spark, unlike the series of pantsuited bland carbon copies we have seen with no personal style whatsoever.

  23. OKLAHOMAjesus?

    Oh shizzzz, Obama is going to get the DIAMONDS from the secret underground tunnel! I knew South Park was on to something

  24. Deepthroat

    Badonkadonk! Do you think Barry got to tap that someplace uncomfortable after election night? You know, like the back of a volkswagon?

  25. druranium

    It will be refreshing on many levels to have president barry in the white house. For one, a president who doesn’t walk around with his arms puffed out away from his body in attempts to look like a tough guy.

  26. MarSF

    [re=172172]cal[/re]: I like the dress! Michelle Obama is hot. I also love the fact that she is taller than George. Looking at these photos, I almost feel sorry for him.

    Well, maybe not.

  27. NotthatLC

    LOVE Michelle’s dress. In a kind of must-have sort of way.
    Has Bush gotten shorter over the years?

  28. grendel

    [re=172185]SelfDeprecatingFed[/re]: I think you’ve forgotten Barry’s Excellent Bowling Adventure. He will NOT be going bowling.

  29. NoWireHangers

    I love how Laura subtly goes to check out Michelle’s dress at :16. Yeah, she looks better than you in couture, bitch. Get used to it. Hahaahaha!

  30. longjohnson

    Michelle looks like she has a good three to four feet between the bottom of her breasts and her va jah jah

  31. emberglance

    These moments are all about the arm round the back. Bush was taught early on to put his arm round anyone important from Foreignland to show that he’s King Monkey. This time, he passively lets the incoming alpha male dominate him with the arm round the back. Now the elder male must resign himself to watching from the sidelines and picking fleas from his partners fleece.

  32. druranium

    [re=172249]ph7[/re]: Must add the lolprez:
    I’M IN YUR WHITEHOUZE
    REVERSIN’ YUR POLICEEEES

    Also, yes Michelle is smart, hot, and wears sexy dresses. But you must respect her! Respect her, you cretins!

  33. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Part of the actual transcript of the meeting has been released:

    Bush: Don’t worry about anything. This job is really easy. The Vice President makes all of the decisions and you just have to pretend you understand them.

    Obama: Sure. So is this the room where you choked on the pretzel?

    Bush: Hehehe… Yep. All the damn dogs did was stare at me and lick my face. Thankfully the secret service gives me this Medic-Alert necklace whenever I’m eating snack food.

  34. Hostile Michigander

    [re=172184]Borat[/re]: When Sarah Palin becomes a White Oprah, her call-in lines will be labeled “Real American” and “Socialist America.”

  35. Schadenfried

    HA! The good Mrs. Obama is taller than both Bushes.

    Theme songs: Jack of Spades by KRS1 for Hopey, Brickhouse by the Commedores for Michelle. Everyone’s happy…okay, just me, but still…also…

  36. jagorev

    [re=172268]Deepthroat[/re]: Cute, but those pictures made me sad as I thought of what Malia (in particular) will have to put up with over the next 8 years. She’ll be going through her awkward years in front of all of us, including turds like Perez Hilton and Rush Limbaugh.

  37. HomoElectus

    did anyone else notice that the two pairs wore similar outfits (red dresses for the ladies, dark suits w/ blue ties for the dudes) only the obamas were WAY HOTTER? and then laura bush looked down at her dress and though, “i’m so hopelessly inadequate… maybe i should just kill myself.” i <3 democracy.

  38. sati demise

    Michelle, hot color, hot dress. Her lively choices are refreshing.

    Hope they visit the WH plaque commemorating the Clinton/Lewinski treaties.

  39. qwerty42

    [re=172195]Schadenfried[/re]: are they still on that birth certificate thing? Jeeze, they are just dumbasses.

  40. Miller

    So what’s the over/under on how many times Bush gets distracted by a shiny object during Obama’s complex, 13-step black guy hand shake? Can we bet on the number of cracker crumbs that’ll be spit out of G-Dub’s mouth while he’s talking too?

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  41. NoWireHangers

    [re=172268]Deepthroat[/re]: The HuffPo slideshows get me through my day. I’m obsessed with them. I coo and cry through them. I forward them to friends. I love them.

  42. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=172273]Serolf Divad[/re]: You know, once the White House goes black, it will never go back.

  43. 4tehlulz

    [re=172287]jagorev[/re]: Oh don’t worry. I’m sure that WALNUTS will come up with some nice, lighthearted jokes about them like he did for Chelsea.

  44. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=172292]sati demise[/re]; [re=172237]Doglessliberal[/re]: I find her style very refreshing. The pantsuits favored by women in the political spotlight make my eyes hurt.

    [re=172289]HomoElectus[/re]: Laura is the only decent thing about W. Seriously. She seems like a classy lady but I bet she knows how to tell people how to fuck off in no uncertain terms.

  45. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=172256]Dreamer[/re]: The President misunderstood when Laura admitted that she would love to have Barack Hussein Obama enter through her backdoor, is my guess.

  46. Kwame'

    Both Laura and Barack are dying for a smoke. I would love a shot of them smoking outside by a back door like lowly office workers are now forced to do.

  47. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=172212]Uncle Al[/re]: Bush is just upset that Obama didn’t like his nickname of “Darkie.”

  48. Sixleaf

    I’m tired of talking about Michelle’s clothes.

    Instead can we talk about her mother moving into the White House?

  49. somelegalbitch

    [re=172195]Schadenfried[/re]: Yeah that one is my favorite. Like the gov doesn’t check that sort of thing before they let you be president.

  50. problemwithcaring

    [re=172287]jagorev[/re]: I am not convinced. Did you see Obama’s middle school pics from Hawaii? Hotness. These kids may just have better genes than the wide-mouth toad, er, Chelsea – did.

  51. S.Luggo

    [re=172292]sati demise[/re]: I thought that Michelle worn that dress only to Comintern meetings.

    Don’t wear it out, babe.

  52. brighidg

    [re=172317]Sixleaf[/re]: Her mom’s not moving in, last I heard. And if she were, so what? Not the first time a First Grandma has lived in the White House and it’ll probably be cheaper than paying for a nanny for the girls.

  53. Itsjustme

    [re=172209]Itsjustme[/re]: OMG! Don’t get me wrong. Even as a straight female, I think Michelle is a Red Hot First Lady, or any Lady for that matter.

  54. Canuck13652

    [re=172221]Cogito Ergo Bibo[/re]: Actually (being a gay californian) I would rather a T-Shirt that says “I donated to and voted for Obama and all I got was this crappy t-shirt. . . .And my rights taken away.”

  55. PortlandSmartAss

    [re=172218]schvitzatura[/re]: No, Laura’s looking down at her watch. See, the Obamas were 12 minutes early (according to the post-photo commentary), so undoubtedly Laura’s saying “god-dammit, they’re twelve minutes early today, but we sure as hell won’t be giving up these digs until January 20th, so JUST BACK OFF.” Amazing how much a glance can say.

  56. Bob Hopeless

    [re=172312]NoWireHangers[/re]: I was thinking it was the world’s most popular person meeting the world’s least popular person. Do you think some sort of time-space anomaly opened up and released a truckload of Dr Who’s when they shook hands?

  57. d4g33z

    All I haz to say is:

    “WHERE’S THE LOVE?”

    All I care is about is what Reggie’s up to. And you are not. Covering. The story.

    Thanks.

  58. the invisible woman

    [re=172181]TeddyS[/re]: They sure fucking did. Well, he’ll be walking in the front door in January.

    I’m totally fascinated by political touching; who touches who first and where and how and what it means about power. Barry always tries to touch first, and so did Bill Clinton. The craziest thing was when he met and touched Joe the Plumber, Joe freaked out and kind of jumped back. That was a sign that something strange was going on. There are some white people who won’t touch black people at all so there’s a whole other layer of meaning. Barry had that happen in a restaurant in the south where the woman who called him a name wouldn’t shake his hand. It’s such a good racism test, but now that Barry will be the most powerful person in the world, what will it all mean??? I’m obsessing about this now because the election is over and I need something else Barry-related to fixate on.

  59. TGY

    It’s nice of Barry to give THE MOST UNPOPULAR PRESIDENT IN HISTORY (seriously, his disapproval rating is 76%) some good press.

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