Wonkette
Once upon a time there was a city called “Jersey City,” and people moved there to live when Manhattan got too expensive. A gentleman politician from this fine city made headlines this weekend when he urinated in a grand and public fashion on a crowd of people in Washington D.C.
Steven Lipski, a proud Democratic councilman, paid money to go see a Grateful Dead tribute band, and for this crime alone Rahm Emanuel will stuff a dead fish in his mouth. But even worse, he got so hammered he thought it would be a good idea to unzip his pants and piss off a balcony, like a drunken clown.
The police did not find this funny, so they arrested him. He tried to say that he was not urinating on anyone, he had merely spilled a drink, but of course nobody believed the comical boozebag.
Jersey City politicians have a long and proud history of embarrassing public hijinks:
- The current mayor Jerramiah Healy was elected in 2004, even though shortly before the election photos circulated of him “naked and passed out on his front stoop.”
- This same mayor was “arrested and pepper-sprayed” outside a nightclub in 2006 “after tussling with local cops.”
This background information leads us to conclude that Steven Lipski is planning a mayoral run in the near future.
Jersey City Councilman Steven Lipski is No. 1 threat at Washington club [New York Daily News]
Councilman vows to quit alcohol after public urination bust [New York Daily News]
Jeeze, come on! He was bored of the show and wanted to do his version of “Raindrops keep falling on my head.”
What a fuckhead and should be shit on by the voters. Of course, if he were a Repub they would make him leader because he understands the operating principle of the Repub Party.
I call bullshit, clearly this guy is a Republican.
Trickle-down pissonomics?
If peeing on your electorate was grounds for disqualification for public office, the halls of congress would be very empty.
As Jersey City is a gateway for many new immigrants, Councilman Lipski is merely illustrating the old legend that “in America even the showers are paved with gold”…
That’s so folksy!
Whats that saying the kids use? “I’d rather be pissed off than pissed ON…”
I think the real issue here is the intolerance of 930 club-goers.
It’s a divey place… Expect to get a little pee on you.
Come to beautiful Jersey City: we make Hoboken look classy.
Excuse me, I need to go spill a drink.
Lipski - keeping Jersey classy across the nation.
so the cops are saying it’s a bad thing to piss on the crowd at a Dead tribute concert? man, next thing you know they’ll bust a dude for smilin’ on a cloudy day.
New nickname: Steven “Flomax” Lipski. I have spoken.
…he was not urinating on anyone, he had merely spilled a drink…
of urine. That anyone can even plausibly come up with an alibi like this pretty much sums up New Jersey.
wheres the eveidence? if theres no video then it didnt happen.
wow, good thing it wasn’t one of the Phish reunion shows. otherwise he might have shit off that balcony….
ManchuCandidate: Schadenfried: No, no, no: if he were a Republican, he would have picked up an underaged male at the concert (not that any self-respecting teenager would be at a Dead tribute concert) and taken him back to a hotel room where he, the Councilman, would have proceeded to pee on the underaged male while filming it. The video would have then been the source of a scandal and the councilman’s embrace of born-again Christianity.
What, no hookers in this story? No gay lover? No misappropriation of public funding? No Born-Again Christian self-asphixiation erotica with unique underwater scuba gear? Try harder next time.
If they didn’t want to get peed on, they’d have just move out the way!
Why would a band pretend to be the Grateful Dead? That’s like going around town pretending to fart.
Meth Lab for Cutie: it is only OK if everyone has had enough time to drop enough acid not to notice the rain of piss. If they are sober enough to complain, it is a problem. The guy clearly pissed too early in the evening.
I personally make it a point to pee on Grateful Dead tribute band audiences. I can’t help it - by the time they usually get to the 89th guitar solo in Dark Star I just absolutely have to go. In fact it is the sole reason that I go to those shows. Well that and the contact buzz.
Oh, I dunno. At these events, the beer is frankly piss.
Although, what the police are claiming is that he’s basically a Peer of the Realm.
how unfortunate. a different first name and a different body fluid in this story could have given the world joe the cummer.
Under a Barack Obama administration, everyone will pee into a bucket and Obama will decide who gets drenched.
Am I the only one who thinks the real crime here is going to see a Grateful Dead tribute band?
I hope he had asparagus for dinner.
Here’s your Box of Rain, bitches.
SKS - a million whore diamonds to you for urine trouble post tag.
Perhaps a little habit he formed while on Bourbon Street in Nawlins?
Unfortunately, this is considered standard operating procedure in Jersey City.
We can share the women, we can share the wine.
We can piss on a crowd of people, cause we’re elected swiiiiine.
Keep on pissin’, just a bladder to go;
Keep on pissin’ my old buddy, you’re pissin much too slooowwww.
at least he didnt urinate on the cheese
In Jersey City, you get arrested for that. In L.A., it’s a theme night club that you can’t get in unless you know someone.
Does anyone else think that guy looks like a bloated Harland Williams on crack?
Yeah, so?
HA. Wow. It’s amazing who manages to get elected in this country.
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You’re never going to keep me down
Pissing the night away
Pissing the night away
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
pourmecoffee:Rather, we will all get our share of piss. Yayy!
I moved out of Jersey City in 2003. Looks like politics there have only gotten better. I still remember Mayor Bret Schundler, about whom my uncle once said, “I hate that preppie.” Schundler was a Republican. Jersey City Democrats are much more interesting. Any political story involving urine is going to be interesting, though. That’s just a fact of life.
Sara, your second linky no worky! The one promising to show me Jerramiah Healy “naked and passed out on his front stoop.”
“But I’ll still sing you love songs
Written in the letters of your name
And brave the storm to come
For it surely looks like rain”
mattbolt: that’s funny.
No mention that this happened at the 9:30 club?
To the tune of “Fire on the Mountain”,
“Piss, piss off the balcony!
Piss, piss off the balcony!”
Any word on duration? Are we talking unfrozen Austin Powers here? If so, very nasty.
This was his tribute to Shannon Hoon.
No buttseks!? I want a story with buttseks!
They spit on one of yours, you piss on a crowd of theirs. It’s the Jersey way.
Haven’t you ever spilled a drink where it turned into a constant tiny stream of warm liquid that smelled awfully like piss as it came out of the cup? Happens to me all the time. Cops need to cut the man some slack, he had plans to get drunk and pass out naked on his stoop.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
…in Jersey, pissing on people is considered a greeting! Why do you think New Jersey always smells like stale urine?
Maybe he thought it was a Frank Zappa Tribute band and he wanted to hear Nanook of the North….
Maybe he remembered the phrase “it is alway better to be pissed off then to be pissed on” and he saw Sean Hannity and/or Bill-o the Clown below and wanted to give them the best of both worlds!
Jersey City: making Newark look classy by comparison since 1820.
His future political career is smoking a doobie with Jerry Garcia even as we speak.
“It’s lemonade!”
(Nobody will get this.)
sezme: I followed the link. No photos of unconscious, nude politicians. Save your bandwidth.
Would have been more appropriate if he’d done it at an R. Kelly impersonator concert.
Pissing on someone’s parade, perhaps?!
Hahah! My comment linked in the post! I win teh internetz!
every time it rains, it rains…
urine from douchebags
You have to pay extra for that kind of foreplay in Germany
See? This is EXACTLY why I don’t leave my house. Oh sure, you might say I have a “clincal” problem, or maybe that I am “agoraphobic” if you some kind of elitist reader type, but there you are. Minding your own business at a Dead tribute concert, and somebody pisses on you. Just like what happened at church that one time.
Oh yeah. The Dark Star Orchestra people are flipping out right now on their message board.
http://www.dsoforums.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=7774
HA!
Dem or not, any man urinating still looks like one of those short-nosed elephants.
There are a number of explanations for this.
(1) his sympathy for a thirsty populous below;
(2) the police misunderstood what actually happened. He was merely watering the garden;
(3) he is a moron and is not suited for a public position in which pissing off of balconies is considered a huge fuck up.
Hahaha, suck it libtards! FloMax is the answer!
“To pee or not to pee”
Dem with no brain, too much brewski,
Steven Lipski’s ready, watch his pee,
Dribble ahead, dribble behind,
And you know his lotion just crossed my stride
Jersey City hillbilly.
Concert sucks big ass
Too much beer so bladder’s full
Golden stream falls down
Did he go to school in Madison?
…it could have been worse! Can you say “Chocolate Rain”?!
Once Obama restores our freedoms, we’ll all be able to pee freely from rooftops everywhere. Joe Lipski, you’re peeing for me…
Sussemilch: Hey now, we just peed in Lake Mendota.
Oh, OK…..outside Camp Randall after the games, too.
As Tweeter told the Monkeyman, “In jersey anything’s legal as long as you don’t get caught”
AngryBlakGuy: Ewww… now that reeks GOP… if he did that it would remove all doubt that he’s really in the tank for the other side. If small boys were involved, then it’s Lieberman/Lipski 2012 all the way, baby! Eat that, Miss “Teen USA” Palin!
One ticket to see a Grateful Dead cover band at the 9:30 Club?
$15.
A chance to urinate on the audience of a Grateful Dead cover band?
Priceless.
Maybe he was thinking of another old joke: No man is an island, but when you pee, urination…
CollegeStudent: exactly. HERE COMES THE RAIN!!!!
I wonder if Lipski was enjoying the show with Tucker Carlson, who was also there that night!
ph7: You know how that song is based on many Springsteen songs and references? well, from some wiki site: “In the Traveling Wilbury’s DVD (released as part of their 2007 box set) the making of the song is described. George recounts that Dylan and Petty were discussing “Americana shit that we didn’t understand.” The conversation was taped, and later translated by the group into the basis of the song.”
Said one showered-on fan, “What a long strange drip it’s been.”
ManchuCandidate: Jeeze, come on! He was bored of the show and wanted to do his version of “Raindrops keep falling on my head.”
Uh uh, this was his cover of “Box of Rain”.
Yep, Sopranos was a documentary…
When the staff at a live music venue say this about you - “We’ve dealt with this man before,” the source added. “He’s never peed on anybody, but he gets really belligerent and drunk.” you are a screw-up far beyond the normal range.
Who knew that the 9:30 Club had been reduced to tribute bands.
Keram2: I would say the band member not knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re” makes the urination celebration acceptable in my book.
First you piss on people, then you run over a hobo, then they send you to a place where you have to pay the guards so you can make your own booze in the little room behind metal shop. Never a dull moment for an alkie. I suggest Steve get a bill passed quick that legalizes jail hootch.
Hey, my Mac keeps cutting off text on the left side. I’m only getting 89% - 93% of the humor. Until Wonkette gets Joe the HTML Tech in to fix this, please put all your best jokes to the right.
i’m gonna tell you how it’s gonna be
i’m gonna take a big ol pee
it’s gonna last all nite & day
watch my career just fade away
TheRealJimbo: Ok, they fixed the HTML, but as you say, no drunk, naked politician, which in my books means it still doesn’t work right.
robanybody: Works fine on this Mac. Are you using Mac OS 8.1 and Opera or something?
i am not awash in pride to admit i am a resident of councilman lipski’s absurdly corrupt, shit-stink floater across the hudson from manahatta (which is one reason why i refer to it as “the west bank”). i’m just going to excerpt an email response to someone who sent me this story this weekend:
“(steve lipski is) the ‘reform’ candidate, it’s worth noting” — true! — “i remember when bands like the minutemen and neubaten used to play 9:30 back in the day…we should allow for the possibility that he’s a disgruntled music fan with consummate taste. clearly, he’s aiming (if that’s the right word) to increase grassroots participation in his two core constituencies: bloated weedhead businessmen who twitch to jam bands in public and piss freaks, respectively.
and the sole difference between this dc event and any given night in a jersey city bar frequented by the, um, local political class? this event got reported.”
sezme: I have the cute little box that looks like a square R2D2 and goes ding. Had it since ‘84. It does have 64K of RAM–I made sure to get the high-end model. Is that good?
Actually, I’m current with OSX 10.5.5. Safari is probably the culprit, as it’s occasionally incompatible with PC-created websites (I can’t download certain stuff from my university unless I switch to Firefox). It only cuts off text when I’m posting–when my entry text runs into white off the right side and the box boundaries disappear, existing posts get cut off on the left and are hard to get back without refreshing. You don’t have this issue?
Wow, we’ve turned Wonkette into a geek site. Know any programmer jokes?
You can put lipstick on a Lipski but he’s still a Lipski.
Has he ever written a book? One of my favorite headlines:
“Author voids where prohibited by law.”
And for the warm-up band, please welcome Golden Showers…
In about one month I’ll be a proud resident of this fine city. I promise you Wonkette readers: I will vote for the most obnoxious drunk possible, to keep these stories coming in.
I once PISSED on Matt Lauer,he kept pulling my jonson at a party.