Wonkette
Every terrible oversexed gay hedonist dildo-slave recreational-abortionist Democrat in America had sex with every other Democrat in America on Tuesday night in order to celebrate the election of our emperor-clown, Barack Obama. Apparently this is common behavior among humans, this “having sex for fun” thing. Humans also do it when they are sad, or happy, or bored, or want to “change the topic of conversation.”
Gazillions of American living rooms were drenched in sexual fluids by 11:01 p.m. Eastern on November 4, according to a few isolated anecdotal reports. How many times did you have sex, dear reader? If your answer is “less than 15,” you are probably the notorious Connecticut virgin Joe Lieberman.
Did you ‘do it’ on Election Night? [Chicago Tribune]
Part of the the Democrats post election strategy. Make more Democrats.
unfortunately, I was too exhausted from the Hopetopia rally to do anything but fall asleep with my clothes on.
However, the rest of this week has been great!
Just imagine our margin of victory if it weren’t for all those abortions we’ve had for the past eleventyhundred years!
The change in administrations should lead to more sex in the long term, due to the decreased need for antidepressants.
Did I have sex on election night? Not really sure.
I hope the converse effect was present and conservatives across this great land teabagged garbage disposals
That means there’ll be a slug o’ liberals born next August, and they’ll all be eligible to vote in 2027. Which means the next time we’ll have a Democratic president will be in 2028.
I only have sex if someone pays me for it, and in this economy we are all hobo-gigolos.
I suppose that’s ‘hobogilos’.
MadMangosteen: And outside of the occasional airport stall glory hole, how is this different from your garden variety neocon sexing?
Elliot Spitzer paid me, does that count?
FreshCliches: Touche, cliche.
As the ultimate FU to the BooschAd, I had group$ex with the Dixie Chicks.
Yeah, it was all imaginary; but in the 80’s drama fashion with which I grew up, I’m hoping the last 8 years have been nothing but a long, long nightmare.
I made three booty calls with no success.
*hangs head in shame*
…and when she opened her eyes, she said, “Where is that marvelous election?”
I don’t wanna be Joe Lieberman
Um, actually, I cried my self to sleep in my cold, empty bed, checking the Prop 8 returns on my iPhone. And that, my friends, is not in any way snarky.
I only had sex 1 time, but with 15 women.
Oh shit! I knew I forgot to do something.
I vomited on my pillow. Does that count?
I can’t really remember. In fact, I can’t really remember a lot of this week. Did that Hope guy win or what?
I was in Bahrain and let several drunk Saudis who had just driven across the causeway bang me repeatedly.
i fail.
Cape Clod: We need to. Somebody’s gotta keep up with the Mormons.
Did Hopey crash the market with his presser?
Doesn’t the avatar speak for itself?
pretty sure there’s an applicable Dead Kennedys song here…
Hm.
Lessee…
Ah, yes - ‘too drunk to fuck’, that’s the one…
suchsweetthunder: Only if you vomited “hope”.
Didn’t get laid. Rarely get laid anyway. Happily married. Pretty tense most of the time. Everything’s great, just fucking great.
We are all dildo-slaves now.
As my wife and I were cheering our arms rubbed against each other. Does that count?
too drunk
I remember many bottles of celebratory wine. then it was 10am wednesday!
Owww….Brown chicken brown cow..
I guess it’s all a matter of perspective; I had an election on my sex night.
(Sadly, both occur with the same frequency.)
gjdodger: It’s going to be at least 2038. The youth tradition of putting beer bongs ahead of civil service returned November 5th.
Does this mean Bristol Palin’s going to have another baby? That will be three this year!
NoWireHangers: Your right. And with all those extra children, I betcha we can get the gays to help us raise them.
0 times. I am joining teh bitterz.
Do you mean sex with other people?
ForTheTurnstiles:
Reminds me of the old Freudian slip, when meaning to say “Please pass the jelly;”
“You flucking bitch, you ruined my life” somehow finds its way into the conversation.
Good stuff.
JadedDIssonance: ditto, but change “exhausted” to “drunk”
No sex here. But I thought about how awesome Hope-fueled sex would be. That counts for something?
Sex, no. Hopegasm, si!
Does having a tossed salad for dindin count?
I woke up behind a dumpster with what I think was mayonnaise smeared all over my face and back. Does that count?
I got so drunk I had sex with the toilet. That is, if depositing fluids into a porcelain basin could be construed as “sex.”
Calling Lieberman a virgin gets funnier every time. Because of how true it is.
Joe lost his cherry yesterday to Harry Reid.
Too bad all those poor babies will just be aborted by the heathen anti-family libruls. We need more of you out here.
Catch 22.
We like abortion so we have less kids, which means less of us. Therefore I am pro-life-abortionist now.
I was in the Castro late on election night, but they were playing Dubya-era meth-disco in Prop. 8-defeat depression, instead of blasting Yma Sumac and Eydie Gorme and Betty Everett, in Obama elation, as they should have been. So I went home.
Pretty much everybody had sex except me and Katherine Jean Lopez.
ForTheTurnstiles: MoodProcessor: Peed. Pants. At. Office. Thankx…
Nathalie08: uhm, Dow’s up 250 last time i checked….
it’s the hope dividend!
MoodProcessor: Yeah, that’s pretty much the long and the short of it, after a manner of spanking. Er speaking.
“Who ever heard of a revolution-without general, - general copulation - copulation - copulation?”
Barack we’re poor. . .
And the poor stay poor
Barack don’t make us wait anymore
We want our rights and we don’t care how. . .
We want a revolution
now. . .
When I started my election-night sex, Obama was at 207 and McCain was gaining on him, with 139 (I think). By the time we were done, Obama had won! I couldn’t help but feel there was some cause-and-effect going on. Hopegasm, indeed!
Nope, too much Hopium.
One more ‘O’ for H-O-pey.
Is that a photo of Sara’s pussy?
If by “do it” you mean went to sleep by 11:30 PM Central, then yes I did.
ohhh, Hadassah, yeah, baby, mmm, call me “big independent daddy”
Had hot monogamus sex with French speaking wife. Does that count?
As I was hanging out with my mother, grandmother and senile grandfather at the time, I have to report no sex. Thank dog. Fortunately, I flew home the next day to my ex-Mormon wife, who has been trained to be a proper sextacle.
Democrats had gobs of sloppy, but I’d wager the Reps did too - taking advantage of the sad church ladies with a ‘dejection injection’ or two.
I blacked out for a bit and woke up dressed in a unicorn costume surrounded by oompa loompas and crying bunnies, does that count?
I’m bored with this, which makes me rather sad. I think I will go and find somewhere quiet in order to change the topic of conversation.
I’ll have to try asking some of the gals around here if they’d like to “change the conversation”.
ForTheTurnstiles: Ditto. And besides, sex makes us feel good for a few minutes, while this election will allow us to feel good for a few years.
Great effup with the “mutt” line, Barry. The Red Commie Pinkos in China are already plastering the Imperialist Running Mutt shit all over the top of Everest.
No more press conferences, please. Hire Chris Rock or someone - the red state scum will never know the difference.
Awww, that lolcat is cute beyond words. The Obamas need to adopt a shelter lolcat for the girls.
I’ll tell you one thing, the Obama buttons (especially the handmade ones the campaign gave out to phonebankers and canvassers) are a great conversation starter on the subway.
No sex here. I was too busy crying over Prop 8 passing (I live in California)
I didn’t get laid. I’m married, s’why.
jagorev: What? I didn’t get any handmade buttons, and I’d canvassed as hard as meth fueled pastor with a 10 year old boy.
I blew that 7 foot tall black guy who branded Ashley Todd.
In Seattle, drunken strangers were spontaneously making out in the streets.
I was with someone at the time and still got a zillion hugs but holy crap it must’ve been an insane time to be single.
It was probably a very bad time to be a city employee who power-washed away all the beer, champagne, and other assorted body fluids.
It wasn’t all great news though, I heard a few stories of guys on leave from base drunk and trying to pressure some people out of the hundreds there into a fight. I think they managed to avoid provoking anybody in the end, to their dismay. If nobody wants to fuck you, I guess the other option was to bash someone’s face in.
Vewol Mevemont: Aww, too bad. The buttons have been a much more effective icebreaker than when I used to tell women I worked in “Wall Street” (that was last year, before “Wall Street” became the new “Al Qaeda”).
Maybe it was just a New York campaign thing; or maybe campaign headquarters in Chicago determined you were unfuckable?
I had sex but it was with my husband, after drinking wine, which means it was just like the sex Lindsey Graham and his friend, the Mountain Dew distributor have. Completely Republican.
Once I admit I fucked someone so I could leave a party early so I could go and fuck someone else. I’m very polite for a liberal. No sex on election night though. I’m so old that running wild in the street watching people set fire to trash and scream is actually way more fun because you can only “do it” once every 100 years or so and this will be my last shot for celebratory rioting I think.
Just remember, nobody got more sex this week than Nate Silver and Chuck Todd. That will teach us all to stay awake in statistics class.
Chris Matthews’ voice will kill your wife’s sex drive. Wolf Blitzer will kill your sex drive. Fox News will kill any sentient being.
Wait a minute- if you’re married your still supposed to have sex?
I had sex that night, but it was in my mind, with the ravishing babe behind me standing way too close at the Obama celebration rally. Please don’t quote me by name. I had sex with my wife, too, and that was for real, but for the record, while we were doing it I was actually thinking about that ravishing… uh, which newspaper did you say you were with?
A friend in Fauquier County made a bunch of new libtard friends-with-benefits at McMahon’s Pub in Warrenton on Tuesday night at aprox 11:01 pm. She said it was like a 2nd-3rd base orgy of young/attractive/educated people crying and embracing random strangers.
Here in College Park hundreds of my fellow students took to the mall in front of the UMD library and marched down Rt. 1 to celebrate in the streets. Knowing my fellow students it probably involved lots of alcohol and genitalia contact.
When my term is up one of the last things I do will be to pass a law that all Liberals be Spayed or Nutered.
Sara’s just gloating unnecessarily here. She knows anyone who was furiously refreshing their Wonkette pages Tuesday night didn’t come within a block of some strange.
ForTheTurnstiles: Hello, myself.
Actually, for us it was the too-tired thing. (I hope.) Personally I was too drunk/tired/relieved to be my usual superhero in the sack thing.
hobgoblin of little minds: Speaking for the oompa loompas, yes, yes it does.
Sorry America, I already knocked up Mrs. Stalkin Malkin after Hopey won the primary. Shot my wad, as it were.
jagorev: Virginia/DC. And while using the button to break the ice with lovely ladies sounds like a fine plan, I’m guessing my wife wouldn’t be amused.
Numbats have no genitalia. That’s whu we’re endangered.
I have two kids and thus experienced electile dysfunction. Maybe I’ll get a redo this weekend.
ForTheTurnstiles: I been there, brother.
Took some time to recover from the worry beforehand, then, yes.
What a relief to have a Georgeless future! It made me feel sexy.
i think so. But mainly, this post just makes me horny.
It’s Friday night and I’m sat here reading Wonkette. Take a wild friggin’ guess about the quality of my sex life these days, Sara.
My dildo needs new batteries. Bless my little plastic friend!
I didn’t get laid on Tuesday night but I was drunk and crying so I might as well have been having sex.
I was like wanting to get all humpy, but I drank so much ‘hope juice’ that I was incapable of having teh sex with the any of the swarm of victory-crazed lithe vegans that were dancing in the streets in front of my apartment — or even with my roomate, who cannot be described as ‘lithe’ and loves bacon. I may have won this thing ultimately.
There was an election? I got laid? Damn, I gotta quit drinking so much.
I’m buying stock in Gerber. It should shoot up here in about 9 months.
i had sex w/a mexican. si se puede!!!!
Snarkfest: Aborted fetuses don’t need baby food. You should invest in coathangers instead.
I went sexless that night. I’ve tapped my wife a number of times. Not screwing my wife was my tacit revenge at all the multiple partner gropings I knew were going on under my nose. Kids today got no respect.
havin democracy’s baby
what a lovely way of saying how much you love me
havin democracy’s baby
what a lovely way of saying what you’re thinking of me
i can see it, your face is glowing
i can see it in your eyes, you’re happy knowing . . .
that you’re having democracy’s baby
you’re a woman who’s free and i love what it’s doing to you
democracy’s baby
you’ve cast your vote and the power is flowing through you
the need inside you, i see it showing
oh the seed of hope inside you
baby do you feel it growing?
are you happy voting?
cause you’re having democracy’s baby
Election night 2004 I ran into my co-worker ‘Mike’ from the pizzeria at one of the numerous bars I went to that evening, and he invited me to have a threesome with him and some supposedly lesbian girl he had picked up, who happened to be a friend of a friend, and the 4 of us went back to her place and smoked weed, and Mike and the lesbian started making out, and I puked on her couch then blacked out.
Oh, how I miss the shamelessness of the Bush years.
Sounds like a typical night at the band house….Remember, without shame that wouldn’t be as much fun!
Alas, I was in Virginia for election night, where no one has had sex since Thomas Jefferson got all freaky jungle style. When I got back to the district the whole place was all sticky. You people make me sick.