Wonkette
LOOK folks, Joe Biden knows when a dame’s got the good stuff, okay? Literally. Joe’s just snagged himself the #2 position in American government and guess what, yeah that’s right, he’s gonna convert that into some grade-A trim, real classy broads, new one each night. Got it, chump? There ya go. So who’s Joey gonna make first here? Any gal he wants, just has to point, see… Ah! He’ll go with her, that black one over there, Barry’s better half, what’s she call herself again. Michelle. Yeah, Michelle Obama, step right up, Joey Biden wants to show you some vice-presidential hubba hubba HUBBA!
So yeah apparently Joe Biden is trying to get in shape for the ladies and talked to some reporter in a hotel gym. He gave her some standard hilarious Biden Hyperbole:
Biden seemed to be trying to stay incognito with a tan New Mexico baseball cap pulled low over his brow, but your correspondent outed him with a cheery “good morning senator.” He said he was trying to work off 6 pounds gained during the campaign but looked fit in black sweats and a grey Army t-shirt.
The Delaware senator raved about future first lady Michelle Obama, calling her “the most impressive person I’ve met in 35 years.”
“I like him. I LOVE her,” he said of the Obamas.
Then he called Malia Obama the best goddamn human overall he’d met in his 150 years on earth, bar none, the little brat.
Biden’s looking to shed a few pounds; loves Michelle Obama [USA Today]
Who doesn’t love Michelle Obama? And how do you gain six pounds campaigning? Airline food?
You know the Obama/Bidens will be swinging on the shag in the O Office.
Who doesn’t love Michelle Obama?
The question is does Jill Biden love Michelle? Gotta make up for the Ohio U. days.
Awwwww, that’s just…sad
Poor Jill. Now she’s gonna have to go on and on about AxelROD and his sexy ’stache.
DangerousLiberal: Airline food?
Rubber chicken/filet mignon fund-raisers and “Oh, I’ve heard about Trixie’s famous shoo-fly pie, and I do want me some” strolls down eleventy hundred Main Streets.
I’ve met Einstein, I had the good fortune of meeting Ghandi before he was assassinated, I had lunch with Nelson Mandela, I shook hands with the Dalai Lama and I’ve even shared a hammock in Guatemala with an inebriated and naked Angelina Jolie, and let me tell you: Michelle tops them all.
if joe really wanted to be incognito he probably should have picked another job.
I’m betting there’s an endless loop of the Rolling Stone’s “Brown Sugar” on Joe’s iPod.
Get in line, Joe.
All of America is seeking an affair with Michelle Obama. Or Barack. Or both, really.
I love Joe Biden.
They still have the White House swimming pool? The one where JFK used to sport with Frick and Frack?
He was wearing a baseball cap. You know that means a fresh crop of hairplugs before swearing in day. He’s going to have a better ‘fro than Obama. and 6 weeks is more than enough time for them to heal in and look all natural.
Come on Joe, say it ain’t so. I’d rather see you as the bald guy from Benny Hill and Barry could pat you on the head now and again.
Joe Biden and Michelle Obama would totally make a cute couple in the fan fiction I’m writing.
DangerousLiberal: True fact: Most candidates gain 10 to 15 pounds during a campaign, because of the non-stop snacking to relieve stress and all the stops at diners to meet with bitters, where you’re obligated to choke down sausages covered in pancakes covered in cheese. Barry, however, was smart enough to always get his greasy food to go (read: ditched it in the garbage as soon as he was outside) when he made these stops; he stuck to a disciplined diet of salmon and rice and broccoli, and he actually lost a few pounds overall. Can we, as a nation, lose some weight? Yes we can!
Michelle Obama, definitely NOT a kooky broad.
Off topic, but I love the new Icland ad. Aren’t they bankrupt like 9 times over now? I wonder if its like the old days in Russia when you could go with $100 in $1 bills, get laid 7 times a day, eat caviar, and buy suitcases full of of hash and share privatisation certificates. If anyone’s been there recently, let me know. I’m all on board to go if my 100bucks streches that far.
Save a “ring-a-ding-ding” from the copy, and it could’ve been written by Sinatra, baby.
And yes, Michelle IS all that.
This kid shares my love of Joe Biden: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q83xMHf0B7c
I’m very much looking forward to four to eight years of “vice president as lovable comic relief” rather than “vice president as implacable death-cyborg.”
where can i sign up?!
DangerousLiberal: Do you know how many campaign stops he had to make in Pennsylvania? Dude had to eat a lot of perogies and cheesesteaks.
More on the candidates’ diets here (ctrl-F for ‘burger’):
http://www.newsweek.com/id/167755/output/print
Old Botox Forehead is Back.
Joe Biden and Michelle Obama in Moonlighting.
Hillary is right now holding her head in her hands and muttering “No…no….nooooo.“
He also believes Dr Leo Marvin is right ahead of Mother Theresa and Dr Albert Schweitzer
DangerousLiberal: I think the question is how do you gain ONLY six pounds while campaigning. The food is shit, that’s why. As in: greasy, salty, and copious. You never get fresh vegetables. Everything has to be microwaveable. You skip some meals, and eat double quantity at others. You never sleep. You get no exercise. You rarely see your family. You stuff your face with Doritos while being hustled from one rally to the next. It really is the worst.
BillyClubb: My mother. She claims Michelle Obama is “a very angry woman.” She can tell “because of her body language.” (And because she’s BLACK).
DangerousLiberal: Dude, like everywhere you go on campaign people give you pie and shit. Have some pie and shit. Everywhere. Six pounds is pretty good, though. Biden must have done some binge/purge action.
This could, quite possibly, be the sexiest white house evah.
Biden bones Michelle. Barack bones Jill. Then they all have an orgy in the China Room and nine months later Jill gives birth to a mysteriously tan baby boy, who grows up to serve as President #52.
Dave J.:
I thought you basically shuffled from one pit barbcue fundraiser to the next. Or is that only in Texas?
Josh Fruhlinger: Seriously. I want a VP who’s more like the fun uncle who makes you pull his finger at family reunions, instead of the uncle that no one lets the kids play around because he’ll start yelling at them and calling them brats.
I literally love Joe Biden a lot.
Borat - my friend was in Iceland for a couple of years, when the dollar was strong, and it was the most expensive place in the world. You couldn’t go to dinner for less than $100, even ramen noodles were expensive. I can imagine now that Iceland is merely exhorbitant.
Phunny Iceland item - my friend’s friend used to sell souvenirs and tchotckes to visiting fishermen and sailors in bars. Not wanting to go outside or leave their drinks, people would give this dude their ATM, their Pin #, and tell him to take the money out of their machine.
Seriously, you wouldn’t blow Hopey, though? Say it say, so Joe!
Viva la Cynthia: Or shoot them in the face.
StrangelyBrown: Get in line, Michelle.
Sassette: You know, I get pissed when someone cuts me off in traffic. If I’d have had to endure the crap black people did & still do (just more under the radar), I’d probably be a little angry, too. That being said, I don’t think Michelle is angry; she just has the Cruella Deville eyebrows that make her look odd.
I’m glad Mooselini is back in Alaska so we get to hear about what Joe Biden is up to!
lizardmess: Same here. Joe likes ‘em uppity.
He wants his Vice-business to touch her First Lady-business. What’s wrong with that? Democrats are back in power, bring on the non-gay/non-child related sex scandals!
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
“Close your eyes and think of Al Gore, baby.”
Michelle, ma belle sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble.
For a housewarming gift, I’ll send Joe the sign that used to be up in all the Chicago taverns frequented by the German-American building engineers who ran the city’s high-rises for years: “Make sure brain is engaged before putting mouth in motion.”
Chief Grinning Eagle: I’m continuing the song with slight revisions from the Beatles original: “Joe loves you, Joe loves you, Joe LOOOOOOOOOVES you. He’ll get to you somehow. Until he can, he’s got a plan to make you understand; Joe’s Miiiiiiicheeeeelllllllllle.”
Ah, Say it ain’t so Joe!! Let the vice=presidential gaffe’s begin!!
Obama’s first presidential challenge: How to get Joe Biden to stop stalking his wife. (Where’s Joe? Oh he’s in the rose garden picking flowers for Michelle. Where’s Joe? He had to drop something - flowers - off in Michelle’s office? Where’s Joe? He’s trying to get Michelle to meet him in the Lincoln Bedroom. Where’s Joe…. Etc.)
I mean, look at Joe Biden… doesn’t he kinda look like a guy who only throws key parties?
thesycophant: I just want to be adopted by them. Is that wrong?
CivicHoliday: Damn, that’s hot!
new porno out now:
“Who’s Ridin’ Biden?”
Any fantasy about such Biden-Obama antics of any possible couplings cannot match the real life of Sarah “The Towel” Palin. We has been missing her already.
Serolf Divad: I’ve thrown dog poo at Ben Stein. I had the pleasure of shooting heroin with Neil Bush. I’ve passed out naked and drunk in a hammock with a large jar of jelly.
And I still want to know why Michelle wore a bar-b-q apron in Grant Park Tuesday night!
jagorev: even I gained 10 lbs in the last few months from excessive food, alcohol, and pot intake due to the fear of Sarah Palin being president.
Itsjustme: I’m so immersed in sexual fantasy that that is the foulest, sickest thing I’ve read all day.
Josh Fruhlinger: A thousand times yes! to “vice president as lovable comic relief” rather than “vice president as implacable death-cyborg.”
the invisible woman: “Where’s Joe? He’s crying because he saw her with that hot, sexy Jew Rahm”.
I don’t know, I kinda get a partial stiffy for Jill Biden…. (maybe I’m thinking of Lindsay Lohan… very confused these days…)
And, by the way, has anyone noticed that no one sees Joe Biden and Professional Wrestling Legend Ric Flair in the same place at the same time? Very eerie resemblance…..
I hate when I’m president and I have to keep watching the VP with my squeeze, he’s like that creepy mustache guy at the party that every time you go for drinks you come back and he’s standing with your girlfriend, like he was watching and waiting the whole damn time, and he’s grinning all shy and innocent and telling her these lame jokes and getting way too close, and you figure he’s a sweaty loser, but somehow she’s digging it, and she gets all nervous and awkward when you show up with her wine, and she stammers and says, “Honey, this is Willard, I just met him… he’s really fun…” and her face goes all red, and he’s sorta grinning as he looks off to one side, and you know he’s thinking “SCORE!”
I hate that.
Doesn’t he look confindent, though? Women dig guys that look modestly confident. I’m certain that Joe Biden got more top-drawer honeys than Jay Mewes.