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Here is your funny video report from The Onion, about the crushing sadness of Obama volunteers who now have to … who knows? What do people do, anyway? [The Onion]

  • SayItWithWookies

    Seeya — I gotta go start a band.

  • Studge

    Oh, Jesus Christ, thanks be to God, FINALLY some new Obama-related material online!! Wait, wha…?

    (zombie shuffle)

  • rambone

    Masturbate furiously to news footage of Palin crying sad, sad tears of corruption and incompetence.

  • fuckinredneck
  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Guess I’m going to have to join the fucking Army.

  • Yuppie

    I don’t know about everyone else, but I already spent the day phone banking for the 2012 reelection campaign.

  • shnazzer

    no really. what will we do now.
    i need some answers…

  • jagorev

    Hey, Obama zombies, want to ramble on about how great election day felt? Go here:

    I just submitted a 600 word essay about hope and change and my experience volunteering for the Obama campaign and national service and some other shit. Seriously.

  • wade williams

    leave barack alone!!!!

  • bluebrazos

    I’m just glowing.

  • Rush

    We can still demand a recount for Utah.

    Also, this is fun:

    After suggesting that Barack Obama had anti-American views in an exchange three weeks ago with MSNBC host Chris Matthews, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) told Politico Thursday that she was “extremely grateful that we have an African-American who has won this year.” She called his victory “a tremendous signal we sent

  • mattbolt

    They’ll go back to being community organizers in the slums of Chicago where Tony Rezko will feed them acorns so they can steal the midterm elections and get a superduper Senate majority, what the fuck else?

  • President Beeblebrox

    Onion TV is unfunny. The sarcasm of the printed page doesn’t translate to TeeVee for some reason. Must be that ghost box beaming all them images into my brain.

  • jagorev

    Here’s another thing some of the Obamatards are doing now – they’re trying to make Republicans feel better in a ridiculously cliched and sweet way, which I am sure the bitters will reciprocate by burning a cross on our lawns:

    I would have preferred to invade their homes, seize their guns, burn their bibles, and salt their fields. But, you know, whatever works for you.

  • hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=170029]Rush[/re]: I guess if by signal she meant, “we, the republican party and its supporters, are a bunch of mouth-breathing, bigoted, hillbilly cretins who will royally fuck this country up if you elect us, so don’t” then, yes, they sent a signal. Christ on a crutch, how the fuck can she say that with a straight face. Botox, maybe?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    So true. So so true. Since the election, I have posted here like NOT SO MUCH. I gotta get the snark back man… Makin’ me CRAZY.

  • FreshCliches

    We all knew it was just a matter of time before Obamazombies descended to the Paultard class.

  • Kinbote

    Saw this earlier this afternoon when I was getting my daily schadenfreude fix over at LGF, and they were getting their schadenfreude fix from the Onion clip, and then it occurred to me how sad it was that this was the best they could do, and then I ran out of smokes and had to go get some fresh air.

    Kill me now.

  • DoctorCulturae

    Soon I will have to go back to my full time position as a lipstick applicator for pigs.

  • naveed

    Sleep sounder. Yeah.

  • Keram2

    I guess I have to stop saying Barack…. BARACK and go back to brains… BRAINS

  • DanginMpls

    Oh crap, what IS the voter registration deadline for 2012??

  • Tra

    Know what sounds like fun? Knitting.

  • MarieDeGournay

    I’m playing World of Warcraft. So yeah, I’m a zombie.

  • nachoproblem

    It’s true, I have no reason to live anymore… well, almost. Thank God for World of Warcraft!

  • nachoproblem

    [re=170057]MarieDeGournay[/re]: Damn you! I’m a post late and 1g short.

  • nachoproblem

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: While we’re at it, let’s also force them to marry dudes.

    If they’re Mormon, three dudes.

  • Custerwolf

    Now THIS dude is REALLY suffering….

  • Arturo Bandini

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: Wow, that’s the most condescending thing I’ve seen all week.

    But my favorite is the Reagan one that makes claims for the “graciousness” of the “48,” while simultaneously implying that Obama is a hypocrite and stating that Obama and the Dems will kill free speech and… secret union ballots?

    Totally batshit crazy, but tons better than that “Dear 48, you complete me” nonsense.

  • jagorev

    [re=170068]Arturo Bandini[/re]: Well, I thought this one was kind of touching, because it was personal:

    But in general, I agree that we need to put a stop to this nonsense. I’m thinking of starting a rival site, the theme of which will be “Dear 48: lick my balls”.

  • Arturo Bandini

    [re=170072]jagorev[/re]: Yeah, it seems touching until you find out that she gave her grandma the exact same message when the Comcast guy came out to install her cable box.

  • Fly-over Correspondent

    I just realized today that I have classes full of students and a research agenda to complete. The university will only let you completely ignore your job for so long …

  • jagorev

    [re=170075]Arturo Bandini[/re]: lol, I thought it sounded more like what you’d say to your grandma when you introduce her to your new boyfriend, and I guess Barry is the country’s new boyfriend…

  • tunamelt

    Does this mean will stop emailing me?!?

  • ElectoralGradStudent

    [re=170072]jagorev[/re]: Seriously this is NUTS! Where is the “from 52 to *46* with unrelenting spite and disgust” ? Hell, I’m in California, so let’s start with this: From 48 to 52 in California: Suck it, you mouthbreathing bigots!

  • tunamelt

    [re=170084]ElectoralGradStudent[/re]: Yeah, those percentages confused me at first. I’m still reeling.

    Are you in SoCal, there are a ton of protests.

  • mr.november

    Time to make the donuts. again.

  • solusiplus

    I don’t know what going on now

  • shortsshortsshorts

    So Obama people are like McCain people, without helicopters. I don’t understand you. Don’t you even realize that we have a terrorist President that is trying to kill ALL OF US? DIDN’T you people HEAR the latest word from Washington from our very own LIGHTNING Conservative Billy-the-intellectual- AWESOME-TOWN Kristol is about to attack with his two cannons.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    It’s been 17 minutes with no other comments? This is how Bachmann won her Nazi seat. I’m glad Barry has made interwebs entertainment an option, instead of a requirement.

    I, for one, beg for our entertainment intertubes overlords.

  • hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=170097]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Do you mean the people in charge of the series of tubes? If so, I think their collective hopegasm clogged up the works. (some fucking symbol indicating I’m just joshing goes here).

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Hey, I know, we can all go an organize for Ron Paul!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=170097]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: You have created tomorrow’s meme, the hopegasm. Today’s ridiculousness is tomorrow’s hopegasm. THEN we are back to snark.
    I hope for this. Hope change hope hope.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I didn’t respond to my own comment… I responded to [re=170098]hobgoblin of little minds[/re]: Today’s ridiculousness is tomorrow’s hopegasm.

  • hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=170103]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I hope the snark returns shortly. I fear, though, that hope is the anti-snark (at least for the time being). I’m drunk as all hell right now, so whatever.

  • heathenish

    this is sort of off topic, but has anyone heard if rush limbaugh’s head has exploded?i keep wondering how those rightwingnuts are dealing with reality (because i hope ALL their heads have exploded)

  • Mojopo

    Thanks for the good idea, Wonkette. I’ve made a bucket list of Obama’s Top 10 Agenda Items to fill my time.

  • trondant

    [re=170012]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: You get room and board at least.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: Dear Motherfuckers — I don’t give a rat’s patootie if y’all suffer in the desert for forty years. After you failed experiment with fascism, you deserve an education, but your immune system would probably reject it. I don’t hate you, but just get out of the f***ing way.
    Hugs and kisses,

  • Mojopo

    [re=170107]heathenish[/re]: I keep looking at LiveLeak, for the same darn thing. So far nothing, but a girl can dream.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: Oh, puke. I want to see investigations, trials and jail sentences.

  • Modok

    Well, when I found out that the Magic Underwear crew was pumping millions into CA to inflict their own brand of fascism here, I verbally abused the next two who came to my door. That felt pretty good. I think I’ll make it a regular thing, I might add blunt objects into the mix for a little variety.

    … Or we could go back to destroying franchise coffee establishments and corporate art.

  • SpecialHorse

    Ha ha, Portland! We aren’t quite that zombie-esque yet. But, soon, I fear.

  • Mojopo

    [re=170114]Modok[/re]: Jesus Christ. Mittens and his french-braid wearing wives have had too much damn time on their hands. You know what makes me madder? That minorities were not clued-in about equality for gay people. They voted for Prop 8 in droves. Talk about an epic-fail. Gay people need to start paying attention and hit Watts with the good word, as often as they do in WeHo. Ya think?

  • Gingah

    Well, here’s what they’ll do in Mary Esther, FL:

  • druranium

    [re=170124]Mojopo[/re]: Some religious nuts came to my door today and I had to yell them away. Some people don’t want to imagine people are gay just like I don’t want to imagine jesus is real. But after this ridiculous passage of prop 8, i’m still left wondering…WTF HAPPENED TO SEPARATION OF CHURCH & STATE?
    p.s. Catholics don’t go for the gay and most hispanics are hardcore catolicos. interesting religion. you can do whatever you want and you just have to confess to the dude in a booth afterwards and its all good. but no divorce.

  • Itsjustme

    [re=170081]tunamelt[/re]: Checked your email lately? I got one this morning. Man, Barry just thanked us and off he went.

  • TGY
  • Street Organizer

    I don’t know what to do. I can no longer loathe Bush, The Clintons, PUMAS, Walnuts, Sarah, Joe the Plunger, the war in Iraq, “The Man” for keeping the black man down or vote suppression conspiracies…WTF AM I GOING TO DO???

  • regisgoat

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: God, those kids are generous. Dumb, but generous. Only problem is that these slimers never seem to give up; some of them have been thugs since the days of Nixon.

  • Darehead

    [re=170146]Street Organizer[/re]: Wanted war criminals are still playing golf and picking on their hemmorhoids in our midst.

  • gurukalehuru

    Apparently, we are all going to continue to come here and argue about cabinet choices for the next two months.

  • tootsieroll

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: WTF with the guy holding the bananas? Is he sending some subliminal message to the bitters that he want ass fucking?

    And the person who baked all the cookies and iced them blue or red, has waaaay too much fucking time on their hands and should come clean my house so I can go shopping and help the economy.

  • Sussemilch

    Just in time for Wrath of the Lich King. They’ll be fine.

  • DoctorCulturae

    I have a fantasy Preznit-elect will ask Obamazombies to “help” others in need by becoming community organizers and teachers in places they are needed most: hard-core red states. They could teach people what countries are in North America, about the diverse countries of Africa, and details contained in the Constitution. Logic, science, even wonder would be by products of this effort. Instead of the War on Hunger or War on Drugs, why not call it, the War on Wingnuttery? The War on Asshattery? The War on Freepery? The War on Meh?


    wow…your starting already?…you spent years tearing down every republican…lieing/spining every issue into a world ending terror against bush and the right…breed a culture of fear and hatred towards the man and the right….and now that your guy is gonna be the end target of these critical comments…you want it to stop?….lol…..LOL….no my dear…you guys showed us the play book…now its our turn to be on defense, becouse YOU just RAMRODED AN EMPTY SUIT USING FEAR/WHITEGUILT/SLOGANERING into the white house based on YEARS OF HATRED AND FEAR YOU AND THE SUBJECTED THE WORLD AND AMERICA TO…and now you want it to stop becouse your guy has some VERY SERIOUS WORLD CLASS HOLES IN HIS ABILITY/PROMISE PACKAGE?!?!?! lol…no my friend, it goes on…the first example of a obama presidency is starting now, the stock market is TELLING YOU what it thinks of obama and his economy crushing free check Tax Busting promises…and we all have to suffer under it…so on it will go….

  • Gingah

    who is this “Jesus Is Love” bozo?

  • MarieDeGournay

    [re=170059]nachoproblem[/re]: There were many times during the past month that wish I could have sicced my voidwalker on those horrid, racist, monsters at the Palin rallies.

    *sigh* I guess Barry winning will have to do.

  • MarieDeGournay

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: /hug It’s going to be okay.

  • BitterDwarf

    Well, now that Hopey is elected, my plan is to start taking the winners spoils out of my conservative girlfriend’s ass, and then get progressively disgusted when the far left turns on hopey and start hating on hippies again. It’s a cycle I go through depending on who’s in power…

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]:
    When I drink, I say “Jesus Help Me,”
    ’cause Jesus turned the water into wine
    When I make love, I say JESUS!
    ’cause Jesus Fucking Christ that feels divine

    awaiting lightning bolt.

  • bago
  • mr guy

    What the hell- why is Ron Popeil facing international sanctions??? Did he make a nuclear-powered rotisserie for Hezbollah?

  • RobPetrified

    I didn’t realize, until just this moment, how pathetically empty my life is.
    Oh well, I’ll fill part of the void with some bacon and a bloody mary.

  • mr guy

    whoops…. that’s an onion clip. haha im an illiterate bitter.

  • Gingah

    [re=170248]RobPetrified[/re]: mmmm…bacon…

  • ironyisoverrated

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Sarah?

  • phildeaux

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: You lost me at Jesus. And the all caps.

  • Tra

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: I THINK you NEED more ALLCAPS and you SHOuld CONSIDER IT SERIOUSLY.

  • Tra

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]:

    Hey look, a misuse of name lawsuit from Jesus! Hmmm. It says here he “thinks you’re kind of a dick.”

  • Custerwolf

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Hi Jesus Loves. I would just personally like to send out a warm welcome to you. You have taken the time to visit a website that has opposing views from yours in order to share your own thoughts. And if I were able to do so, I would sincerely like to reach out my hand to grasp yours firmly in my own so that I could swing you off the highest brige and watch your body go swirling into the drink below…..
    Take care and godspeed.

  • Obamaton

    [re=170034]jagorev[/re]: I can burn rubicon plz?

  • druranium

    JESUS IS LOVE texts like Kwame Kilpatrick. LOL LOL LOL!

  • shortsshortsshorts


    But you can’t say that 10 times fast.

  • nachoproblem

    [re=170197]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Which years of hatred and fear were those? Were they the same years in which anybody who opposed the war was an America-hating traitor who loved Saddam? Were they the same years in which anybody who thought it might be nice to give some free cheese to an unwed mother obviously wanted Zombie Stalin to rise from the grave and rule the world forever? Were they the same years in which anybody who thought folks should be able to make life-and-death decisions in the privacy of their own family council was cutting a bloody swath across the land draped in the entrails of the elderly and brandishing pikes spitted with still-squirming infants?

    Nah, I don’t really want it to stop. Really, if what you want is to spend the rest of eternity crying like a toddler at bedtime because some people don’t agree with you, I guess I’m okay with that.

  • joe the bummer


  • joe the bummer

    Would it be insincere for anarchists to run a candidate in 2012?

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