Whack Job Palin’s Diva Exit From America

  wasilla hillbillies

Snowbilly meltdown.As the snow-meth icing on the Baked Alaska of Sarah Palin’s hilarious public self-destruction which is also hilariously destroying the the grisly remaining blood-and-gristle bits of the Republican Party, here is how ABC News describes her exit from the McCain Failure Party, where she was not allowed to speak: “And when McCain and Palin split up in Arizona Wednesday, the personal differences were stark. McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle. Palin’s departure was a grander event. She left with an entourage of 18 family members and friends and a Secret Service detail, heading to the airport in a motorcade stretching more than a dozen vehicles, flanked by a dozen more cops on motorcycles.” [ABC News via Steve Silberman]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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132 comments

  1. Truculent

    I’m still having issues with the image of Sarah in a towel holding a meeting. She must have read somewhere that Lyndon Johnson used to call his staff into the bathroom for impromptu meetings while he was taking a dump.

  2. NoWireHangers

    Yes, WALNUTS! the noble senator drives himself; what a brave patriot. HAHAHA! Nice try, WALNUTS! We all know you suck. Don’t try to pin all the blame on Bible Spice. You picked her.

  3. Deepthroat

    yeah, but what they didn’t tell you is that the Toyota sport utility vehicle was equipped with diamond encrusted TRUCKNUTZ!

  4. Texan Bulldoggette

    Jesus, how many family members did the RNC have to dress? More importantly, why is Walnuts driving a TOYOTA!? Japan First!

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …this is why everything the McCain aides have said sounds 100% plausible. Sarah Palin is all show and no go! She has a need for being the center of attention and is use to manipulating people to get her way.

  6. lumpenprole

    God I hope there are people telling her that it was all the old man’s fault.
    LET SARAH BE SARAH!

  7. Dave J.

    As an Obama supporter, can I send a belated thanks to Walnuts! for waiting until AFTER HE LOST to start acting like a decent guy? What the fuck!?!?! How pissed would you be if you had supported him, and then he waits for his fucking concession speech to give one of the best speeches of his life, and then acts like a regular guy and drives home in his car (albeit with Lindsey Graham riding shotgun).

    Meanwhile, I want Palin to have the EPIC FAIL, but can she please wait a bit longer to completely flame out? This is going way too fast! The “Palin has teh suck” stories are like crack for my soul, but she’s going to burn them all out in like a week. We need to make this shit last, people!

  8. Dave J.

    [re=169821]NoWireHangers[/re]: Gah, the font on that banner. Who designed that, a group of 3rd grade teachers? (My wife is an elementary school teacher, so I’m allowed to make fun of them.)

  9. Viva la Cynthia

    “McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle.”

    Wait, does that mean he left Cindy and the kids at the hotel? That’s not very nice, grandpa…

  10. Boozeweek

    “When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”

    – Sinclair Lewis, 1935

    “When fascism comes to America it will be dressed as a sexy librarian and carrying a retarded baby. Fortunately, fascism will speak in an incoherent, comically-accented word salad that reveals fascism to be an ignoramus. Fascism will then be loaded into a 12-vehicle motorcade and banished to the tundra from whence it came. The End.”

    – Boozeweek, 2008

  11. OffTheRecord

    Can anyone name one thing this woman did in the terrifying six weeks she was in our lives that was not tacky? I cannot. Literally everything she does is tacky. How is that possible?

  12. nachoproblem

    John McCain IS Sir Simon Milligan.

    “Tonight, evil sleeps alone! But first, evil drives alone… to the corner store… where he purchases pornography…”

  13. Modok

    I just have to say that is a great picture of her and there have been some good ones out there.

    … Is she savoring or trying to get the taste of ass out of her mouth?

  14. Modok

    [re=169854]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: He’s fleeing the interview! He’s fleeing the gosh darn interview!

  15. rocktonsammy

    The republican and Palin’s demise reminds of the end of the movie Casino,

    “They’re never going to give guys like us something this big again”.

  16. sezme

    “I’ve been working over 20 years in Washington and I’ve been around literally dozens and dozens of politicians. She is among the smartest, toughest most capable politicians I’ve ever dealt with,” Scheunemann said. “She has a photographic memory.”

    If so, she appears to have had the lens cap on most of the time.

  17. problemwithcaring

    [re=169824]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Watching them board McCain’s jet to go back to Alaska it was fucking disgusting. There had to be 20-30 people that walked on that plane, all pausing in the plane’s door to wave…not wanting the 15 minutes to be up…. It was like a hillbilly family reunion – where did all that white trash come from? Who were all of those fucking backwood ‘bamas?? Jethro? Ellie Mae? Did she fly in the entire fucking clan on the GOP’s dime?

  18. SayItWithWookies

    I feel so much safer now that someone’s keeping an eye on Russia. Piper’s just not tall enough to see it yet.

  19. twoeightnine

    [re=169848]Dave J.[/re]: That’s straight out of The Print Shop for the Commodore 64. Adobe hasn’t quite made it north of Vancouver yet.

  20. problemwithcaring

    [re=169879]NoWireHangers[/re]: Please, a comma? Dude, have you tried reading any of my error-filled comments??

    No? Oh. Right.

  21. PopeyesPipe

    I am reminded of “Las Vegas Hillbillies” and its sequel “Hillbillies in a Haunted House.” Unfortunately, in real life, we don’t get a guy in a gorilla costume and a Merle Haggard song. Sad.

  22. Schadenfried

    [re=169859]OffTheRecord[/re]: Well…she was quiet during the consession speech. Maybe I’m reaching.

  23. Them

    [re=169874]sezme[/re]: Nicely said.

    [re=169846]Dave J.[/re]: Agreed, but I’m just grateful this stuff’s coming out at all. I was expecting to have to resume my wretched normal life yesterday, but have retained my addiction to this clusterfuck of fail as more and more humiliations pour forth. So thank you, Walnuts!, for bein’ all maverick-y, and thank you, Ms. Palin, for being the dumbest, vainest, least deserving politician in the long and dubious career of politics!

  24. TARDNFETTERED

    Palin was just the biggest float in Mcain’s Bad Decision Parade.

    If you had asked me “How many bad decisions could be made by the McCain campaign”? My answer would never have been, “How many decisions will there be”?

  25. Terry

    Oooh, she better enjoy it while she can. The Alaskans seem to be a bit annoyed at the travel and such she was billing to the State. I bet her wings will be clipped when she gets home.

  26. War Eagle

    The guy who approved the “Sarkozy” interview, Steve Biegun, was the No. 3 National Security Council official under Condoleezza Rice.

    I suddenly feel even more concerned about the security of my country for the next 75 days.

  27. Kos

    I don’t think McCain will ever comment on this. Everyone keeps saying that Palin under the Bus is about the GOP trying to figure out the future of the party. I’d say there is a 3rd power at play…McCain’s own reputation for his remaining days and his place in history. Some revisionist could say that, but for Palin, McCain could have won, blah blah (bullshit btw OBAMA!). Right now, McCain and the anti-Palin GOP are on the same side. Let’s see the pushback.

    I’ve decided that Kristol is either a Double Agent really working for the DNC or the stupidest man alive. I’m happy either way.

    PS I never added Palin to my spell check and I’m glad I don’t have to.

  28. AnnieGetYourFun

    I, too, was hoping that the burnout would longer, more glorious and filled with more back-biting and hair-pulling and bloody bodies piling up.

    Que Sarah Sarah, I guess.

  29. blader

    Here’s my analysis:

    The best quote in this whole steamy affair–”Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast.”–bothers me.

    It’s just too smart to have come from that campaign…unless…

    Was one of our Wonkette editors working for McCain? fess up

  30. Hooray For Anything

    It wasn’t easy, they think I’m lame
    When I try to explain how I feel
    That you still love me after all that I’ve done

    You don’t believe me
    All you will see is a girl you once knew
    Although she’s dressed up to the nines
    Thanks to money I stole from the RNC

    I had to let it happen, I had to change
    Who’d want to stay here in Alaska?
    Looking out of the window, seeing Vladimir Putin

    So I chose freedom
    Runnin’ around, buyin’ everything new
    Oh gosh, nothing impressed me at all
    I never expected it to

    Don’t cry for me Wassalia
    The truth is I never left you
    All through my campaignin’
    My blown election
    I went Rogueing
    Don’t keep your distance

    And as for fortune, and as for fame
    I invited Bill Kristol in
    Though it seemed to the world I’m all he desired (wink)

    I’m an illusion
    We are not the solutions they promised to be
    Joe the Plumber was here all the time
    I love you and hope you Real Americans love me

    Don’t cry for me Wassalia
    The truth is I never left you
    All through my campaignin’
    My blown election
    I went Rogueing
    Don’t keep your distance

    Have I said too much, oh gosh?
    There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you.
    Because I’m illiterate anyways
    That’s at least true

  31. Anita Cocktail

    [re=169877]BlindHabaneroJefferson[/re]: Yep, it takes a mean sonofabitch to pry the Louis Vuitton out of the 8 year old’s hand…

  32. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=169930]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Wow. I’m going to be singing that all evening now. DAMN YOU.

  33. AnnieGetYourFun

    I don’t have kids, but I sort of look forward to the day that I do, so that I can relate the disgrace that is Sarah Palin in the same voice that my parents used to tell me about Nixon.

  34. brain meats

    She’s going to be heehaw-larious during the eleventy gajillion republican primary debates if she hasn’t been indicted for something by then (or isn’t a “Senator” by then). Can’t you see her dukin’ it out with Jindal? Huckabee? Mormatron 3000? THAT will be must see TV.

    Palin’s milkshake won’t bring anyone to the yard if Hopey has just one home run in his first 2 years & the repubs know it. Too. Also.

  35. TeddyS

    A temporary farewell to Bible Spice. Goin’ back to Alaska where she is hated by Democrats and won’t be given a cushioned landing by the Republican old boy network that she went mavericky on. As the long winter sets in, we can get all hopey that she will stare into the embers of her failed candidacy and listen to the shouts of the doomed rightwingers: Come back, Sarah! Save us! We shall deck you in mink and baby seal and anoint you as the heart of Real America.

    Come springtime, Levi will tell Bristol to take a hike and Sarah will hire her former brother in law to shoot him. Then she will be hailed for defending the family honor and return once again to the Lower 48 to start her new campaign…because she has a few winks left, botox is available and she is too damned stupid not to do this all over again.

  36. blader

    [re=169942]TeddyS[/re]:

    You forgot the part about the Palins are already booked on Springer for a February broadcast.

  37. Deepthroat

    wow. O’Reilly and Shep are giving each other handjobs and talking about how they have to tell lies everyday because they work for Fox news…

  38. stew

    Wasilla Hillbilly! New Fox sitcom–I can dream, can’t I. “Grab yer partner by the hair, through her down and leave her there!”

  39. Servo

    [re=169957]stew[/re]:
    I like the Bugs Bunny square-dance better.

    Grab a fencepost
    Hold it tight
    Hit yer pardner with all yer might
    Hit him real low
    Hit him real high
    Stick yer fingers in his eyes

  40. smellyal8r

    [re=169942]TeddyS[/re]: Your lips to God’s ears. Where was Levi btw? Getting a finger chopped off on an oil rig? Didn’t he get to take the “last flight home to Alaska”? Wonder what kind of car ride that was from the airport to the Wasilla compound? Hopefully Begich will win that Senate seat once ALL the ballots are counted and that’ll be the last we hear of Mrs. Palin.

  41. Norbert

    [re=169961]Servo[/re]: i sing it often! whirl, whirl, twist and twirl, jump around like a flyin’ squirrel

  42. ronaldpagan

    [re=169957]stew[/re]: I would prefer a drama with some somber, angsty narration from Trig. Wacky neighbor Ted Stevens can provide some levity.

  43. DoctorCulturae

    Professional Numbers Lemur Guru Nate Silver is on the Rachel show. Revenge of the supersmart nerd!

  44. Weeping Jesus

    I feel bad for her. I mean, it’ll be at least 8 months until it’s warm enough for her to wear only a towel.

  45. Weeping Jesus

    Now we can watch the World Series without all those annoying political commercials. This is going to be great! Go Cubs! Go White Sox!

  46. gliberal

    Reserve your seats now for the next apocalypse, as the Republic party again provides us with fresh hilarity and limitless mirth in “2012 Sarah the Sequel”, starring Trixie, Trig and the whole wacky gang. We now return you to “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?”, an L. Flynt production.

  47. Texas2Step

    Good-bye and Good Riddance, Ms. Palin!
    We’re so thankful that we
    Will not have to see you again!
    I’m sure Katie Couric’s still having a laugh
    at your hillbilly ways, your persistent gaffes,
    and the newspapers that you can’t name.

    “Oh, but it’s sad when think you will win
    And that you’ll get to be the VP!
    People are much smarter than I ever knew!”

    Way Smarter….Than you!

  48. Polly Sigh-Entist

    [re=169940]brain meats[/re]: I bow to the intellectual heavyweight who can intelligently relate Kelis lyrics to politics. Well played, my friend. Well played.

  49. hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=169997]wonkthis[/re]: Scene synopsis: Palin emerges from the bathroom, wearing only a towel, to meet with campaign advisors. A comical discussion of energy policy ensues…then, drill baby drill.

  50. Haters and Hippos

    People, is it hypocritical of us to say that the Palin family is a bunch of WT hillbillies when we worked so hard to elect a president we are going to patriotically give our money to in order to redistribute to said white trash losers.

  51. nachoproblem

    [re=169938]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Wow, that’s close to home. The earliest thing I can ever remember about politics is my Dad explaining to me “what Nixon did.”

  52. flapjackjackson

    I have a feeling we might see a Palin/Hank Williams Jr. ticket in 2012. Hank Jr.=Jesus+cocaine+cop shades

  53. MFAWG

    I don’t know why I feel the need to defend her, and I know I do so at great peril around here, but here goes:

    Sure, she’s the type of vapid, willfully ignorant little drama queen we’ve all met at some point or another, usually with a couple of rugrats in tow. She’s no worse than any of a half dozen equally clueless types out there. And yes, she represents pretty much all that is wrong with open mouth yokel fundie wing of the Republican Party. All that said, at the end of the day she’s no worse than any one of a half dozen insanely stupid public figures I could point out on both sides of the aisle.

    It’s pretty easy to see that they’re just throwing her under the bus to deflect the blame for the campaigns execrable performance and McCain’s almost bizarrely disjointed behavior.

    I knew when they picked her she was expendable, but I never imagined they’d scapegoat her so completely.

  54. Custerwolf

    [re=169873]rocktonsammy[/re]: Reminds me more of Flowers for Algernon:
    “I dint know mice were so smart.”

  55. AgentSparks

    Ken, this should’ve been your Political Machine piece. All those ass hurt Hilltards and neocons would’ve went apeshit over this!

  56. Mr Blifil

    In fairness to Palin and her entourage, it should be noted that while McCain drove himself home sans retinue, he did take time to shower after the concession speech and sat behind the wheel wearing nothing but a towel.

  57. Custerwolf

    [re=170028]MFAWG[/re]: Isn’t that sorta like saying, “Feh…there’s already one HUGE pile of dogshit in the middle of the floor – what’s a few more?”

  58. AgentSparks

    [re=170052]Mr Blifil[/re]: He has nymphs to bathe and serenade him once he returns home to the Sedona McMansion/Lair…

    “The royal penis is clean, your highness”

  59. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    [re=169819]Truculent[/re]:
    I also remember reading that Nixon would come out of the toilet next to the Oval Office with his hands still wet, hopefully from washing them.

  60. ManchuCandidate

    [re=170028]MFAWG[/re]:
    They threw each other under the bus. Bible Spice for being a diva dumbass who got pwned by Katie fucking Couric and Walnuts because she’s done that to everyone who has helped and didn’t old man loser smell on her family’s $200K wardrobe.

    She wanted to fly in Mig Alley and got blown out of the sky.
    Rule #1: Don’t fly in Mig Alley unless you can handle Migs.
    Rule #2: Don’t fly in Mig Alley if you don’t have the (intellectual) firepower.
    Rule @3: Don’t fly in Mig Alley if you don’t know which way is up.

  61. schvitzatura

    [re=169873]rocktonsammy[/re]:

    A lot of holes in the tundra, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package on your snowmachine. Otherwise, you’re talking about three to six hours worth of digging permafrost. And who knows what’s gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all fuckin’ night (better part of the day in December).

  62. MFAWG

    [re=170055]Custerwolf[/re]:

    At this point it’s more like cleaning up the dogshit on the living room floor while ignoring the vomit under the couch.

    She’s an easy target, but she’s not where the stench is coming from.

  63. aleks

    [re=169820]NoWireHangers[/re]: THats; the logna nd sort of it isn’t it? Erverything he sais about her is true, but yet he picked her.

  64. Thumbcuff

    I always thought she was Dolores Umbridge. I kind of expected her to be molested by a horde of centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. Or is that what this is?

  65. shortsshortsshorts

    SEX PISTOLS TUMS EVIL DEAD COMMUNIST PBS did this to us. More mindless chants, like asking for more cowbell.

  66. TGY

    You did notice that the ‘Africa is a country’ is just a misstatement? That’s what comes of believing Fox News.

  67. regisgoat

    Speaking of that fine magazine Boozeweek, I used to love Magazine (the band).
    How about overlaying this sinister hit to footage of the Royal Palins packing into the plane and returning to their fragrant lair for the long, long Republican winter?

    Thunder shook loose hail
    on the outhouse again
    today I bumped into you again
    I have no idea what you want
    but there was something I meant to say

    As the day stops dead
    at the place where we’re lost
    I will drug you and fuck you
    on the permafrost

    There’s not much that I miss
    I’m far too forgetful for that
    sugar’s sweet some of the time
    it’s hard to keep some things in mind

    As the day stops dead …

  68. wonkthis

    @ hobgoblin of little minds: Nah sounds too crazy! She’d never just walk out into a room full of total strangers with just a towel on! Sounds too much like Bo Derek in “10″.

    How about this: Bristol, tired from a day on the campaign trail, opens the door to her hotel room and discovers Levi and Sarah goin wild like in the Taboo series. ;-)

  69. Georgia Burning

    Sarah and Joe the Plumber, think about it. The same unheralded genius found both of them in the rubble of his campaign. As a reality TV producer Walnutz can make a fortune instead of sleeping with one!

  70. liquiddaddy

    It’s so sad. McNasty drove about 20 miles an hour and had a line of cars backed up behind him busily honking. He never moved his head or used his mirrors, as he drifted in and out of his lane. Instead of heading home, he wound up in Prescott, and was eventually found by the highway patrol in a confusional state at a highway rest stop after AZ issued an Amber Alert.

  71. sevenrepeat

    Maybe that’s just considered public transportation in Alaska with them getting their big fat oil checks and all.

  72. permial

    Do any of you really think this is a matter of importance? My condolences to the human race. People are starving, being killed for corporations, while the United Corporation of the Planet gets control of every aspect of our lives. Why are you talking about an insignificant person from Alaska (just for your information, what are the first four letters in the states name? Did you get that one?)? Shouldn’t all of you, with an IQ higher than the average mean temperature where she comes from be thinking of other things? By all that you hold holy, realize that this is a topic that should die. Just answer one question for me, please. Why is this even important?

  73. worrierqueen

    [re=169961]Servo[/re]:

    My favourite is from StuartJoshua from the huff

    Come and listen to the story of a man named Todd.
    A poor snowmobiler barely kept his family shod.
    Then one day he was goin to Payless
    And from the lower-48 come a bumblin mess.

    Hero that is.
    GOP
    Arizona Tea.

    Well, the first thing you know, Simple Sarah’s a candee-date.
    Only problem is she’s full of sh*t and full of hate.
    Kinfolk said Warshington’s where ya gotta be.
    So they maxed out the plastic on a white trash shopping spree.

    Ignorant that is.
    Classless.
    Clueless.

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