FEAR OF A BLACK PLANET  5:33 pm November 6, 2008

Current White House Dog Goes On Biting Spree

by Ken Layne

Barney, currently the only black male in the White House, is extremely pissed off since hearing he’ll soon be deported to Texas so that a black human can be the president while some common mutt street dog will become the nation’s new First Pet. So Barney just cold bit this douche Reuters reporter, who had it coming for a long, long time. [YouTube/Raw Story]

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Cape Clod November 6, 2008 at 5:36 pm

That dog hasn’t been right since his master dropped him on his head.

PoliTacky November 6, 2008 at 5:36 pm

There’s an AP reporter sitting on an important leg-humping incident, if it doesn’t break by 4PM PST, I’m calling censorship!

Dashboard_Buddha November 6, 2008 at 5:36 pm

That first still at the end is priceless…what shiny white choppers!

The Pumpernickel November 6, 2008 at 5:37 pm

hahaha! O wow, that’s great. Sounds like someone listened to Barack’s speech Tuesday night. No one likes hearing about the new dog in town. It’s like hearing your ex talk about their new girlfriend. Except instead of an ex, it’s the White House, and instead of a new girlfriend, it’s a bitch. Wait a second…I guess they’re bitches in both cases.


Gopherit November 6, 2008 at 5:39 pm

Any dog that bites a member of the MSM should receive a Medal of Freedom.

Imelda Snarkos November 6, 2008 at 5:39 pm

Team Barney.

FreshCliches November 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

I’ve had it with that worthless cur desecrating the White House.

Barney too.

stlellen November 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Wait … so, are there reporters out there every day, waiting for Barney to make an appearance? I love this country.

Dave J. November 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Should’ve been you, Hannity.

SuperRounder November 6, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Jeebus. Even the dog’s like “Well fuck it then.”

johnbpt November 6, 2008 at 5:41 pm

HAHAHAHAHA! Should have bitten the whole useless White House press corps.

StrangelyBrown November 6, 2008 at 5:41 pm

Well, that pretty much sums up the last eight years.

jagorev November 6, 2008 at 5:41 pm

Barney has exactly the same temperament as John McCain. Palin/Barney 2012

ManchuCandidate November 6, 2008 at 5:42 pm

Hey leave poor Barney alone. Who enjoys having their morning dump interrupted, let alone by a bunch of douchesacks?

Gopherit November 6, 2008 at 5:42 pm

[re=169660]Gopherit[/re]: And a milkbone. Good Barney! Now bite some politicians, too!

Worlds End November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Dave J. November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

Mizz Beazley is going to cap that dude next week.

Blue Line November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

I was expecting a story about Sarah Palin, but instead it’s about a different bitch.

(Sorry…I couldn’t resist.)

Itsjustme November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

How about the woman when they were walking away, “Bye Barney.”

Biff1 November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=169669]SuperRounder[/re]: Barney’s all “We’ll do it live!!!”

Godot November 6, 2008 at 5:43 pm

This is not the promised “big Sarah Palin post” that was supposed to be “coming up next”.

SuperRounder November 6, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Caribou Barbie just chose the dog as her 2012 running mate. She was quoted as saying, “We have a black President, we should also have a Black Vice-President. You betcha.”

the bf November 6, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Didn’t Barbara Bush do the same thing to Helen Thomas during the first Bush admin?

Cape Clod November 6, 2008 at 5:45 pm

Frankly, that was probably just a cry for help.

madtowngooner November 6, 2008 at 5:46 pm

That black sonovabitch.

SayItWithWookies November 6, 2008 at 5:46 pm

Barney’s been angry ever since Randy Scheunemann accused him of trashing Sarah Palin.

Kwame' November 6, 2008 at 5:46 pm

“Barney The Biter”

magnetogurl November 6, 2008 at 5:47 pm

Hey, where’s the promised Palin post??

NoWireHangers November 6, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Can you blame, Barney? He’s used to feasting on the fingers of infidels.

Custerwolf November 6, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Cough up his current rabies certificate or Barney goes to Guantanamo for quarantine.

Hooray For Anything November 6, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Looks like all those classes at the Dick Cheney School of Dog Training has finally paid off

V572625694 November 6, 2008 at 5:51 pm

Shouldn’t that be “Incumbent White House dog…”?

Rodney Badger November 6, 2008 at 5:52 pm

This post is only metaphorically about Sarah Palin.

miss_emish November 6, 2008 at 5:57 pm

But he’s such a dignified little solider! Barney doesn’t have time for the press nonsense. He is da boss, of the white house and there’s a lot to get done before January!

TootTootToot November 6, 2008 at 5:57 pm

I’m glad we’ve run out of news now that the election is over.

Giant Robot November 6, 2008 at 5:57 pm

Well done Barney. See you on Colbert’s next ‘Threat Down’

Rodney Badger November 6, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Hey everyone, check out all these awesome predictions:


miss_emish November 6, 2008 at 5:58 pm

I just discovered the most adorable website, it has photos through the ages of Presidential Pets.

grendel November 6, 2008 at 6:04 pm

Now all the secrets will come out about Barney… The sexual assaults, violence against women, and shorting asset-backed securities on a shadow derivatives market.

PopeyesPipe November 6, 2008 at 6:06 pm

Is there any occupant of the current White House that isn’t vicious, haughty, and unstable? Clearly, no.

Pat Pending November 6, 2008 at 6:14 pm

I think Barney’s pissed because he just found out that he’s related to Fala.
(oh, go look it up…)

HuskyMescan November 6, 2008 at 6:15 pm


Pat Pending November 6, 2008 at 6:16 pm
DoctorCulturae November 6, 2008 at 6:24 pm

Idiot. Anyone who reaches down to pet a dog they don’t know deserves what they get.

Dogs like this are like teh Bitterz.

Roguesmommy November 6, 2008 at 6:27 pm

I think the dog was just offended about his awful, awful haircut

astroprofeddie November 6, 2008 at 6:27 pm

Can I haz reprtr?

slinkimalinki November 6, 2008 at 6:30 pm

or maybe barney doesn’t like people who don’t know how to use the passive voice.

NoWireHangers November 6, 2008 at 6:32 pm

[re=169694]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Dick Cheney suckled Barney at his teat.

prettyboywally November 6, 2008 at 6:46 pm

It’s good to know that the Bush administration employs gay people, because that was the nanciest-sounding voice I’ve heard in a long time. And the Reuters reporter was a little light in the loafers too, looked like.

Min November 6, 2008 at 6:49 pm

That’s what he gets for saying “oh, bite me” in front of a dog. Dogs are so literal, you know.

Mel_David November 6, 2008 at 6:52 pm

Well you have to remember, Bush doesn’t have adorable little children like Obama does (that we get to watch grow into hot young barely legal teens over the next 8-11 years), he has deplorable drunken adult children who do not live with him. So this dog really gets no love. I mean, who’s giving this dog love?

Modok November 6, 2008 at 6:56 pm

WTF’s with Bubble Boy the Reporter there, “Wash and bandage it daily”? Get a shot and put some Unguent on it you pansy. The dog prolly needs the antibiotic me than he does, I’d bet Barney has his own aide to lick his ass for him.

Roguesmommy November 6, 2008 at 6:57 pm

Mel_David: Laura

You just left that one open didn’t you?

Stalkin' Malkin November 6, 2008 at 7:05 pm

I had to feed Jenna six appletinis and a handful of Xanax to get that treatment.

yorktronic November 6, 2008 at 7:07 pm

That’s not the kind of pussy reporter I can believe in.

Putz November 6, 2008 at 7:38 pm

That came out of nowhere. What kind of damage did they do to that dog? At least my psycho dog lets you know he’s upset/scared so strangers know better than try to pet him.

WikipediaBrown November 6, 2008 at 7:49 pm

Haha maybe McCain should’ve picked Barney instead of Palin. He is obviously more effective in terms of dealing with the “gotcha media” than she is.

Rozalia November 6, 2008 at 7:58 pm

God, that fucking dog is ugly! I say hang the little mutt. Along with his owner.

LittlePinky82 November 6, 2008 at 8:53 pm

LOL at Barney. I guess he doesn’t want to go back to Texas and be a lone with Bush. I guess he was so desperate. I would be too if I had to live with Bush. Yikes!

TexasCowGirl November 6, 2008 at 10:52 pm

I had no idea Barney was such an ungrateful, uppity negro! Next thing you know he’ll be talking about crazy nonsense like running for President.

nyhfrog November 6, 2008 at 11:09 pm

Now he has the taste for human flesh!

ocirats November 7, 2008 at 1:07 am

Did anyone else notice the sorry excuse for a “leash” on poor Barney? It’s not even a real dog leash, it’s a red nylon rope wrapped around Barney’s neck like a hangman’s noose. As a dog owner, I would consider this a choking hazard – but then again, maybe it’s a symbolic act of lynching that Barney’s owners would like to wish on the White House’s next black resident.

MrsNateSilver November 7, 2008 at 3:44 am
skyinator November 7, 2008 at 8:30 am

So that’s what happened to Rahm Emmanuel’s middle finger.

regisgoat November 7, 2008 at 8:33 am

“I’ll bet he f*ks that little dog”–La Wanda Jackson, in the classic “Shakes the Clown”

nurple November 7, 2008 at 9:37 am

New law – scotties may only be owned by 40′s Vassar coeds in kilts. No one else understands them.

natteringnaybob November 7, 2008 at 9:47 am

He had black eyes…like a doll’s eyes.

juan pueblo November 7, 2008 at 10:14 am

mofo dont play that..bitchazz paparazzi…

iolanthe November 7, 2008 at 10:30 am

[re=169718]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Laura seems nice enough. I wouldn’t call her vicious, haughty, or unstable. Just one of those nice ladies with a “thing” for stupid men. She reminds me of my perfectly nice bright sunny-tempered cousin, who was married for years to a complete and utter douchebag.

iolanthe November 7, 2008 at 10:36 am

[re=170242]iolanthe[/re]: Ah, God. I just used “nice” three times in one paragraph. Must be the hangover. Sorry.

Borat November 7, 2008 at 12:28 pm

So this is the evolution of post-election reporting?

I seriously thought W would have a meaner dog, like a Rotweiler or something. My cat could take that dog out.

Anyway, I’ve been screaming for blood all this election and we finally have some – I just didn’t think it would come from a reporter

Mel_David November 7, 2008 at 12:44 pm

[re=169832]Roguesmommy[/re]: Eh, Laura never struck me as a dog person. But I just rewatched “W” last night and Stone portrays Bush as quite fond of Barney. And he hasn’t done anything in the last two years except give a handful of 10-minute addresses that were written by someone else. So I guess Barney is getting enough attention.

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