Your Lengthy Guide To The Insane McCain-Palin Cold War

  the epic struggle of our time

It is 1945 all over again. A major historical War for the White House has ended forever, and the liberals won. The liberals do not usually win these things because they are scared of fighting, so who knows how this happened. Whatever. They can “govern” till the cows come home. The real story now is the new post-election Cold War that’s rapidly developing between McCain aides, Palin aides, conservative bloggers, conservative teevee hosts, conservative columnists… basically any GOP operative with a half-decent Rolodex and a certain moral flexibility. They are all shitting on each other. This is the greatest Cold War we’ve ever had the pleasure of covering. Let’s try to make some sense of it.

There are a few underlying factors here that set the narrative in motion.

  • Sometime in October, everyone connected to the McCain-Palin campaign realized that Obama would win in comical blowout fashion. This set off the frenzy of operatives/consultants/aides/etc. trying to save their careers.
  • An easy way to save one’s career is to shit all over a colleague.
  • Anonymously.
  • To the media.
  • Who will publish anything you tell them.

For many campaign aides, the easiest person to shit on was Sarah Palin. The Cold War truly started the week revelations about Palin’s fancy clothes came out. It was an unusually retarded thing, that all that money was spent on lower-level staffers’ credit cards and for the entire Palin family, and no one involved with the campaign wanted the blame.

So all staffers and GOP operatives — whether they knew anything or not — immediately rushed to their bakeries in Arlington, hid under tables in dark corners, and called Politico.

Four Republicans close to Palin said she has decided increasingly to disregard the advice of the former Bush aides tasked to handle her, creating occasionally tense situations as she travels the country with them. Those Palin supporters, inside the campaign and out, said Palin blames her handlers for a botched rollout and a tarnished public image — even as others in McCain’s camp blame the pick of the relatively inexperienced Alaska governor, and her public performance, for McCain’s decline.

“She’s lost confidence in most of the people on the plane,” said a senior Republican who speaks to Palin, referring to her campaign jet. He said Palin had begun to “go rogue” in some of her public pronouncements and decisions.

[...]

“These people are going to try and shred her after the campaign to divert blame from themselves,” a McCain insider said, referring to McCain’s chief strategist, Steve Schmidt, and to Nicolle Wallace, a former Bush aide who has taken a lead role in Palin’s campaign. Palin’s partisans blame Wallace, in particular, for Palin’s avoiding of the media for days and then giving a high-stakes interview to CBS News’ Katie Couric, the sometimes painful content of which the campaign allowed to be parceled out over a week.

“A number of Gov. Palin’s staff have not had her best interests at heart, and they have not had the campaign’s best interests at heart,” the McCain insider fumed, noting that Wallace left an executive job at CBS to join the campaign.

This “McCain insider” who was yelling at Nicolle Wallace must have also reached Fred Barnes of the Weekly Standard, who went on Fox News a couple of days later to declare that Nicolle Wallace, in fact, was the harlot spawn of Lucifer. Someone in the campaign had told him, personally!

Then, in an interview with Ana Marie Cox, Nicolle Wallace stated that she doesn’t mind being thrown under the bus if the particular bus happens to be filled with a bunch of talentless loser pervs. And as the anti-Palin Kathleen Parker of National Review had already explained, it is a true fact that any male who defends Sarah Palin really just wants to bang her at some point. Parker’s revelation caused much distress to her terribly annoying colleague, Kathyrn Jean Lopez.

Sarah Palin continued to make a fool of herself every hour for the rest of the campaign. She talked to a Canadian cartoon version of Nicolas Sarkozy who asked her dirty questions for a number of minutes, on the radio. This was greenlit by her foreign policy adviser, Steve Biegun, and no one else was informed. She openly talked about her 2012 ambitions. She did a whole bunch of other things that we cannot remember, but they were all terribly embarrassing for both the campaign and America. This meant many more anonymous calls to the journalistic reporters. One adviser told a reporter that Sarah Palin was a “whack job.” This important information was disseminated in record time. A billion advisers also contacted Marc Ambinder to fling yet more poo about how Sarah Palin is a death monster who can be blamed for everything.

This is when McCain’s foreign policy adviser, Randy Scheunemann, randomly lost his mind on the record in response to Ambinder’s post:

Just read your post. This is on the record. This is cleared by HQ. It is a fact that Barack Obama was palling around with terrorists. It was a fact before Governor Palin said it in a fully vetted speech and it is fact today. It is bullshit to claim or write anything else.

This guy really liked Palin, huh?? Felt a touch… defensive?

Perhaps they bonded while preparing for her debate, weeks earlier:

The trees, the creek, the romance…

Oh Jesus, Randy Scheunemann totally fell in love with Sarah Palin at John McCain’s ranch during debate prep!

Wait a sec… RANDY SCHEUNEMANN WAS THE SECRET “MCCAIN INSIDER” ALL ALONG!! From yesterday:

Randy Scheunemann, a senior foreign policy adviser to John McCain, was fired from the Arizona senator’s campaign last week for what one aide called “trashing” the campaign staff, three senior McCain advisers tell CNN.

One of the aides tells CNN that campaign manager Rick Davis fired Scheunemann after determining that he had been in direct contact with journalists spreading “disinformation” about campaign aides, including Nicolle Wallace and other officials.

“He was positioning himself with Palin at the expense of John McCain’s campaign message,” said one of the aides.

Wait! No! Not fired — much, much worse: THEY SHUT DOWN HIS BLACKBERRY.

Goldfarb did concede that Scheunemann’s campaign e-mail was cut off, and his blackberry was taken away late Friday. Goldfarb admits that senior McCain aides were mad at Scheunemann, and wanted to fire him, but he insists they stopped short of that, and instead simply turned off his campaign communication.

Chilling. Why not just throw him against the wall and shoot him?

This post is about 10 million words right now, and there is more drama every which way. Carl Cameron from Fox News is revealing hilarious anonymous stories hourly about Palin not knowing what Africa is. RedState is literally creating a list of advisers to kill. Newsweek has a book’s worth of amazing anonymous crap that it will slowly release in chapters. This will go on forever. John McCain will grill ribs.

And so at last we come to the point: Bill Kristol is responsible for all of this, ha ha ha. Here he is angrily whining about life on Fox News this morning.

UPDATE: Why’d we write all of that when this one sentence sums up everything that’s happening: Freepers have called for a boycott of Fox News.

…the hell are they going to watch instead?

Tensions between McCain and Palin camps come to light [LAT]
Internal battles divide McCain, Palin camps [NYT]
Palin allies report rising camp tension [Politico]
Yet More On The Breakup [TNR]
McCain aide disputes sources, denies firing [CNN]

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

1 comment

  1. loudmouthredhead

    Sweet Jeebus, Jim! Did that hurt to push out?

    Is this what reading Us Weekly is like?! Oooo, I feel so naughty.

    Hey, anyone else hear Brit Hume is quitting Fox? Is he heading for an insane, third-party, libtard network run by Bob Barr and Forbes?

  2. Amy Alkon's Testicles

    This is like my birthday and ChrismaKwanzaaKuh and that one time I got a BJ without having to buy dinner, all rolled into one.

  3. FreshCliches

    Heh, I called the LAT source for this article in a previous thread.

    I’m the Nate Silver of prose. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

  4. Charlie Tuna

    She’s done. It’s that simple.

    All this noise about SP evolving into a normal human being that can name the three branches of gov’t and find the Republic of Africa on a map is a JOKE.

    Not as in pathetic, but as a put-on,
    like Borat,but more dumbed-down.

  5. NoWireHangers

    Oh, Republicans! The hate, intolerance, lies, deceit, and back-stabbery they spew is so fun to watch when they’re unleashing it on each other. When you cultivate a pack of rabid, raging, drooling, ignorant, mouth-breathing dogs, and there’s no fresh meat around, it’s just a matter of time before they turn to cannibalism. Cheers, you swine! We’re enjoying the view from Hope City!

    Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    Per Sullie about Bill’s crackerjack analyst skills:

    “If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her … Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now,” – Bill Kristol, the man behind Sarah Palin, December 17, 2006.

    (HAHAHAHAHAHA)

  7. slinkimalinki

    heh, the interview with kristol:
    “i hope you like having mud slung at you, bill”
    oh, he does, he does, he loves it when you treat him like the dirty, dirty boy he is.

  8. Deepthroat

    “I hope you’re into Bukkake Bill, cause there’s a big ‘ol circle jerk forming around you.”

  9. ManchuCandidate

    Talibunny took seriously the advice from Bill “Kristolmeth” Kristol. She might not keep the clothes she stole, but she definitely keeps her “ignoranus hillbilly dumbass” card for life.

  10. PeteJayhawk v2.0

    [re=169734]loudmouthredhead[/re]: Honestly, he’s probably just sick of all the bullshit and has better things to do at this point in his life. Dude’s not exactly a spring chicken.

  11. hedgehog

    This is what happens when the Vice Presidential candidate refuses to blow the campaign staff.

    (That is, the whole campaign staff. It’s like little kids with gum in class — you either give it to everyone or not at all.)

  12. War Eagle

    And these people wanted to run the country?

    We didn’t even need Ashley and Plumber Joe to lead us to our simple fun.

  13. NoWireHangers

    A part of me feels sorry for Palin, because it is not fair that she takes the blame for WALNUTS! failure. WALNUTS! picked her. Not Droopy Dog, 911, Mittens, or Governor Crispy. WALNUTS! thoroughly vetted Caribou Barbie then made his first Executive decision. A decision akin to letting a Parkinson’s sufferer perform your Lasik eye surgery. She was their Frankenstein. How did you think this would end, WALNUTS!?

  14. Quacker

    My! It sure is terrible when some nobody says something quite possibly untrue about Bible Spice or one of her staffers. I’m sure glad this sort of thing never happened to Hopey. He would have been unable to recover if anything untrue had ever been said about him!

  15. shortsshortsshorts

    I would have been nice to know all of this during the goddamned campaign, when we almost elected this tank of tards into the White House.

  16. Dave J.

    She did a whole bunch of other things that we cannot remember, but they were all terribly embarrassing for both the campaign and America.

    “In what respect, Charlie?”

  17. iwillsavethispatient

    This reminds me of a joke I heard about an old man who gets attacked by a Hockey Mom, beaten senseless and left to die. When he finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, his doctor leans over to hear him sigh contently and to feebly ask, “Where is that marvelous pitbull?”
    HENNNNNGH!

  18. Schizobicho

    “What did it for me was when Steve Schmidt was asked if Sarah Palin was a total whore/scumbag, he said “No Comment” and that means No.” I stopped the video after the the dumb blonde said that, so as to keep my brain from exploding.

  19. Them

    She could’ve said no. She could’ve been honest and said, “I don’t know jack shit about the planet or the economy; I just run this corrupt little backwater. At this point in history, you might want to go with someone well-versed in policy instead of a three-diamond winking, hating snowbilly like me.”

    But she didn’t. She let her power-mad side get the best of her. So she deserves every second of this media ass-raping, and she’ll have to pay for her rape kit out of her own pocket.

  20. miss_emish

    this terrifies me more than amuses me (though it does have a rather satisfying rubbernecking feeling). These people were going to lead the free world? I don’t feel sorry for Palin, I just sorta stare at her dumbfounded. But I feel anger at McCain. He did everything to win, at the expense of our nation. Thank god he didn’t succeed.

  21. Rodney Badger

    She is gonna run in 2012. I bet she makes it all the way to South Carolina, where she will come in third behind Huckabee and Jindal, and then drop out.

  22. AngryBlakGuy

    …if I ever wanted to know what a botched partial birth abortion looked like; all I would have to do is look at WALNUTS! presidential campaign.

  23. hedgehog

    I keep imagining Sarah Palin running for president in 2012 in Jennifer Granholm. It’s October and they’re having a really fierce debate, tossing barbs back and forth. Then they make out.

    wap wap wap wap wap

  24. Custerwolf

    I’m sorry. But as someone who has NEVER watched Fux Noose, all I can do is stare in disbelief at what passes for a news talk show (I’m assuming). The peroxide twat flanked by her 2 gay cohorts look like actors in a really REALLY bad porn flick. I can barely stomach their wretchedness when along comes Bill Kristol on the line. At least they’re not showing his face – which looks to me like it’s been stretched WAAAY too tight across his empty grimacing skull.

  25. Godot

    So what’s the real story? Is Palin as awful as we’re hearing, or are these staffers just making up stuff about her to avoid taking any blame themselves? I want to believe she’s functionally illiterate but I won’t be taken in by right-wing liars!

  26. Giant Robot

    So all the hatred whipped up against muslins and socialists will now be redirected toward their own self-destruction? If this is an aikido lesson I want an autographed photo of Joe Biden with Steven Seagal because there’s an strange resemblance there.

  27. MadMangosteen

    I’ve heard the ‘circular firing squad’ thing, but I prefer the image of lobsters in a bucket

  28. sk1win

    The GOP has sent a repo lawyer to Alaska to get those clothes back! Of course, now are they stained with semen, blood and retard drool, so they are essentially worthless. I can’t wait to see this devolve over the next few months.

  29. DoctorCulturae

    [re=169762]NoWireHangers[/re]: Agreed, McFail picked Barbie, and it was his decision, no doubt dictated by the hard core wingnuts. BUT, Palin did not have to accept. She could have said “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t even know what the VP does. I don’t know that Africa is a continent for golly gee willikers sakes. Call me back after Uncle Jed gets finished building the cee-ment pond out back using all them black gold profits.”

    Wasilla Hillbillies indeed.


  30. Post author
    Jim Newell

    [re=169788]Godot[/re]: a mixture of both. some of it is true, some is false, some is just exaggerated. it’s impossible to tell since it’s all anonymous staffers with agendas. that is the real story. sarah palin is awful either way.

  31. AngryBlakGuy

    …what in the fukk makes right-wingers think, that if 8 years in the Whitehouse couldn’t make “W” a competent leader, that 4 more years in “ass-crack” Alaska will make Caribou Barbie a president material!?

  32. problemwithcaring

    From Malkin: I wonder if the delicate McCain staffers upset at seeing Palin in bathrobe/towel were as aghast at the photos on Meghan McCain’s blog of Cindy McCain in her – gasp! – bathrobe.

    The ACTUAL quote from Newsweek: “After a minute, Palin sailed into the room wearing nothing but a towel, with another on her wet hair.”

    Wow! False equivalences with one stroke of the slash mark. Touché, madame!

  33. AnnieGetYourFun

    It’s a really bad sign when out of everyone speaking on this clip, Bill Kristol still comes across as the smartest.

    [re=169778]Them[/re]: Stupidity and hubris are such a rare combination, though! Who wouldn’t have thought that they would be the only two traits that she possessed?

  34. SayItWithWookies

    I just hope it gets much more lurid and insane before it disintegrates completely. The end should ideally resemble that of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolfe? McCain ranting on the lawn to a terrified Todd while Sarah and Cindy’s wildly humping bodies are etched on the bedroom shade.

  35. Tra

    Wow. Look at ‘em go at it down there. I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

    Poor Republicans. It’s like the Rapture happened, and we were the ones to get in.

  36. kernelPanic

    You would not believe how much the freepers and undereducated poor whites (just guessing on demographics there…) on http://www.obamacrimes.com love Sarah. They are utterly convinced she is the savior from all that is evil(and hopey) in the world.

    The forums at obamacrimes.com are amazing. You can literally watch how a new group of conspiracy theory people discover each other and create their shared hallucination.

  37. War Eagle

    Well nobody believed any of the shit they said about Hopey, so why should we believe them now?

    Uh, besides “because we want to.”

  38. Valkyrie

    My maw has been open and chirping for more, more, all day. Feed me. I can consume my weight in PalinSchadenfreude in 24 hours, for at least another 2 weeks. Then, she’s dismissed and doesn’t exist to me.

  39. WABishop

    [re=169744]Charlie Tuna[/re]: No, that’s the beauty of it! Her base (aptly named) doesn’t care! The worse she was the more they loved her! She’s going to be around a lonng time, and she’s going to keep the truly right-wingy branch of the big tent hopping mad for some real change. She may even take them off to the Libertarians or something. She’s not Dan Quayle, she’s John Brown.

  40. stew

    All this wingnut cannibalism is almost as much fun to watch as Tuesday’s election results. Keep it coming, gang!

  41. wheelie

    [re=169762]NoWireHangers[/re]: Exactly. When he picked Palin, he showed he had no f*cking respect whatsoever for the job of the highest elected office in the democratic world. She was so out of her depth, she didn’t even have the perspective to understand she was unworthy of the second-highest job.
    She behaved disgracefully, but you can’t blame a pig for shitting in your livingroom. The pig don’t know any better. He should have.

  42. Keram2

    The dumber Palin gets, the more the Republican base loves her. So it looks like it’s a win win for the aids and Palin.

  43. RogueDC

    [re=169751]Deepthroat[/re]: Bukkake? If that happens, Lindsey Graham is sure to come around, with his dog collar and leather tights

  44. problemwithcaring

    [re=169800]Jim Newell[/re]: Yes. She had to be completely irredeemable for her entire [Republican!] staff to turn against her like this.

  45. Scandalabra

    [re=169745]NoWireHangers[/re]: Girl, if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.

  46. The Frogurt Is Also Cursed

    I’d like to volunteer to re-write the lyrics to ‘comfortably numb’ for her 2012 run – I’ve already got the title changed to ‘comfortably dumb’, and now 4 years of low-grade weed and bathtub hooch fueled inspiration to finish the rest.

  47. Rodney Badger

    [re=169831]problemwithcaring[/re]: Also, the stories about her not knowing which countries are in NAFTA and not knowing that Africa is a continent have a certain measure of particularity to them that make them sound accurate. You would have to try really hard to invent a VP candidate that stupid.

  48. OffTheRecord

    This is delicious. My only hope is that it escalates from a cold war to pure nuclear Armageddon.

  49. Rodney Badger

    Guys, take a minute and think about the fact that she could have been VP-elect right now. I mean, aside from the blowout.

  50. PopeyesPipe

    [re=169850]Rodney Badger[/re]: Yeah, that Africa thing is way too specific. She sorta reminds me of my little brother’s ex-girlfriend. Apparently, she claimed that she wanted to visit Europe, but didn’t want the hassle of the long flight. Instead, she planned on driving. True story.

  51. snakedart

    You’d think Palin would have been more prepared after having honed her debate skills with First Officer William T. Riker of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

  52. War Eagle

    That was NOT Bill Kristol. There was a distinctly Canadian accent and you can hear someone snickering in the background.

  53. Mr. Spanky

    [re=169806]problemwithcaring[/re]: Hmmmm…….Easy-to-remove towel covering her hot, naked body…..Wet hair……Yummy GILF!

    Maybe not VP material, but……….

    Aw hell, at least she kept us entertained for a few weeks!

  54. The Station Manager

    [re=169745]NoWireHangers[/re]: Dear lord, you read my mind. And then posted here much faster than I could. For this I extend my respect and envy.

  55. psychedelicSludge

    This is what happens when you don’t have Karl Rove standing behind everyone with a knife.

  56. GlennBecksTaint

    “They’re sliming Sarah”….well after sliming Obama for months they have to slime somebody

  57. rocktonsammy

    [re=169794]Itsjustme[/re]:

    I’d love to hear what the conversation between the advisers and the first dude consisted of while Barbie was is the john.

  58. sailingthestyx

    “One top McCain aide came to Palin’s defense today. Randy Scheunemann, McCain’s top foreign policy adviser who helped prepare Palin for her vice presidential debate, praised Palin’s campaign effort and intelligence.

    “I’ve been working over 20 years in Washington and I’ve been around literally dozens and dozens of politicians. She is among the smartest, toughest most capable politicians I’ve ever dealt with,” Scheunemann said. “She has a photographic memory.”

    This is from ABC’s take on the Cold War…you are so right…Scheunemann fell head over heals for the Moose Queen…

  59. populucious

    Scheunemann’s campaign e-mail was cut off, and his blackberry was taken away late Friday.

    Leave the blackberry sir…AND the kiwi! Don’t think we don’t see that pommegranite in your lacky case. In fact, if there is any fruit found missing from this office, you WILL be billed. GOOD DAY SIR!

  60. DustBowlBlues

    Shit, Jim, do we have to take a fucking speed-reading class to keep up with the crap on wonkette?

    Just joking–the words flew by and my heart sang with each of them. The Rs hate each other. I’ve been waiting forty years for this. Who cares if my family can’t afford to give each other anything but a few homeade cookies this Christmas? If we save hard, I think we will be able to afford to turn on the heat for a few hours while we share our roasted wieners for Xmas dinner.

    We have a smart president and the evil conservatives are at war with each other. It’s Christmas in November and didn’t cost me anything but a few bucks for Hopey’s war chest. Unicorns are dancing in the Dust Bowl. Or would be, if my redneck neighbors hadn’t shot them.

  61. heroinmule

    The First Dude is going to go on a snowmobile trip of destruction to these advisors’ houses. That would make a great action movie.

  62. ph7

    Hey! Bill Kristol used the Lords name in vain to the evangelical Fox & Friends audience in the last 5 seconds of the clip! It’s all becoming unhinged!

  63. DustBowlBlues

    [re=169780]Rodney Badger[/re]: “where she will come in third behind Huckabee and Jindal, and then drop out.”

    Jindal, the sole bright hope in the Republipuke party, is now the official frontrunner for 2012. And the early frontrunner never, ever wins.

  64. accidental_tourist

    It’s hard to feel sorry for her when you realize she had been working her ass off self promoting – calling, writing, sending press kits to the McCain camp to be considered for the VP slot. It’s really NOT like he decided to take somebody down with him and chose an innocent Ellie Mae from the sticks of Alaska. She fought tooth and nail for this. The narcissistic little idiot had her big girl pants on the whole time.

    I never want to hear another thing about her, unless six months from now Amazon mentions she’s written a book – “Miss Wasilla’s Excellent 8-week Adventure.”

    overconfident:
    adjective
    marked by excessive confidence; “an arrogant and cocksure materialist”; “so overconfident and impudent as to speak to the queen”; “the less he knows the more positive he gets” [syn: cocksure]

  65. accidental_tourist

    Addendum: Hopey’s right – you really can become anything you want in America, even VP.

    Note to Palin: If you put in years of education, hard work, selflessness, and hire the best team in history. Even that’s not enough- you have to have “the gift.”

    See ya ’round goofy girl.

    There. Fixed.

  66. smellyal8r

    Thanks so much Jim. God help me, I get wood when I read process stories like this one. I know it’s always important who gets elected, but the behind the scenes stuff is the best (especially from the losers…the winners are much less interesting because they aren’t trying to save their own asses).

    As to Moose Queen, four years is a long time. She’ll be back and all this stuff will have been processed, defended in her two books: “Sarah!” and “Russia and the United States: A Treatise On Missile Defense and Vodka”. She wold have been awful as Veep and Walnuts knew it two weeks after he hired her. The American Voter is a pretty smart bunch. If the McCains knew in October it was ovah, they were happy to “accidentally” release all this information. Plus, I also think Walnuts was kinda in the tank for Hopey. That’s why he picked her. He no more wanted to be the guy who beat the black candidate than the man in the moon. It’ll be in his third book with Salter: “I’m Here Mr. Cronkite!”.

  67. Mahousu

    “[Scheunemann] was positioning himself with Palin …”
    OK, I’ve got the Kama Sutra open in front of me here. Which position do you think he was trying for?

    Personally, I vote for Jataveshtitaka, the “twining of a creeper.”

  68. freeradical

    I thank the PUMAs for Palin. After Hills lost, they sat down with McCain and said they would support him if he picked a woman vp. Then his crack-ass advisors convinced him she had to be from the wing-nut flavor of the party, and then he played put the tail on the elephant and stabbed Alaska.

    Thanks, PUMAs, for electing Hopey! Brilliant!

  69. Numbat Dundee

    The rats are clinging to the sinking ship and nibbling each others’ asses. They’ve failed Rodent 101.

  70. Guppy06

    You know, maybe it’s just me, but if I’m gonna be a Sekrit Campaign Insider who will be leaking to the gotcha media, I’d do it from my own, personal cell phone/blackberry/iphone/whatever. I mean, how else did they find him if not “Oh, look, the logs on the equipment we own shows emails/calls/smoke signals have been sent to MSM…”

  71. greensprout

    Winning quote from the freeper thread:

    “I get all of my news from Conservative websites (like here on FR) and 1. Rush, 2. Levin, 3. Hannity 4. some Boortz 4. and some Laura Ingraham.”

    i can haz higher quality public schools?

  72. answerbird

    Argh! I was actually hoping to get my life back, but this is far too interesting to watch. I can’t wait for the made-for-tv-movie. My prediction, she runs against Hopey and only carries Arkansas and Oklahoma.

  73. illnoise

    Speaking of FOX, PLEASE find the NPR All Things Considered transcript of Brit Hume whining about how savage and bitter Washington is, and trying to pretend FOX News Channel is a victim of the hate, and not the cause. We’ll miss you and your hanky, Brit. Eat me.

  74. robanybody

    If you put some mean dogs? in, like, a cage? and you shut the cage? and you put a ham sammitch you didn’t finish a few inches from the cage? and you leave the dogs in there with the sammitch for like a whole week? Well, it’s a trip, man, cause pretty soon you’ve got, like, a rotten sammitch and dog parts. Not that I’ve, you know, done that much or anything. But I know this guy.

  75. Politicalchef

    That update made my day!

    Freepers without Fox? Fox without Freepers? It is unthinkable! (actually, it sounds kinda like a great sitcom)

  76. WadISay

    Truly like something Dante saw in hell. But what it really needs is a little hard base, like a video of the debate prep, or a tape of Sarah screaming at her handlers, or even some catty e-mails. A tape of “Sambo beat the bitch” would be worth good money (which was actually prophetic).

  77. Unindicted Co-Conspirator

    [re=169784]hedgehog[/re]:
    Sorry, but you’ll have to pick a different Democratic woman.
    Granholm was born in the evil country of Canada.

  78. persiflage

    Holding my breath for the other shoe to drop: horribly incriminating surreptitious cellphone videos.

  79. messickc (ROLL TIDE!)

    Should I feel dirty about watching this repugnantcan implosion? I don’t… Just wondering if I’m normal.

    Keep it coming, Jim. This is my new crack!

  80. lampadadog

    Well, someone had to fall madly, irrationally in love with her before it was all over. I’m glad it was this Randy dude and not McCain himself.

  81. themightysea

    snarks aside, [re=169989]greensprout[/re]: — ain’t that the problem thar? I hate that the myth of the ‘liberal media’ has become such a meme that people actually dismiss news stories as biased. Not editorials, but the reportage of facts, mind you — biased? I read before the election that 23% of Texans thought Obama was Muslim. Not that that should matter anyway, but it just shows the depth of misinformation (and DISinformation). I really do try to stay informed and have no heroes or gods or villains in my political pantheon… the fact that large blobs of the country don’t like to do so makes me sadangryscared.

  82. Alex Trebeks Girl

    BIll Kristol: It’s terrible. No it’s not bad for Sarah.

    WELL WHICH IS IT BILLY? Asshole. It’s not disloyal to McCain. It boosts McCain … not by much though.

  83. LindsayBluth

    A great Freeper comment: “I haven’t watched FOX since I got disillusioned over the amnesty push by both Bush and McCain.”

    CURRENT EVENTS are liberally biased, why should Fox pay the price?

  84. Alex Trebeks Girl

    OH also…. Dear Steve Doocy: THERE IS NO CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT. IT IS A STAGNANT PUDDLE OF URINE.

  85. Herunar

    Wait, wasn’t there a report on newsweek about how Palin once went into a meeting with aides wearing only a towel? Would that explain her mysterious relationship with Scheunemann?

  86. goodluck/badluck

    Reed:

    Stephanie says that she wants to know
    Why she’s given half her life, to people she hates now
    Stephanie says when answering the phone
    What country shall I say is calling from across the world

    But she’s not afraid to die, the people all call her Alaska
    Between worlds so the people ask her ’cause it’s all in her mind
    It’s all in her mind

    Stephanie says that she wants to know
    Why it is though she’s the door She can’t be the room

    Stephanie says but doesn’t hang up the phone
    What sea shell she is calling from across the world

    But she’s not afraid to die, the people all cal her Alaska
    Between worlds so the people ask her ’cause it’s all in her mind
    It’s all in her mind

    They’re asking is it good or bad
    It’s such an icy feeling it’s so cold in Alaska,
    it’s so cold in Alaska, it’s so cold in Alaska…

  87. unnarrator

    Okay, so finally permitting my curiosity about WTH is a Freeper to get the better of me? I clicked on yer dang link, you half-breed Muslins. And I wound up on something called a “poetry” page. With, like, little animated graphics of dogs and shit.

    I now feel that Wonkette owes me a lot of money. A LOT. For irreparable psychic damages. Also for the fact that I just threw up down my favorite sweatshirt.

    At least now ALL YOUR REPUBLICAN BASE ARE BELONG TO US, you hillbilly freaks who cannot design webpages, nor would you recognize literature if it threw up down your sweatshirt. Muahahaha.

    You really, really, really should not link through to that website no more, though.

  88. gurukalehuru

    I don’t get it. What’s the big deal about answering the door wearing a towel? It’s not as if she were naked or anything, and it’s not as if Sarah Palin in a towel would be an unpleasant sight.
    Criticize her empty mind, or her wretched, bitter, petty, evil soul, but there’s nothing wrong with that woman’s body.

  89. Captain Swing

    Ohhh, what a shame. The Republicans lost the election; and they’re behaving the way all mendacious, self serving jackals do when they don’t get their way: They turn on each other- and they’ve got guns. Say hello to my little friend…

    Maybe there is something in this Karma business, after all.

    Keep the good times rolling, Wonkette. We’re feelin’ the love!

    (I have a feeling there is a certain newly promoted Senator from Chicago who is also having a quiet chuckle, but he’d have way to much class to admit it.)

  90. ServiceJervixJuice

    Whoa. Suddenly, I’m realizing it’s been a good six months since I last engaged in a bitter tirade launched at my long suffering computer monitor. That had been occurring with some regularity for many years…weekly, perhaps.

    And now, to see many of these hateful, bile spewing demagogues turning their nastiness on each other, and evidence of their frustrations and humiliations escaping from their carefully constructed facades, well, it’s deeply satisfying; I’m marinating in it. Pleasure this rich is rare and fleeting. The weight of years vanishes, if only for a while.

    I’m going to get up, clean the Cheetos™ residue from my fingers, exit my parents’ basement, and go outdoors and try to walk on the air…

  91. dougbob

    what will the wingnuts do without fox? perhaps they can paint pictures of rush on their teevees. and just about the time the boycott ends, they’ll tune back in to discover that their rabbit ears no longer work cause the obama muslims have made the broadcast networks change to digital.

  92. TGY

    I’m gonna break ranks and say it’s hard to tell where the truth lies. And truth is more interesting to me than lies, which are a dime a dozen, no matter how amusing. I suppose time will tell.

    Unless it’s recorded on youtube directly out of Sarah Palin’s mouth, of course, which is the gold standard for truth these days, as well as bikini models and retarded music videos.

    Bill Kristol may, of course, go eat a bag of dicks.

  93. proudcitizen

    Oh, I hope SP isn’t done yet. I really want to see her run in 2012. With Kitty as her VP choice. Jeebus, and you imagine all the boobs and laughs that will bring?

  94. proudcitizen

    [re=170139]TGY[/re]: It’s a damn shame no one had a video camera when SP was prancing around the hotel room in just a towel. On second thought, that might get her enough male votes to give her the 2012 election. Nevermind…

  95. ironyisoverrated

    What’s clear is that the 3rd grade class she referred to in the Veep debate really were her geopolitical prep team. It’s was just unfortunate for Palin that they hadn’t gotten around to Africa yet…Or Europe (Montreal, France)…Uh, or North America (NAFTA).

    But c’mon, who can be expected to keep track of all those – new vocabulary children! – C-O-N-T-I-N-E-N-T-S. At least she’s an expert on Asia (Can see Russia from her house…) and Australia (Those Koala bears are sooooooo cute!). Just don’t confuse her by mentioning that Russia also lies in Europe. And whatever happens, don’t under any circumstances mention Turkey. Her head might asplode…

    All I know is that I’m torn about Palin’s continued presence on the national stage. It’s tempting to root for Palin to cement her grip on the reins of the party since it will only erode their appeal even further, relegating them to second fiddle for a generation. On the other hand, when they stay away from legislating cultural affairs, a functional Republican party is a useful thing to have around. I even agree with them on some things. Que Sera Sarah.

  96. chelseabites

    Now that the election is over it’ll be interesting to see where things go and how the country recovers. I wonder how much attention will go to Sarah Palin. How much longer do you think she’ll be in the spotlight prepping for a run in 2012? People are still doing videos on her. Good or bad, she’s become somewhat of a pop icon.

    For instance, I found this video on dressing like Palin:

    http://www.mindbites.com/lesson/668-how-to-dress-like-sarah-palin

  97. Lord Humungus

    I loved that Fox News boycott thread. The best post included these gems:

    “It’s not a secret that 81% of Fox News reporters and employees donate money to the Democratic party – that’s a crazy high number for an allegedly conservative TV channel.

    It’s no secret to the gay community that Shepard Smith is “one” of them.

    It’s no secret that Fox News has really hot chicks and I’m tuning in just to look at them!”

    Translation: Fox News is run by a bunch of closet liberals, fronted by homersexules. And the only reason I watch is to get some masterbatin’ in with my news.

  98. liquiddaddy

    Palin reportedly said in response to the Trig’s-yer-grandson rumor, “what? do you want to see my stretch marks?”

    Personally, I would.

  99. zhubajie

    “…the hell are they going to watch instead?”

    Pro-wrestling; Japanese porn; old Ronald Reagan speeches.

    Zhu Bajie

  100. Snarkfest

    McCain knew he was losing to everyone but a bunch of neanderthals. He played the old out-of-ideas-and-at-a-complete-loss ad writers solution: “get some sex in there”
    In comes Palin.

    She knew
    She spent
    She dressed
    She make-upped
    She high-heeled
    She became exactly what they wanted – A Boobs and Botox Queen of Mean.

    Conservative use of Viagra went down 35% in the first week. That’s about 48 billion doses in Alabama alone.

    No one cared about brains until it became apparent that on the campaign trail she couldn’t play Cheney and had to open her mouth eventually.

    With this realization they all knew they were screwed.
    And not in the fantasy way they had with Sarah.
    oops

  101. CivicHoliday

    [re=207632]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: ditto. didn’t want to be left out of the Jon Swift commemorative 2008 blog.

  102. iwillsavethispatient

    [re=169773]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: Errr… that comment wasn’t me. Who’d steal my Wonkette identity? And WHY??

Comments are closed.