• May 25, 2012
PERSONNEL CHANGES

November 6, 2008

Meet Your New White House Press Secretary

by Sara K. Smith  

Congratulations!Ha ha, Robert Gibbs. The first time we saw him on the teevee, we immediately assumed that this smug chubby-faced white guy was a Republican. But whoops, no, he is a hilarious Democrat who grins his way through arguments with Sean Hannity and acted as Barack Obama’s communications director during the campaign. Now he will be the new Dana Perino. [Politico]

{ 96 comments }

ManchuCandidate November 6, 2008 at 10:44 am

When did Tom Arnold get into politics?

Terry November 6, 2008 at 10:46 am

A smug chubby faced white man who is a Democrat? Will wonders never cease? Then again, he probably doesn’t have any secret kinks that involve men’s rooms, text messaging, or meth, so he’s obviously a Dem.

Serolf Divad November 6, 2008 at 10:46 am

But will he be able to distract reporters by jiggling his man boobs? ‘Cause I’m worried he won’t be as effective as Perino.

AngryBlakGuy November 6, 2008 at 10:47 am

…who would have figured Scott Mcclellan would get his old job back?

jagorev November 6, 2008 at 10:48 am

This will be the whitest administration in history.

guangho November 6, 2008 at 10:48 am

Yes but is he a real American?

Serolf Divad November 6, 2008 at 10:49 am

[re=168747]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:
Actually, I was almost hoping… that would have been a nice “fuck you” to the Bushies, wouldn’t it?

norbizness November 6, 2008 at 10:49 am

Actually, he looks disturbingly like an older James Widdoes, aka Hoover from Animal House. Come to think of it, here’s a gigantic picture of present-day James Widdoes, hosted on jameswiddoes.org, the preeminent location for all James Widdoes-related information.

Gopherit November 6, 2008 at 10:49 am

[re=168744]Terry[/re]: That mkes him a minority, doesn’t it? Who has the big tent, now, rethugs?!!

Darehead November 6, 2008 at 10:50 am

Who Gibbs?

NoWireHangers November 6, 2008 at 10:51 am

Hopefully Gibbs will do what’s right for America and get a neck-tuck/waddle-suction. I can’t look at that neck roll for FOUR YEARS.

War Eagle November 6, 2008 at 10:51 am

I call on the American media to do the right thing: always show Dana Perino in a gauzy focus, like a teddy bear being given to a sick child or a rose at a funeral.

FreshCliches November 6, 2008 at 10:52 am

FUCK!

I had my money on the intrepid journalist Matt Drudge.

norbizness November 6, 2008 at 10:52 am

[re=168750]jagorev[/re]: Don’t worry, I have it on good information that Professor Griff will become head of the newly-created Department of Security for the First World. Thousands of S1Ws are massing on the White House lawn as we speak.

Yaybuls November 6, 2008 at 10:53 am

Gibbs is right for America…but not the Redskins.

Cape Clod November 6, 2008 at 10:54 am

And I was hoping that it was going to be Terrel Owens. I haz a sad.

Tommy Says Soooo November 6, 2008 at 10:55 am

I’m not gonna snark on anyone who slapped that bitch Hannity around. Nuh-uh.

AngryBlakGuy November 6, 2008 at 10:56 am

[re=168753]Serolf Divad[/re]: …hehehe, true! But the fact that I have been hearing Colin Powell’s name being thrown around as Sec. of Education is already a big “Suck it” to the Bushies. Frankly I would like to see Keith Olberman or Al Franken(if he loses) become the press secretary because it would make Bill Oreilly’s head implode like neutron star!

the cold war makes me hot November 6, 2008 at 10:56 am

he looks likes that Mike repg Bozo the Clown guy they have on Meet the Press.

WadISay November 6, 2008 at 10:56 am

Can they project a hologram of Dana Perino, but with Gibbs’ voice? I might find that attractive, yet disturbing.

Alex Trebeks Girl November 6, 2008 at 10:57 am

Oh this is awesome. He will answer to the a-hole right wing radio concerns. I can’t wait for him to say “Rush, just eat a cock with that cigar for once.”

donner_froh November 6, 2008 at 10:58 am

Gibbs — a 37-year-old native of Auburn, Ala. — became familiar to viewers during the campaign for his sunny steeliness

Sunny Steel–could be a male stripper name.

Sussemilch November 6, 2008 at 10:58 am

:( I wanted Henry Rollins.

BobLoblawLawBlog November 6, 2008 at 11:00 am

Well, shit. I’m gonna have to start listening to White House press conferences on the radio, rather than watching them on mute.

Whiskeybaby November 6, 2008 at 11:00 am

But…but…what about that all hottie administration Barack promised us? He picked Rahm just to tease us, and then follows up with a chubby white guy? He’d better pick Brangelina as joint secretaries of state or something, or I’m going to be pissed.

pattycake November 6, 2008 at 11:01 am

[re=168754]norbizness[/re]: My world is now complete: an Ivy League grad who can speak in complete sentences is assembling his White House team, and I have “Hoover” as my desktop image. It’s morning in America.

shortsshortsshorts November 6, 2008 at 11:02 am

[re=168783]Sussemilch[/re]: The endless poetry babbling that would ensue…..
Scary as hell.

JamesMichaelCurley November 6, 2008 at 11:02 am

Did anyone find out if Joe the Plumber found the correct voting precinct and did he finish reading the ballot question yet?

Lascauxcaveman November 6, 2008 at 11:04 am

Meh. He looks like a boyscout. I bet he can’t lie nearly as well as Tony Snow. OTOH, hopefully he won’t have to.

Maybe we could just open up the little service bay door on Perino’s back turn the little dial from “EVIL” a couple of notches over to “GOOD.”

Viva la Cynthia November 6, 2008 at 11:04 am

Oh, thank god. I think that any guy who calmly hands Hannity his own ass on a down-home southern platter deserves to speak all the time about everything.

AngryBlakGuy November 6, 2008 at 11:04 am

…if anyone actually listened to the right-wing racist, you would have thought “Lil Wayne” would be press secretary! Not that, that would be a bad idea.

pattycake November 6, 2008 at 11:05 am

[re=168783]Sussemilch[/re]:

I read that as “Sonny Rollins” and thought that was a pretty good choice too, if they could get Billy Cobham in on press conferences.

Viva la Cynthia November 6, 2008 at 11:06 am

[re=168783]Sussemilch[/re]: HOLY shit. That would be the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen! I would go to journalism school and become a White House correspondent just to sit in on those press conferences.

DoctorCulturae November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

Zenmaster Robert Gibbs at work with Sean “Guilt by Association” Hannity.

TGY November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

Woah, shit, that guy has balls. I don’t care what he looks like. He was smiling on inHannity to free his teeth for biting.

It will be a change from sock puppets.

jagorev November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

[re=168767]norbizness[/re]: Actually, he’s merging S1W with ACORN, Nation of Islam, the Black Panthers, Americorps, and the Village People to form that newfangled Civilian Service Corps they’re talking about. The revolutionary resistance, led by Doctor Professor Glenn Reynolds, LLD, is forming up in Galt’s Gulch as we speak, and advance agents Michelle Malkin and Pam Geller are on their way to inspect White Black House kitchen countertops.

donner_froh November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

[re=168789]Whiskeybaby[/re]: Angelina Jolie as Ambassador to the United Nations. It is past time this selfless worker in the vineyard of refugee assistance has gotten some recognition.

http://www.un.org/works/goingon/refugees/angelina_story.html

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2008/02/01-07/107mnunangelinajolieb400.jpg

Serolf Divad November 6, 2008 at 11:07 am

[re=168773]AngryBlakGuy[/re]:

Al Franken press secretary? That would be awesome! (Not as awesome as Senator Franken, mind you, but awesome nonetheless).

DoctorCulturae November 6, 2008 at 11:08 am

Oops, my bad. I didn’t check out the link first. Sorry Sara!

AngryBlakGuy November 6, 2008 at 11:08 am

[re=168796]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: …the ability to lie that well is caused by a brain tumor in a certain area of the brain.

Alex Trebeks Girl November 6, 2008 at 11:09 am

What is that GOLD PIN on his coat there? Is it a soviet commemorative pin? I sure hope so.

thecip November 6, 2008 at 11:11 am

press secretary: John Hodgeman

Darehead November 6, 2008 at 11:13 am

Another picture of Penguin Poindexter. Kinda cute.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2008/03/09/us/09obama.1.ready.html

FreshCliches November 6, 2008 at 11:13 am

Since Hannity was referenced in the story, and not that I expect it, but did anyone happen to see Hannity’s first show since Hopey won?

I missed it, and was sooo looking forward to the schadenfreude.

Serolf Divad November 6, 2008 at 11:16 am

[re=168813]Alex Trebeks Girl[/re]:

It’s a medal of the order of Lenin, I’m pretty sure.

jagorev November 6, 2008 at 11:17 am

[re=168816]Darehead[/re]: Obama obviously surrounds himself with comical looking white guys to enhance his own sexay. You might almost forget that he’s a geeky too-skinny college professor nerd.

Quacker November 6, 2008 at 11:17 am

Why not Charles Barkley? I don’t get it….

4tehlulz November 6, 2008 at 11:18 am

[re=168789]Whiskeybaby[/re]: Look, he’s trying to appeal to all fetishes. I’m sure one of his appointments will reflect your future proclivities, so be patient.

obfuscator November 6, 2008 at 11:18 am

[re=168779]WadISay[/re]: Just like Dr. Girlfriend.

4tehlulz November 6, 2008 at 11:20 am

*future appointments….

Darehead November 6, 2008 at 11:22 am

[re=168823]jagorev[/re]: Gibbs will be better for the comic artists than Barry.

rockstarjoe November 6, 2008 at 11:23 am

[re=168814]thecip[/re]: God that would be amazing. All the press releases would have SUDDEN CAPITALIZATION. And they would go on forever and involve hobo names.

Tommy Says Soooo November 6, 2008 at 11:26 am

[re=168808]donner_froh[/re]: She is already scheduled to sing Happy Birthday, Mr. President on Hopey’s next birthday.

FreshCliches November 6, 2008 at 11:26 am

[re=168823]jagorev[/re]: Until we meet Ambassador Billy Dee Williams.

TGY November 6, 2008 at 11:27 am

Also, sages say ‘don’t judge a book by its cover for some pr0n magazines come in a plain brown wrapper.’

demtard November 6, 2008 at 11:29 am

[re=168773]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I was thinking the same thing on Olbermann; it would be a real treat to keep track of the aneurysm/press conference ratio.

Darehead November 6, 2008 at 11:36 am

[re=168773]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Good idea. Or, here’s another one. Al Franken for Court Jester.

JeffGoldblum November 6, 2008 at 11:38 am

I thought Barry promised us Rip Taylor for Press Secretary?

Blue Line November 6, 2008 at 11:40 am

Not Ludacris? You mean the forward my racist relatives sent me was…wrong?

Rush November 6, 2008 at 11:40 am

Q. Mr. Gibbs, how many socialists will be in President Hussein’s cabinet

A. No comment.

heronimule November 6, 2008 at 11:41 am

I’m sure I’ll grow to hate him, but he gets 6 months free of criticism from me for that Hannity interview. Jesus, Obama’s whole campaign is about extricating liberalism from the clutches of the Boomer, New Left, smug idealogues in favor of governing by consensus yet Fox News ties him to the biggest, Boomer, Machiavellian turd of all, William Ayers? Yeesh!

Rush November 6, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=168849]JeffGoldblum[/re]:

“Mega Ditto’s” and a big, non-homosexual hug for the Rip Taylor reference.

jbd November 6, 2008 at 11:42 am

Sigh. I still miss Ari. No one else could lie, condescend, and entertain all at the same time he could.

And really, what else makes for a good press secretary?

frumious_bandersnatch November 6, 2008 at 11:42 am

[re=168783]Sussemilch[/re]: Right? How much would that rock? It would only take an hour or two before he’d hit the “Sit down and shut up, you twisted right-wing hack” point.

lawrenceofthedesert November 6, 2008 at 11:44 am

[re=168814]thecip[/re]: No, Hodgeman should be the Supreme Court spokesman, Justin Long the Obama guy. This is no time to cast against type.

Mr Blifil November 6, 2008 at 11:46 am

Balls in your court now Dana? You gonna sit there and take that shit? I’m betting she shows up to her next presser in nothing but a towel.

Scarab November 6, 2008 at 11:48 am

This confirms the rule; as the administrations lies get bigger, the press secretary must get better-looking,

Ari Fleischer > Scott McClellan > Tony Snow > Dana Perino.

Larry McAwful November 6, 2008 at 11:49 am

I can’t think of anyone better than Robert Gibbs to give hemorrhages to FoxNews and Washington Times reporters. I predict the first right-wing journalist will have to be hauled off, kicking and screaming, no later than April 9, 2009. I also predict that this tantrum will be recorded and remixed as a hit dance single.

jbd November 6, 2008 at 11:50 am

[re=168857]heronimule[/re]: No kidding. See: re: Ralph Nader.

Ok, seriously, I need to stop.

Moose tits! Biden in porn!

aleks November 6, 2008 at 11:52 am

[re=168824]Quacker[/re]: That’d be crazy.

Mista Eko November 6, 2008 at 11:59 am

I will withhold judgement until he discusses what obvious piece of American history he didn’t know to the Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me panel.

Hooray For Anything November 6, 2008 at 12:13 pm

[re=168817]FreshCliches[/re]: Hannity, who looked like he was on valium or something as he was pretty sedate, spent most of his time saying how Obama has to govern like a Republican and not the far-lefty Socialist radical that he is and that he’s afraid for America because Obama’s going to personally let Osama into the country to blow things up. He then interviewed a very sedate Karl Rove who also looked a little out of it, probably because he knows he’s three or four months away from prison, and– God help us– Joe the Plumber. Looks like Joe the Plumber is well on his way to being Joe the Fox News Douchebag.

Truculent November 6, 2008 at 12:14 pm

The new Dana Perino? Does this mean he’ll be a startlingly incompetent nincompoop liar? You’re filling some pretty big shoes here

MarSF November 6, 2008 at 12:15 pm

[re=168817]FreshCliches[/re]: I switched Hannity on for about two minutes last night. He was all like “the REAL Obama still has yet to reveal himself to America”. He “stands by” his rabid smears.

At that point I could not handle looking at his puffy, hate-filled face anymore so I changed the channel. Sad. Really fucking sad.

nuckingfutz November 6, 2008 at 12:15 pm

[re=168824]Quacker[/re]: Dudez, GNARLS Barkley. The Soul Sessions.

juan pueblo November 6, 2008 at 12:15 pm

anyone who can make hannity squirm like the worm that he is ,has my blessings.

InKnockYouUs November 6, 2008 at 12:19 pm

I just had, like, a blinding insight: there are actually going to be Presidential Press Conferences again. And I won’t have to turn off the tee vee to avoid Mr. Smug Monkey’s voice any more. So the Press Secretary will actually have something to do. Wow. The change part of this whole situation is beginning to sink in.

Itsjustme November 6, 2008 at 12:25 pm

YES! That’s one, now find a job for David Axelrod and I am farting more rainbows!

War Eagle November 6, 2008 at 12:33 pm

A 1989 grad of Auburn High? Probably the one who kept throwing beer bottles over my fence.

So, am I supposed to use this to warn or motivate our AHS 10th grader: “Son, if you do/don’t study….”

Das Storminator November 6, 2008 at 12:43 pm

That clip of Gibbs goading Hannity is great. That defines unflappable.

Itsjustme November 6, 2008 at 12:54 pm

[re=168918]MarSF[/re]: Saw the same thing, but I was thinking, could he be Walnuts, Jr.? He has that puffy thing going on.

ph7 November 6, 2008 at 1:04 pm

[re=168769]Yaybuls[/re]: What worse,Gibbs is pictured on Drudge right now wearing a Cowboys t-shirt…

problemwithcaring November 6, 2008 at 1:09 pm

[re=168857]heronimule[/re]: Yea. When I first saw the Gibb interview, I was all, “meh” – he didn’t yell out the right counterarguments and loudly enough. FAIL. It eventually dawned on me, though, that Gibb’s beguiling kindness was what could make someone like Sean Insanity go to bed with a really limp and angry dick. So I was pleased.

BobLoblawLawBlog November 6, 2008 at 1:15 pm

[re=168824]Quacker[/re]: That would be awesome, and would definitely beef up his “reaching across the aisle” creds. I would tune in to every single press conference, waiting for the loogies to fly…

Meth Lab for Cutie November 6, 2008 at 1:16 pm

[re=168915]Truculent[/re]: i thought “new Dana Perino” meant he had a penchant for double penetration.

Quacker November 6, 2008 at 1:19 pm

[re=168823]jagorev[/re]:
I think it would be fun if he grew a Trotsky goatee, and started wearing Malcom X glasses. Then he wouldn’t even need a press secretary – the stories would write themselves.

Doglessliberal November 6, 2008 at 1:21 pm

Bob is actually a nice, normal guy, with a lovely wife (a lawyer in Alexandria), and an adorable toddler (who he has barely seen for 2 years now). I think he is going to be great, and assuming Hopey doesn’t make him tell bald-faced lies, won’t have to write nasty tell-alls after he quits.

Quacker November 6, 2008 at 1:22 pm

[re=168855]Rush[/re]:

The correct answer is, “only you, sir!”

sezme November 6, 2008 at 1:38 pm

The fourth Bee Gee!

Obamaton November 6, 2008 at 1:52 pm

[re=168783]Sussemilch[/re]: Second. Move to the floor.

Itsjustme November 6, 2008 at 1:52 pm

[re=169094]sezme[/re]: Probably could have said, “The Living Bee Gee”

Truculent November 6, 2008 at 2:00 pm

[re=169038]Meth Lab for Cutie[/re]: That is disordered thinking. Not even for a hate fuck

Lemming Caution November 6, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=168929]InKnockYouUs[/re]: seriously – when the president gives a press conference, I won’t be flipping channels furiously, trying to erase the fact that I accidentally heard 2 syllables and my ears are bleeding.

sezme November 6, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=169136]Itsjustme[/re]: Harsh! Barry and Robin have also managed to stay alive (which you can tell by the way they use their walk, although they are women’s men and have no time to talk).

Itsjustme November 6, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=169310]sezme[/re]: I suppose that was a bit harsh. I just remember seeing the autopsy of one of them, and it read Blah Blah Gibb, an uncircumcised Male. After that, I never looked at the living Brothers the same. They are dead to me. ;)

Mel_David November 6, 2008 at 6:03 pm

Meh, I give Gibbs a B- for the Hannity video. The real obvious argument, which I guess it would not be politically expedient, is that unlike Hannity, Barack Obama actually seeks out and considers the opinions of people whom he doesn’t agree with on everything. That probably is too cerebral to play on Fox News, though.

Another fun one, but even more “whoosh” for the typical Fox viewer: Based on his rhetoric, which does Hannity think would be more destructive to America’s future – an abortion clinic bombing (or even another 9/11-level attack) or a country run on the principles of his close friend ALAN COLMES?

The American people need to know why Sean Hannity pals around with “journalists” who admire the political positions of Nancy Pelosi.

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