Add to Flipboard Magazine.

The Mac is back!It does not sound like John McCain is terribly bummed about losing the election. Who can blame him? Just 72 hours ago he was staring down the barrel of four terrible years of Congressional gridlock, war, an economic depression, and co-governing with an aggressively stupid wingnut who could not manage a clothing budget, let alone an actual budget. But now John McCain can reclaim his old mantle of Noble, Doomed Loser and spend weekends at his swank Sedona ranch, quietly throwing back some of Cindy’s sedatives and plotting how he will romance his way back into journalists’ (and America’s!) hearts.

It begins, of course, with ribs. And dry rubs.

He will cook a beautiful feast for his many journalist friends, and he will say he is very happy with how he ran his campaign and does not know how he could have done better. And then six months from now, he will publish yet another memoir, “co-authored” with Mark Salter, and he will admit in mournful, stuffy iambs how much he regrets sacrificing his Honor in his attempt to win the presidency.

“I made decisions unbecoming of the highest office, such as nominating a running mate who could not find North America on a map,” he will write, “and for this I am truly sorry, and pray that America may clutch me to her bosom once again; I am her humble servant; she is worth the fighting for; I am creeping you all out by talking about America like she is a lady.”

All will be forgiven as America once again remembers how John McCain is just like Robert Jordan, who gave his life in support of Communism’s noble cause. Then John McCain will retire and cook more ribs.

McCain at ease after loss [Politico]

Previous articleDrunk Pennsylvania Bitter's Post-Election Rage!
Next articleMeet Your New White House Press Secretary