NOOOOOBAMAWhile millions of FOX News viewers were busily fantasizing about the inevitable race riots that would leave Oakland, Philly, Detroit, and Chicago in smoking ruins following Barack Obama’s crushing defeat Tuesday night, nobody thought to wonder what would become of the bitter Klingons who might be sad if Barack Obama actually won. Well, here’s your answer: they get drunk and bite people’s noses and then just sort of … fall over.

A very angry old man in northeastern Pennsylvania got wasted in a bar Tuesday night because he did not support Barack Obama for president. This old gentleman drank so very much that he assaulted somebody with his cane and bit another bar patron on the nose and ended up on the ground, cursing. Fuck it we will just block quote the whole embarrassing tale:

Police were called to Pizzle’s Bar on Cherry Street at about 2:20 a.m. Wednesday for a man, identified as [Alexander] McKenna, swinging a cane at other patrons.

Police found McKenna on the ground yelling obscenities, the criminal complaint says.

Joe Blight and Ronnie Blight told police, the criminal complaint says, that they were inside the bar when McKenna began screaming obscenities about President-elect Barack Obama winning the presidential election.

McKenna walked across the bar and bit Joe Blight on the nose, and swung his cane at Ronnie Blight, according to the criminal complaint.

McKenna told police, according to the criminal complaint, that he was drunk and upset Obama won the presidency, and took out his anger on the Blight brothers.

The only way for President Obama to “heal this nation,” as he’s always promising to do, is to make Alexander McKenna the White House Chief of Staff. Rahm Emanuel will understand.

Police: Man assaults bar patrons over Obama win [The Times Leader]

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  1. McKenna told police, according to the criminal complaint, that he was drunk and upset Obama won the presidency, and took out his anger on the Blight brothers.

    Maybe he really just attacked the Blight Brothers because they haven’t had a top 20 hit since 1993s “Pestilence, Famine & My Baby.”

  2. I did this Tuesday night also, but it was more of a celebratory nose bite than a malicious one. Although the result was the same. It’s always the same.

  3. Election night I was so drunk on hope…and beer that I accidentally smacked my little toe going to the john. It’s all black & blue today and much more convincing to look at than Ashley Todd’s black eye.

  4. Instead of the selfish act rescuing a puppy from Cheney’s breakfast skillet, maybe the Obama’s could do more good in this universe by instead donating the cash to having an angry like this put to sleep humanely.

  5. Without ever stepping foot in the place, I can safely say I would never drink in an establishment named “Pizzle’s Bar”. I can just imagine a dank dive with pickled eggs on the bar that have been there for 15 years, the floor sticky with Schlitz and urine.

  6. robomad
    November 5, 2008 at 1:05 PM

    Comment on Article
    I don’t believe that this is the first and only instance of a bar-fight over some political issue or other. I’m only surprised that there hasn’t been more. But, to go to jail for expressing your political views?

    Christ, this guy already has his own Personal Concern Troll. This is gonna be a great eight years.

    In related developments: my (80-year-old) Mom gets told off yesterday at the Dunkin Donuts drive-through by her regular first-name-basis server for mentioning our new President-Elect. Hail to thee, O Bitterlandia.

  7. Cherry Street? I think that’s more in the Kensington/Fishtown/Frankford area. Despite regentrification, it’s still known as a white trash area. I don’t know about anyone else who’s from Philly, but I don’t consider that the Northeast. I live in the “greater” Northeast, which means that we’re closer to the suburb of Bensalem. The place I’m at isn’t that hot either.

  8. [re=168621]Lorax[/re]: I was going to go with Ralph Nader, but I think that’s only the hangover from last night.

    But then again, the picture also looks like that douchecanoe.

  9. This looks like an undergraduate theater arts assignment. …Present a conservative perspective on the Obama victory in a three minute, one act play…

  10. Pizzle’s Bar on Cherry Street?

    Best name and location of a bar EVAH!

    So much more appealing that the old Bull Penis Pub over on Hymen Avenue.

  11. Stupid bitterz. They should take a page out of Strom Thurmond’s book. No matter how much you hate Hopey, it’s an excellent time to congratulate your local descendent of Sally Hemings and offer them a hug to celebrate the “victory”. Copping a feel, some violent thrusting, and a Happy Ending for all concerned.

  12. I shout out loud
    And moon the crowd
    When I’m dancin’ on the bar
    Then go out to the parking lot
    And piss on all the cars

    Oh, you outta go with me
    When I go out drinkin’
    Always have myself a real good time

  13. Getting drunk in the world today
    Takes everything you’ve got;
    Taking a break from Obama
    Sure would help a lot.
    Wouldn’t you like to get away?

    All those times when you yelled about N@ggers,
    The hood is in the wash;
    And your little angel
    Got knocked up by the brown guy down the block;
    And Sarah didn’t wink at you;

    Sometimes you want to go
    Where you beat folks with your cane,
    And they’re always “glad” you came;
    You want to be where you can bit,
    Your rants are all so lame;
    You want to be where you beat folks with your cane.

  14. I think this is the guy who always bets newcomers in the bar that he can bite his eyeball. He wins the bet by taking out his fake eye and biting it.

    Then he bets he can bite the other one.

    He takes out his false teeth and bites the other one.

    Works every time.

  15. He must have been a regular, the only way he could’ve gotten those gums close to anyone’s nose without a kick to the thorax. And those peanuts on the bar used to be chocolate coated.

  16. [re=168686]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Nah, I know these people. My own family tree is, unfortunately, studded with these mouthbreathing knuckledragging lunatics (what with our Proud Viking Heritage and all.) He probably stuck with the classic: n*****lover. If he was still able to enunciate well, he might have also managed “race traitor.”

  17. [re=168680]Servo[/re]: If it’s western Pennsylvania it’s definitely Iron City Beer. Although Yuengling is always delicious. Rolling Rock is out because they were bought by the evil Anheuser-Busch cabal.
    Note to Anheuser-Busch: You DO NOT brew beer with rice!

  18. Dano – be SURE to see a doctor. Seriously. Bruised toes release all kinds of nasty marrow and fat chemicals into the blood stream, making it a big cause of heart attacks and strokes in healthy young people, (which I’m sure you are! and attractive!). See House episode season 4 with Mia Sorvino in Antartica. Serious, pls, see Dr.

  19. [re=168713]nurple[/re]: Thanks for the concern, but oops, no health insurance. Besides I never go to the doctor unless stitches are involved and even then the last time I had stitches I removed them myself to avoid a return visit. Seriously though, I’m practically indestructible.

  20. [re=168631]dano[/re]: You’ll probably be fine waiting to go to the doctor until Barry saves us all with universal health care. In that House episode, Mira Sorvino didn’t know she’d hurt her toe because she was numb and never took her socks off.

    I too have an election night injury, involving a champagne flute and a fat lip. Small price to pay!

  21. [re=168681]Weeping Jesus[/re]: Well, tell the rest of the joke: and then he bets the bartender a drink that he can piss all over the bar and not get it wet…

  22. How much do you wanna bet that Joe & Ronnie are a couple of hipster doofi who hang out in blue collar dive bars because it’s “ironic.” Or is “irony” still dead? I forget.

  23. Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo: We’re such libtard elitists, aren’t we?

    [re=168660]x111e7thst[/re]: I’m imagining this old “townie” bar at my elite socialist MAC-division college town that had no windows, old 70’s faux-wood paneling and a nasty plastic bucket of pickled eggs. However, you don’t mock the decor of a place with $.25 PBR pitchers when you’re a poor college student…LOL

    [re=168664]Licensed Analrapist[/re]: I would never judge a fellow fan of “Arrested Development” (a teevee show too elitist and intelligent for the average American to understand and thus was cancelled). Please forgive me if you were offended :)

  24. [re=168853]d4g33z[/re]: Last night was truly a historic occasion: For only the second time in her adult life, Michelle Obama was proud of her country!

    The big loser of this election is Colin Powell, whose last-minute endorsement of Obama put the Illinois senator over the top. Powell was probably at home last night, yelling at his TV, “Are you KIDDING me? That endorsement was sarcastic!”

    The winner, of course, is Obama, who must be excited because now he can start hanging out in public with Bill Ayers and Rev. Jeremiah Wright again. John McCain is a winner because he can resume buying more houses. nd we’re all winners because we will never again have to hear McCain say, “my friends.”

    After Bill Clinton won the 1992 presidential election, Hillary Clinton immediately announced that, henceforth, she would be known as “Hillary Rodham Clinton.” So maybe Obama can now become B. Hussein Obama, his rightful name.

  25. [re=168872]Servo[/re]: You’re some kind of rambling maniac, aren’t you? Your “arguments” don’t make any sense. You don’t respond to anyone with any kind of coherence. All you do is type idiotic, angry drivel. You truly need professional help.

  26. Not a lot of honesty in these comments — a lot of us have Pizzled at some ungodly hour when “late” and “early” merge meanings. A few of us have awakened one day and decided to Pizzle no more, and there are the McKenna’s who soldier on at the Pizzle, fearing no Blight brother and scorning the river of change just beyond the grimy window. The McKenna’s can be funny, surly, bothersome, but always they are sad. Surely there must be someplace else to go, but McKenna doesn’t remember.

  27. [re=168704]dano[/re]: Iron City lives right up to its name because it tastes just like Pittsburgh. If you don’t believe me, try licking the sidewalk the next time you’re in da Burgh. It doesn’t taste that much different.

  28. [re=168939]Servo[/re]: No começo de 1942, o Presidente Roosevelt anunciou o “Programa de produção para a Vitória”: 45.000 aviões, 45.000 tanques, 20.000 canhões antiaéreos, 15.000 canhões antitanques, 500.000 metralhadoras em 1942, e quase o dobro em 1943abril de 1943, com 30 divisões americanas (9 blindadas) e 18 britânicas (três blindadas), 5.800 aviões e cerca de 7.000 barcaças de desembarque

  29. [re=168643]gurukalehuru[/re]: Oh yeah, it’s for realz. In fact, that is my hometown yer talkin’ about! As I like to say, if a man and a woman in Wilkes-Barre get divorced, are they still brother and sister?

  30. It gets wierder by the minute .

    And thats why I am refraining from passing judgement in the form of opinon at this moment , because something is up , and I want to be sure about it before I relay it .

    Now I’m not one for Doom and Gloom , but I’d say we have a major problem in the works here .

    Remember , I am no republican , in fact after this debacle I am dumping republicans , I have always been a member of the conservative movement and a Reganite.

    And it would’t surprise me if we have a Conservative Union candidate running in the next election outside of the GOP .

    There is much talk about organising a conservative party, and when that happens I’m going there .

    The GOP has a huge hole in it’s hull after this elelction and will be on the dry dock for quite a while .

  31. PA is full of places like that bar. Makes me think of the Peanut Bar in downtown Reading, PA.

    Don’t you remember Joe Biden talking about Pizzle’s on the campaign trail? “My dad would go to Pizzle’s, literally, every night after working his hardscrabble job in Scranton. And when he would come home, he’d say, ‘Champ, some day you will run for Vice-President on the same ticket with a guy who will piss my relatives off so much, Champ, that when he wins, they’ll get into bar fights in Pizzle’s.’ And, literally, he would go to that bar, Pizzle’s, every day after work so that some day, he would move me and Ma Biden and the rest of us to a hardscrabble job in Claymont, Delaware, so that I would literally become a United States Senator and take the train to Washington literally every night after work.”

  32. [re=169048]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]:
    ….wow…your starting already?…you spent years tearing down every republican…lieing/spining every issue into a world ending terror against bush and the right…breed a culture of fear and hatred towards the man and the right….and now that your guy is gonna be the end target of these critical comments…you want it to stop?….lol…..LOL….no my dear…you guys showed us the play book…now its our turn to be on defense, becouse YOU just RAMRODED AN EMPTY SUIT USING FEAR/WHITEGUILT/SLOGANERING into the white house based on YEARS OF HATRED AND FEAR YOU AND THE SUBJECTED THE WORLD AND AMERICA TO…and now you want it to stop becouse your guy has some VERY SERIOUS WORLD CLASS HOLES IN HIS ABILITY/PROMISE PACKAGE?!?!?! lol…no my friend, it goes on…the first example of a obama presidency is starting now, the stock market is TELLING YOU what it thinks of obama and his economy crushing free check Tax Busting promises…and we all have to suffer under it…so on it will go…

  33. [re=169074]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: all righty then…
    Christian moniker for profile? check.
    Bad grammar/spelling? check.
    ‘Liberal’ use of caps? check.
    Somehow blaming Hopey for a drunken schlub biting another in the nose at a bar inexplicably named after a dog treat made out of dried steer penises? checkity-check-check-check.

    Freeper has been PWNED.

  34. [re=168870]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Do you need us to hold your hair back as you puke up every trite paranoid delusion you’ve decided to swallow for the past 8 years? Go ahead, heave, let it all out… Just don’t forget to brush your teeth afterwards, nobody likes hackneyed talking point puke breath.

  35. [re=169074]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]:
    “You’re some kind of rambling maniac, aren’t you? Your “arguments” don’t make any sense. You don’t respond to anyone with any kind of coherence. All you do is type idiotic, angry drivel. You truly need professional help.”

    Are you sure you don’t wanna rescind that remark?

  36. [re=169199]PoliTacky[/re]: More idealistic, idiotic blathering. Wants to increase PROGRAMS( Please people whenever you see that word realize that great expense and failure is coming!)that have not worked, cost enormous amounts of money, will never work due to the nature of programs and have lead to this nations decline.
    Social programs don’t work due to the fact that they are impersonal and require no responsibility on the part of the recipient and therefore there is no gratitude on the part of the recipient and engenders a sense of entitlement.
    Of course we have not learned from history therefore we will continue to make the same mistakes. People are so easily wooed by well-meaning but misguided politicians like Mr. Obama. They are like pied-pipers. People are entranced and follow along. Why? Because it SOUNDS SO GOOD. We get all righteous and do goody when we hear the pipers flowery words. They sound good but they are actually immoral. They always end up hurting the people they were designed to help and usually does so for many generations. Warning! Warning! Obama for president! Disaster waits. The only problem is the realization of the disasters of some presidents sometimes takes decades to realize. You have been warned. Impending disaster.

  37. [re=169257]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Oops, I think you got some puke on your shoes this time… Do try to hit the bowl, please, Wonkette is on a budget and there’s only the bare minimum of cleaning staff.

  38. [re=169257]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: Do you mean like Sunday School programs or Christmas programs? Hear hear! They cost a fortune and usually end in epic disasters. Thank you for spreading the word!

  39. [re=169257]JESUS IS LOVE[/re]: You know nothing of my work.

    Loaves and fishes? That was a program.

    Fishers of men? Program.

    Turning the other cheek? Program, but it had to do with those cheeks, and thy rod and thy staff.

    My flowery words? People read ’em every day. Dad damn, they even form study groups….which is another program.

    I cast thee to the fiery lake of Crawford!

  40. I had a similar incident in Northeast Florida. After the pre-party reception, the VIP lounge, the concession speech, the bad ass victory speech, shots and more shots, I went to another bar and then to a local greasy spoon for a celebratory breakfast. Ater the waitress happily asked our party if we were celebrating the election of President Obama, a bitter at an adjoining table started mumbling “communists” semi-under his breath. I’m normally a uniter kind of girl, but I just couldn’t resist. And said, “you don’t know what a communist is, dumbass” It escalated from there. As I smiled smugily my 2 very large, very drunk, very pissed off, union building tradesmen escorts whipped off their sports coats and scared the shit out of the dumbass. The police were called. The bitter left. And then a vision of Hopey rode into the resturant on a unicorn, and we all sang Kumbaya. THE END

  41. Hey, I met that guy Tuesday night, only he was a short, 25-year-old girl who told me I was only being agreeable to her because she was “hot” (I’m a generation older, so it was kind of a moot point) and who also told me she was gay, I think, because she was so drunk she was holding onto the bar with both hands and it was kind of hard to understand her. Also, I don’t hear so good because I’m, as mentioned, old.

    Call me!

  42. Nobody must forget the shamefull, vile, hateful ways in which McCain and Palin tried to win this election. They appealed to the scum of society by invoking hateful words like “terrorist” based on dishonest, distorted, vague words like “association”, “connection”, etc,. Not to mention the last minute robocalls and Rev Wright ad. As McCain rally videos show, he inspired ignorance and hatred in many of his supporters.

    McCain is an angry, shameful shell of a man and his presidency would have been one marked by fear, violence and uncertainty. America chose the right candidate for president, the only viable candidate who will make US international relations more peaceful: US President Barack Obama

  43. Since this is such an undoubtedly historic event, maybe we should immortalise Obama by adding his face to Mt Rushmore? Looks like we could squeeze him in between Roosevelt and Lincoln

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