obama's mystery puppy

Obamas Will Adopt Precious Rescue Puppy, Destroy American Businesses

This is a German Shorthair Pointer rescue puppy, it eats arugula.Oh look at those Obamas once again “doing the right thing” and being decent or whatever. The terrorist cell “PETA” just sent us this email, claiming that “Obama and his wife, Michelle, have announced that they will adopt a rescued dog for their daughters instead of patronizing a pet store or breeder.” Oh la dee dah, President Hopes-a-lot, going to save an innocent puppy (probably a “street organizer” single-parent puppy) from euthanasia while shutting down Joe the Breeder’s puppy mill, HENGHH?

Last night, of course, Barack Obama promised his daughters they would finally be getting that puppy, which will live with them, in the White House, because Barack Obama is the president-elect.

But instead of supporting the grim Puppy Mill trade with its muck-eyed pet-store spawn, the Obamas are going to get a rescue dog — you know, a stray at a shelter or an abandoned animal rescued by one of those nice rescue-pet groups. Barack Obama is, so far, the first American president who can make reasonable people cry with his family’s choice of a house pet.

Obamas’ first puppy: ‘Homeless animal’ [Chicago Tribune Swamp]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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145 comments

  1. bearbait

    I have an aging, leaky, allergy prone Lab I could donate.

    Not really, that was mean. She loves me. She does tend to leak a bit though.

  2. AnnieGetYourFun

    I have a mostly retarded Pekingese who would LOVE to wee-wee all over the White House lawn. I’d be willing to part with him in exchange for having Michelle Obama as my gay lesbian lover.

  3. bigfakesmile

    quit playing near the tank PETA, everyone knows you want to discontinue pets altogether. jerks.

  4. BillyClubb

    They will probably adopt a stray Boston Terrier — you know, half black and half white. And then the dog will probably pee on the Oval Office carpet just to show that he doesn’t like to be patronized, or “rescued”.

    Poor dog, to be treated so badly.

  5. Carrie_Okie

    I can’t snark here. Pet stores are the equivalent to child-pr0n-enema-cockfight-snuff-film-pits.

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    Why didn’t Barry get an Afghan Hound to support his muslin terrorist puppy mill friends.

  7. shortsshortsshorts

    PETA IS FUNDING TERRORISTS.
    In 1977 WILLIAM AYERS got a puppy from a pet adoption program. This was also the same type of way that Barack HUSSEIN Osama plans to get his pet. CONNECTION? Yes.
    PETA, Bill Ayers and Barry will all be having secksietime, and PETA is going to film it all. WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!

  8. donner_froh

    It must be the same to all rescued puppies–going from a life of hunger, cold and pain to having enough to eat in a warm house surrounded by nice people–but some animal is going to hit the puppy lottery.

  9. Itsjustme

    Those girls are too cute already. Now I have to deal with them playing with a “shelter” puppy. I may implode.

  10. NewSpence

    Next up, turning the South Lawn into an organic farm growing vegetables for the homeless.
    Really.

  11. nietzscheprojectile

    [re=167983]lawnchair reactionary[/re]: Because you can only get them from terrible pony mills. Obvs.

  12. miss_emish

    Aw Hopey, you continue to completely yank the shit outta my heartstrings. I am a hopeless mush when it comes to doggies, rescue doggies especially. P.S. are they really adopting THAT particular puppy….because oh lord German Shorthairs are the handsomest little devils.

  13. Truculent

    He’s probably looking around for a REDbone hound. Bill Ayres can probably hook him up. Or a Chinese Crested. Anyone recall what kind of dog Stalin and Kruschev had?

  14. donner_froh

    Reading to the bottom of the Tribune story one finds this kicker:

    You might also be interested in:

    Barack Obama’s grandmother has died

  15. TalentedButHumble

    [re=167981]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I got nuttin’ in the Department of Snark either. Earlier today I was actually hoping they’d this very thing.

  16. Dave J.

    Whatever they get, I hope they name the puppy ‘Lil Bill Ayers, and let it shit all over the Pentagon.

  17. Giant Robot

    I want Nate Silver to start running models immediately on all the sites running dog breed polls..

  18. Truculent

    Housebreak the puppy on all the leftover official Dick Cheney photos. And give it David Addington’s balls as a chew toy

  19. Numbat Dundee

    [re=167965]Darehead[/re]: They can adopt an Afghan puppy, and if it pees on the carpet the girls can bomb it to make it free.

  20. Godot

    Rescue puppies are the absolute best. I got one about a month after Barry announced his candidacy and he has since become my very best buddy.

    BTW I wouldn’t count on them getting a particular breed if they’re getting a puppy from a rescue shelter. Those dogs are all unwanted mutts, which means this puppy will probably be healthier and more even-tempered than a purebred dog of well-documented lineage. Hmmm, sounds like a president-elect I know of! And a presidential loser I also know of!

  21. frumious_bandersnatch

    Well obviously, Barry’s evil plan is to solve the country’s problems by drowning all Real Americans in a weltering tidal wave of tenderhearted liberal tears.

  22. wheelie

    This note sent from Dick Cheney’s office today:


    Mr President Elect,

    A puppy arrived today at the White House with your name on it.

    Thank you for a most unexpected pleasure.

    It was delicious.

    Yours etc,

    Dick Cheney

  23. blinky_twinkie

    I said something on Wonkette earlier about The First Puppy this morning and one of you filthy gorgeous smartasses said that they should get a pitbull and name it “Lipstick.” <3

  24. StupidGeek

    The cuteness of that arugula-eating puppy makes me want to die of happiness. Barry is already making everything better. I knew he could do it.

  25. StripesAndPlaids

    [re=167960]bearbait[/re]: I feel your pain. Try diethystilbesterol (DES). My dog has the same problem. The vet gave her these estrogen supplements. The help strengthen the vaginal sphincter. I think it is hysterical that my dog is on estrogen supplements. She supports hopey because she is going through the change.

  26. problemwithcaring

    Yea, but Joe Biden’s new dog will be genetically pure and bred from the most elitist and efficient puppy mill ever incorporated in America, so eat shit PETA.

  27. HedCase

    i originally heard it was going to be a labradoodle. which sounded so elitist. but a rescue dog is just plain pretentitious (i have 2 rescues who are spoiled rotten)

  28. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=168073]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Well, she’s already accustomed to being forced to sit on the floor during family photos, I guess.

  29. Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo

    They need a dog that’s big enough as a puppy to humprape Barney on his way out the WH doors. Barney can then heal his ass with his tongue when he finds himself dumped on the side of whatever highway goes from Washington to northern Paraguay.

  30. Pat Pending

    I’ve heard the that the Obama cuteness duo have allergies, so they may be limited in their dog choices. It’ll probably be a poodle or something. Maybe they can adopt Tony Blair.

    Perhaps the First Dog’s first action will be to have a little accident on that damn rug the Current Occupant is so damn proud of…

  31. Custerwolf

    [re=168071]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: I say try Proin (phenylpropanolamine) – estrogen can have undesirable side effects (your dog may start looking like Joe Lieberman). I have 3 old dogs on it and they are leak free…..

  32. Norbert

    the more I hear about these damn Obamas, the less I like them. hopefully, they will do the right thing and strap the little beast to the roof of AirForceOne

  33. NoWireHangers

    [re=168077]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Oh, wait a minute. I thought you’d typed:

    Well, she’s already accustomed to being forced to shit on the floor during family photos, I guess.

    Apparently, I’m horrible.

  34. WadISay

    Slightly O/T, but does Hopey plan to make the obligatory heart-warming nostalgia tour to his home village in Ireland?

  35. NoWireHangers

    [re=168103]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Thank you. I really try, but some days I just don’t know. You know?

  36. Garyosu

    [re=168080]Pat Pending[/re]: Oh come on man, not on the rug. That rug really tied the room together.

  37. Meth Lab for Cutie

    [re=168076]HedCase[/re]: labradoodles were bred to solve the allergy problem. and you can probably find them at a shelter in DC, i got a stray lab at the humane society.

  38. Doglessliberal

    [re=168005]NewSpence[/re]: totally should do that

    and Ken, of course he eats arugula. He is a dog. He eats anything first, then figures out if it is edible. He would eat the arugula, barf it up, and eat it again. This is the dog way

  39. robanybody

    If President Barry (I love saying that!) is really this cushy googly socialist puppylover, how’s he gonna stare down Putin when he comes back-flipping over the Alaska tundra to do his nasty business? Hell, Sarah Palin shoots puppies and has em stuffed and mounted on Trig’s wall, and McCain’s for sure eaten his share.

    Do they have voting do-overs? I’m scared.

  40. MrsNateSilver

    How come no one’s made a joke about getting an afghan hound yet?

    Just, reading over the comments and — oh wait, 100000000000 people already have. My bad.

  41. redcoat99

    I don’t understand your american electoral system. If he’d lost, how many puppies would he have killed exactly?

  42. chascates

    We’ll probably be teated to 8 years of the girls playing with the dog on the White House lawn. As well as heartwarming Christmas parties. What kind of family IS this?

  43. Claudette

    >>Barack Obama is, so far, the first American president who can make reasonable people cry with his family’s choice of a house pet.

    Not true, Chelsea Clinton got a dog from the pound in DC and listed her residence as “Public Housing”

  44. CooterMarie

    Seriously, he might think about toning it down. I’m pretty close to swooning here. And he’s setting impossibly high standards for men in America. This is new territory for me, I have a serious crush on the President-Elect. Never thought that would happen.

  45. Truculent

    “Now Clark he’s got a little Tennessee leg hound in ‘im. Once he gets started it’s best just to let him finish.”

  46. chascates

    [re=168136]MrsNateSilver[/re]: Not that I think the Bushs would be a good family for any pet but has anyone noticed that NO Bush is ever seen riding a horse?

  47. palmerdawg

    [re=168073]SayItWithWookies[/re]:No! I would let her slide, she’s a darky like hopey. she’s a undercover liberal, until she do or say something stupid.

  48. Dreamer

    Hurray for “street organizer” dogs! Since he is not bringing a gangsta dog to the White House wingnuts don’t need to increase their stash of guns.

  49. youknew

    I really just hope the dog is all white. White ALL over. That would be great.

    Especially if it was a girl and they named her Lady.

  50. rocktonsammy

    Does our president- elect keep his promises or what?

    Starts with his kids, next our nation.

    RIGHT ON!!!

  51. Alex Trebeks Girl

    Oh my god. Chris Matthews SUCKS. He just said on MSNBC “there will be no Monicas or Katrinas”.

  52. Darehead

    Now every kid in America is demanding a puppy. What happened to video games, paint thinner and drugs?

  53. FreshCliches

    [re=168131]chascates[/re]: They’re a family who has daughters too young to become drunken sorority LNS twats. It’s change we can believe in.

  54. Dr. Zoidberg

    A puppy, huh? When can we expect the first Faux News breaking story about Obama’s hatred of cats?

  55. FreshCliches

    [re=168164]Darehead[/re]: All have been relocated to Wasilla. It’s the invisible hand of the free market.

  56. commiegirl

    Shit, that totally didn’t make me cry. I am all cried out. George Fucking Bush made me cry this morning. About 15 minutes ago, I cried over the girls’ Secret Service names. (Radiance and Rosebud! Now try not to cry!)

  57. smellyal8r

    Yes, yes. Hopealicious indeed. Here’s the acid test: where will those girls go to school. The age-old Clinton discussion will come up, but I’ll bet a hunnert bucks to my local dog shelter that those girls will be at Sidwell Friends or some other high end DC private school (with good values, blah, blah, blah). There is no way Michelle will let them go to DC public schools. As to the dog, shelter dog? Really? Hmmmm….I’d suggest they get it in Chicago. God only knows what crack house a DC foundling dog would come from.

  58. smellyal8r

    [re=168219]commiegirl[/re]: Make sure you get some fresh air tomorrow dear. Decompression can be difficult and you need to keep it together until the next big crying time on Jan 20.

  59. robanybody

    Oh you peoples, you’re always so snarky and mean, but throw a puppy in there, and an Obama kid or two, and maybe the end of a long, dark night of horror, and your fuzzy little soft sides puff out like dust bunnies from under the bed, and it’s a big weepy huggyfest.

    YOU make me cry. All of you. I love you, and you, and you in the corner over there with your finger up your…. I even love YOU.

  60. schvitzatura

    And our little girl Sasha, the seven year old, named it “Checkers.” And you know, the kids, like all kids, love the dog, and I just want to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we’re gonna keep it.

  61. OffTheRecord

    [re=168219]commiegirl[/re]: Now I am crying again. I have cried about 15 times today. It is time for him to start screwing up so I can stop being so damn happy.

  62. Mr Blifil

    Not to be outdone, Sarah Palin has decided to get a puppy for Trig, although they are vowing to adopt only AFTER the puppy has been gassed.

  63. DemmeFatale

    Our little rescue boy, Yogi, is a Yorkie+?, and he doesn’t shed. Shelters are filled with fun combos of non-shedding dogs.
    This just gets better and better.
    *sniff*

  64. HeyHey

    Leave the cute O daughters and their cute new puppy alone!

    They deserve some private joy after this long, long race.

    Especially since they were great throughout the whole juggernaut.

  65. davesnothere

    [re=167969]One Yield Regular[/re]: Right on! I hear that all the time, now I finally know what it means.

  66. crh86

    [re=167997]donner_froh[/re]: Yay! I just became a rescue dog foster mom, and I can vouch for how rewarding it is to give these furry loving creatures a warm and happy home. Barack, could I love you any more?

  67. Snarkfest

    [re=168136]MrsNateSilver[/re]: Yep – and right now there are a lot of horses who families couldn’t afford to feed anymore – with the price of hay and feed doubling and even tripling this year because of petroleum price gouging.

    So these families and kids have had to let their beloved horses go- unfortunately many to auction houses- where kill buyers pick them up cheap for transport to Mexico or Canada to the horse slaughter. A horrendous death for such an intelligent animal. Thanks oil barons and investment bankers- there’s one more reason you are going straight to hell.

    We rescued one from Auction – starved down to less than 500 lbs. But he is lovely now, and sweet, and follows us like a puppy.
    Here he is – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDNaMLAl844
    I made this for a nice lady who may want him as a light use riding horse and wanted to see his movement, which is beautiful.
    So if you want a horse – make sure and check the rescue foundations first.

  68. the invisible woman

    [re=168058]Godot[/re]: 1. Your mammy avatar and your outdated (by a few centuries) comparison of biracial people to dogs are both offensive in a stupid, annoying way, not in a clever sardonic way. Wait, Godot, are you Ralph Nader? Are you going to call Obama an Uncle Tom now?

  69. Custerwolf

    Thank you Snarkfest – abandoned horses (and pets of all kinds)are becoming a very real issue here in WA because of skyrocketing hay prices.

  70. Custerwolf

    A HUGE shout out to Californians for passing Prop 2 which spares farm animals from unnecessary abuse.

  71. the invisible woman

    New Dog Names suggested on NBC:
    1. They already got Bark Obama
    2. Abrahound Lincoln
    3. Lipstick (if pittbull)

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