Wonkette
Wonkette fishwrapper operative “Alicia” writes to us about the unusual demand today in Washington for wads of cheap paper covered in ink: “The Washington Post sold out of its run this morning. They apparently are doing a second run because right now there is a line around the block to buy more editions of today’s paper. The line goes up 15th and has wrapped around M Street.” The year is 2008, and people are waiting in long lines to buy a daily print newspaper that is available for free on the Internet.
It’s the same situation in Chicago, too. Wonkette newspaper office loitering operative “James” sent us the picture above with this note: “Crowds of people in Chicago Tribune lobby, buying copies of the newspaper that declared Obama the winner. Tribune had to print extra copies.” Do you get that? People are waiting in public for new newspapers to be printed in Chicago, too. It is a national phenomenon.
This is what Americans do whenever anything historical happens. On 9/11, for example, many a New Yorker’s first reaction to skyscrapers collapsing everywhere was to search day and night, hither and yon for a copy of the New York Times.
But within days, these souvenirs inevitably always find themselves dusted and crumpled in dark, mildewy corners of our American Basements. This is a true fact. The stench of the Denver Post your editor bought the morning after Obama’s convention speech, for example, has begun emanating into the kitchen.
We’ll take screenshots of the Washington Post website, which don’t smell. Ha ha just kidding we will take no screenshots of a newspaper website, ever.
Haha. I’m one of the few subscribers who didn’t have to suffer in these lines. Support the lazy media!
There is something satisfying about HOLDING the paper. I wanted to steal a poster off the wall at the college campus where I work, but the damn kids beat me to it. I bet if Truman had the internet, he’d still want to grip that paper and wave it over his head.
I went to three Starbucks this morning but could not find a copy of the NY Times. And I just don’t give a rat’s ass about my local paper.
I get the paper WSJ delivered, and I was just thinking of buying a copy each of the NYT, NYPost, and Daily News on my way home. But now I’m going to go cut myself instead. This is all your fault, Jim Newell, because you hate happiness.
Where will I still be able to buy the nytimes?
My Dad called me today, asking if I could track down a copy of the NY Times for him. Lines went around the block at NYT headquarters, with people waiting for their welfare newspaper rations.
Maybe I’ll pick up an El Diario and tell him to learn Spanish.
You’re right, these kind of souvenirs always fade and mildew. But it’s not too late for an “Obama Wins” tattoo.
Head to your neighborhood campaign office today, folks. I got me a big ‘ol stack of posters that were headed for recycling!
PerhapsSo: Hoarders should be shot.
There isn’t a Chronicle to be found in Sodom today, either. There are many unhappy fields that used to have trees right now.
I’m on a waiting list at Barnes and Noble. I fucking knew I should have stolen my neighbor’s paper this morning. Damn damn damn!
miss_emish: Nah, he would have just written “FAIL” over a screenshot of the headline and posted on on various message boards as “hbombharry”.
I think Americans just LIKE standing in lines. I mean, how else can you explain the draw of places like Disney World. The fact that some people had to stand in lines to vote just reinforced to them how important it is. I never thought of buying a NY Times today. I only buy it on Tuesday for the Science Times.
Speaking of the press, Wonkette is really cranking out the articles here. But will we still love you tomorrow?
I noticed all the Wash. Post dispensers were empty everywhere this morning. I was wondering if O’Reilly got his wish and they went out of business….
Scrapbooking: America’s OTHER national pastime!
I’ve gotta get a newspaper for my Hope Chest.
InKnockYouUs: I think Americans just LIKE standing in lines.
Uh oh, Obama really IS bringing socialism to America!
People have a sense that this is the last great thing America will ever do.
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: I commute on the subway every morning, and I need current, topical reading material for the ride, so I hate paper-stealers. May God have mercy on your morning-ruining soul.
My Starbuxes were also all out of the daily NY Times. I’m getting a commemorative copy of the SF Chronicle which is pretty much a crap rag every other day, but today went for the win with a full-page photo of Himself at the rally last night. I’m a book-slut.
No newspaper memento for me, just the screenshot I took at 11:07 ET or 4 am local time here, which I showed to some vacationing American Wonkette fans who called in to my place to watch the election. For some reason, it brought tears to my eyes.
I cannot find a fucking copy of the LA Times, anywhere. I may storm their building after work.
jagorev: See, I saved you money. Now you can pay your mortgage. COLLECTIVE SACRIFICE.
wheelie: That’s an awesome pic. Thanks for sharing.
I was gonna buy a newspaper, but instead I chopped down a tree and read the internets.
tunamelt: Statesman, all gone. Bastards were buying 5 at a time. This is Hopey’s first economic win!
My roommate brought home the Times, Post and Daily News, which I think is lame because when you peruse them years from now when they are all yellowed and wispy, it’s not going to remind you of the day Hopey won. It’s going to tell you how fucking old you are. “Yes, kids I was alive back when they still had newspapers. For real!”
Fox News crawler: Menacing crowds of Blacks gather at newsstands in the wake of Obama’s election.
jagorev: Hey! I didn’t actually do it, I just considered it thoughtfully.
For $20 you can buy a copy of today’s Chicago Sun-Times on eBay. God bless America…
http://cgi.ebay.com/Barack-Obama-Chicago-Sun-Times-11-5-Newspaper-New_W0QQitemZ220307238893QQcmdZViewItemQQptZCollectibles_Paper?hash=item220307238893&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205|66%3A2|65%3A12|39%3A1|240%3A1318
WadISay: About to be joined by a meancing White Girl.
I saved a cache file of the Wonkette page this morning, for my grandchildren to view.
Itsjustme: Someone in my office stole the paper we get delivered, too, which is bad since I’m supposed to use it for clippings. Assholes.
If the New York Times has any sense at all they’ll start selling a commemorative framed edition of today’s paper for $400 a pop.
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: So that’s who got my Detroit Free Press this morning. The Freep is a lousy paper but their website is horrible beyond words–I still have my old persons addiction to physical objects.
I couldn’t find one Los Angeles Times this morning. Stupid Sam Zell.
Newspapers could really carve out a niche industry by printing commemorative editions of banner headlines THE PEOPLE WANT TO SEE, like “Joe the Plumber Eats Bag of Dicks” or whatever. I would totes buy one of those.
spinsLPs: I have the same problem. Want to storm the building with me at about 5:00?
tunamelt: That gives me an idea.
I bought copies of the Seattle Times and Seattle P-I this morning from those little vending mabobbers. They jacked up the price from 50 to 75 cents, however, the stupid little machine didn’t know that. Hopey souvenirs for a $1!
I got The Korea Times. Does that count?
Just imagine how many papers would still be sitting at newsstands if Walnuts! had won. So, again - Barry’s already saving the economy.
my local paper in new zealand had a full page front page photo of barry. not sure if that counts either.
Well, I’m sorry they hate The Earth so much.
Here’s a collage (from the tubes!) of a bunch of front pages, with a hopey slogan laid over the top:
http://urbzen.com/2008/11/05/its-over/
blinky_twinkie: I just bought a copy of the Chicago Tribune for $9.99 on eBay. I guess I’m just hopeless for Hopey.
You cannot find a god damned newspaper in the City of Chicago. Someone stole my paper this morning before I left for work, so I stopped in a couple of news stands to buy a paper, no one had any. Every singe vending machine is empty. Shit is ridiculous!
wheelie: I will grant a pardon this time, but no more Faux noise! not even with the picture of the “ONE” on it.
Keep Wonketting!
Huntsville Times’ front page declares “YES HE DID” in big 9/11 or Pearl Harbor Attack size font with a picture of him on stage with his family. I bought one.
AbeBooks, my favorite online used bookstore sent out an ad this morning for SIGNED copies of Hopey’s books. I was all excited until I went to the site and realized they were charging a minimum of $2500. Now I hate AbeBooks; they are capitalist running dogs.
Disgruntled librarian
Ha ha to all of you! You should live in Laramie, Wyoming - the university offers free NYTs, USA Todays, and local papers every day, so I grabbed my hope-filled wads of dead trees nice and early!
Nobody mentioned the Washington Times’ “End Of Days” issue either
My dad saved a copy of several newspapers when we landed on the moon. He’s dead now but I still have them. Since that was a gabillion years ago, I say you should be able to preserve your copy of…whatever.
I am pretty sure I know of every single place in Louisville that sells the NYT. I have a thing for the New York Times from stealing free copies in college. But I didn’t wake up until 10:00 this morning and they were all gone. I have had a NYT sad all day. I should have went to work today, then I could have stolen the one from my office. Actually, I bet no one took it. I am digging through the recycling tomorrow.
I woke up early and was at Border’s when it opened. I am such a loser.
BillyClubb: Yeah, like that’s not going to fade and mildew…
Jeez, like an idiot, I filled out the Sudoku in today’s Washington Post. A mint edition on eBay twenty years from now would have paid for my retirement. Which is a hell of a lot more than what my 401K will be doing for me.
I’m still wishing that I’d picked up a copy of the Memphis Commercial Appeal when I was in Memphis yesterday. The headline read:
Yes We Did!
I am meeting with George tomorrow, I will have to carry on his Policies for atleast three more years.
What? All these comments and no one is proposing a print version of Wonkette? Paper is still the best display technology invented to-date.
I’ll even sign up to be a paper boy in San Fran. The tips will be great.
Wow…no papers???? That’s the big fuss here? I thought far left lib dems weren’t into killing trees. What happened to saving the environment? Shame on you for forgetting your agenda even before your ‘messiah’ is officially sworn at…I mean in.
I recently started working for a small company that prints t-shirts. The owner seems like a real decent guy. A philanthropist at heart that wishes he can do more than he actually does. This morning he was out walking the streets of a small town in Washington offering the homeless breakfast. I have no doubt that he’s a good man with good intentions, and I sometimes believe that the end justifies the means, however, I have my doubts about this business he’s hired me for. He’s asked me to take charge of the Kenyan distribution of his product. I was okay with this until I saw the product. I was raised a Christian and I find this a bit blasphemous, but I’m also a real Obama fan. I think he will make changes that this country is in serious need of, but this may be just over the edge. I made him aware of my concerns and he asked me if I was a racist. I would like your opinion on his site and if you think I should continue working for him. His website address is: http://www.obamasaviortshirts.com if you’d like to take a look. Please, no jokers. I want the public’s help in deciding if I should continue. It pays pretty good but most of all I like what he’s doing to help the homeless. He says his long term goal includes ending racism and hunger. I don’t know, HELP!
Thanks, honest opinion appreciated
handysam@usa.com