RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  3:30 pm November 5, 2008

Bitter Michelle Malkin Is Looking For Something To Cling To!

by Juli Weiner

  • Here is your President — ha ha, no, the other one: “George” — congratulating Barack Obama. [Ben Smith]
  • Hysterical manchild Eric Cantor, whose feelings were hurt by terrible bully Nancy Pelosi, is throwing his name into the House Republican Whip hat. [RedState]
  • Michelle Malkin will have none of this dumb “GOP re-branding,” which is just a fancy vapid David Axlerod-ism. The fundamentals of the Party, clearly, are strong. [Michelle Malkin]
  • A bunch of elitist four-year college professors suggest books that Obama should read, now that he’s President and has so much more time for leisure. [Inside Higher Ed]
  • Meet Obama’s all-star transition team! Starting lineup includes Janet Napolitano, John Podesta, and that new puppy that Obama has pinky-sworn to Sasha and Malia. [Marc Ambinder]
  • There are about 9 billion humans on Earth right now (not counting Joe Lieberman or his multitude of evil hologram clones.) In 1830, it was just 1 billion. [The Caucus]
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Hola wonkerados.

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ManchuCandidate November 5, 2008 at 3:33 pm

George who?

Tommy Says Soooo November 5, 2008 at 3:34 pm

Eric Cantor can do the world a favor and perform the bris on Malkin. Or if that makes him queasy, he can just sign her up for his feature porn film….Jooks, a love story.

dano November 5, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Clearly Michelle Malkin doesn’t want to let go of her newly non-relevant wedge issues. I guess we can hope for an early start to the War on Christmas season.

Texan Bulldoggette November 5, 2008 at 3:38 pm

I refuse to give Malkin a click on her site. Yeah, she’s one crazy, bitter. Hell, even wingnut, crazed racist old woman Gerry Ferraro came over to the dark side.

shortsshortsshorts November 5, 2008 at 3:40 pm

You can throw a fancy new label on a pile of poop, but it is still poop.

shanemcgowan November 5, 2008 at 3:41 pm

Thanks for reading Malkin for me, so I don’t have to.

monty November 5, 2008 at 3:41 pm

ping pong anybody?

larz November 5, 2008 at 3:42 pm

The GOP could “re-re-brand” itself – just takes some white hoods and burning crosses. The more things change the more the south looks like a bunch of racist idiots.

Canuck13652 November 5, 2008 at 3:44 pm

Re Obama reading books, remember that Bush read like 300 books in his first few years, according to Rove. Barry’s smarter, so he can read a lot more.

shortsshortsshorts November 5, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Coloring books don’t count. Neither do picture-books.

choinski November 5, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Yeah, it only took George half an hour or something to read “My Pet Goat”

dano November 5, 2008 at 3:48 pm

[re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: “…Bush read like 300 books in his first few years, according to Rove.

Comic books and Mad Magazine don’t count.

SelfDeprecatingFed November 5, 2008 at 3:52 pm

That says “9 billion by mid century”… I think we’re still around 7 billion.

Oh yeah, and I think Malkin deserves branding. Maybe a “B” on her face? For bitc— bitter… yeah… Bitter.

Bilson November 5, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Yo, you fudged that population figure from The Caucus big time. Current world population is about 6.7 billion, and will not reach 9 bills until mid-century.

j6n November 5, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Of course Malkin doesn’t like the idea. She’s exactly what is wrong with the Republican party and the first POS they should kick to the curb on their way back from wingnutville.

Monkey November 5, 2008 at 3:54 pm

And in -18300 there were 0 people on earth.

Kwame' November 5, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Shouldn’t Malkin be teaching a class on basket fucking or something?

problemwithcaring November 5, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=167612]dano[/re]: And only in the twisted, water-boarded logic of a GOP hack, could we get finally: “The problem with the GOP isn’t the packaging. It’s the product.”

monty November 5, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=167665]SelfDeprecatingFed[/re]: backwards b its gotta be backwards otherwise its just lame and that much lame in one place is jsut to ugly to think about

johnnypantalones November 5, 2008 at 3:58 pm

We should totally flood Malkin with a wave of emails expressing support for her staying the course so she doesn’t lose hope in clinging to the race-baiting phantom that is the GOP.

lampadadog November 5, 2008 at 4:00 pm

As every news source tries to get the jump on who will be appointed to Obama’s cabinet, it’s comforting to know that Wonkette is sure to tell me, the moment we have word on the nature of the new puppy. And to be honest, I care more about that right now, riding on this wave of Happies and not wanting to think about MoneyJobsWarGloom at all. Not until tomorrow.

Cape Clod November 5, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Yes, Michelle. Please continue your obsession of race baiting the fastest growing minority in the US. Blather on, incoherantly, about ‘Reconquista’. It paid wonderful dividends for the Democrats yesterday. And let’s get another look at you in that nifty cheerleader outfit, hmmmmm????

Tommy Says Soooo November 5, 2008 at 4:03 pm

The reading list intrigues me. I think Hopey should read The Audacity of Hope and put down Whitney’s crack pipe. He then can go to the press conference and giggle, “WTF was I thinking?”

Keram2 November 5, 2008 at 4:03 pm

I just want to point out that the General Counsel of Obama’s transition team is named “Cassandra Butts.” Assy McGee could not be reached for comment.

Local Moran November 5, 2008 at 4:03 pm


Do these books really count though?

‘Curious George and the War That Wasn’t, But Could Be’;

‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It ‘;

‘The Moran’s Guide to Reganomics’;

‘How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School;

‘You Are Different and That’s Bad ‘; and my favorite

‘See Dick Spy’.

wheelie November 5, 2008 at 4:04 pm

This new President can probably write better books than the ones they recommend.

Oh, good job on the live-blogging last night Juli.

Local Moran November 5, 2008 at 4:05 pm


Except for the ones that lived with the dinosaurs, also.

Taffy November 5, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Is that loser Bush still hanging around? I like the way we do it in the UK much better; polls close at 10pm, results arrive around 2am, your bags are packed and the police are kicking the ex-first family into the street at 8am. Perfect when you’re sick of the old loser baggins. And they can’t spend 2 months mucking things up for their successor.

Neon Trotsky November 5, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Good to know the fundamental[ists] of the party are strong, Michelle!

proudcitizen November 5, 2008 at 4:10 pm

[re=167654]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: How about “My pet Goat”?

huffybike November 5, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Nice of Bush to manage to be gracious:

Not_So_Much November 5, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Michelle Malkin can cling to a bag of dicks, then eat them.

Also, she must be so proud to share a first name with our new First Lady! Isn’t that great news Michelle?! Michelle???…Hello?

AnnieGetYourFun November 5, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=167748]Not_So_Much[/re]: Beat me to it.

TheRealJimbo November 5, 2008 at 4:28 pm

*I* think Sarah Palin could start reforming Journalism right here. When I read the 9 billion sentence, I about spit coffee. “I could have sworn we were just at 6.6 billion.”

Thankfully, alert Wonkette commenters have too much time on their hands and set the record straight.

Accordion-o-rama November 5, 2008 at 4:32 pm

I’d just like to say that any time the Republican party decides to re-brand itself, I’ll be standing by with my branding iron. Grab your ankles, GOP!

problemwithcaring November 5, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Chin up, Michelle! Despite all this ethereal transcendence, there still is plenty of need for someone like you to betray your background by providing the intellectual justification for racial subjugation. Where is GOP buy-in without you sell-outs?

Accordion-o-rama November 5, 2008 at 4:33 pm

[re=167674]Monkey[/re]: -18300 s.b. -4004.

S.Luggo November 5, 2008 at 4:54 pm

GOP re-branding? Never. I like the current GOP brand: all the bitterness and none of the nutrients.

No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!! November 5, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Eric Cantor is my representative and I think he’s a fucking goon. I bet the guy’s favorite sexual position is missionary…what a boring Republican lap dog. The Democrats could take him if they put up a solid effort, instead they throw Soccer Moms with promises of “free cookie Friday” or 65 yr old Sailor with a terribly made glass eye. Come on VA District 7, we can do better!

S.Luggo November 5, 2008 at 4:56 pm

[re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Match books.

StephanieInCA November 5, 2008 at 4:59 pm

So, when do we get to carve a giant B into Joe the Plumber’s hideous bald head? Soon please?

Also, this is purdy:

Wryknow November 5, 2008 at 5:15 pm

Michelle Malkin’s lips can cling to my ass as she kisses it. fuck her and fuck these right-wingnuts

funkyj November 5, 2008 at 5:18 pm

[re=167690]lampadadog[/re]: Perhaps the new puppy will be a lipstick wearing pitbull. In order to appeal to the working class, the pitbull’s lipstick will be tattooed on.

TalentedButHumble November 5, 2008 at 5:25 pm

A Bitter at my office was a mood killer today. Closest I’ve come to talking politics here is my Fey/Poehler ’08 poster. But I couldn’t hack it any more and spoke up.

BITTER: And my brother will be one of those who gets his taxes raised. But he STILL voted for Obama!!!!!
ME: Maybe he did it because he thinks that’s best for the COUNTRY.
Etc., etc.

I was on the verge of challenging her to “take this outside.” But she’s a hawkey mom and prolly’d kick my elite, effete ass.

S.Luggo November 5, 2008 at 5:26 pm

[re=167856]No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!![/re]: Cantor is cookie-cutter NeoCon down to his Steven Hadley glasses and red power tie.

His financial support comes mainly from insurance, real estate, and banking/investment interests. He’s anti-stem cell research, anti-Choice, anti-raising the minimum wage, pro-war, etc., etc.

I for one would welcome Eric as GOP House Whip. Why rebrand? Why fuck with success?

azw88 November 5, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Don’t knock the puppies!!! Pres-elect Obama is doing something no presidential candidate has done in ages KEEPING CAMPAIGN PROMISES!!!

glamourdammerung November 5, 2008 at 6:24 pm

And here I thought Michelle Malkin was the actress in “Full Metal Jacket”. You know, the “no boom boom with soul brother, too beaucoup” one.

JSDC007 November 5, 2008 at 6:32 pm

Guess the Obamas aren’t into Shitzus.

No chance for MM to make it to the White House as the first family yappy dog.

Styrofoam Boots November 6, 2008 at 10:39 am

I like how Malkin is talking about Schwarzenegger like he’s the new leader of the GOP.

Silkyinfamous November 9, 2008 at 12:55 am

I don’t understand why you all are being like this. You think maybe if you did more on substance, and not on ethnic stereotypes or slurs, you would accomplish something. Disappointing Really.

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