rumors on the internets

Bitter Michelle Malkin Is Looking For Something To Cling To!

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  • Here is your President — ha ha, no, the other one: “George” — congratulating Barack Obama. [Ben Smith]
  • Hysterical manchild Eric Cantor, whose feelings were hurt by terrible bully Nancy Pelosi, is throwing his name into the House Republican Whip hat. [RedState]
  • Michelle Malkin will have none of this dumb “GOP re-branding,” which is just a fancy vapid David Axlerod-ism. The fundamentals of the Party, clearly, are strong. [Michelle Malkin]
  • A bunch of elitist four-year college professors suggest books that Obama should read, now that he’s President and has so much more time for leisure. [Inside Higher Ed]
  • Meet Obama’s all-star transition team! Starting lineup includes Janet Napolitano, John Podesta, and that new puppy that Obama has pinky-sworn to Sasha and Malia. [Marc Ambinder]
  • There are about 9 billion humans on Earth right now (not counting Joe Lieberman or his multitude of evil hologram clones.) In 1830, it was just 1 billion. [The Caucus]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ManchuCandidate

    George who?

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Eric Cantor can do the world a favor and perform the bris on Malkin. Or if that makes him queasy, he can just sign her up for his feature porn film….Jooks, a love story.

  • dano

    Clearly Michelle Malkin doesn’t want to let go of her newly non-relevant wedge issues. I guess we can hope for an early start to the War on Christmas season.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    I refuse to give Malkin a click on her site. Yeah, she’s one crazy, bitter. Hell, even wingnut, crazed racist old woman Gerry Ferraro came over to the dark side.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    You can throw a fancy new label on a pile of poop, but it is still poop.

  • shanemcgowan

    Thanks for reading Malkin for me, so I don’t have to.

  • monty

    ping pong anybody?

  • larz

    The GOP could “re-re-brand” itself – just takes some white hoods and burning crosses. The more things change the more the south looks like a bunch of racist idiots.

  • Canuck13652

    Re Obama reading books, remember that Bush read like 300 books in his first few years, according to Rove. Barry’s smarter, so he can read a lot more.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Coloring books don’t count. Neither do picture-books.

  • choinski

    [re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Yeah, it only took George half an hour or something to read “My Pet Goat”

  • dano

    [re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: “…Bush read like 300 books in his first few years, according to Rove.

    Comic books and Mad Magazine don’t count.

  • SelfDeprecatingFed

    That says “9 billion by mid century”… I think we’re still around 7 billion.

    Oh yeah, and I think Malkin deserves branding. Maybe a “B” on her face? For bitc— bitter… yeah… Bitter.

  • Bilson

    Yo, you fudged that population figure from The Caucus big time. Current world population is about 6.7 billion, and will not reach 9 bills until mid-century.

  • j6n

    Of course Malkin doesn’t like the idea. She’s exactly what is wrong with the Republican party and the first POS they should kick to the curb on their way back from wingnutville.

  • Monkey

    And in -18300 there were 0 people on earth.

  • Kwame&#39

    Shouldn’t Malkin be teaching a class on basket fucking or something?

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=167612]dano[/re]: And only in the twisted, water-boarded logic of a GOP hack, could we get finally: “The problem with the GOP isn’t the packaging. It’s the product.”

  • monty

    [re=167665]SelfDeprecatingFed[/re]: backwards b its gotta be backwards otherwise its just lame and that much lame in one place is jsut to ugly to think about

  • johnnypantalones

    We should totally flood Malkin with a wave of emails expressing support for her staying the course so she doesn’t lose hope in clinging to the race-baiting phantom that is the GOP.

  • lampadadog

    As every news source tries to get the jump on who will be appointed to Obama’s cabinet, it’s comforting to know that Wonkette is sure to tell me, the moment we have word on the nature of the new puppy. And to be honest, I care more about that right now, riding on this wave of Happies and not wanting to think about MoneyJobsWarGloom at all. Not until tomorrow.

  • Cape Clod

    Yes, Michelle. Please continue your obsession of race baiting the fastest growing minority in the US. Blather on, incoherantly, about ‘Reconquista’. It paid wonderful dividends for the Democrats yesterday. And let’s get another look at you in that nifty cheerleader outfit, hmmmmm????

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    The reading list intrigues me. I think Hopey should read The Audacity of Hope and put down Whitney’s crack pipe. He then can go to the press conference and giggle, “WTF was I thinking?”

  • Keram2

    I just want to point out that the General Counsel of Obama’s transition team is named “Cassandra Butts.” Assy McGee could not be reached for comment.

  • Local Moran


    Do these books really count though?

    ‘Curious George and the War That Wasn’t, But Could Be’;

    ‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It ‘;

    ‘The Moran’s Guide to Reganomics’;

    ‘How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School;

    ‘You Are Different and That’s Bad ‘; and my favorite

    ‘See Dick Spy’.

  • wheelie

    This new President can probably write better books than the ones they recommend.

    Oh, good job on the live-blogging last night Juli.

  • Local Moran


    Except for the ones that lived with the dinosaurs, also.

  • Taffy

    Is that loser Bush still hanging around? I like the way we do it in the UK much better; polls close at 10pm, results arrive around 2am, your bags are packed and the police are kicking the ex-first family into the street at 8am. Perfect when you’re sick of the old loser baggins. And they can’t spend 2 months mucking things up for their successor.

  • Neon Trotsky

    Good to know the fundamental[ists] of the party are strong, Michelle!

  • proudcitizen

    [re=167654]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: How about “My pet Goat”?

  • huffybike

    Nice of Bush to manage to be gracious:

  • Not_So_Much

    Michelle Malkin can cling to a bag of dicks, then eat them.

    Also, she must be so proud to share a first name with our new First Lady! Isn’t that great news Michelle?! Michelle???…Hello?

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=167748]Not_So_Much[/re]: Beat me to it.

  • TheRealJimbo

    *I* think Sarah Palin could start reforming Journalism right here. When I read the 9 billion sentence, I about spit coffee. “I could have sworn we were just at 6.6 billion.”

    Thankfully, alert Wonkette commenters have too much time on their hands and set the record straight.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    I’d just like to say that any time the Republican party decides to re-brand itself, I’ll be standing by with my branding iron. Grab your ankles, GOP!

  • problemwithcaring

    Chin up, Michelle! Despite all this ethereal transcendence, there still is plenty of need for someone like you to betray your background by providing the intellectual justification for racial subjugation. Where is GOP buy-in without you sell-outs?

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=167674]Monkey[/re]: -18300 s.b. -4004.

  • S.Luggo

    GOP re-branding? Never. I like the current GOP brand: all the bitterness and none of the nutrients.

  • No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!!

    Eric Cantor is my representative and I think he’s a fucking goon. I bet the guy’s favorite sexual position is missionary…what a boring Republican lap dog. The Democrats could take him if they put up a solid effort, instead they throw Soccer Moms with promises of “free cookie Friday” or 65 yr old Sailor with a terribly made glass eye. Come on VA District 7, we can do better!

  • S.Luggo

    [re=167647]Canuck13652[/re]: Match books.

  • StephanieInCA

    So, when do we get to carve a giant B into Joe the Plumber’s hideous bald head? Soon please?

    Also, this is purdy:

  • Wryknow

    Michelle Malkin’s lips can cling to my ass as she kisses it. fuck her and fuck these right-wingnuts

  • funkyj

    [re=167690]lampadadog[/re]: Perhaps the new puppy will be a lipstick wearing pitbull. In order to appeal to the working class, the pitbull’s lipstick will be tattooed on.

  • TalentedButHumble

    A Bitter at my office was a mood killer today. Closest I’ve come to talking politics here is my Fey/Poehler ’08 poster. But I couldn’t hack it any more and spoke up.

    BITTER: And my brother will be one of those who gets his taxes raised. But he STILL voted for Obama!!!!!
    ME: Maybe he did it because he thinks that’s best for the COUNTRY.
    Etc., etc.

    I was on the verge of challenging her to “take this outside.” But she’s a hawkey mom and prolly’d kick my elite, effete ass.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=167856]No Mommy!! IT BURNS!!![/re]: Cantor is cookie-cutter NeoCon down to his Steven Hadley glasses and red power tie.

    His financial support comes mainly from insurance, real estate, and banking/investment interests. He’s anti-stem cell research, anti-Choice, anti-raising the minimum wage, pro-war, etc., etc.

    I for one would welcome Eric as GOP House Whip. Why rebrand? Why fuck with success?

  • azw88

    Don’t knock the puppies!!! Pres-elect Obama is doing something no presidential candidate has done in ages KEEPING CAMPAIGN PROMISES!!!

  • glamourdammerung

    And here I thought Michelle Malkin was the actress in “Full Metal Jacket”. You know, the “no boom boom with soul brother, too beaucoup” one.

  • JSDC007

    Guess the Obamas aren’t into Shitzus.

    No chance for MM to make it to the White House as the first family yappy dog.

  • Styrofoam Boots

    I like how Malkin is talking about Schwarzenegger like he’s the new leader of the GOP.

  • Silkyinfamous

    I don’t understand why you all are being like this. You think maybe if you did more on substance, and not on ethnic stereotypes or slurs, you would accomplish something. Disappointing Really.