About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Hola wonkerados.

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173 comments

  1. FreshCliches

    Nate Silver’s final projection? Obama – 348.6, McCain – 189.4

    Nate Fucking Silver is set for life.

  2. PenguinDreams

    Every four years or so, living on the west coast really pays off. I’m very glad it’s still early enough here that I can watch all the votes roll in and still have a reasonable hope of getting up in time for work tomorrow.

    GooooooBama!!

    (Of course, that says nothing about the hangover. But it’s worth it.)

  3. jagorev

    The last time Indiana voted Democratic was in 1964, in the Civil Rights landslide. Before that, it was for FDR’s first two terms.

    Let that sink in for a moment.

    It looks like Hopey will hold on in NC as well. The only time that state has voted Democratic since 1964 was in 1976, in the aftermath of Watergate.

  4. Darehead

    Not just the first black prez.
    The first crying prez.
    The first sneezing prez.
    The first Joe Cool prez.

  5. Aurelio

    349-159. That’s more than double. A fucking landslide.

    Which proves that voters hate Republicans even more than they hate black people.

    It kinda chokes me up and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  6. Aurelio

    Is this the first black leader of a white country in the history of the world? I can’t think of any others.

  7. smashtheduck

    I’m back. I’m still a little drunk. Okay, I’m still shit-faced. I’m giddy. I’m happy. HOLY FUCK! Did this really just happen?

  8. jagorev

    [re=166418]Mara47[/re]: No, sorry, a landslide is when you confine your opponent to double digits in the electoral vote. See: 1964, 1972, 1980, 1984. Maybe’s Hopey’s re-election can be a landslide, but this ain’t it.

    This is more of a 1988-level Bush-Dukakis ass-whooping. Certainly a heckuva lot more of a mandate than anything Dubya ever put together.

  9. Mara47

    [re=166421]Aurelio[/re]: The magic word, at last! Let’s all savor the sound together, children: LANDSLIDE!

  10. apocalypsethen

    holy assmuffin, this is a drubbing.

    although. I will be mortified if my home state, missouri, can’t manage to be as progressive as INDIANA.

  11. jagorev

    I like this new electoral map: East Coast + West Coast + Midwest (don’t let the team down, MO!). Basically, every part of the country that’s worth living in.

  12. jagorev

    [re=166430]Darehead[/re]: On the other hand, Michelle Bachmann is beating our favorite elf. I haz a sad.

  13. WagTehGod

    In my home state of MO, Hopey is down 338 votes with all the precincts in. Where’s ACORN when you need them????

  14. eatsshootsleaves

    I know, Nate Silver NAILED it, except he had Indiana going to McCain. That’s it. That was his one mistake. All hail Nate Silver.

  15. Darehead

    [re=166434]jagorev[/re]: She won already. Sob.
    I really need a 2 out of 3 here for my favorite picks.

  16. jagorev

    [re=166436]eatsshootsleaves[/re]: [re=166412]FreshCliches[/re]: If Nate Silver doesn’t get a job in the White House or at the BLS or somewhere where he can use his forecasting magic voodoo skillz for the good of the country, I will be very disappointed in Barry’s judgment.

  17. Democratica

    [re=166412]FreshCliches[/re]: This is indeed a man that I would travel a great many miles to give a long, slow screw right now.

  18. jagorev

    Worst news of the night: California voters may well destroy the marriages of thousands of gay and lesbian couples. That’s a tragedy.

  19. jagorev

    [re=166439]iwillsavethispatient[/re]: 4 shots of Scotch, 6 beers, and a contact high from thousands of ecstatic NYC liberals.

  20. Democratica

    Where’s Palin? Has her plane taken off yet? Enjoy that shit, Alaska, and do not send it back here again.

  21. jilly

    Let me just go on the record: HOLY CRAP!!! This is great!!! G’nite Wonkettes, it’s been a long 20 months. Now I will sleep the sleep of an innocent baby. My tired.

  22. jagorev

    [re=166444]Democratica[/re]: Well, if Ted Stevens wins tonight, and he’s a convicted felon, Sarah can appoint herself the next Senator from Alaska.

    Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water.

  23. knoxtheharpy

    Holy fucking shit. And oh god, is it nice not to live in a cracker-ass red state any longer.

    Thank you, Californians, for getting your Obamanoid asses over here and working very hard.

  24. smashtheduck

    [re=166442]Manchowder[/re]: I can’t unless he lets us gayz back into the military. Oh shit. This is gonna be awesome. Unless I have to go through basic again. That would suck.

  25. smashtheduck

    Damn I think Franken may have lost. Maybe he isn’t good enough or smart enough. No, wait, fuck. No fucking way is Coleman gooder or smarter.

  26. PenguinDreams

    [re=166441]jagorev[/re]: Yeah, sorry about that. :(

    “Land of the Fruits and Nuts” should just be renamed to “Religiously Nutty”.

  27. Darehead

    [re=166455]smashtheduck[/re]: Coleman has his Iranian sugar daddy flyin’ him around on a private jet and buyin’ him fancy Nieman Marcus suits and funneling secret funds thru his wife. With any luck the lawsuit against him will force Norm to step down.

  28. facehead

    [re=166418]Mara47[/re]: Electorally, it is a landslide, but on the overall (popular) vote, it isn’t. That’s probably why.

  29. smashtheduck

    It’s sad that the reaction from the FreepFucks has me giggling all over again.
    The headline says it all. Enjoy:
    http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2125601/posts
    Obama Wins! God Damn America!

    Random sampling of fabulous comments:

    About 20 rockets just hit Israel. The news is just breaking. The Muslims are celebrating their Messiahs victory tonight.

    Tell you one thing. Lots of Christian hospitals will either stop taking federal funds or close their doors. Some will take federal funds and do abortions. Many more won’t and will either scale back or close their doors.

    Israel will be destroyed at this time and because of this new president.

    Tens of millions of people sold their souls for silver.
    But Sarah never did.

    Check out this video of her.

    The North Star shines bright, even now.

    2012.

    R.I.P. America

    Born – July 4, 1776
    Died – November 4, 2008

    We had a great run and it was fun while it lasted.

    Unspeakable grief. America just died. All that was good, and bright, and full of promise… Gone. The gift that previous generations bequeathed to us at such great cost has been thrown away as though it were a used tampon. Our great achievement this evening: We’ve managed to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We have become a nation of stupid sheeple.

    They made me has teh second happiness. Also
    BwaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

  30. shortsshortsshorts

    Prop 8 winning right now. Brigham Young’s Great Grandson came against it… but he is THE ANTI-MORMON.

  31. DarkSynergy

    Hoosier here…. I cant explain how happy I am tonight. Fuck it, yes I can, your all feeling it too! It so incredible to have our vote MEAN SOMETHING FOR ONCE! This is a win for America. 100% for America.

  32. american mutt

    [re=166441]jagorev[/re]: i voted no. im sorry. obama will address that at some point.

    21st century ftw

  33. Robbertjan

    Congrats fro mthe Nethelrands everybody, it’s been a long 20 months.

    Oh and eeh, good luck with the hangovers. Its 9:15 AM here and I think my head is a landingsstrip of an aircraftcarrier.

  34. sadderbutnowiser

    WTF does the alt-text FTW mean? FTN means “Fuck the Navy” as we all know … does W stand for Whitey there, or something else. Inquiring minds want to know.

  35. facehead

    [re=166481]sadderbutnowiser[/re]: I’m drunk so I’ll assume you are serious.

    Most of the time it means “For the win!”

    Sometimes “Fuck the world.”

    Context makes this clearer of course.

  36. Democratica

    [re=166471]FreshCliches[/re]: Yup, nerds are H-O-T! Gimme a numbers man any day…

    P.S. Baby Boomlet approx. 9 months from now. On my mark. GO.

  37. runcrash

    Anyone watch MSNBC when Cory Booker was on and you could hear people talking in the background? I heard someone say “I love this guy” I couldn’t tell if they were being sarcastic.

  38. I Am Not Your Gary Busey

    Ken, I don’t know you at all, but I detect that it crushes every bone in your body to betray even as small a bit of HOPE as you do with: “It is a massive win.”

  39. zetetic

    [re=166467]smashtheduck[/re]: And from another thread, what I think is my favorite Freeper comment of all time:

    “Please tell me this is a nightmare and I am just dreaming.”

    Sure thing. Just go back to sleep. We’ll wake you up in four years.

  40. smashtheduck

    [re=166495]zetetic[/re]: See that’s why I’m still awake. Afraid I’ll fall wake up to “Breaking News” like I did in 2000. Nah I’m just stupidly happy.

  41. Darehead

    Wow, OK, Franken up a few thousand with less than 2% to go….I think we have a winner. Who’s smart enough and good enough. And doggone it, despite Bachmann, I won’t be embarrassed to be from Minnesota again….3…2…

  42. jagorev

    Well, if Franken and Merkley pull this off, and the screwy counting in Georgia (seems like some counties have ignored the absentee ballots until now, which were at a record number) puts Chambliss back beneath 50%, then you can expect a few gazillion dollars and every Democrat lawyer/activist/volunteer on earth to converge on Georgia for the runoff. Yes, we are all Georgians now.

  43. jagorev

    [re=166502]smashtheduck[/re]: I’d miss some of the red states, because there’s awesome skiing and camping in Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming, and South Carolina has a lot of worthwhile parts. But, let’s be honest, no one is going to miss Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, or Louisiana outside of New Orleans.

  44. CrabtreesBludgeon

    Son of a drunk ass bitch!!!!!!! This is an historical, beautiful night – and I will vomit all over myself and admit how much I lurve you all!!! It’s been a long, strange, fucking hilarious trip, and I could not have made it without you!!!! OK, ewwwwwww – kill me now. :-)

  45. Biff1

    Funny, they pulled the thread but the page that says “this thread has been pulled” at the original link still has the title “Is it possible for a State to secede from the U.S.?”

    Assclowns.

  46. smashtheduck

    [re=166514]jagorev[/re]: Okay, so we keep the states we can ski in and save what, Charleston?, from south carolina? I can deal with that. And yeah, we have to keep New Orleans. I love that stupid fucking stinking shithole. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

  47. One Yield Regular

    CNN has a story pondering the predicament of “satirists,” asking: WHO will be their target NOW?

    Personally, I’m willing to give up snark altogether for this moment.

    Be happy. Don’t snarky.

  48. damndems!

    Whaddup, Wonkette. I’m just back from Grand Park and obligatory near-cry screaming-down-the-middle-of-Michigan-Avenue-in-search-of-post-Victory-beers. I witnessed History with a woman who spent 8 weekends in Indiana registering voters and getting them to polls this fall alone (let alone the primary and his State Senate campaign), a Columbian, and a Brit. I suck by comparison, but hey, I donated like $15 to Hopey, right?

    It was amazing. Amazing. Thanks for making this election tolerable. I love you guys, man. Dudes…

  49. smashtheduck

    [re=166523]damndems![/re]: Whuddup!!!! Wish I coulda been there. $15 Totally counts. Fuck it. We won.

  50. junkscience

    Prop 8 is going to pass in CA, you dumb giddy motherfuckers.

    and yes I’m dumb, giddy and while I’ve never fucked my mother… yeah.

  51. Diefenbaked

    Oh America, thank you for doing this… will you marry me? (not in a gay way, but in a “some kind of appropriately accepting proposition” way. like “proposition narwhal.” or “eight”)

  52. chowkster

    Reading PUMA and other Hiltard forums right now is so much fun. Licking their bitter tears really warms the cockles of my black heart.

  53. Darehead

    Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen. With only 1% of the precincts left to count, a funny thing happened. Our candidate got behind again.

    Your next Senator from Minnesota is (in the absence of a great miracle) …. The Redundant Incumbent, Norm Coleman.

    We’ll always have snarking.

    U.S. Senate
    Coleman (R) 42% 1,198,479
    Franken (D) 42% 1,197,989
    99% precincts reporting

  54. Weeping Jesus

    Not to downplay Barry’s historic moment, but if you want to see graphically what “massive” wins are, go to http://www.270towin.com/ and play with the drop down box to look at the red/blue distribution for various election years.

    Look at 1964, 1972, 1980 and 1984.

    Those were massive wins, when an entire country seemed to vote as one.

    If Barry and the Dem majority can work it well, 2012 could look like one of those years: homogeneous color from one coast to another. Still much work to do, much snark to gack up…. enjoy the moment, but be ready on January 20 to come out and work for the kind of first term that will make Barry’s next one a true landslide.

  55. Weeping Jesus

    [re=166524]Worlds End[/re]: Read the thread where one of the yutzes offers up his “prayer”. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2125504/posts

    Plenty of typical “christian” responses, such as:

    “I would pray for Obama but I am not sure it would be devil worship.”

    “I can only pray that our great country will survive.”

    “I’m not praying for The 0ne. I’m going to pray that this great country will survive him.”

    [Where do these people hide during the day, when it is light out? What church spawns these freeper nutjobs?]

  56. smashtheduck

    [re=166542]Weeping Jesus[/re]: Odd what vile shit they can spew yet they balk at spelling out “shit” or “fuck”. Fuck them.

  57. Taffy

    From your friends in Welsh Wales (that’s near England) THANK YOU! After 8 years of that retard we were beginning to wonder what the hell was wrong with you.

    We’re all really proud for you today. I’ve already seen my first Obama t-shirt here this morning (I’ve never seen a Bush one that didn’t also have an expletive on it).

    Now look after that man for us all – he’s special.

  58. Petticoatjunction

    Oh what a beautiful morning. Indiana blue, Montana fuschia, Oregon ultramarine. Vocal cords shot out from yelling around town, fireworks box expended, champagne empty, clouds of joy over Portland, the ocian o the joy.

    Wonketistas thank you, I’ve stayed up every night with you (and 538 and a bag of candy corn.) This is what democracy looks like.

  59. tremendous

    oh not surprising at all – but weirdly hilarious.

    the amount of talk about hanging onto your guns because ‘we might need ‘em’ is where it stops being funny and just bounds right into the realms of totally fucking nutsoid. speaking of bounds, i wonder what tucker bounds is up to right now. i’m sure it involves self hate and sobbing, whatever it is.

  60. Worlds End

    [re=166554]tremendous[/re]: Whats funny is this quote. Also as a atheist i hate the religious kooks, freepers are always good for a laugh.

    Israeli-US relations have “a bright future,” Israeli foreign ministry spokesman Ygal Palmor said. But Palestinian president Mahmud Abbas urged Obama to speed up efforts to reach an Israeli-Palestinian peace agreement.

  61. persiflage

    From Pravda>:

    Only Satan would have been worse than the Bush regime. Therefore it could be argued that the new administration in the USA could never be worse than the one which divorced the hearts and minds of Americans from their brothers in the international community, which appalled the rest of the world with shock and awe tactics that included concentration camps, torture, mass murder and utter disrespect for international law. Yet in choosing Obama, the people of America have opted to come back into the international fold. Welcome back, friends!

  62. Giant Robot

    Wahoo!! Now we have seen that anyone can be president in the US! Exceptions include muslins, jews, uncloseted conservative gays, and socialists.

  63. Giant Robot

    [re=166557]persiflage[/re]: Thank you. Patriotism without Nationalism! Pride without Xenophobia! Christianity without Hate! Change without Violence! Yes we can!!!!!!!

  64. Carrie_Okie

    We’re still holding out for our BLUE ball badge of courage here in NC. If we get it, I suggest we go burn down the Jesse Helms Center in Wingate NC. If we don’t get it, I suggest we go burn down the Jesse Helms Center in Wingate NC.

  65. Advocatus_Diaboli

    A little off topic, but I’m in Mass and this is the first time everyone/thing I voted for has won!

    Results of the 3 Mass propositions as reported by Nelson Muntz:

    Prop 1 (abolish the income tax): 70%-30% ha ha paultards
    Prop 2 (decriminalize pot): 65%-35% ha ha puritans
    Prop 3 (abolish dog racing): 56%-44% ha ha jerks who abuse dogs

  66. Robbertjan

    [re=166559]Giant Robot[/re]: wouldn’t it be fun if he now reveals he actually IS a socialist muslim and he and Michelle refer to white people as whiteys?

  67. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=166567]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: oops,
    Prop 1 FAILED 70%-30%

    epic FAIL on my post for not being clear.

  68. 4tehlulz

    [re=166567]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Me too. I hope the Paultards finally GTFO and move to Vermont or something.

  69. Giant Robot

    [re=166568]Robbertjan[/re]: Yes, it would warm the cockles of my heart. It would put him up there with Evo Morales, a socialist pagan who refers to us white folks as “gringos”.

  70. Herunar

    NE-2 appears to be very close right now. Obama just might win that 1 electoral vote. By the way, there was talk of hundreds of thousands of early votes not counted in Georgia. The local press has refused to call for the presidential race.

  71. Darehead

    [re=166582]Worlds End[/re]: Goes into auto-recount from here so Al still has a wee chance. Then there is the lawsuit against Coleman’s top donator (i.e. sugar daddy) which might still bring Norm down.

  72. AngryBlakGuy

    …I don’t make it a habit to watch “The View”, but I really want to hear what dumpster skank Elizabeth Hasselbeck has to spew this morning!

  73. hockeymom

    [re=166558]Darehead[/re]: Bachman and Coleman.
    What the fuck, Minnesota.

    (actually, I know what the fuck. It’s all the born agains who have been carpet-bombing me with emails about terrorists taking over America and how the Holocaust is going to happen again. And all the idiots who thought it would be “fun” to vote for the third party candidate.)

    Sadly, this is exactly what I predicted.

    Oh Well….we got the big one and at least the entire country now knows about Bachman so maybe Wonkette can dedicate itself to making fun of her every single day. Norm, I assume, will be in jail in about 8 months.

  74. Robbertjan

    So how about those hang over peeps? killing or is the thought of the election results soothing enough? :D

  75. Worlds End

    [re=166585]Darehead[/re]: Nice im in fl i didnt know his states rules

    [re=166587]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Same, she will probably say something like secret commie or wright and or ayers im guessing

  76. ForTheTurnstiles

    Will someone fucking tell me how Michele Bachmann is going back to Congress and how fucking lucky we are that we can still laugh at her?

    And what are the odds Sarah Palin runs for Ted Stevens’s Senate seat in a few weeks when he’s expelled? I put it somewhere between and “you betcha!”

  77. Darehead

    Yup, biggest recipients of our snarkasms will all hail from Mooselands: Palin, Stevens, Bachmann, Coleman.

  78. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=166572]4tehlulz[/re]: somewhere other than Vermont please, I’m moving there shortly to work in the State House.

  79. War Eagle

    [re=166593]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: I was just having a sad because we wouldn’t have anybody to kick around — and voila! I saw that Miss B had been reelected.

  80. Dientes

    [re=166598]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Texas would be much more appropriate(let W deal with the paultards when he goes back to his ranch), or maybe we should consolidate all of the dumb into the state of Minnesota.

    Indiana, I’m so proud of you! And so glad I don’t have to go to Martinsville and start indignantly slapping people.

  81. a-petit dejeuner

    [re=166572]4tehlulz[/re]: I second that [re=166598]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Not Vermont, please. It’s actually nice up there- you get cheddar, the best maple syrup ever, ultra hippie liberals, and of course… Bernie MOFO Sanders the socialist senator.

  82. a-petit dejeuner

    Also, this post’s picture of our new black unicorn overlord is making me spontaneously orgasm. I’m sure it’s not only me. Amirite?

  83. AngryBlakGuy

    [re=166590]Darehead[/re]: …I will calm down once the indictments start getting handed out.

    [re=166592]Worlds End[/re]: …after seeing some of the back-pedaling and contortions that FAUX News was doing last night, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear her say something HALFWAY decent.

  84. binarian

    [re=166611]Herunar[/re]: Cheer up. If Bachmann keeps her seat it’ll be another term of hilarious hijinks and outright stupidity we can lampoon here.

  85. jodyleek

    [re=166557]persiflage[/re]: I’d have to disagree…I think Satan would have been an improvement on the Bush presidency.

  86. Worlds End

    [re=166618]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Their tears were delicious. I also think your giving her to much credit.

  87. Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=166609]a-petit dejeuner[/re]: Yup, and Vermont gave Hopey his earliest and biggest (67%!) victory. Go Dirty Hippies!

  88. 4tehlulz

    [re=166609]a-petit dejeuner[/re]: Ah come on now; Paultards vs. BERNIE MOTHERFUCKING SANDERS in a steel-cage deathmatch would be awesome.

  89. Vewol Mevemont

    [re=166653]vintageways[/re]: [re=166636]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: Hey, don’t forget Hawaii: 72-27. High surfers are even better than dirty hippies.

  90. guangho

    PerhapsSo: Does that mean we will never have a non-black president again? So who’ll succeed Hopey?
    George Allen?

  91. Obamaton

    Obamaton cried all night. Woke up crying.

    Nice that this time it was joy, relief, hope. Not the Bush kind of crying over dead friends, torture and a future squandered.

  92. DoctorCulturae

    Alaska is the new Texas.

    I woke up this morning to a new world. The gray matter in my brain is rearranged and not just from alcohol intake. Yes we can (inferred to Repubsmuts: no you can’t).

  93. bearbait

    [re=166429]facehead[/re]: Depends on whether or not a man will go out with you I suppose. (Sorry, that was a really bad joke…really.)

  94. schnooten

    The precinct in Bloomington I was poll-watching allowed write-ins. Ron Paul got as many votes as Danica Patrick.

  95. helenaHandbasket500

    still nursing the blisters on my feet from working the ground game for Hopey in IN. YES WE DID! I am still crying my tears of joy for flipping Indy to the blue column.

  96. Polly Sigh-Entist

    alright “swingers,” now that we’ve seen you can vote Democratic, how about we keep on doing this? thx

    and, I’m actually happy now that I had to endure some self-righteous fat horrid monster Republitard pollworker from ANOTHER PRECINCT screaming at ME (the boss of my own precinct) about how she was ‘CHALLENGING’ ME from letting a college kid vote in his correct precinct, where he was in the pollbook, where he had proper ID in Hamilton County, Ohio* which the magic CNN board is now saying most likely put Hopey over for the win in Ohio!

    P.S. which was completely and utterly and totally out of line and NOT allowed as per her job description

    *oh, and when she called the Board of Elections on my ass, guess who was shut downlike McLame?

  97. mocowbell

    Sigh… Okay, now that we’ve got this out of the way, can we please take up a collection to get that dreadfully insane woman with the dirty red sweatshirt and frightwig hair from that McCain rally a trip to the hairdressers? She’s probably all scared and stuff now, but if she looked good she might feel better instead of bitter. Considering just how much she entertained us all I think she deserves a spa day for all her efforts.

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