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CNN’s Greatest Moment Of The Year

“Alright, uh, there she is, Jessica Yellin, I know you’re in Chicago but we’ve uhhh done something, a hologram. We beamed you in. We beamed you in, here, uhh into the CNN Election Center. I want to talk to you as I would normally be talking to you if you were really face-to-face with me. I know you’re uhh at least a thousand miles away, but it looks like you’re right here. …You’re a hologram now, Jessica.” [YouTube]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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48 comments

  1. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=166368]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Ha Ha. I didn’t want to cry either, but I did, just a little, toward the end of Hopey’s acceptance speech.

    To quote the Robt Redford character from the (1968?) film The Candidate:

    “Now what?”

  2. DoktorZoom

    CNN has so far refused to comment on reports that, minutes later, the EVIL Jessica Yellin beamed into the Election Center, demanded Saurian brandy, and proceeded to over-act something awful.

  3. Bob Hopeless

    “We’ve done something hologram.” Yes. Yes you have. Quite the situation you’ve created in the ‘situation room’.

  4. DanginMpls

    Didn’t these people ever see “The Fly” with Jeff Goldblum? (Jim, you are probably too young.) This beaming technology can only lead to cross-genetic disasters.

  5. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=166375]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Me, too. I was hanging out with Wonketteers, drinking Wonkettinis, and feeling generally bitter, and then the last six lines of the speech hit me, and I was crying.

  6. OhFuckThis

    You know what would be really cool? If they’d make her really tiny. And have her stand on that beard-dude’s shoulder.
    And if she could do some kind of sexy-type dance, the can-can or the bugooloo or something, that would be special too.
    And have her be naked. And better looking.

    Or you know what else would be really funny? Bring a bunch of hoboes into the studio and then turn on a hologram of cases of fortified wine… and then watch the hoboes fall down and stuff trying to get the wine…
    That would be funny.

  7. bellesouth

    It’s just like Total Recall! I was ready for Wolfie to start playing tennis with Sharon Stone.

  8. ProgHead777

    Did they seriously expect people to think they had created the world’s first real-time, fully three dimensional hologram? Dweebs.

    Dweebs- that’s the best snarkage and can muster right now. Yay!

    [re=166375]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Just a little, really? I cried so much it was slmost embarrassing. Is there such a thing as sobs of joy?

  9. FreshCliches

    Wolf should’ve sliced and diced her with his scud missile.

    [re=166386]Theo_Mobius[/re]: Hopefully in time for “Nailin’ Pailin” series – the Republican base bitters will fap to their princess and spill more seed than a cockatiel.

  10. Weeping Jesus

    Is there a reason Wolf decided he had to stand so far away from the Red Spot of Hologram Energy? I seriously think he believed he’d lose his hand or something if he reached out to touch Holo Woman. That stilted exchange is a bit weird.

  11. lepidimus

    This is clearly the most important historic first of the night as it is critical to have a full body view of talking heads so that we can actually watch as they pull statements out of their ass.

  12. Littleleadmen

    [re=166401]ProgHead777[/re]: They didn’t create the hologram, but they are using one. The technology that they were using last night is from a German Company called MUSION EYELINER. You can read about them on their website at http://www.eyeliner3d.com/

    Over the last three years, MUSION EYELINER has been providing communication & presentation services with their new holographic technology. Several experts are quick to point out that it isn’t technically a holograph, but looks-wise and general population-wise, the term works well enough. Basically, they can project images with multiple cameras of almost anything, up to 20m by 40m (maybe even a bit larger).

    The systems are set up so both parties on either end can see one another, as if they were actually in the same room. There are several large applications for this technology, all of which have already begun to be used:

    1. People can give speeches (or reports) without actually being physically at the location. Many people physically present have sometimes reported that it can be hard to tell if someone is actually really there or not. Obviously, this allows politicians to give speeches in unsafe areas, or multiple locations simultaneously, without incurring danger upon themselves. It also cuts on on carbon emissions and time constraints if the speaker doesn’t have to fly to the physical location.

    2. Product display and previews. Several automobile manufacturers have used this device to show their cars at major events. Helpful when there is, say one prototype, and you want to show it in multiple locations worldwide.

    3. Virtual, physical teleconferencing. Cisco systems now has 150 virtual teleconferencing rooms in the world that feature this technology, allowing people to meet with one another as if they were actually there, as opposed to just a screen.

    As for Wolf Blitzer, he should get his facts straight. While much of the general public is not that aware of the capabilities of this kind of holographic projection at a commercial level (the military level is even higher- its applications are immense), it HAS been on commercial television. One BIG one was Al Gore giving a speech at Live Earth Tokyo last year. He was nowhere near Japan.

    Just look at the videos on Musion’s own site.

  13. Littleleadmen

    They didn’t create the hologram, but they are using one. The technology that they were using last night is from a German Company called MUSION EYELINER. You can read about them on their website at http://www.eyeliner3d.com/

    Over the last three years, MUSION EYELINER has been providing communication & presentation services with their new holographic technology. Several experts are quick to point out that it isn’t technically a holograph, but looks-wise and general population-wise, the term works well enough. Basically, they can project images with multiple cameras of almost anything, up to 20m by 40m (maybe even a bit larger).

    The systems are set up so both parties on either end can see one another, as if they were actually in the same room. There are several large applications for this technology, all of which have already begun to be used:

    1. People can give speeches (or reports) without actually being physically at the location. Many people physically present have sometimes reported that it can be hard to tell if someone is actually really there or not. Obviously, this allows politicians to give speeches in unsafe areas, or multiple locations simultaneously, without incurring danger upon themselves. It also cuts on on carbon emissions and time constraints if the speaker doesn’t have to fly to the physical location.

    2. Product display and previews. Several automobile manufacturers have used this device to show their cars at major events. Helpful when there is, say one prototype, and you want to show it in multiple locations worldwide.

    3. Virtual, physical teleconferencing. Cisco systems now has 150 virtual teleconferencing rooms in the world that feature this technology, allowing people to meet with one another as if they were actually there, as opposed to just a screen.

    As for Wolf Blitzer, he should get his facts straight. While much of the general public is not that aware of the capabilities of this kind of holographic projection at a commercial level (the military level is even higher- its applications are immense), it HAS been on commercial television. One BIG one was Al Gore giving a speech at Live Earth Tokyo last year. He was nowhere near Japan.

    Just look at the videos on Musion’s own site.

  14. Fred Wertham Jr.

    Will they have downloadable versions of Suzanne Malveaux, Soledad O’Brien, and Kiran Chetry? That would rock.

  15. Hamster

    [re=166816]GreatLakesNation[/re]: “25 R2D2 camera droids are being used to film my face and ass simultaneously.”

  16. Mr Blifil

    Why does Wolf have to remain at such a distance? Is he afraid of rending the time/space continuum?

    Plus, I’m pretty sure that the crew is just off camera behind Hologram Jessica making crude gestures simulating anal penetration. They disgust me.

  17. ironyisoverrated

    Jessica only got this pioneering opportunity after extensive light bike and disc combat training. She is fully vetted by the MCP.

  18. Bigfoot

    [re=166847]azw88[/re]: Yeah, with the added advantage that she doesn’t tower over Wolfie, as she would in the flesh.

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