congratulations barry

Oh Jesus Christ… Liveblogging Obama’s Victory Speech

You did it, Liberals! Thanks to your help, your hard work, this country will officially be renamed “The American Caliphate” in January, 2009. Oy. Jesus damn. Forty years ago your associate editor’s neighborhood in Southeast D.C. was on fire, nightly. The MLK assassination did not “go over” very well here. But right now, there are two fireworks displays running strong and people honking their horns, for fun. People get so worked up about things, don’t they?… Well let’s stop rambling and see what the new President has to say.

11:46 — HA HA HA, check out this AP article that makes fun of editor Sara K. Smith for being a sad drunk.
11:48 — Hey, CNN, this article is called “Liveblogging Barack Obama’s Victory Speech,” not “Liveblogging Anderson Cooper Giving Bedroom Eyes To Roland Martin.” Enough. Make Obama come on.
11:50 — Oh right, now that Obama is an American president, we have to hate him. Ahem: “OBAMA IS A WAR CRIMINAL.” Catchy!
11:51 — What is this dumb commercial about the Golden Gate Bridge. Obama is rapidly becoming a terrible president. What is this wait all about? Mitt Romney would’ve been much more Punctual. Just saying…
11:52 — Oh man, CNN is showing all of the hippie Democrats screaming at George W. Bush outside the White House gates. What do they want from him now, ANOTHER HANDOUT?
11:53 — They dug up some Martin Luther King Jr. relative, CNN did, and now she’s saying a bunch of gibberish that we can’t hear, because Jeremiah Wright & The Family Stone are being loud in the background.
11:57 — Ah, Mr. Big Shot finally decides to show up. With the fam. Michelle is wearing a red furry apron!
11:59 — He tells his family to get the hell out of the way already, he has to talk to the nuts.
11:59 — “I am your leader, mortals. Feed me LIVE BABIES.”
12:00 — “Thanks for voting for me. Those lines were long. I would not have waited in them, because I have a life.”
12:00 — He thanks women, gays, and cripples. Oh how is Prop 8 going, btw? Still too early.
12:01 — This day, this moment, this nanosecond, Change has become a word in the English language.
12:02 — “I got a gracious call from Senator McCain.” Crowd offers thoroughly gutteral “MEHHHHH.”
12:02 — He looks forward to working with Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin, and he hopes to work with them. No, scratch that, he hopes that Palin just goes away to her hell cave.
12:03 — He thanks Michelle Obama for being his Wife.
12:03 — He tells his daughters that he will give them a puppy, finally, so in return they can just shut up for the next few years while he heals Racism.
12:04 — Thanks his white grandmother, depicted above.
12:05 — Thanks his staffers for making him win.
12:06 — BUT ABOVE ALL…
12:07 — I thank you people, again, for voting for me and making other humans vote for me. Oh there’s a white gal crying in the crowd! There’s Oprah standing next to a bunch of Poors! There’s Big Ben! There’s Parliament!
12:07 — Here’s the standard, “Our world is near apocalypse. Nothing is affordable. We have more wars now than all the wars in history, combined. We have cancer. There is literally nothing good about life right now” setup, followed by the killer “Meh, we’ll work on all that stuff” denouement.
12:08 — Oh here he goes, it’s starting; he says we “all” have to work harder now. GRRR we knew he would do this. DON’T TAX ME FOR WORKING HARD, NOOBAMA. Let me enjoy my drink of bacon grease right here alone.
12:10 — Dude, they just showed footage from Kogelo, Kenya, on CNN. Bodies were moving — were they slaughtering the Obama Bull? That needs to be on YouTube… like now.
12:12 — He thanks that 106-year-old lady in Atlanta for voting for him. This guy knows how to strike a nerve. If he really had wanted to go for the kill, though, he would’ve mentioned the 109-year-old lady who voted for him. But he is Humble.
12:13 — Man alive, this guy can give a speech. This is getting BRUTAL.
12:15 — The end. The last few minutes of that speech were probably the best of his career. Yes we can. Oh and there’s Joe Biden! He can do whatever he wants, too.
12:18 — You know, it’s really rude of Barry not to tell his wife about that huge red carpet that died on her dress. Jill Biden’s lime is more preferable tonight.
12:21 — Wonkette roommate operative “Rob” says he wants to give Joe Biden’s old mum a hug. Rob is so weird sometimes.
12:22 — Barry just kissed Joe Biden, gross.
12:22 — [Deep breath] AHHHHH IT’S OVER BABY! OBAMA WON! THANK YOU EVERLOVING JESUS IT IS FINALLY OVER! GAAAAHHHHH!
12:23 — That’s all for now.

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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272 comments

  1. edgydrifter

    I really shouldn’t be sobbing, singing “We Could Be Heroes.” It’s super unmanly. More bourbon now. Then maybe a little champagne.

  2. Legba

    CSPAN2 showing a demonstration outside white house right now. HUGE crowd. Haven’t seen anyone else covering it except a brief shot on MSNBC.

  3. Weeping Jesus

    [re=166053]bluebrazos[/re]: I actually started filling out my application for Peace Corps a couple months ago. I hear you.

  4. El Bombastico

    MSNBC, Why are you asking TD Jakes what it feels like to be elected President?!?! How the fuck would he know?!?!

  5. agentstinky

    Good job Brak Obma. I’m looking forward to you governing, not so much to having to watch you age.

  6. WoundedVeteran

    I’d like to thank George W. Bush and the rest of the idiots in his shit administration for this wonderful evening…maybe you can just leave now George.

  7. Hooray For Anything

    Wait, did we just elect somebody named Barack Hussein Obama President? Really? I still can’t believe it.

    That’s awesome

  8. OffTheRecord

    Okay, before I get too drunk and forget to do this. Ken, Jim, Sara, you guys are the only thing that got me through this election with a shred of sanity left. So thanks for that.

  9. wade williams

    we punked the right whing wackoes! that s all that matters! any youtube of sean hannity s head exploding? please!

  10. Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat

    LANDSLIDE!!!! my faith in my fellow man has been restored….

    I am still shocked it was over so quickly -not because McSame was any competition for Barack but because the righty tricksters didn’t try and steal it!!

  11. Lord Foppington of Dandyshire

    I’m oddly subdued, daresay pleasantly shocked! Who knew America … O fuck it … I’m snarkless/speechless! *tear*

  12. Dreadful Gate

    CNN showed a bunch of people pressed up against the fence in front of the WH. They said they were celebrating, but I heard jeering, the “Goodbye” song, and the sound of pelted eggs

  13. DustBowlBlues

    It’s the new prez and first lady. Ooh, I’ve got chills. And thanks big time to Ken, Jim and Sara for keeping us from going batshit crazy during the WTF campaign–truly, the only place that caught the true spirit of this bizarre campaign.

    Suck on it, Republipukes.

  14. bhosp

    Anyone who voted for McCain– I just can’t imagine how it must feel to have stood in the way of this moment.

  15. kudzu

    “If there’s anyone out there who doubts that America is a place where everything is possible [...] tonight it’s your answer.”

    That’s my President, motherfuckers!

  16. ironyisoverrated

    Holy shit, the first fam is flanked by what are, I presume, giant bullet proof glass panels…

    I swear, I’m going to be living in fear for the next 4 to 8 years of some vile, racist utjob taking his shot. Talk about terrorists.

  17. AfghanVet

    I just want to say thank you to Wonkette and the regular posters here. I reigned my commission in 2006 after serving in combat and putting in over 20 years of reserve duty. I simply could not cope with where MY country was going. I turned to this blog to try and at least laugh at the tragedy my country had become. You always succeeded in making me at least smile, and often laugh out loud in the middle of my office.

    I sensed a change in this country in the Spring and sought out and received a recommission into the Reserves. After tonight, I can slip my uniform on a little more easily and stand a little taller…which isn’t very tall.

    I just wanted to say thanks for getting me through a period that was very hard for me and to thank you for being what I believe is no small part in the change we have just witness.

  18. sezme

    [re=166113]legglaw[/re]: No, he might still want to buy your house to add to his collection. Is it palatial?

  19. Quietly

    I’m really not a sentimental person- or even an optimistic person- but those first few paragraphs out of Barry’s mouth just about brought me to tears. Dude has a hell of a stage presence.

  20. Dr. Zoidberg

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]: And thank you for your service to our country. I have two relatives and a co-worker in the armed forces, and I am sick and tired of being told that liberals and Democrats don’t support the troops.

  21. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Hey, Hopey’s crowd actually (politely) cheered McCain and even Palin. Nice.

    And Oprah is crushed into the crowd. And Jesse Jackson is crying like a school girl.

  22. kudzu

    [re=166116]DoktorZoom[/re]: Yes–unlike WALNUTS!’s supporters, we’re not a bunch of racist pieces of shit. We’re civilized people.

  23. Constitutional Riots

    That’s right, show the love to soldier McCain…
    Yo Yo David Plouffe, and that fine man David Axelrose
    He can harness my energy any time.

  24. chascates

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]: Thank you for your service. We want your brothers- & sisters-in-arms back soon and with honor.

  25. Terry

    Change has come to America.

    Thank God.

    Our economy is in the toilet. We’re in two endless wars. The people who attacked us, Osama bin Ladin and the Taliban, are still out there. Our government has been run into a ditch by ignorant true believers and moral bankrupt sleazes who looted the treasury, undercut frivolities like food and mine inspection, and sold our natural heritage off cheap to their friends for short term profit. Our international reputation has been squandered.

    Let’s limit the damage the Bushies can do in the next couple of months, and then work like hell to get outselves out of this mess.

    Go, Hopey!

  26. sezme

    Many thanks to Ken, Jim, Sara, and our beloved Juli-the-intern. You’ve made the last year so much more bearable, and proved to be a better news source than all the newspapers, tv networks, radio stations, and blogs in the world combined. You worked extremely hard at providing us some much-needed comedy, and for that, I thank you.

  27. Terry

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]:

    You’re intelligent, insightful, and funny as hell. Thank you for your service, wear that uniform with pride, and STAY SAFE.

  28. Barack Like Me, Bitches

    CSPAN’s just showed a spontaneous flash mob that first appeared in Lafayette Park, which caught the DC cops by surprise, and by the time they got wind of it it was too late and they’ve lost control; so the crowd is now at the gates of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

    Celebrating and shit, as well they should.

    Anybody that’s in DC right this second should make their way over there, you won’t be disappointed.

  29. Darehead

    Yay Hopey n’ Joey! Now for our nation’s great Pal-out! Everyone’s happy ‘xcept da moose.
    And we’ll still have Bachmann and maybe Coleman to kick around.

  30. Dr. Zoidberg

    Wow…President-elect Obama looks a little tired. I sincerely hope he takes the next few days off to mourn his grandmother and get some well-deserved rest.

    Good-night, Wonkette. See you all tomorrow.

  31. Terry

    Crud, I’m crying now, too.

    Eight frickin years of precisely stoked hated and fear are OVER.

    There’s an image of Jesse Jackson crying again. Bless his heart, it’s a long way from marching with MLK to tonight. I bet in his heart of heart, he never thought an African-American would be president in his lifetime.

  32. benj-thewrathofgod

    Oh my god Jim Lehrer is all choked up. Jim Lehrer. Really. Jim Lehrer is inches away from tears. This is so weird.

  33. Barack Like Me, Bitches

    Betting pool.

    How long before CSPAN puts up their:

    Road To The White House – 2012 chyron?

    I say it happens before dawn, at which point you can feel free to take me out back and shoot me.

    kthxbi.

  34. War Eagle

    Happy! Happy! Happy !
    Happy! Happy! Happy !
    Happy! Happy! Happy !
    Happy! Happy! Happy !
    Happy! Happy! Happy !

  35. Come here a minute

    Yeah, take a day off Hopey!!! News networks say he will start up transition tomorrow. Fine, but only your staff, PLEASE!

  36. sanantonerose

    IS THAT JOE BIDEN’S MAMA???

    Who ARE these old women that live past 100? Do they drink Pat Robertson’s shakes???

  37. AfghanVet

    [re=166165]Dr. Zoidberg[/re]: They said he will name his key staff members tomorrow. He is not going to wait. Bush gave up a long time ago, someone has to take charge.

  38. PerhapsSo

    I’m crying again. And as huge as my crush on Hopey is, my girl crush on Mrs. Hopey is enough to rival it. They are so what we should want for our country. I feel so fortunate to witness this moment.

  39. Them

    Was that music from the actual event, or was that just MSNBC cranking the speech up to 11?

    Speech: Mostly recycled, from his greatest hits, but the new material killed, as well. Can’t wait for the new album.

  40. memzilla

    Faux News now doing an excruciatingly sad post mortem on how McCain did the epic fail. In detail.

    Currently saying, basically: “Virginia? How the f*** did he do *that*?”

  41. MrsNateSilver

    Oh god. Now I feel compelled to go work hard at something. Ergh. This means I’ll have to stop reading the internets all the time and actually leave my house and make a difference. No more loafing. Yes I can.

  42. Terry

    Look what Hopey’s folks just sent out to the volunteers. I know it’s a mass email but it’s nice that they thought of the volunteers tonight.

    ________

    Terry —

    I’m about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

    We just made history.

    And I don’t want you to forget how we did it.

    You made history every single day during this campaign — every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it’s time for change.

    I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

    We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I’ll be in touch soon about what comes next.

    But I want to be very clear about one thing…

    All of this happened because of you.

    Thank you,

    Barack

  43. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    MISTAHCOUGHDROP is very very proud to be an American tonight. Thank you Hopey and thank you Wonketteers.

  44. magic titty

    Barry has black Preznit!!
    I don’t know what else to say. Between the alcohol and the hopegasms, i’m at a loss for coherence.

  45. Chairman Miao

    AfghanVet: you are a fine human being.

    Am in Malaysia, listening to BBC World Service in a tiny, windowless hotel room, sobbing like an infant. And I’m not even American.

  46. dotdotdotdotdot

    I love this freeper post headline:

    “Top 30 Errors That Doomed McCain”

    I mean, why stop at 30?

  47. Dreamer

    That was god awful dress the first lady is wearing. Oprah should advice her from now on how to dress.

    Joe Biden is the winner because from now on he can say all manner of stupid things.

  48. Barack Like Me, Bitches

    [re=166060]Legba[/re]: Yeah, saw that but it’s been disappeared. If you’re close enough by grab a camera hop on a bike/cab and get picz and vids.

  49. Arturo Bandini

    [re=166189]Come here a minute[/re]: Watched it. Didn’t live up to the reality of what started happening at 11pm tonight, when we all realized that America finally pulled its head out of its ass.

  50. bluebrazos

    Just sent my twin 12-year old sons to bed and told them that their country was going to be OK now.

    Daughter already asleep.

    Me crying joyfully now.

  51. memzilla

    Black guy on Faux trying to gently inform the old white guys as to how this could have happened, but still trying to toe the party line.

    Look at just the eye-lines on Brit Hume and Bill Kristol (look at nothing below the tip of the nose).

    Brit’s like a punchdrunk boxer who’s just lost the fight. Combined with a sad bloodhound.

    Kristol’s got this look of “O s***, how am I going to make a living now” going on.

  52. bearbait

    I took my son out of school to watch him speak two years ago (?) in Austin TX. Twenty thousand people showed up and stood in the rain to see him speak…in Central Texas, and he wasn’t even running for anything then. Good Lord. I can’t believe it. I have faith again. It hurts. It hurts like when your legs have been asleep and they start waking up again. Damn. Now I have to care again.

  53. jimh

    So, so happy. And even a little hopey too.
    My faith in the American process has been restored, if only for a moment.

    And in the interest of snark, I will add as I wipe away the tears:
    IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO BOW DOWN TO YOUR LIBRUL MUSLIN MASTERS MORANS.
    WAKE UP PEOPLE!

  54. PenguinDreams

    So… would it be in bad taste to go over to Michelle Malkin’s site and leave a post saying:

    Suck It, BITCHES!!

  55. whosaysso

    Oh thank God, I can breath again! Does Barry have his own movie score music? Dancing in the park. Dancing in America. Dancing in the world. The real America is back!

  56. Darehead

    [re=166198]GW06[/re]: She’s 6% ahead of Twinkie, Coleman 2% ahead of Franken, but I’m checking every 2 seconds and it’s about 60% in.

  57. Constitutional Riots

    Brit Hume’s fumes blame McCain’s loss on the financial crisis.
    Oh good, Fox is showing the scene in front of the White House. No need for tear gas and rubber bullets. These people are high on life…and love.

  58. Dreamer

    Can we deport Joe the Plummer now or are we stuck with the fucker. Oh wait, Hopey would want us to be magnanimous in victory.

  59. slappypaddy

    Doing the Happy Dance… my tube of snark is empty.

    “Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by the sun of democracy.

    Thank you, Wonkette, for providing this place for a community to gather. God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.

  60. nutcracker

    I was born in 1950, grew up in DC, lived through the assassinations of the Kennedys, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers, MLK, etc. I never thought I would live to see this day. I never thought I would see
    a black man elected President. I am 57 years old, just laid off of my job, and I am, at this moment, so full of hope, for me, for the country, for the world. Something I never could have
    imagined or expected. Thank you. Thank all of you for working for Obama, for voting for Obama,
    for believing in Obama.

  61. timeoutofmind

    y’all missed the best line:

    Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

    beautiful. “so long” meaning, i guess, eight years ? partisan, petty and immature. i wonder if he ran that line past Hitler when he called from the bunker earlier in the evening. ? probably not.

  62. Local Moran

    I am crying so hard my eyes hurt. This is so inexplicably wonderful! I feel as if every ounce of anger has just seeped out of my body this evening. I can smile and be proud again. Look what we did!! We did this … we all did this!

    I love you all, even in teh gai wayz.

  63. tripsydaily

    [re=166254]Destonio[/re]: I hear you!!! I had to pause the tivo and catch my breath mid-sob to tell my hubby how bad that outfit was.

    I am so happy (except for Michelle’s outfit) I am still crying. OBAMA 4-ever!!!

  64. Speed Ball

    Hey remember all those EGGS THOWN AT BUSH’S MOTORCADE oomg I cant type anymore I AM DRUNK NOW. NEVER FORGET -SPEED BALL 2008

  65. MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]: Thank you for your service.

    [re=166195]memzilla[/re]: We worked our asses off in Virginia! Yay for NoVa Commies!

    Everyone else: Yes We Can! I am going to go riot outside of the white house with the hippies!

  66. Constitutional Riots

    C-SPAN is taking calls and some idiot just said he doesn’t think it’s right that we elected a Muslin. Finally Scully corrected him and said, “But he’s not a Muslim”. Some old lady just said she’s disappointed and scared about having a terrorist for a president.

  67. wealwaysknow

    [re=166235]PenguinDreams[/re]: Would it be in bad taste to fly to Alaska scream it in Sarah Palin’s face?

  68. CardboardDreamin

    For the first time in a loooooong time I can now say the Pledge of Allegiance with PRIDE!!!! I feel so strange. What is this? What the…..oh my god, I THINK I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN AGAIN!!!!

  69. Speed Ball

    [re=166276]wealwaysknow[/re]: Not in bad tase as lone as palin is going that indignaseous lip bite thing she does … god she is a retard

  70. LeopoldBittersStotch

    Holy fucking shit. Half-black Marxist, Muslin, terrist-paller-around-with, spread-the-wealth-arounder, God-Damn-America-ist to be preznit

  71. sadderbutnowiser

    Just want to chime in a Hell Yes to the call for war crimes trials! Let the healing begin!! And the healing starts with finding out just what the hell has been going on under those rocks for the last eight years.

  72. gurukalehuru

    I’m just getting up and getting ready to go to work here in Prague. It’s a beautiful, beautiful day.

    Good Luck, Al Franken!

    Love you all.

  73. Dave J.

    Yay! I am used to being drunk on election night, not so used to being drunk and HAPPY on election night.

  74. Weeping Jesus

    Just knowing how all those fucking Justice Dept. cunts are going to be out of a job…. all those waterboarding fuckers called to account…. all those Cheney adherents with their thumbs up their asses, jogging around on their elbows as they scramble for jobs…. oh, change is so good…

  75. Condiments-Only Diet

    I’m guessing it will be hard to get a NY Post, Times, or ___ with which to do the crossword tomorrow, thanks to the Muslin winning the election.

  76. Arturo Bandini

    Here’s the thing — as happy as I am right now, when I was 18 (so long ago) I would have creamed my jeans for the chance to vote for somebody *half* as radical Muslim as the GOP tried to claim Obama is.

    I would have stood in line, listening to Consolidated on my Walkman, wearing a Public Enemy t-shirt, with a raver tag hanging around my neck that read “No Justice, No Peace,” just dying for the chance to vote for the guy that the GOP *claimed* Obama was. I would have voted for Malcolm X, right after leaving a Spike Lee film festival. And I am the whitest motherfucker you will ever meet.

    My point? Just that I am so happy for Obama, and can’t wait for the next four years of bitter overdrive…

  77. Tra

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]:

    Thanks AfghanVet, for your presence and posts.

    Hell with the election — I’m overwhelmed by the historic lack of snark here. I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS!

    Ahem. Let us never speak of this again.

  78. DoctorCulturae

    [re=166292]Weeping Jesus[/re]: such beautiful poetry…but… those scabs will still be around for a while…

  79. demian

    I am so super duper happy right now. I can’t even figure out a way to get swears in this comment right now.

  80. Democratica

    [re=166060]Legba[/re]: Let’s just take the house tonight. Let the people carry George back to the ranch. Laura can take her time packing; she prolly voted for Obama…

  81. Bob Hopeless

    Why the fuck isn’t Franken winning?! Is it his secret past as a teenage Greco-Roman hot oil wrestler?

  82. CardboardDreamin

    I live in a nasty, racist conservative neighborhood. IT IS DEAD SILENT HERE!! I was a little afraid someone would take a shot at me when I went out and honked my horn for 5 minutes. SMACKDOWN!!!!!

  83. BobLoblawLawBlog

    Egads, people, can you believe this is our first family??? But they’re so good-looking! And smart! And loving! And ethical!

    Christ, I’m just over the moon. I woke up my husband and baby so they could watch history happen. The baby’s back asleep, we’re drinking champagne, and all really seems to be right with the world. Yes we did, Wonkette!

  84. Darehead

    [re=166299]Thumbcuff[/re]: Yay, the puppy! Sasha and Malia, your day has come. I recommend a little fluffy lab.

  85. DoctorCulturae

    [re=166299]Thumbcuff[/re]: more possible puppy names:

    6. Sarah
    7. That One
    8. 5 & 1/2
    9. Dubya
    10. Rove

  86. CardboardDreamin

    I just can’t wait to see his beeeaauutiful face on the $44 BILL!

    HAPPY OBAMA DAY!!!!!!

    All of me are so happy and we congratulate you.

  87. joyshine

    This is VINDICATION, for 2 terms of Bush and 2000 stolen elections AND the NERVE to try to offer up Sarah Palin!!!!! Christ VICTORY IS SWEET – The look on Caribou Barbie’s face was…PRICELESS!!!!

  88. Tra

    BTW, if anyone cares for a refresher on what we just beat, hold your nose and sidle over to The Corner, where Derbyshire is calling us thugs and K-Lo is imagining that the obscenities we drunks would scream at us if we knew she was there.

    But do it later. Tonight is a night to just be happy.

  89. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    What is this strange feeling of dignity and respect I feel for my country and my fellow citizens? Can it be…pride? Really? Perhaps that explains the salty water leaking out of my eyes for the past hour.

  90. Dreamer

    I am going to bed happy – I think. I guess I am too stunned to feel it yet. I actually have a similar background to Obama (mom white Anglican, dad a Muslim from East Africa) – since I am much younger and come from somewhat affluent family I did not have many obstacles. In fact I constantly have to tell people that I am half black. So I did not face racism but as someone who has relatives who are practicing Muslims and black – the anti Muslim hysteria that griped the nation during Bush’s reign of terror has been tough on a personal level. As an American with semblance of conscience and awareness it angered me that America the land of laws runs a penal colony and we sanctioned torture. So this victory is so wonderful and my hope is so immense. I just wanted to share that with you.

    Jim, Sara, Ken and all of you Wonketteers, a gigantic thank you for helping me keep my sanity throughout this intense campaign. I wish I discovered you during the primaries. I am not thinking clearly so Good night.

  91. Them

    I can’t believe my home state, Indiana, is still in play. It’s gone Repug since I was a wee tadger.

    Perhaps my conversations with my family still there (all of them) had an effect.

    Eh, no. Last time I spoke to my sister (to whom I’m closest), she gave me the standard “I just don’t trust Obama” rhetoric, while sucking on the “Sarah Palin’s like us” Kool Aid. When I asked her what she knew about Palin, it turned out, not much. When I mentioned the rape kit stuff, she took a long pause. Then responded, “Well, everyone has something like that in their background.”

    That was weeks ago; we haven’t spoken since. So I doubt I helped Hopey in Indy. Still, it’s gratifying to see the state that was traditionally the first to fall to the Republicans be seriously challenged.

    Oh, Geez; too sincere. ASS-FUCKING!

  92. mattbolt

    Shoutouts to Ken, Jim, Sara and Juli for being so great through all of this magnificent bullshit.

    It’s over. It’s all fucking over now. Tomorrow we’re going to wake up and not have to dread the new onslaught of stories and controversies and talking points and all the other Goddamn garbage. It’s done, and we won.

    Goodnight America.

  93. FreshCliches

    IF BUT FOR A MOMENT, I have lost my cynicism. I am snark-free. I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF THIS.

    I was a four-year old who threw a tantrum in November of 1963 because the Mickey Mouse Club was pre-empted. I didn’t understand.

    I was a confused 9 year old in 1968 – TWICE – but I understood, and wept out of anger.

    I was a sophomore in high school when I experienced what I thought would be the most disgraceful Presidency in my lifetime. I was wrong.

    I have endured, as we all have, 7 years of complete abrogation of Our Constitution.

    And now, I can see a future for my country again.

    Please indulge my inner hippie – here are some wonderful words of The Bard Of Hibbing -

    Come gather ’round people
    wherever you roam
    and admit that the waters
    around you have grown
    and accept it that soon
    you’ll be drenched to the bone

    If your time to you is worth savin’
    then you better start swimmin’
    or you’ll sink like a stone
    FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

    Come writers and critics
    who prophesize with your pen
    and keep your eyes wide
    the chance won’t come again
    and don’t speak too soon
    for the wheel’s still in spin

    And there’s no tellin’ who that it’s namin’
    for the loser now will be later to win
    FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

    Come senators, congressmen
    please heed the call
    don’t stand in the doorway
    don’t block up the hall
    for he that gets hurt
    will be he who has stalled

    There’s a battle outside and it’s ragin’
    it’ll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
    FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

    Come mothers and fathers
    throughout the land
    and don’t criticize
    what you can’t understand
    your sons and your daughters
    are beyond your command

    Your old road is rapidly agin’
    please get out of the new one if you can’t lend your hand
    FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’

    The line it is drawn
    the curse it is cast
    the slow one now
    will later be fast
    as the present now
    will later be past

    The order is rapidly fadin’
    and the first one now will later be last
    FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGIN’….

    And now, I’m going to listen to Aaron Copland’s “A Lincoln Portrait”….and smile the smile of sweet contentment, as I look forward to the work ahead.

    Thanks, Wonketteers, for helping me stay sane!

  94. CardboardDreamin

    Caaaaaaan you feel the looooooove tonight????? For fucks sake! I hope I NEVER wake up from this dreammmmmmm

  95. sandiegocountybirdatlas

    Never so little snark on Wonkette; oh well. Thank you too dear editors. Will probably not be checking back every few minutes anymore. Thanks for the weekend postings, the fabulous pics, the Bladerunner refs. Thanks for the hand holding through this terrible, depression inducing process. Joy to now!!!!!!!

  96. AfghanVet

    Geez…you want to see physical torture…watch Krauthammer on Fox News try to disparage Obama in the face of an overwhelming mandate.

    Can the Post see some change and toss him in the pile with the rest of the OLD school repugs? Please?

  97. Viva la Cynthia

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  98. Zuluaskono

    Yeah, half drunk, post election watching party 50-ish year old woman here. When I was a little kid in Germany, I got to witness JFK parade down my street within my arms length . My father was on his security detail. This is the first time since I was 6 years that I have felt the same electricity . Like I said to my neighbors tonight who are from England, working here but not able to vote, WELCOME TO AMERICA. WELCOME TO THE REAL AMERICA.

  99. Bob Hopeless

    Complete utter total victory will not be had until Franken wins and Prop 8 loses.. Is complete utter total victory too much to ask?

  100. zirconia

    Yeah to all of this. Thank you Wonkette for being there through this insane roller coaster ride. I was so afraid that the heads-we-win-tails-you-lose balance of bully-power would somehow prevail. Until I saw it here I did not believe it was real, and I’m glad that this is where I learned that the world had changed. Just don’t even ban me for this one, Ken, because remember this?

    For those of you too young to remember, this is how long the rest of us have been waiting for The One. May those who have walked before him, whom we so grieved, and who paid such a heavy price, somehow know that this day has come, because it is their day, too.

    Has anybody here seen my old friend Abraham?
    Can you tell me where he’s gone?
    He freed a lot of people,
    But it seems the good they die young.
    You know, I just looked around and he’s gone.

    Anybody here seen my old friend John?
    Can you tell me where he’s gone?
    He freed a lot of people,
    But it seems the good they die young.
    I just looked around and he’s gone.

    Anybody here seen my old friend Martin?
    Can you tell me where he’s gone?
    He freed a lot of people,
    But it seems the good they die young.
    I just looked ’round and he’s gone.

    Didn’t you love the things that they stood for?
    Didn’t they try to find some good for you and me?
    And we’ll be free
    Some day soon, and it’s a-gonna be one day …

    Anybody here seen my old friend Bobby?
    Can you tell me where he’s gone?
    I thought I saw him walk up over the hill,
    With Abraham, Martin and John.

    I cried the first time I saw Obama speak, and felt then the stirring of that which we lost so long ago. So many people are focusing on how amazing it is that it is an African-American that will be our next president, but the remarkable thing about this man is not the color of his skin, but the content of his character.

    And I cry again, because the day the singer foretold–that’s today. That’s today.

  101. Darehead

    [re=166337]Bob Hopeless[/re]: Agreed. And besides Michele Bachmann, we gotta find some more snarkworthy numbskulls. Did Alan Keyes give his concession speech yet?

  102. Lazy Media

    Meh. My pub crawl along Barracks Row included a: a turndown at Finn MacCools because the “wine and beer distributors were having a party” (Like I don’t support their sorry asses) and

    b: The goddam lesbians not letting me hang out in their lesbian bar because I am cursed with a penis, like I chose that. Fuck you, lesbians, you bigoted types, you.

    The colored folks, and the lesbian outside bouncers, tho, were totally cool, because apparently no white Southern career-military types other than me are on the Hopey team.

  103. Bob Hopeless

    Oh Christ, Bachmann just won. Hearing that is like having one of those Wrath of Khan worms wriggle into one’s brain.

  104. mothermaven

    Black Russians, champagne, and victory.

    92 clinton didnt feel this way. This is different.

    F@$5ING AWESOME

    HISTORY

    Yes we can.

    Si se puede

    Get drunk all week and the week of inauguration then work like hell.

  105. Darehead

    Stevens ahead in Alaska? WTF? So our looniest pols will all be from the cold states?

    Bachmann is officially the winner. Happy snarking everyone!

  106. grevillea

    Meanwhile, on michellemalkin.com:

    On November 5th, 2008 at 1:21 am, Valiant said:
    We need to start the fight by purging certain forces within the GOP. Palin, Jindal, and Bachmann are the future of this party. There is no one who ran this time that deserves a shot next time because it is his turn. Enough already.

    ——

    Please be reading this Karl Rove! Purge, purge, purge! Entrench the nutjob hegemony!

  107. CivicHoliday

    All future children will grow up knowing they can be anything they want.

    Thank you, Barack, and thank you, America.

    I am an American tonight.

  108. HuskyMescan

    [re=166199]MrsNateSilver[/re]: The feeling is mutual. Me, too. BTW, props to your virtual hubby Nate. He kept it real for us.

  109. gypsysc2

    Now Obama should buy some ad time with any extra money to give to Biden and let him loose. He deserves a reward for being relatively good up to the election. I’m sure he’s been holding in a whole lot of un-PC comments, and I bet he’d have a pretty great Palin impression to share.

  110. JSDC007

    Rock the casbah, rock the casbah!!!!

    Go Muslin, hopey, socialist Obama!!!! We love you!!!

    As a gay, atheist, non-white, immigrant to America, I love this day, and I love this country.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, every one. I still remember the day I landed at JFK, and I will remember this day till the day I die.

    I love you all!!!

  111. Darehead

    Things do not look good for Al Franken in Minnesota but it’s so damned close. Can we make him a guest editor here?

    U.S. Senate
    Coleman (R) 42% 1,047,744
    Franken (D) 42% 1,046,946
    89% precincts reporting

  112. PulledPorkBarrel

    I don’t really know what to say.
    Nothing’s really set in yet. I think for me the part about Obama that connected was that he was the son of an immigrant. Second- generation american, just like me. My parents, who immigrated 24 years ago, still didn’t believe ‘white’ americans would elect a ‘black’ man when I called them last week. Now I’m sitting here, with a midterm that I probably won’t study for in a few hours, and contemplating just what to say when I do call them. Part of me wants to say “told-you-so”, the other half wants to sob and tell them that this is the promise they’ve worked so hard for me to have.
    The promise of America is alive and well tonight, and I can’t be thankful enough for that.
    My little sister is 5, and she has never known an america without Bush. Never known an America that wasn’t at war, that wasn’t hated abroad, that didn’t torture people. I’m going to tell her about this moment, and she won’t understand it now, but one day she will. Because more than anything, this election was for her, was for them, was for all the future generations of americans. We’re going to leave the country better than it was given to us, and this is all just too much for me to handle… I find myself smiling at my computer like an idiot, and then welling up inside.

  113. PolicyWhore

    Better late than never… drunker too! This is going into the Smithsonian, so I have to type something.

    I’m glad that this is all over, but after working for 4 1/2 years (Alan) to get Democrats elected I feel like, for the first time since I’ve been in DC, that I don’t know what’s going to happen next.

    It’s a fucking awesome feeling! I can’t wait to find out!

    … Seriously, the campaign’s over, someone hire me!

  114. snott

    Congrats from Soviet Canuckistan, we really thought you were circling the drain there. Hopey almost makes us want you to lead the free world again.

  115. Jukesgrrl

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]: Thanks for all you’ve done for us. Blessings on you always and keep snarking after this happy, happy day.

  116. pixiestyx

    I’m so happy. I never really believed this day would come. No cynicism for now. At last I can sleep a good night’s sleep. In the state of our new president’s birth–Aloha and Mahalo Barack! God Speed and we are with you heart and soul to bring our nation to a new and better day. IT’S REALLY MORNING IN AMERICA!!! And I don’t have to move to Norway now!

  117. PolicyWhore

    [re=166342]Lazy Media[/re]: Should have hit the D and First SE duo to avoid the Penn Ave cluster fuck.

  118. Constitutional Riots

    Norm Coleman ahead by only 200 votes- C-SPAN. There are still haters from the KKK calling in.

    And thank the Lord, Barry won Florida, and a full Democratic sweep in Virginia.

  119. DustBowlBlues

    [re=166123]ironyisoverrated[/re]: Re: Puppy. I will love this family enough to take a bullet for him if the Obamas would adopt a shelter dog.

    Gee, if the Wonkeratti are getting nostalgic and misty-eyed about this even and this blog.

    Or maybe that just means everyone but me is drunk as a fucking skunk. Or a non-fucking skunk.

    Hopey- Please, give hope to a puppy in a shelter. They make the best pets. I’ve got four dogs, all dumped and homeless. They are all great pets and loved me unconditionally. Five cats, too,also unwanted by the bastard hillbillies who dumped them.

    Please, spay or neuter your pets. It makes the boys much more lovable. So much so, that I’ve wondered whether it would be a good solution for men, as well.

  120. wheelie

    I wanted to post a big long thing about the importance of this election internationally; the process and the outcome, and about how I only learned in the last few days just how deep your anxiety over this election was, and how Wonkette became a peculiar voice for sanity and fairness (despite all appearances) during this election, and about how America has just gone and made the world feel proud, and all that, but let’s face it. You wouldn’t read it right now and anyway I’m too tired to type it.

    On topic: it was a fine speech and no surprise.

    So relax and enjoy these days. Savour them.

    Thanks for this day, you crazy Americans.

  121. DoktorZoom

    [re=166364]PulledPorkBarrel[/re]: Well, damn it, now I’m getting weepy again…first the victory, then the speech, then Ma Biden, and now this. All snark aside–thanks for yet another reminder of what this is really all about.

  122. PenguinDreams

    [re=166364]PulledPorkBarrel[/re]: That part about your sister makes me want to cry. I mean, even more than I already have been.

    I’m still half scared that I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be taken away. But if it isn’t… If Obama is still the President Elect and gets inaugurated on Jan 20th… I see this as a mandate to look towards our future and the world we’re creating for the next generation. I see it as a national resolve to turn away from war and terror and embrace hope and the promise of a better world tomorrow.

    For the first time in a really long time, I am VERY proud of my country.

  123. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=166117]AfghanVet[/re]: You didn’t hear this from me, but, “God bless you , my friend.”

  124. PolicyWhore

    Any international readers have video/photos of reaction in your countries? The Huff’s post needs more filler.

  125. Harvey Birdman

    Christ, Wonkette. Maybe it’s the vodka and tonic, but thank god you people were here.

    And in a few days, let’s go rile some AOL commenters.

  126. hobospacejungle

    Tonight there are many reasons to be happy that we now have a President-Elect Obama. But for me the most important is the fact that he is non-white and the hugely symbolic importance of that. Of racist people experiencing 4 or more years w/a black president & noticing that the sky has not fallen. Of the rest of the world seeing that we are no longer held hostage by a hostile, bigoted, ignorant minority that gamed the system to grab power and rain death upon foreign lands. Of that old, eye roll-inducing story actually becoming true — that anyone born in this country can actually grow up to be president. Now Obama & friends begin the work to turn these symbolic victories into tangible accomplishments.

    Thanks Wonkette & Wonketteers. While the snark is slim-pickin’s tonight, the future is bright — Bachmann won reelection, Fox News still broadcasts, and Joe Biden will be vice-president in just over two months! Hugs, kisses & love all around…

  127. DeathOfIrony

    I wonder if the Hannity crowd sat up all night nervously fingering their clips in anticipation of the race riots they were expecting. I had a PBJ and watched the speech, thinking the extra protein would be useful if we had to go all Wolverine at any time during the night.

    My wife and I actually had tears in our eyes watching Hopey’s speech.

  128. Fagette

    Sarah K. Smith, I’ve been slavishly infatuated with you since your name appeared on the internet. I don’t suppose you’re keeping count anymore, though.

  129. Coffelover

    Oh, isn’t it wonderful………the savior got to VOTED in—-
    When do we all start the SALAMI-SALAMI-BOLOGNI?

  130. Coffelover

    Oh, Isn’t it WONDERFUL-the savior-voted into office….
    When do we start the Salami-Salami-Bologni routine?

  131. Coffelover

    Who needs Jesus when we got BAMA?

    Bama must have been too busy organizing to “lay hands on” Joe’s face and make it young again.
    Could have saved him some bucks, then he could have maybe practiced what he preaches with BAMA and given some money to all those poor people they keep saying they are gonna help….Oh, I forgot, THAT money will come from the OTHER wealthy people…not out of THEIR OWN pockets!!
    Ya, just what I always wanted…A ROBYNHOOD SAVIOR!!!!

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