Wonkette
Good god, that is a gloomy scene at the McCain party in Phoenix. Two McCain top people have told CNN they see “no path to victory,” considering the situation. This might be an early concession speech. Or not, who knows? Maybe McCain will force Sarah Palin, at gunpoint, to crawl around on her knees in a bikini while he savagely beats her, like a pinata. This is the “Arizona Way,” after all.
10:30 PM — Does everyone seemed stunned tonight? Even the massive crowd in Grant Park, in Chicago, seems stunned. Even though we saw it going this way, pretty clearly, for at least a month.
10:30 PM — Ha ha, Mark Salter talked to Howard Fineman tonight and sounded like he was “run over by a truck,” according to Fineman.
10:30 PM — What happens when the current GOP crumbles? And it really could happen, and probably will happen. Probably a new Tory-Elitist-Educated party, based in the Northeast and led by … Bloomberg? He has plans. And probably a Western branch led by Arnold. But the dumb-redneck era of politics is over, forever, we hope.
10:32 PM — Ha hah, John McCain is holed up in the “Goldwater Suite.” They’ve known for what, two months, that this was over? How did they go on?
10:37 PM — Polls almost closed on the West Coast! McCain could turn this thing around! (Ha ha.)
10:41 PM — John McCain is projected to win South Dakota, which is too bad, as it sort of seemed like Obama might’ve won that state, just to be a dick.
10:41 PM — Five more states close in 19 minutes, hooray! But what the hell with Florida, and Virginia?
10:42 PM — The terrible comedian Al Franken is 43-41 over Norm. St. Paul may finally get its revenge on Coleman.
10:43 PM — FOX NEWS CALLS VIRGINIA FOR OBAMA!!!
10:46 PM — Anderson Cooper is talking to the hologram of some dude in a jaunty hat.
10:47 PM — Who is this guy? Ah, he is the famous Willheim “Sam I Yam” I. Am.
10:48 PM — It is great that CNN got a shitty holodeck, isn’t it?
10:52 PM — Jeez, no wonder Brit Hume decided to retire. He knew what was coming. Then again, he was so freaking gloomy and dismal on Election Night 2004 that your editor sort of thought Kerry had it wrapped up, and we know how that worked out.
10:55 PM — Oh swell, fat scumtwat Bill Bennett will “pray for Barack Obama” if Obama is president.
10:56 PM — Check this out, people: Barack Obama is president of the United States of America.
Bout damned time!
When the Tory-Elitist party comes to power I will go into the monocle selling business.
HISTORY is being made tonight. And we’re all too drunk/tired/giddy/silly to do it justice. (Pausing, thanking God under whom one nation, indivisible, metes justice for all)
hahahahahahahahha. It is OVAH.
Stunned is the word. It won’t seem real until President Barry Hussein addresses his people.
Huzzah for all of us pasty Ohioans! Huzzah!!
Dear Ken Layne,
u k?
i’m tired.
lj.
This would appear to be a satisfactory outcome.
Campbell Brown says, “we have more toys to share tonight, obiwan.” Hmmm. Make sure you sanitize those toys before sharing, vixxen flirt. The force is strong with that one (but change the batteries)
i’ve switched over to nancy looking for caylee. wake me up when bho starts the riots in chicago
YEAH!!! YEAH!!!! HAPPY HAPPY HOPEY!!!!
Sory I just can’t be snarky right now….
Phoenix Boys Choir played there at the beginning of the night. Memories of Cocktober. Heh.
why should we be classy? we should return the favors of the republiclowns
I want concession, now.
I can’t wait to travel to Ecuador this summer to see impoverished rain forest kids wearing President McCain 2008 T-shirts. Hells yeah!
McCain has Obama just where he wants him. The Mac is Back, baby.
“Palin in a Bikini Getting Beaten By Grandpa” coming to you soon on pay-per-view. (Brilliant Ken)
McCain is watching the 1964 “Daisy” ad over and over and over again and weeping, wondering when Bush will sign that executive order to give Puerto RIco and Guam the vote RIGHT NOW and suspend a winner in the election until they come back in the WALNUTS! tank.
Dr. Smirnoff???? My fave doc.
hopey has left his house on to the celebration and i’m weeping again out of control!!! i really can’t believe i’ve lived long enuf to see this day…er night!!! i love america!!! and you know what??? I’VE NEVER BEEN SO FUCKING PROUD OF MY COUNTRY AND I FUCKING MEAN THAT!!!
Keith and co are cracking themselves up over the “nice square counties” in Nebraska.
This is a great, great day.
Maybe God is keeping Michelle Bachmann around because He has a sense of humor?
Theories?
OH!!!Virginia!!!!!
simetrias: I hope Campbell’s partner is rested up. She am need’n some ‘tention.
God Virginia get your shit together already…
The Oprah President Club made another sale.
Can we have Palin come out and say one last incomprehensible sentence and then go away forever?
Mike Murphy just did some back-of-the-envelope math with “Dr. Smirnoff” in the back room at MSNBC and doesn’t see a way McCain can win. Is it possible they’re drunker and happier even than I am over there?
Sorry, but the popular vote is still way close. Shouldn’t this be a crushing?
I want to see Barack and Michelle appear before the Chicago crowd. Now.
I never again want to see McCain, his wife, their mistress Sarah, or anyone else in that family. OK, maybe Bristol’s baby.
INDIANA… he is going to win INDIANA!!! (Maybe…)
I have a political hard on and it feels awesome.
Hi, I’ve been hanging out on the BBC for the past hour, watching the viddy feed. They had Captain Kangaroo’s dark shadow side, Ambassador Bolton, making what passes for snarky comments among the dismal defeated Repugs. What a doofus. He just doesn’t get it. “There’s something going on here, and you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?” He credits The Mighty O’s triumph strictly to being anti-Iraq war, says the American people are in for a surprise at just how secretly radical Muslin terris socialist Barry O. Shaft truly is, and other foolish things I can’t keep track of through the Bushmills. Then when BBC anchor cuts to their reporter in Colorado, and the reporter interviews a Chief Colorado Repug who starts to come unglued, Ambassador Kangaroo, thinks (?) to lecture BBC anchor on how unprofessional said reporter is being yadda yadda yadda this is going on too long Ambassador Kangaroos needs his buttseks USA! USA! USA! where’s my Bushmills…
whatever_dc: Fuck yeah. It will be impossible for me to get any work done tomorrow, as I will be floating three feet off the ground.
Fox is all over this card check thing. Since when did Fox give two shits about unions?
McCain: “Well, my friends, I’m glad this first round of primaries has ended and now, on to the general election!!”
DoctorCulturae: She certainly be a needin’. A wantin’. A pantin’.
hobgoblin of little minds: NO. We just want her to go away. Mayhap she’ll be trampled by a moose.
Is anyone watching NBC? Michael Beschloss appears to be in blackface.
Hooray For Anything: California has yet to be included in the pop vote (plus a bunch of other western states that Obama will win easily).
hockeymom: Right on Mom! God has always had a wicked sense of humor. We have to have some comic relief around now don’t we?
Freeper comedy writes itself.
KevoTron: i’m already had political ejaculation 4 times: liddy dole losing (i HATE her!), ohio, pennsylvania, and my hand…
I want Palin to concede to Obama. I want her to sacrifice a Moose to Allah and then stab her own voodoo doll in the crotch.
Was the Mondale Suite booked?
Another hologram, OMG!!!! Will looks like Michael Jackson.
HAHAHAHA Will.i.am hologram thing.
Hologram Will.I.Am OMFG OMFG OMFG
HOLY CRAP THE GUY FROM BLACK EYED PEAS IS A HOLOGRAM
Will is being beamed DOWN. What about Scotty?
Oh here’s Will.I.Am. making his acceptance speech. Well done Will.I.Am. Thanks for beaming in from outer space for this special night.
Dear Wonkette,
Please stop harshing my mellow with pictures of dead (or soon to be dying) animals.
OK Thanks.
Sara Pantera… is that Sara barracuda’s crazy cousin?
Hologram’s back, this time with that reggae singer Sam.I.Am or whoever.
Hooray For Anything: No, because the state’s BHO is winning, he’s winning close, so the popular vote will reflect that. I’m more interested in the fact that the GOP is now the party of Southern crackers. Until someone with some real money starts locating down there, they will get smaller and smaller. If Barry wins VA, NC and FL, the Repubs will have a real difficult time building any kind of “national brand.” Chris Shays out in CT? Man, there ain’t no moderate GOP left any more.
The Comedy Central thing seems a little dull…oh, goody, here’s Pat Buchanan.
Buchanan: McCain has been dealt one of the worst hands in history.
Um, he PLAYED one of the worst hands.
The NY Post(!) faces reality. Its website already says Obama Wins
How is Bachmann doing?
Cookie Guggelman: yes - I can’t get over how surreal this is. I want to rub my eyes! But I thought we were calling Barry the Emperor Hussein?
Wish they’d hurry up and call FL already.
Carry me back to old Virginny,
There’s where the cotton and the corn and taters grow
There’s where the birds warble sweet in the springtime
There’s where this old Hopey’s heart am long to go…
There where I labored so long for Obama
Day after day in the fields of yeller corn
No place on earth do I love more sincerely
Than ole Virginny, the state where I was born
If you get to be a hologram, and you don’t do the princess Leah bit, you don’t deserve to be a hologram.
Faux News calls Virginia for Obama, then hastily changes the subject.
BTW, compared to the other networks, Faux is having at least 1/3 less commercial breaks — as in loss of revenue, heh heh.
How proud are we of our country now?
How much greater is our rep in the world?
F*** YOU TERRORISTS, WE GOT A BLACK GUY AS PRESIDENT, PROPAGANDIZE THAT S*** UP YOUR ASS!
Go Rachel: Give McCain some credit for running his own campaign badly.
Why does Pat Buchanan’s voice sound like Baba Wawa’s?
simetrias: Poor old John. Having to run in these difficult economic times and against a black man, to boot. Everything was against him.
Ugh, I am so ready to celebrate, and I just can’t bring myself to believe this might actually happen. Wonkette, you truly have kept me somewhat sane. Everyone of you I thank you.
O Pat Buchannan finally ambled into the MSNBC studios. He is having to temper his outrage at A) watching a pinko-muslin-black becoming prez B) having to share the desk with a lezzie Maddow. Inside Pat is crying. YAY!
Four years ago Ana Marie Cox wrote on The Wonkettes the great fun filth about having all our “exits polled” et cetera, it was fun, because of the filth… and America… even though The Morals won then… BUT NOW WE DOMINATE.
I have been awaiting the downfall of the Cranky-Pasty-Old-White-Men-in-Dark-Suites since 1980. Now that it’s here, I can sleep tonight–thanks, Hopey. You’re better than Lunesta.
Hooray For Anything:
You are right. I mean it’s not like CA has a big population or anything. So right.
Six minutes from polls closing in CA. We be done here. Speak, Barry, speak.
God dammit Rachel, why did you have to be on the gay team? I swear my penis won’t hurt you, it will just cry tears of joy when it’s done talking to you.
hologram??? the hell?
smellyal8r: Including his running mate, LOL
Paul Ryan wants to molest your children.
The BBC has called it for Obama. “President Elect Obama.” They’re now drinking and and eating chip and egg.
Also they pronounced Kucinich’s name as “Coochnich”.
McCainsThirdNipple: It was nothing personal against your crying dick. She likes to give it. Hard. Long.
junkscience: How is Bachmann doing
http://www.startribune.com
Currently:
Bachmann* 47% (R)
Tinklenberg 43% (D)
Anderson 10% (I)
smellyal8r: I still want a crushing and maybe got a little excited about all the polling that came in yesterday.
Anyways, you forgot about how they’re also the party of Midwestern Crackers too. Luckily for them, they’ve still won all of Real America so the Republicans still have that going for them.
Bill Bennett just threw in a jab about Iraq while praising McCain.
McCainsThirdNipple: please — i want to see palin concede to obama by BLOWING HIM at least try until michelle (the FIRST LADY ELECT!!!!) slaps her ass back to fucking mooseland!!!
Bill Bennett lost tons of money on his 20-1 McCain bet.
Walnuts to conceded as soon as polls close in the west… the fastest victory ever. I am off to get the Veuve to drink with my ‘half-breed’ five year old daughter.
simetrias: likes to give what? Insightful political commentary? I agree!
Chris Matthews is waxing large on America showing the world by wonderous example. A thousand points of lights. Shining city on the hill.
Rachel is wearing red and blue. Clever. (and cute)
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!!!!!!!!!!!!
CNN gives Obama VA and CA will be his in a minute or so…goodbye Walnuts.
Reminds me of the Daschle “party” in 04. God was that awful.
Good to see the “pathetic loser” shoe on the other foot.
Virginia for Obama. California puts him over in 3, 2, 1 . . .
It’s about to be called. Get ready everyone! Happy New Year!
Chris Matthews is going to cry tonight. I would bet money on it.
OFFICAL YAY!!!
IT’S OVER!!!!!!! BARRY WINS!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!
CNN projects Obama as President!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!1!!11!!
America FUCK YEAH!
FreshCliches: Oh God, YES!!! Let him and Palin battle to the death (of the GOP)!!!
NBC just called it. Our preznit=elekt is teh sexeh.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m crying at Brian Williams; calling it.
Is anyone else crying right now?!?!?!?!?
If it hasn’t been posted, let me be the first black man to post it.
Martin Luther King would be so proud.. Of Hopey, not of having Young Jeezy make this not-so-intelligent song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffh9xDf2S9c&feature=related
Yes we did!
BBC SAYS BARACK OBAMA 297 E.V.s!!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
Breaking News >> FOX NEWS PROJECTS: Obama Wins WA, CA, OR, HI, Captures Electoral Votes Needed to Be President
….JUST SAY HE WON, BITCHES!
I swear I just saw OPRAH at Grant Park totally losing her fucking mind.
Juan Williams is about to cry like a bitch becasue he knows he sold his (black) soul to be on Fox
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
middleamerican: Yes. I have been crying for like a week, but it is so on right now.
I like Gergen reading MLK on CNN. Nice.
OMG!!! WE WON!!! I am SO totaly crying right now for JOY!!!
Holy shit. A black man, a Democrat, handicapped by a name that would have been the subject of total ridicule seven years ago, is the goddamn President.
I am incredibly proud and excited.
And yet, still feel the need to say,
“Somebody get these motherfucking Republicans out of this motherfucking White House!”
haha, tomorrow sean hannity will cry, and 1,000 people will sue hawaii for barry’s birth certificate
The moment I kind of thought the election was in the tank was this AM on Morning Joe (while I was getting dressed to go to the fucking church dinner where my spent my day and evening–Sorry, Jesus. I take that back. Hopey won.) Anyway, the AM Joes were doing their gushing bio pieces on Obama and Biden while the camera guy filmed the two of them voting. Typical stuff they always do. Nicole Wallace came and went batshit crazy on AM Joe’s ass about the fact Hopey hadn’t won yet–then said, “Just because you want something, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.” Just accuse them of being in the tank, why don’t you bitch.
Ooh–I thought. They know they’re going to lose and she’s already defensive. Win!
DustBowlBlues: No, you’re an ignorant piece of monkey shyt and I squash little insects like you. Anytime anywhere coward.
TRUECRISTIAN: Oh, how wonderfully and truely Christian of you…I’m curious how many of my fellow faithful brethern will behave, now that Obama has won…needless to say, you’ve definitely hit the low note.
Thanks for taking the red pill America.
Okay, I see my work is done, here. I call the NeoCon Scourge officially OVER. I guess I don’t need to bitch and moan or be snarky anymore.