Wonkette
Oh look here is a kindly gent who maybe voted today, wearing his “Dress-Up Overhauls.” With Ohio and Pennsylvania under Obama’s belt, is there any way, mathematically speaking, that John McCain can get elected? Not that “math” and “numbers” are the be-all and end-all of voting, but still…
9:30 PM — Oh dear your editor rather hastily drank 2 Harps and now is at the bottom of her glass of Jameson, and typing is getting difficult.
9:31 PM — New Mexico goes to Obama. So says antsy MSNBC. Obama is at 200 electoral votes.
9:32 PM — Florida still too close to call. Oh by the way! A reader called “Justin” wrote to encourage us to watch BBC America, which is full of drunken teabags attempting to make sense of our curious voting folkways. Check it out, if you have BBC America on the cable teevee, because it is relatively soothing and sort of cute.
9:33 PM — Gene Robinson explains how somehow everybody ended up wanting Barack Obama to solve their economies. Rachel Maddow, in a weird mime costume, still seems sort of gloomy. No, it is not a mime costume: it is a suit before the tailor has actually sewed it together.
9:35 PM — Chris Matthews says “The fundamentals of our economy are strong” was McCain’s death knell. See, here is the thing: McCain didn’t even know what he was saying, he was just reciting a line, just like Obama talking about “the change America needs.” It just happens that McCain said that completely rote and predictable thing about a topic that suddenly was incredibly important to, uh, everybody, suddenly.
9:38 PM — Tom Udall projected winner of NM Senate race, and John McCain takes West Virginia. OH YOU CAN JUST TAKE WEST VIRGINIA, YOU MEANIE JOHN McCAIN. Chris Matthew portends great difficulty for a President Obama “winning” over the Bitters of West VA.
9:39 PM — A plague of re-elected Republicans: Sessions, Roberts, Cochran, Inhofe, and odious Mitch McConnell of Kentucky. But yay, Jack Reed keeps his seat in RI, as does SD’s Tim Johnson. Here, this code should produce a magical map of various Senate races:
Hmm, well that did not work out so great. Maybe we will try again later.
9:43 PM — Chuck Todd: “College-educated whites” are the “get” demographic of the evening. Congratulations, Wonkette readers, you are the new coveted voters of the new millennium! (Wonkette readers of color, you are very important too of course, you just fell into other Obama buckets already.)
9:46 PM — Chuck Todd trying to understand how and why the McCain campaign spent so much time trying to shore up the base. The swing states have been a disaster for him. “Dissect this for us,” instructs Olbermann, referring to “this mixture.”
9:47 PM — What is this holographic set on MSNBC supposed to look like? The Roman Coliseum? The Oval Office? Chuck Todd’s Grecian Sex Boudoir? The state of Florida is 110% as tall as Chuck Todd.
9:49 PM — So this is pretty much over at this point, right? It just now occurs to us that none of you fuckers are reading Wonkette because you are all involved in godless sodomite hedonist celebrations for your Hopey. Well, we sitting at home drinking and filling our bellies with stale popcorn and waiting, waiting to go out.
9:51 PM — John McCain was maybe pretty smart to hold his “victory rally” on the lawn of some Phoenix hotel with a handful of reporters.
9:52 PM — David Gregory: “Hmm, maybe younger voters are finally sick of this shit.” (And are now actually voting, for Democrats, &c.)
9:54 PM — Some dude in Grant Park says he is in “a sea of O,” which is so fucking dirty.
9:55 PM — ELECTION SHOCKER #2: Texas goes to McCain. Gene Robinson wants to talk about the adorable little girl who just talked to the reporter in Grant Park, and how the Republican party looks “like the America of the past instead of the America of today.”
9:57 PM — Four years ago, your editor was sitting gloomily on a couch as Ohio slipped away and thought, “Hmm, glad I didn’t go to that Democratic ‘victory’ party.” Tonight is a much better night. So raise a glass to your Republican friends because it was not so long ago that you Libtards were precisely in their position, and remember how much it sucked.
10:00 PM — Many polls are closinating as we speak! Including Iowa, which Obama will WIN. And jesus, MONTANA is too close to call. Go look at Jim’s liveblog as we wait & wait for more newz.
THE maths are in the tank!
Please let them call if for Hopey at the top of the hr….
fox: “we have a center right country, now we can be more right htan center, but we’re gonna have a center left washington”
“they are gonna try to ram through their liberal agenda”
“the sky is falling”
two Harps and a Jameson? I had no idea you effeminate elites were such lightweights.
Fox News is reporting some sort of funeral— oh it’s just the news… liberal, liberal, liberal… waaaaaa
I will shit my lacy blue panties and send them to the Dole compound in Kansas if Obama wins North Carolina.
I’ll post the FedEx traking number. It’ll be a blast!
That guy gives me an erection, which is Asian for “election.”
Wait, are we PC now?
Robert Boulton on the BBC right now is hilarious … calling Obama a dirty commie terrorist robot whilst the sarcastic british people laugh in his face.
Brokaw is no Tim Russert.
It’s all over but the crying!
Sarah: Where did you get my dad’s passport picture?
Olbermann is so freaking happy that he cannot contain himself. He is seriously ecstatic.
“Oh dear your editor rather hastily drank 2 Harps and now is at the bottom of her glass of Jameson, and typing is getting difficult.”
You’re going to be singing Whiskey in the Jar soon, loudly and off key. If you find yourself with a desire to break into Danny Boy, head to bed.
I am crying. Who is with me?
Was H.W. Jnr just singing “Okie From Muskogee” at the McCain Death Watch?
Holy shit…I’M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought this ole avatar was deadlongon’n'banned!
Now that I am back, I have one question…where the hell is Pat Buchanan?
fun with numbers. http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/calculator/
If projections now made hold up, and the traditional west coast goes down the usual path: ’s over, and it’s bam bam bam obama! I can’t believe it. I wait for more percents.
Am I being greedy for wanting Barry to pick up an extra 100 EVs? I want there to be so much cushion I can use it as a pillow on long flights.
FCUK YEAH, BEACHES!1!
~
LULZ the McCain campaign has turned off the news, “they are not getting any information,” It is just like a little sample of the police state that would have been…
BBCA is soo ready to call it. Sounds like they’re having a good time.
BBC America is pure gold, dude just called the other dude a “wussie”
Ha,ha. The McBitters have turned off the news at their wake! Brilliant. Meanwhile, H.W. Jnr says, “This _is_ the news…”
McCain just arrived at his AZ party. Pooper is the word.
For those who care, Bachmann is up 46 to 44 with 8% reporting.
They turned off the live feed at the McCain ‘party’. If they can’t see Barry win, then it didn’t happen.
…I’m going to call FLA. for Hopey, Dade/Broward/Palm Beach haven t came anywhere close to tabulating all of the ballots yet. All 3 of those counties are overwhelmingly democratic!
Anybody in Austin, head to the Driskill for partying.
Obama is at 200 electoral votes.
California has 55 electoral votes. Obama only needs 15 more to guarantee victory. I’m switching between FOX News and CNBC in the hopes of seeing anchors weeping on live TV.
Haha… they have turned OFF the news coverage at the McCain party thing in Phoenix. They have no idea that Obama just won Ohio. They’re all locked in their watching Hank Williams Jr. performing on stage.
Oh fuck you Mitch. McConnell killed my Hope buzz. I give up on Kentucky. We are never going to elect Democrats. I just need to move.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Nooooo. bachman must go in a cave!
splittter: So that’s what Rumsfeld mean by “dead-enders”…
Am I the only one afraid that Prop 8 will attract enough nutters to flip California?
OH, and in honor of all my peeps in PA….
To yins, I say gobless yins.
CLEVER IS FOR THE WEAK. OBAMA. SERIOUSLY. FUCK. JESUS. CHRIST. MY FAMILY. MY GRANDMOTHER. STAND UP BABY. I WILL STYLE ON MY BABY ALL DAY. WEAK CHINS. CHINDICATORS. RUBY GOATEES. STRONG BLACK HANDS. SINGLE TEARS. NINE. ELEVEN.
Looking at the Virginia internals on the BOE website, Fairfax and Arlington still have a lot of votes left.
john king was just assigned to find a way that mccain could win, and he couldn’t do it. “i’m not made of stone, dammit! I’M NOT MADE OF STONE!” then the weeping began.
Obama wins NC and FL. It’s over. It is over! Too early?
Ohio has been forgiven.
Venus and Mercury go for Obama. Mars is undecided. Pluto… well we know Pluto doesn’t count… Jupiter and Neptune are in the tank for Palin.
Can’t they do more with Chuck Todd’s electronic background? Kill a few zombies maybe? I’m bored.
Chad San Marino: Your paranoia is not contagious. Your paranoia is not contagious… If I say it enough, I’ll believe it.
ForeignSickSpecialist: over early enough for my plan to continue to get disgustingly drunk and try to lay hands on a white vagina tonight.
GA just went blank…
wtf?
Where the hell is Pat Buchannan? I was so looking forward to seeing him stroke out and foam at the mouth.
Sarah K. Smith, are you at Finn MacCools? Don’t lie, I will go down there and check.
ForeignSickSpecialist: You are just asking for Uranus to be called for McCain….
Midwest_Product: Washington and Oregon put it at 268. As soon as New Mexico got called 15 minutes ago it was over.
We won.
Without needing Florida, or Virginia.
Go figure.
End of.
Hopey won. The only tank I’ll be in now is the drunk tank. adios wonketeers
Well, it looks like McCain is winning the deep South and a few cows in the west.
Peggy Noonan on CBS. My mother’s reaction: “Who is this woman?”
Anyone else watching NBC think that Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow hate each other?
everyone is so hung up on clever when its time for a few pistons style car turnovers. jesus how boring:`((((
This is one of the few times in my life that, as an athiest, I am ill equiped to give thanks. This day is a success because of the efforts of so many people it would be so much easier to thank some default devine wonderfulness. Maybe Obama really is The One. And “That One.”
Where is The Tank? I’m kind of drunk and sweaty and could go for a nice dip right now.
Haha, Walnuts’ lead in Virginia is down to 1.5k, according to ABC. And more and more communiss votes continue to roll in from the fake Virginia.
Dammit, GA’s back up on the board.
And here I thought it had winked out of existence.
So much for Hope.
Harvey Birdman: Nah, i was gonna. But my neighbor and I opened a bottle of Jack, we’re in the tank right now. Oddly enough, we’re wearing the same over-alls like the pregnant gent in the pictorial above.
Where can I see a live feed of John McCain right now?
…does CNN even have anyone who analyzes the poll numbers; or do they just wait 20 minutes after all the other networks declare and then repeat what they say?!
Harvey Birdman: I can’t get a sitter! Will Hopey pay for one for me?
Nate Silver has called it.
Lord Foppington of Dandyshire: DUDE! That was totally my question but I think the Wonkette filters flagged me as not-in-the-tank…but guess what…..I AM!!!!!!!
The blog at http://www.redstate.com is rolling in blood. Truly, they eat their own.
David Gergen is speaking very softy and slowly. Where the hell _is_ Pat Buchannan?
I’ma go watch Comedy Central now!
KTHXBAI!
Virginia is on the verge of going blue.
Barack Like Me, Bitches: Damnit, I want FL and VA anyways. And MO. And North Carolina and Indiana and Nevada. Is that too much to ask?
Sara, I was thinking the same thing. My vote is for Chuck Todd’s Grecian Sex Boudoir. I’m guessing he has a Princess Leia costume all ready for Rachel Mathews.
HAHA Rove says “IF he wins the election tonight” accept it bitch.
Why do they all wear orange ties? And why is Brit Hume handing out Karl Rove’s creepy cookies?
Keith: Landmark election. C’mon, say LANDSLIDE
Alex Trebeks Girl: At least President Obama doesn’t have to worry about her trying to stick her tongue in his mouth.
I think that they are on the verge of calling the election for Obama. Get the champagne ready!
Awww. I will miss Chuck Todd when this is over. He will be of no use to me once I stop obsessing over random maps of the U.S.
I haz a happy.
That’s it; Hopey is ahead in Florida AND Virginia now; g’night Walnuts. It’s an official landslide.
Free republic is re-DONK-ulous right now. Check it!
pattycake: Hopey will pay for everything now. It’s all rainbows and unicorns from here on out!
Redstate now loading EVEN SLOWER THAN WONKETTE!
All ur ass bilong to us.
I wonder if Hopey will call Bush and ask if he wants to leave early, just go back to TX and let someone else take over. Enough.
Well, TX just went to McLoser, sez MSNBC. Puts the old man over a hunnert. Good enough. Say g’night John.
Chris Wallace sounds like he still has Karl’s Kreepy Kookies in his mouth. Meanwhile the morose anchors argue over who is going to deliver the next bit of bad news.
Sarah, that’s not true. I’m totally devoting my time to your liveblog….and Manhunt.net….and Adam4Adam.com.
So….
Obama has taken the lead in VA! The first time in my life, Virginia is blue!
Terry: toltott kapusta and kalacs for all, I’ll cook
BBC America can morph their map so that size represents voting power. It becomes an amazing sea of blue. And they are basically saying that with the West coast, it is over but for the shouting.
AfghanVet: I’m waaaaiting….
Charlie Crist said he had a ‘political emergency’ in Tallahassee that he had to urgently attend and so cannot be at McCain’s victory party….
So there’s your florida exit poll.
Midwest_Product: Yeah, and out here we are all saying, “Just sit back Barry and we will bring you home”!
memzilla: They sound like the Gore and Kerry supporters in the last two presidential elections.
Except they are raging against reality rather than actual vote thefts.
Hank Williams Jr. calls it for all his rowdy friends.
Projections: Iowa for Bammy!
Dr. Zoidberg: Unicorns will watch our kids for us while we snort rainbows and party topless at the Driskill!!1!ASCII!1!
TootTootToot: All the men at MSNBC hate Rachel. She’s got more testosterone than they do…
FOX is so funny. Karl Rove brought cookies. LOL. Don’t choke.
For fuck’s sake! Will somebody please post a new photo at the top of the feed?!?!
MedianHater: I will not rest until I get to the bottom of Pat Buchannan’s (sp, I’m high and drunk) absence! It’s like where’s Hoffa and Judge Crater. Very conspicuous absence!
Obama is ahead in VA now, you scaredy cats.
Has anyone called it definitively for Hopey yet? (so I can open the bubbly)
wet bread: God yes. Unless that’s Todd Palin with the sixth kid….
Screw the Obamabot orgy in Illinois!
The real party is going down at the McCain’s GOP party in Arizona, since that’s apparently where the entire country’s supply of hard drugs and liquor is being used at the moment:
On the live CNN.com feed, some hick politician just went on stage after Ohio went down to tell announce that they still bagged Louisiana and can therefore wait for ‘impending victory’…
Eat pretzels Bush!
mcsame can have texas, i mean really now, who thought texas would go blue? y’all know what comes from texas, right?
Haha.
Anderson: When he gets to 270, what do we do?
Wolf: We… report it.
smellyal8r: Lord knows we tried. I bet Travis county is blue .
simetrias: 538 called it for Obama a few minutes ago.
Shoulda picked Mittens! Hahahahahahahahaha I’m feeling so gd thrilled!! Can’t play any drinking games, still nursing the baby. You guys won’t mind having one or two for me willya?
Tonite we see the true legacy of the Rove ‘n Bush show. Too bad we had to watch for so long.
AngryBlakGuy: They are just tryin to give McCain some hope.
Tara Wall on CNN: I just got some insider info from the GOP: this thing is over.
LOL. Is she competing for the Palin Prize in Intelligence? Over in what respect, Charlie?
what’s up with prop 8 in CA?
I want cookies!
Paul Begala has used the phrase “political physics’ twice now. I am deeply offended.
When is the wonkette party?
George Will broke out the bowtie just for the special night.
Toot’s is proud in heaven, space or some other dimension in between realities.
Helvetica 400 pt font, red letters at huffington gets cocky and calls President-Elect Obama.
Is Drudge gonna give Barry that gay siren or what?
Oh hey, if you are too busy enjoying sweet, sweet victory to pay attention to what the loser assholes are saying, this is apparently the big lesson that National Review Online is taking from this crushing defeat, courtesy of the Corner…
“1) We got this the old-fashioned way: we earned it. The other side took the fight to us, and we never took the fight to the other side, except coyly and obliquely. That’s not a mistake we should make the next time. “Honorable campaigns” are for losers. Next time, call ‘em as they really are, not as you wish to see ‘em.”
So, yeah, we’ve basically got the country locked down for I’d say about, forever.
If you want to check out the county by county count in VA (or anywhere else), this page will keep you busy. Go to the map near the bottom of the page, click on your state. You’ll see a county grid overlay. Mouseover, and you’ll see the latest.
The suspense. Killing me. Must numb with more beer.
I’m finally home from the fucking church dinner where I had to spend my day since 9:00 AM! But I guess this Hopey win is all about me, because I gave my day to Jesus and put up with a bunch of Dust Bowl bitterz who clearly haven’t gotten the Tom Joad memo about unions and shit. Maybe that’s because there was a Lexus parked in front of the church–what is their excuse, if they drive a Lexus? What the fuck do they have to be bitter about?
Oh, and Oklahoma went further into the toilet, not the tank. At least now I can comment on the election by saying, “It’s sad we’re so far out of the American mainstream.”
Bite me, Bitterz.
AfghanVet: That’s right, my man. Wait for it…wait for it….
ANNOUNCE THE PROJECTION, NECKBEARD!
robotico: AWESOME, thanks