Wonkette
It’s slightly later now, which means that everything is more significant. Wolf Blitzer won’t say “Sununu” much anymore, but still! Exciting things are afoot.
8:30 PM- Obama wins John McCain’s precious New Hampshire. And not just Dixon Notch!
8:31 PM- There is a vaginally shaped hologram, and Wolf and Soledad are pointing at its ovaries.
8:31 PM- Gray haired, non-Anderson Cooper fox on CNN says that the race is a “blowout.”
8:36 PM- Chris Matthews is talking about how VA was the capital of the Confederacy and how there are still streets named after Jefferson Davis.
8:36 PM- Georgia is called for McCain.
8:38 PM- Obama is described as “smokin” John McCain by Michael Smercornish. Chris Matthews gets such delight in the way he intones “Smerconish.” It’s adorable.
8:39 PM- Kevin Tibbles is in Grant Park. There is a be-Polo-shirted fellow in back of him, who appears to have vomited on himself. Tibbles isn’t fazed.
8:40 PM- Obama is holding on to FL, 52/48.
8:41 PM- There are seventy million people in Grant Park. Oh and Sad Juxtaposition: CNN has someone embedded in McCain Sad Biltmore Fantasy. There are some old white men strumming plaintive melodies on guitars. It sounds like rock ‘N roll!
8:44 PM- Ooh, Rachel Maddow points out that McCain has not flipped a state. Why is Rachel Maddow trying to ruin this for Nate Silver?
8:46 PM- Half the vote is in in VA (not UNREAL VA, there in the North). McCain is up. Chuck Todd tells everyone in Grant Park to “cool their heels.”
8:47 PM- Chuck Todd knows Florida very well. His friends know Florida very well. They have doubts about Barry in Florida.
8:48 PM- The AX is back. He’s talking to David Gregory about Pennsylvania. But onto other states, in which he is just thrilled, thrilled to compete.
8:49 PM- The Ax seems nervous. Rachel Maddow chimes in, asking him if he tried to TRICK McCain with Gotcha! campaigning by spending money in Georgia.
8:50 PM- Okay moving on from Axlerod. Oh it’s James Carville on CNN. They’re still talking about George Bush. If they wanted to talk about George Bush they should have been on the teevee in 2004.
8:52 PM- Ha, Paul Begala just called Pennsylvania McCain’s “Alamo,” when really the Alamo was McCain’s Alamo.
8:53 PM- Godless atheist Hagan beats Elizabeth “Liddy” Dole in North Carolina.
8:54 PM- Pennsylvania Senator Bob Casey played basketball with Barack Obama today, a game on which Casey wagered all of Pennsylvania’s electoral votes.
8:56 PM- Numerologist Nate Silver says that BHO is underperforming Kerry in the west of VA. (Remember, that’s Real Virginia.) There is still Florida. There’s always still Florida.
8:58 PM- McCain wins Alabama and its 9 electoral votes. Wolf assures us that this is not a huge “suprise-a.” Again, he says “Wymoning-a.” Why is he talking like this tonight, when we all have to listen to him?
8:59 PM- Rhode Island, Michigan, Minnesota, and Hillary Clinton’s New York go to Barry. Walnuts takes North Dakota and Dick Cheney’s Wyoming.
9:00 PM- Soledad is point to the most confusing Jenga hologram. It’s racially significant.
9:03 PM- The chart is of course broken, as one of the Jenga pieces which is a metahpor for “Age and Its Importance” slid off the top of the screen.
9:04 PM- Fox News briefly called Ohio for Hopey but it was just a mistake! A simple case of a misplaced checkmark. For shame.
9:04 PM- Obama is leading in NC (52/48) and Charlotte is still AWOL. Chuck Todd says that things in VA are tightening.
9:05 PM- McCain wins Arkansas.
9:05 PM- Here is Ken with the 538th liveblog of the night!
DIXVILLE. Near Cuntopolis!
I am calling a LAND SLIDE VICTORY for JAMESON against my liver, my job, and my family.
OMG! Is that Bristol’s wedding picture?
Ha! Goodbye Bible Spice…..@ least for a lil’ while.
Itsjustme: only three posts and WIN!!!!!!
WAIT is THAT intern Juli???
Is that your picture, Intern Juli?
Why won’t CNN call Pennsylvania? Even Fox has called it.
McCAIN SURGE!!!!
Game 38% over, man. Game 38% over.
Is that Anne Coulter in a wedding dress?
point of inquiry: is your last name really weiner?
I’m sold.
Carry on!
why is Keith so quiet on MSNBC.
Itsjustme: No, her grandmother’s.
haha, weiner.
Don’t watch TPM’s electoral map.
Also, why did MSNBC call Pennsylvania? What the fuck are the talking about?
Speed Ball: mmmm… Jameson. Alls I have is wine and mexican beer…
Fox predicts Pennsylvania for Obama.
The Apocalypse has begun.
InKnockYouUs: Xanax?
Czn939: The night she married Satan.
Shit ya’ll, wish you wuz here in New Hampster!!! Maple syrup and moonshine is running ankle deep down my street…
Isn’t a “blowout” a word usually associated with “meltdown”?
InKnockYouUs: Spoooged his shortz?
InKnockYouUs: He’s in the bathroom having a hopegasm.
McCainsThirdNipple: JINX! You owe me a coke, or at least a cute touristy ride through DC.
Jaw-juh goes to Grampy, so sez Keefy.
Hey, Juli, they gave you your own thread. Cool!
And is that your picture at the top?
Itsjustme: Bacardi Silver is for elitists in communist Virginia. She no doubt got knocked up on Boone’s Farm.
Sununu sounds so nice on the tongue.
“chuck Todd, show us your pen”
Philly suburbs were hardcore Barry and this is all great news….FOR JOHN MCCAIN!
Texas, LOL, as if Barry had a chance.
BBC is being fscking SAVAGE right now. They are knocking on Palin and making numerous moose-related jokes. I think all the anchors including Koppel are a few sheets to the wind.
I think Keffy’s feelings are hurt/
Finally CNN calls it. Pussies.
My friend was born in Jefferson Davis Memorial hospital.
…Mitch McConnell is next on the list!
Biden’s little brother just said that there is going to be a million man march tonight in Chicago.
Man, if Indiana is still too close to call after two hours, Mac is back in trouble
CNN finally called Pa. for Obama.
Horray for PA!!!!!
…I guess since no one else will say it, it falls to me: “I’d Hit It!”
0% VOTES COUNTED AND OBAMA WINS PA…. WAIT…. WHAT?
FOX is reporting that Palin has arrived in Arizona, where she will sacrifice the few virgin children she has left in a last ditch attempt to bring victory.
Giant Robot: Sounds nice, actually. Kiss a possum 4 me.
This CNN laydee is amazed that some voters know where the different states are on the map.
Licensed Analrapist: Or a million man riot if the unthinkable happened!
Delicious: I mean, what was up with that. Hell, even ancient ABC called it five mins after MSNBC
Goddammit. What the fuck is wrong with Georgia? Fuckin’ born agains, turning out to vote for Bible Spice. Sheesh.
proyeccion cnn obama gana pensilvania
Can we get a hologram liveblog from Intern Juli?
simetrias: Forming “Sununu” with your tongue is also a great way to get a woman off when you give head.
Times Square, it’s NYear’s eve!! Or, as Chris Mathews said yesterday, feels like christmas eve. And guess who was born in a manger?!
Nate Silver: call me immediately and explain WTF’s going on in VA. I’m at the Skuzzy Poodle Lounge in Dixville Notch - ask for the fat gut drinking gin and scotches.
Well, the boys choir of phoenix has apparently been sent home for Bocephus to take the stage…
whoever that is in the wedding dress smokin w/ hands on her hips, I wanna marry. What a gal.
Joe (not his real name) the Plumber (not his real job) just said he is broke, has no financial offers and wants to start a charity. Howbout Joe the Douchenozzle.
Obama can begin dressing for his eve out in Grant Park….
International Saimoe League 2008 almost over!
Vote: Fate Testarossa and help her drive Yuki Nagato back to the Data Integration Thingy in Space!
http://www.internationalsaimoe.com/
…Candy Crowley is the absolutely, positively, undoubtedly most UNATTRACTIVE woman named “Candy” that I have ever seen. But then again most women called Candy that I have met are strippers!
FOX is reporting that the only people in PA that voted for McCain were white Catholics. Hillary voters broke 81% for the Muslim.
Joe McCain just called 911 to complain about some hanging chads.
ZOMG! Walnuts has filed a “formal objection” with Faux News about their calling Pennsyltuckey for the terrorist. The coup has begun!
Every time Dana Bash (with McCain camp) sees shots of Grant Park, she gets a little more depressed.
Lazy Media: Well, it wasn’t a vote FOR the woman, but AGAINST Biden’s running mate
“Do they make moose leather?” haha. The BBC coverage is awesome.
AngryBlakGuy: My wife’s name is Candy. We may have to fight now. Or have 3-way sex, whatevs.
My favorite news coverage: The BBC. They are snarking like nobody’s business!
AngryBlakGuy: She is absolutely one of the smartest peeps on the program. Close your eyes and think of England. Or think of your daughter as a striper named Candy.
Keith: Let’s cut to the NUT here. LOL. He’s been reading Wonkette.
InKnockYouUs: He’s thinking about the future of his special comments after Bush. All of a sudden he is realizing if Obama wins then Liberals will not be angry anymore to watch his show.
Goddammit Georgia, you let me down! O well this victory/defeat meth isn’t gonna snort itself!
Giant Robot: Ignore that last post… some guy named Trapper John just layed it all out on DailyKos. Gin and scotches for the house…
simetrias: But so does Jeanne Shaheen
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
Fox is talking to the wrong Pennsylvania Catlicks then. Woo hooo! Hunkies for Obama!
Cool alt-text.
Congrats on your live-blogging debut, even if that isn’t you in your blogging uniform.
Wait - three million votes counted in Texas, and that’s ONE PERCENT of the precincts? How many bloody Texans are there?
smellyal8r: Pleez. There are way more Klansmen in Indiana than Georgia. Half our state office-holders are black; the bitters are used to it. That was totally a vote for the Rapture.
Axelrod: we are thrilled to be competing (trans: eat my shorts)
David Axelrod has that sad downturned mouth going on. Cheer up, buddy.
Lazy Media: Wha?? Who do you call to do that? Rupert? Roger Ailes? O’Reilly? Funny. I do now here and presently protest your unfair calling of PA for my opponent. My friends, we cannot let this happen…Holarious. Wonder who had to wake him from nap with the grim news?
Bill Bennett: it’s over for McCain. Yup.
whoopie! It is looking like marajuana has been decriminalized in MA.
Close to 100% of Clinton supporters are w. Obama. Gee, McCain, choosing Palin was such a brilliant move!
BTW, working-class Catholics suck balls. Just thought I’d put that out there.
WTF is happening in VA? I thought they were fully in the tank. Are they only counting McCain counties?
revmod: Too many.
Four-eyed dweeb on FNC just said he was at the “Cayahoga Whore-House”.
Think he meant court-house.
Tweety is obsessed with educated voters.
God, I love David Axelrod!
FOX News is a hoot tonight.
Lazy Media: Hmmm…mebbe so. I’ve worked in GA and the highest black officeholder I think I’ve seen in State Senator and maybe a statewide like Ed Commissioner or some such. A black President winning in GA? Doubtful. No offense, but doubtful (and yes, I’m surprised that Obama did as well as he did in PA and supposedly in OH…an equal number of racists there).
Lazy Media: simetrias: …sheesh, I didn’t realize there were so many Candy Crowley fan in here! Can I at least make fun of James Carville’s ugly mug?!
Carville seems relatively sedate right now. So much so, that I can actually understand him. I think Blitzer slipped him something.
Begala just said PA was McCain’s Alamo. Remember that!
CNN just declared Ms. Dole embalmbed!
LMAO. The “Hammer” is talking on MSNBC like he been eatin’ oxy’s with that asshole Rush.
Dreamer: Nate sez VA will be okay. Probably.
http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2008/11/virginia.html
oh man, matthews is ball tickling tom delay’s balls.
C’mon, call it for Barry! Me wants bubbly.
…ewwwwwwww, someone get Tom Delay off my television please!
gregsamsa: when aren’t they?
lovethebomb: Bet he wishes he voted for the Socialist now.
Dallas County is 60% for Hopey so far
Haha! They just said Kay Hagan would beat Elizabeth Stupid. I mean, Stupid Dole.
Polls closing in 15 states. CO, NM…. exciting!
fuckinredneck: blaaaagggghhh…I tried to watch for a hot minute but it was SO BORRRRRRRING. I think you prolly have to pay closer attention to pick up the snarks. I’m more on the “fast track(mark) to freedom” here in the USA… more alcohol…more hot sweet Obama lovin!
Juan McMaverick: …Oxycontin with a Jack Daniels chaser! He sounds shit-faced!
Quick vote, Biggest Douche so far —- Tom Delay?
Captain Justice: Elizabeth “DOH!”
The Hammer…and I quote: “They’ll probably double the minimum wage in the next 6th months!”
I really fucking hate Tom Delay. That is all.
simetrias: Bob better stock up on some viagra to keep her busy or she’ll start calling him a limp-dicked atheist (or something).
Yes!!! Hagan projected to beat Dole for Jessie Helm’s old seat!!!
Alabama goes for McCain. SURPRISE!
Captain Justice: I just saw that. I am giddy with godlessness.
As a gay man….I want to have babies with Kay Hagan.
Any word yet on the vote to legalize prostitution in San Fransico? I have some vacation time coming up.
Chill, y’all. Zero votes have come in from Arlington County. I repeat, zero. McCain
’s up only 46k; once the people who vote on CPT come in, that could flip quickly.
Faux News might as well start playing the dirge music from “Platoon” to accompany the dourness of the news delivery.
Minnesota!
The EMPTY WIG must be tossed into the lava of the nearest volcano.
Ha, Wolf can;t call AZ for McCain!
NY, MN, they are falling like flies! Go Obama Go!
smellyal8r: easy what you say about OH, there are some very very black concentrations as well as some really Dem, rural counties (darke, come to mind)
Fox is completely out of control. They just called Ohio for Obama and then uncalled it.
Brian William: the economy eclipsed Iraq. Sez a lot about Americans. You’d think Iraq would still matter.
Dole lost the Senate. Ha!
simetrias: AMEN!
Kansas can go fuck themselves
Grant Park: Huge crowds. No one is staying off the grass, they say. Hey, is that legal in Chicago?
NoVa always reports late. The 800lb gorilla that is NoVa is going to sit squarely on what is left of McGrumpy’s hopes.
simetrias: Yeah, that means that WALNUTS is wrong about Iraq too. Asshole.
whiteasasheet: again, I say, “when aren’t they?”
Wolf Blitzer is channeling Mark E. Smith?
the best part of the whole evening has been nancy grace talking about today being her twins birthday. alert all lifeforms.
Jerk Cade: around the bend from Taint’s Hollow.
Arkansas for McCain, whateva
AK for McInsane
I think the tagline for this election should be the one from Aliens vs. Predator:
“No matter who wins…we lose.”
fox web is funky too, only headlines are working (surprize?), map mostly stays all yellow… sometimes blue and red shows up, then, gone again back to all yellow. I guess they truly are color blind….
drinky drinky?
PBS is giving Obama New Mexico! Jim is trying not to smile.
Here’s a sample of Canadian election coverage: “If Napoleon had nuclear submarines, we would all speak French.”
Seriously! That’s Mansbridge on CBC…
dotdotdotdotdot: Thanks! VA and NC are my ultimate prize – kind of like the most sinful desert.
entrevista de cnn en espanol con jesse jackson.
FOX calls Ohio for Hopey!!! Drink! Drink! Drink!
oh hi hi hi hi ohhhhh!!!
Auntie Beeb calls OHio! They’re expecting 330-360 total.
Hopey will take Florida. Yeah, back to the blue column! Our long state nightmare is over…