Wonkette
The only question we have for this latest batch of states is: will Maryland stay in the Democratic column? What? Exactly. Now let’s watch the CNN people eagerly discuss how there will not be projections re: Florida or Pennsylvania for another FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. Roland Martin probably has an interesting take on this!
8:00 — Oh crap on a stick, there are a million projections: Obama — IL, MA, DE, NJ, ME, DC, MD; McCain: TN, OK. No surprises. UPDATE: Liberal MSNBC calls PA for Obama, CNN does not.
8:02 — Ha ha, the old CNN guy is “shocked” to see that McCain won 71% of white voters in South Carolina. Apparently he has never been to the United States of America.
8:04 — As we just updated above the jump, the liberal media establishment MSNBC, a subset of the communist “NBC News” has called Pennsylvania for Obama. They are probably wrong, because NBC News literally fucks these early projections up every year. If it holds though, then… wait, no, NO CHAMPAGNE.
8:06 — John King draws these green lines across Florida on his fancy digital map. It looks like he is trying to slice a penis in half. This is a terrible sign for Ralph Nader.
8:08 — We do not every want to look at pictures of dumb Indiana counties every again. John King says, though, that McCain is underperforming Bush2004 in all of the red counties. This is going to be such an anticlimactic close, and thank God. This monstrous election needs a soft landing, to prevent global self-implosion.
8:12 — Dana Bash is at the Phoenix hotel that will host the McCain rally. Deadly schoolchidren are singing gothic German funeral rites in the background.
8:15 — CNN cuts to commercial… or is it a hologram of them cutting to commercial? This is a real Pandora’s Box they’ve opened tonight.
8:18 — Liberal MSNBC yet again calls a race in freakishly record time: Democrat Jean Shaheen beats incumbent Sen. John Sununu in New Hampshire. Ha ha, sucks to be a moderate Republican.
8:20 — David Axelrod is on CNN, let’s see what’s up with that guy.
8:21 — “Uh uh, Pennsylvania, that’s huge, that was… big thing… uh uh, North Carolina looks interesting, uh, so we’re hopeful.” David Axelrod clearly wants to shout, “WE WON, DUMB WOLF BLITZER, SUCK IT MCSHIT, PALIN — GO EAT AN ASS.” He is not wearing any pants and is holding two bottles of Cristal between his thighs.
8:22 — Axelrod: “Oh yeah Barry misses his grandma too… Did I mention that we’re winning the shit out of this election?”
8:24 — Fine, we give up — CNN is officially too boring to watch. Surely MSNBC will be better?? Oh, GREAT, it’s just dumb David Gregory and… Ann Curry? Ha ha, everyone has been fired from this shameful network. Let’s keep watching it.
8:26 — David Gregory asks Eugene Robinson, who is black, what he thinks about black people. Everyone at the table laughs, and a commercial. So many commercials. It seems so… empty tonight.
8:28 — Hey everyone, we have a special treat for you in our 8:30 liveblog. Presenting, for the first time ever — THIS HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE ON THE INTERNET — your liveblog will be written by… A HOLOGRAM OF KEN LAYNE. Just kidding. The next liveblogger will be Intern Juli, in her Wonkette liveblogging debut! So go check that out and be nice to her while the editors chug rum for a few minutes.
Tennessee, of course.
PA is a very important result.
Time to riot, Philly!
Why is CNN showing Family Guy at the top of their giant magic screen?
Uh, what the hell is up with the picture. Is that a male or female bitter?
Fuck CNN! BBC is practically calling the whole election for Obama. We’ve got Pennsylvania!
Say wut now? MSNBC just declared for PA. The grim new will be sent to AZ by Pony Express.
Fuck you, Pennsylvania for Obama.
CBS getting ballsy…72 votes for Barry already!?
Whoa, I took a shit and now Barack has 103 EV’s!
Hopey just won PA.
golden palace, nice.
Boobs! Me want BOOBS!
CNN says white evangelical born-agains choose McCain over Obama?! My god, this night is full of surprises!
They can’t call Alabama yet? WTF? George Wallace is sitting up in his grave, scratching his moldy skull with his skeletal finger.
MSNBC has called PA for hopey
Florida lookin good
NBC called Pennsylvania for Hopey too!
Skeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!! Yay for Pennsylvania.
Greetings from Jesusland; I’m in the redneck/cowboy/macho warmonger state of Wyoming, but I just wanted to gloat to somebody about having proudly voted for Hopey today and canceled out some red-state bitter’s vote for McDick.
I would SO DO Campbell Brown!
-SP
The pinko commies at the BBC just all but called it … sorry if us limey’s are tempting fate … but, fuck yeah!
Gov. Rendell pulled it out in PA (walkin’ around money in Philly still works).
If we’re lucky SC will secede again. Then we can send the Presidential Muslim Terrorist Death Squad in to take all their white women.
Jim, why do you make me look at that horrendous picture while I obsessively refresh???
Anyone else noticing that Obama has more votes in SC but it’s been called for McCain? I’m looking at msnbc BTW.
Oh Pennsylvania, you make Ashley Todd very very sad.
Tweety has got to share the microphone or it is off to Alaska for him.
I hate Matthews referring to Gov. Rendell as “Eddie.” What a turd.
Never mind.. guess the numbers on the website weren’t quick enough.. Or I wasn’t.. Did anyone else wake and feel like it was christmas morning?
MSNBC is hatin on McCain’s chances
New Hampshire hearts Hopey
Oh it’s all coming apart on FOX! Oh, thank you Jesus!
Oh, oh, I feel a hopegasm comin’!
Only 71% of the crackers in South Carolina voted against the dark-skinned fellow? That’s real progress to report from the state that brought us the Civil War (which is rumored to have been about dark-skinned folk).
ABC is calling PA for Hussein too..
Magic finger sez: bad time for McCain in Indiana.
Game over man…game over.
Howard Dean is very stiff for Obama
Wow…Hagin is stomping Dole so far in NC. That’s great!
Chris Matthews is a douche.
DC FTW!!!!
Suzanne Malveaux is taking my order at Burger King.
NBC and ABC have called Pa. for Obama. But not CNN or CBS. Not sure about Fox. But I’m sure they’re in denial.
look at the toothless chick behind the reporter in grant park. scary.
choir boys singing in the Biltmore. Those repubtards like them some choir boys.
The poor CNN lady … not the holographic one, the other one … sounds like she’s in a warzone at Hopey’s victory rally.
Chris Matthews just called Howard Dean “the John the Baptist to Barack Obama’s…” and then realized where that was headed and stopped.
Dana Bash looks like an alien. What gives? Plus, that boys choir of Phoenix adds a spooky patriotic feel to the festivities, no?
Tweety: “So he IS an elitist!?”
what a turd
WeDeserveThisFate: I am waiting until it gets closer then switching.
FOX is now projecting New Hampshire for Obama.
And FOX has also projected Hagan over Dole.
Swear to god, sounds like the Phoenix Boys’ Choir was singing Tomorrow Belongs to Me.
Actually, communist NBC News is owned by hardline Soviet Shinehardt Wig Company (”Not selling American atomic secrets to the commies since 1955″). So you know which side their borscht is buttered on!
HedonismBot: sweetie pie, thankyou!
Stick a fork in McNasty, he is done. The Mac is back….in the Senate!
Sean O: I think it was “This is My Country”. As long as it’s not Lee Greenwood, sing on oh choir boys!
Itsjustme: True dat. Live free or die. Suck it Megan McCain!
Hey Jim, Why the picture of Giuliani for the top of this thread.
My 11 year old son just had the line of the night. My wife and I were telling him that if Hopey takes Va. it is probably about over, and his reaction, as we were planning an election night party, “but you haven’t even served the hors d’oeuvres yet!!” Probably funnier here in person but wanted to share anyway. Come on Obama, give us a chance to party before winning!!
AfghanVet: Agreed…he’s SO DRAMATIC!
gurukalehuru: I’ll drink to BBC. To Hopey!
Someone get Lester Holt on MSNBC a goddamn glass of water.
Bill Kristol on FOX says it looks like a bad night for Republicans. No Bomb, Bomb Iran.
Check out ths website (sorry my southern brethen): Fuck the South. Sort of sums up how I felt in 2004.
I feel like my head is going to explode. There is nowhere near enough medical marijuana to help with that.
I’ve talked to at least one voter who was frauded tonight while calling and pointing bitters & others to their polling places and reminding them that Team Unicorn needs them. I fixed those republican’s red wagons in Ohio and told her to she could vote!
Is Indecision ‘08 on yet?
Fox has not called PA. But they are so sad!
JoeFannyPack: Your son sounds like an elitist. Can he also pronounce “arugula”?
Beef Supreme: Go take another shit!
NCarolina wouldn’t that be something! They can stay in the union. But Tennessee… buy-bye!
4 more Senators for the Dems!
JoeFannyPack: Tell your son that it’s ok; the party will last at least four years.
OMG! I half expect the boy’s choir at the Biltmore to break into “Nearer My God To Thee”, and for them to start loading the women and children first.
JoeFannyPack: Oh, we’ve seen the hors already, but fortunately, they are staying in alaska and north carolina… yuk yuk.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: And he is a Hah-vard PhD, so he must know what he’s talking about.
CNN showed N.C. running at 58% for Hopey.
Wolf is talking superstition. Don’t claim victory early, and… carville here… don’t change your undies. Ewwww.
Dole is gone! Whoooooooooo!
“8:12 — Dana Bash is at the Phoenix hotel that will host the McCain rally. Deadly schoolchidren are singing gothic German funeral rites in the background.”
LOLZ! The first things that my hubby said when CNN panned over to the McCain party was “what is this, a funeral?”
Oh… it’s funny because it’s true
Knocking off moderate Senators may not be a great thing in the long run. All that’ll be left is the crazy assholes who jerk off to pictures of Jesse Helms.
I live in Canada! I don’t get MSNBC! Tell me who they’ve called!
Oy, now we are on Obama’s grandma. And she’s dead, too.
So, Axlerod…wonk or nerd?
Did you see the ballot on MSNBC for Florida? Connect the dots and make an arrow? WTF?!?!
I’m sorry. The ballots in Palm Beach County appear fucked. Who is designing these things in Florida? You color in between two boxes? What the fuck is that?
Holy crap! Ted Koppel on the BBC. This is awesome…he’s lecturing on American history to the drunken English guys. That rules.
FOX just called Shaheen over Sununu.
I am so glad Dole is out. Now she’ll have time for Viagra ads and reconstructive face work.
CBS just announced the defeat of Libby Dole. Schadenfreude, I has it.
Does anyone remember the scene from Ferris Bueller’s day off where, as the principle (?) is looking at Ferris’s number of absent days, Ferris (who has hacked in) is modifying the computer record?
I expect the same thing any minute from our Diebold overlords
Damn, they are piling on the commercials tonight. At least we don’t have to see any more Rev Wright ads.
Ads are on ALL channels at this very second.
WeDeserveThisFate: neither has CNN, not even holographically!
McCain desperately wanted NH…. and lost it 6 to 4. LOL.
I just came home - what did I miss? Are we going to bomb Iran?
cnn calls NH! Yay NH, you still get my money!
The long sad faces at Fox just called Pennsylvania for Hopey.
It’s so delicious watching Faux News. They’re running about 15 minutes behind the predictions of NBC because they just can’t deal with the ‘Bamatudity.
God, will I go to hell for loving the schadenfreude? Will I have to change planes at O’Hare?
CNN says educated voters like Hopey!! Bad year for dumbasses!!
the godless lady won in NC.
I went to college in New England in the late 80s, and at the time, New Hampshire was as conservative as anywhere in the South, they just had better teeth. To think that it is now joining Massachusetts and Vermont in Socialism, what a world we live in.
We are all comrades now!
Wishin’ it were champagne time already, but I don’t feel like popping my cork early. LOL.
Ho ho ho, the BBC coverage is great. They just asked their reporter at McCain HQ if there’s an “air of desperation” there.
Weird, Ted Koppel is co-anchoring BBC’s coverage…
Karl “Goo” Rove on FNC!
Sean O: I LOLd
GA for the Crypt Keeper? I can’t take this! More alcohol!
Oh, ho, ho. McCain’s 13-point lead just evaporated to 3 points. Come on, Commonwealth.
GO HERE
http://wonkette.com/404151/liveblogging-the-800-et-wave-of-slightly-less-unimportant-results
President Beeblebrox: He’s originally from Britain – he is a naturalized citizen so he is right at home with the elitist BBC.
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
I have great teeth…
memzilla: No, O’Hare is Hell. You’ll be fine.
how about beaming the intern over here …