Wonkette
Those of you who are privately in love with Chuck Todd will recall that he recently told us, “If Indiana is too close to call at poll close, that is good news for Barack Obama.” Well, Wolf Blitzer just said, “We’re in no position to make a projection yet.”
7:31 PM — Gaack too much informations to keep up with! Florida, only 3% of precincts in…their map is fucked up, says Wolf. Who will they beam in holographically from Florida to tell us what’s up?
7:32 PM — Gergen says the Obama people are really worried. Huh? Why are they sending David Gergen emails about how worried they are?
7:34 PM — Carville: “The big ovahview heah is that theyah’s a recession goin’ awn.” Everybody looks tense and sniffly. Alex Castellanos: McCain will be looking for the silent majority vs. the silent minority.
7:36 PM — Why did no one tell Tara Wall not to wear BRIGHT WHITE on TV? Isn’t this something all of these teevee people are supposed to know, instinctively?
7:37 PM — Paul Begala is on speed. Thousands of people in a park in Chicago. Oh Jesus Christ is this thing going to go for the Republican AGAIN?
7:38 PM — North Carolina Obama barely ahead with basically no precincts reporting, Obama with a big lead in Florida, Indiana with McCain slightly ahead but the polls in Gary haven’t closed yet, right? Obama slightly ahead in the popular vote.
7:44 PM — Shit, let’s go over to Fox. Some blonde is talking about how Obama lost West Virginia due to white evangelical voters. Late deciders broke for McCain in WVa, but not by a huge margin. Oh this is that Megyn Kelley (sp?) we keep hearing about.
7:45 PM — Brit Hume has not retired yet, it appears! Here is some dude who needs a haircut, standing sweatily in Florida and praising “a very flawless day of voting.”
7:46 PM — Back to CNN. JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP ABOUT THE HOLOGRAM.
7:47 PM — This is the most physically and emotionally exhausting liveblog in the history of history. Newell will be taking over at 8pm, when every poll in the world closes. Ooh we are informed that sexy Chuck Todd is on MSNBC with free dildos, so let’s flip over there for a sec.
7:48 PM — Chuck Todd has classy holograms, of inanimate objects like maps.
7:49 PM — All you nervous nellies, just go over to MSNBC, you will feel much better.
7:50 PM — Lessee, commercial break, why not try the CSPAN, for lo-fi grafix and some quiet sanity. The editor of Roll Call is talking about Chris Dodd. How is THAT for boring/soothing? Senate Committee Ranking Members, all pictured in a grid…Good god SNOOZY!!! Back to MSNBC.
7:53 PM — Odious Ken Blackwell, talkin’ about Ohio. David Gregory talking about the exit polls, which we have been sternly instructed to ignore. So just ignore the buffoon in the pinstripes AND the buffoon in the awful tie. Remember how Ken Blackwell swung the election to George Bush in 2004? Yeah, sellout. He will be sent to Guantanamo with Joe the Plumber, soon.
7:55 PM — Ooh Valerie Jarrett! She is a lady we have heard about a lot but never seen speaking. Oh she has a pretty voice. Boring talking points explaining the 50-state strategy, though. Whatever, she is a “top advisor”, so presumably she knows something we don’t.
7:57 PM — ELECTION POLL SHOCKER: John McCain wins South Carolina.
7:58 PM — Yaay no more awful political ads on the television. That is something we all can celebrate.
8:00 PM — Jim continues your endless liveblog here.
Indiana Jones is in the tank.
That’s cuz Wolf can’t add to 100
i’ll mark that down as the blitz being in the tank along with closeness.
Carville: There’s a recession. It’s the economy, stooopud.
Soooo are early/absentee votes counted first or last? I truly have no idea.
Carville is hedging. Ay. I’m getting sick.
Man IN looks like a Rorschach test
Can’t they get Carville out of there? Really, I’m sure that somewhere in America, there is someone much more attractive who could read his lines.
dollywould: in illinois, at least, the early votes are counted simultaneously. in other words, they just sit there until the vote counting begins and are tabulated with all the nov. 4 ballots.
Doesn’t Castellanos mean “silent minoriTIES”?
Also, what the fuck?
If we win will Chucky T get naked?
Wait, what’s happening? I was too busy emailing David Gergen to protect me from the holograms … the horrible, horrible holograms.
Um, no. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH VIRGINIA! capslock motherfuckers.
Hasn’t Fox called the entire election for Walnuts yet?
Exit polls are useless, they say. Hey, Barry’s granny voted before she passed. Cool, huh?
yyeaahhh Kintuckie!! i’ss haz *SO* drinking…
-SP
dollywould: In NM they started counting yesterday but aren’t done, FWIW
NC leaning Barry says elitist NYT
Doesn’t anyone else miss Tim Russert tonight?
Well, NBC just said, according to exit polling, Obama won a good majority of moderate voters in Indiana, which would seem to bode quite well.
hrhkingfriday: BLAME THE BLACK PANTHERS!!
Official Florida returns don’t start coming in until 8 p.m., because the western panhandle is in shitkicker time.
On MSNBC - I know he’s on our side, but fuck The Potters House
And TD Jakes with his stupid sounding lisp
Begala + Carville can only lead to many moments of psycho punditing hilarity.
I am watching MSNBC. Nada good for BO in KY, IN, and VA is the worst. What up?
Can we kick Florida out of the USA already?
claytor: yeah, at noon GMT
Carville gives me nightmares. If they made him into a hologram, I’d never sleep again.
simetrias:
We need a little white board action, for sure.
I’m a little upset at Virginia. I put a lot of volunteer work into this damn state!!
The worst part of the CNN hologram was the amount of time Wolf explained that it was a hologram and how the hologram technology worked. She still looked like Bill Shatner beaming in behind the Klingons, etc. Tedious.
Why is FOX advertising on CNN?????
Oh that damn Nancy “real Virginia” Pfotenhauer or however you spell it is on NBC babbling.
BBC is wondering why everything is taking so bloody long…stupid socialist Limeys, they don’t know what an election is.
My Dad’s precinct in NC is going 4:1 Obama.
If I did drugs, which I do, I’d want to sit down in front of an eight ball of coke right now, which I want to do, SO I CAN UNDERSTAND JAMES CARVILLE ERGG, who I don’t understand.
Is there a fucking Bradley effect or not? I’m making a martini.
Hey, it was never going to be a bumper to bumper lead. We are still a 50/50 nation, dontcha know…But, VA? Warner wins big but not The One? Racist skunks.
Barry is pwning Miami…yay old Jews!
Actually, I’ve partied with Mitch McConnell and he’s Hip.
Geez this Star Wars hologram crap on CNN *is* terrible.
I think if I fly it just right I can get the torpedoes into Wolf Blitzer’s mouth and then the whole Death Star will just merrily explode!
West Virginia, you hicktown hussy! I’m not speaking to you for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS!
apocalypsethen: nmmagayar: Thanks!
I’m cautiously optimistic for Hopey, but I’m more worried about Prop 8 here in CA.
MSNBC is showing McCain’s “last flight home” and it looks like Cindy is in an Obama button.
Check out Suzanne Malveaux getting totally drown out!
Will someone please get TD Jakes the fuck off MSNBC? Megachurches make me itch. Up next: Joel Osteen and his Giant Teeth of Jesus!
…shit, am I the only watching the crowd in Chicago?
Someone needs to send a hologram of Wolf to Chicago to shush that crowd.
If Wolf gets any more laid back, the ghost of Tim Russert is gunna goose him.
eww. I just saw Walnuts’ farewell to his traveling press corps on his plane and Vinegar Joe was right there in the background. His face makes me want to kill myself
You know, before this election I always thought the Bradley Effect was about Bill Bradley taking the court in NJ and refusing to fake the funk on a nasty, nasty dunk. I wish I was right.
BBC old guy: :Look there is Chicago’s Grant Park…very well…maybe there will be a million people…maybe not…very well, let’s got to New York”
God it’s like watching paint dry…
Virginia’s gonna be close, but so far, it’s just the hillbilly vote coming in. None of the urban counties have reported.
Bill Bennett: it’s gunna go fast. Good. My champagne is getting antsy.
AngryBlakGuy: …I guess the revolution will be televised!
renttoowncoitus: He oughta be, nyuk, nyuk. Talk to the pages.
NBC is showing footage of McCain talking on the campaign plane. Jesus, it looks like Lieberman is attached to him. Conjoined twins or something.
uato carabau: Joe is always on the losing side. Thank god.
You people panic pretty easy.
If this shit on MSNBC is right Obama pwned McCain in North Carolina and basically negated his wins in Kentucky and SC.
now the BBC has some Dr. who is a “blogger”…God this is awful why am I watching this…Shouldn’t a doctor be operating on someone right now?
dollywould: me too, I’m planning a fucking wedding on fucking Catalina
Cooper sez, we have REAL numbers now. As opposed to the bogus FL numbers that didn’t add up to 100??
Obama lost West Virginia when he wasn’t born white.
PA, all of FL about to close. Begin rubbing prayer beads and I mean rub those bastards.
uato carabau: I had an awful thought today. If Gore would have one in 2000 there would be a good chance that Joe the traitor would be the Dem nominee today. I really am not sure how this made me feel. Bush would have never happened, but our VP would have been a virgin.
MSNBC advertising some movie about some convict continent with Godspeed you Black Emperor playing in the background or Explosions in the Sky…where is this magical place we can all move to when McCain wins?
simetrias: Yes, the Loserman part of Sore/Loserman. Excellent point!
NBC has Luke Russert. Not Tim, for sure (I feel like Brokaw at the Berlin wall??). But at least I can see Tim in his boy.
Hutch: KY is no surprise, and it looks like only the gun totin’ regions of Virginia and Indiana have been counted. Not such hotbeds of communist subversion as Alexandria and Indianapolis.
We’re winning Indiana. And Virginia. Chill.
Who has news on Franken, Hagan, Twinkieburger, et alii…?
OffTheRecord: The Dem nominee with McCain as his running mate…k-razy
OffTheRecord: If Gore would have one? If I were him I would have had six or seven…
drinkin since 11. ttly in the tank, yo
The whole world is watching.
Well that’s what I hear anyway…
simetrias: haha. I am the drunk. Already.
Rukasu: That would be Australia. Another shrimp on the barbie Huge Jackman?
John King and his magic finger…. we are in Noble County. Obama country, natch
Put on yer boots! It’s weasle stompin’ DAY! (We hope!)
Anyone see the palm beach voting card? It’s some sort of cognitive exam.
OffTheRecord: Speed Ball is in the tanked.
OffTheRecord: The Drunk is the One!
Aw, gee, big surprise on S. Carolina.
nmmagayar: It took us Newmescans two weeks to count the ballots for the Democratic primary. Made us feel important. Incompetent, too, but WTF.
Looks like Wolf is going to win his seat back. Bummer.
I’m happier watching MSNBC. It’s not a nutty as CNN and I think David Gregory is way studlier than AC. Plus, only one desk, no one hopping around and no holograms of human beans.
There is really a woman with the last name Long Thompson? That is funny. I would have voted for her.
Polls closing everywhere. Whoo hoooooo
Brit Hume looks like he has some scotch under the desk. Mmm, scotch.
Oh hey, Hagen is doing good. That will teach Dole for bearing false witlessness or whatever.
OMG! Obama in Pennsylvania! Happy.
NPR calls Pennsylvania for Hopey!!!
PA for Hopey McChange!
…finally Barry is putting some points on the board!
CNN just barfed up 74 electoral votes for Hopey!
Here we go: MA, Il, CT (take that, Jose LoserMan), NJ, Delaware (go Joe the Biden)…
well Pa. just went to Obama. Good night McCain.
Wooo hooo! My beloved People’s Republic of Maryland just was called for Obama. I’m shocked.
Biden wins senate in Delaware, talk about cover your bases…
CBS getting ballsy….72 for Barry already!?
WTF, they can’t call Alabama yet? Goodnight, Walnuts.
ZOMGZ, they called Delaware for Barry at 8:00:30!!!1
Heh.
…Kay Hagan is handing Lizzy Dole her ass!
A real maverick would give his victory speech now. Come on, Walnuts, go for it!!
They are “venting” on Fox.
It’s like a NFL halftime show. Except with a sad.
NBC calls Pennsylvania for Obama!
JoeFannyPack: What would have been REALLY funny is Long Johnson…
who is the hottie on C-span? meoooooooooowww
AngryBlakGuy: He had better win, because I wouldn’t want that crowd to get angry.
“I don’t know about you, but we just got our asses kicked!”
Game over…Thank (your god here).
AngryBlakGuy:
Bob Dole is loading up with Viagra now that that Liddy coming home!!!!Don’t you bend over Liddy!!
Chuck Todd has some weird “Gladiator” video game hologram shit going on, like you get a 360 of the Coliseum right before Joaquin Phoenix stabs you between the shoulderblades. It doesn’t change the strangeness of his pompadour. Also, MSNBC is wholly in the tank for the Dems tonight, and God bless them for it.
BBC just called Pennsylvania for Obama. No idea what data they based the call on, though.
Que Sera Sarah: Same here, Sarah. Bright side is that no results are in from NOVA or the tidewater yet.
I’m reasonably pleased with Maine…though would have liked to see Collins stay home…
slappypaddy: hey - at least we got some media other than “Cops”