About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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Hola wonkerados.

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82 comments

  1. AnnieGetYourFun

    ACORN, of course, hopes that the Mickey Mouses of the world will keep cycling through the right side of that flowchart.

  2. OffTheRecord

    I am a moran who forgot the most important rule of election day in Kentucky: No alcohol sales on election day. I am distressed. The only substantial amount of booze I have is a bottle of Crown Royal. It appears I shall be drinking like Hillary Clinton tonight.

  3. Numbat Dundee

    This flow chart discriminates against us furriners. We can’t vote but would like to drink.

  4. NoWireHangers

    Promise me, Ken. PROMISE ME there will be pictures of crying wingnuts on Our Wonkette come Wednesday.

  5. The Station Manager

    This I can do. If anyone else is in Spokane, there’s supposedly some kind of Dem drinky thing going on at the Red Lion downtown across from The Globe. I’ll be the guy in the blue and yellow Adidas.

  6. Local Moran

    I’m a voter and I approve this message.

    Meet up at Humphrey’s tonight at seven o’clock, p.m.! First round of ‘Hope’ is on me!

  7. Viva la Cynthia

    PHEW! I have been racking my brain to come up with drinking game rules all week long. Thanks, Wonkette!

  8. NoWireHangers

    [re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Are you near the state line? Got time to drive? They don’t even sell wine?

    Have you considered moving?

  9. Lazy Media

    Mmmm, gin and orange juice with lemon soda. What’s that you say, have another? Don’t mind if I do.

  10. smashtheduck

    Ken, I agree about the crying wingnuts. Except why the fuck do we have to wait till Wednesday. I want crying Wingnutz tonight!

  11. OffTheRecord

    [re=164176]dmdlnt[/re]: Yes. I has a very serious sad. I am still contemplating driving to Indiana because I fear what I have will not be sufficient.

  12. smashtheduck

    [re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: You’re telling me you’re in Kentucky and you can’t find alcohol? Am I missing something? Are you fucking kidding me?

  13. middleamerican

    [re=164161]btwbfdimho[/re]: You might want to rethink that- maybe scale it back to one shot for every 10 electoral votes, maybe 20. You don’t want to drink yourself to death before you have a chance to see Obama in office!

  14. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Jeebus. That’s just not even fair. I think you’re allowed to break into your neighbor’s bar, at this point. It’s an emergency!

  15. thejames@thejamesrocket.com

    [re=164165]NoWireHangers[/re]: Absolutely. I totally need to replace the picture of Sobbing Little Santorum that I’ve used as my Schadenfreude icon for the past two years.

  16. smashtheduck

    I can no longer do this alone. Heading to Playbill on P St if any of you DC communists wanna join. Shit. Must feed doggy first.

  17. Viva la Cynthia

    [re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Sounds like it’s time to head for the state line–that ain’t good.

  18. middleamerican

    [re=164186]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I think I might save those pics and make a hardcover Mac coffeetable book entitled “Bitter(s) Tears- Horray for Socialism/Marxism!”

  19. magic titty

    Exit Polls – are we supposed to ignore them only if Obama is doing well, or if he’s doing worse than expected??

  20. qwerty42

    well heck, it’s kintuck! If i can get moonshine on this side of the mountains, you should be able to over there. (altho, i don’t think I actually have done that since high school — but the theory is sound)

  21. writinghannah

    I am 22 and I’d like to capture my thoughts before America either elects a president who its first 26 presidents could have legally owned, or brazenly subverts the very ideals it was founded upon by manipulating numbers in a final embarrassingly overt goosestep towards corporate totalitarianism.

    I am nervous. And not night-before-the-swim-test nervous or even night-you-lose-your-virginity nervous, it’s a low rumbling primal panic which I can only liken to Star Wars panic. Disney panic. The edge-of-your-seat-terror that makes you wonder if Skywalker’s doomed after he refuses to join Darth Vader and drops down into the abyss, if the wicked octopus or grand vizier or steroid-pumping-village-misogynist is going to wed/kill/skin the dashing prince and then evil people in dark funny costumes are going to take over the world… if it wasn’t a movie of course.

    And tonight it’s not. It’s not a movie and yet I feel like Obama might as well be wearing an American flag cape while a decaying McCain, in a high-tech robotic spider wheelchair wearing an eyepatch and stroking an evil cat, gives orders to a sexy scheming Palin who marches back and forth through their sub-terranian campaign lair in four inch thigh-highs and full-body black leather catsuit bossing around the evangelical ants with a loooooong whip… umm… is this just me?

    Anyway, the point is that things feel weird folks. I have friends who have peed in waterbottles to keep from interrupting a Halo-playing marathon who got off their asses/couches to volunteer for the Obama campaign not once, but many times. Friends so cheap their body content is at least 1/3 Ramen Noodle who donated a good deal of their hard-earned cash to the campaign. People have registered to vote in record numbers, and yet, something just doesn’t feel right. I think we should stop congratulating ourselves for just voting. To vote is a privilege which people have died for, and I think there’s a whole lot more to be done for the country than to simply help win an election every 4 years.

    Hundreds of millions of dollars, hundreds of thousands of man-hours spent on both sides by good-intentioned people who want to make a difference in an historic election, so many resources and voices and energies devoted to a single day. After tomorrow, half of that is going to have been a waste. And I can’t help but wonder what could have happened if all that muscle had been put towards something else, and what will happen to its momentum after the election has come and gone. Shouldn’t we be donating our money to good causes whenever we can? Helping people who don’t have? Dedicating some of our time to contribute to making the country which provides for us a better place? Of course a power shift is a hugely significant step on the path to great reform, but worrying about this election has been a wakeup call for me:

    Even if Obama wins, we have not “won.” This isn’t a movie and we can’t toss every greedy lobbyist oil fatcat bigot down a reactor shaft. I think if we dedicate ourselves to the ongoing welfare of the country as much as we have to the outcome of this election, we’ll have a much better shot at coming closer to the overwhelming good the liberals hope Obama will usher in, but which no mere mortal could fully realize alone.

    Which brings me to the other side. I’ve heard a lot of people claim that if McCain wins, they’re leaving. I heard the same thing about Bush’s reelection, and his unelection before that, and nobody seems to be leaving. And that’s fine. Because as much as I complain about certain political happenings, atrocities, etc., I really do like it here and I suspect most other people do too. We have New York and Hollywood, purple mountain’s majesty and sea to shining sea, we created jazz and country music and baseball and cars and lightbulbs and computers and that movie with hundreds of animated singing Chihuahuas! I mean who among the shivering Plymouth pilgrims ever imagined ordering hundreds of animated singing chihuahuas onto a magical box from an invisible information superweb?

    The point being, if things don’t turn out the way I want tomorrow, I feel compelled, as a college-graduated adultish-type-person, to take a stand. And if I’m going to leave I’m going to leave. But if I’m going to stay I’m not going to sit around whining like I have for the past 8 years. It’s like when I don’t clean my room because it’s dirty and then I blame the dirt. So in my very indecisive way, before you and your screen, I’m declaring my intention to make some kind of stand in the event of -(Ican’tevensayit)-, and encouraging you to consider making one too…

    Jump the ship or grab a bucket?
    -Sigh-
    Wasn’t everything so much easier back when the worst possible affront to your values was a PB&J sandwich cut diagonally with crust?

    Anyways, I guess what I’m saying is that if we’re going to stay on board, we should probably be generous with our time and resources when times are tough even more than when the hero saves the day. Because what if he doesn’t? And what if he can’t? If we’re serious about real change, election day should only be the beginning of “Yes we can,” not the end.

    Best,
    Hannah Friedman
    http://www.writinghannah.blogspot.com

  22. Anita Cocktail

    Izzat blue stuff at the bottom Obama’s Kool-Aid?
    Add a little curacao and I’ll gladly drink long and deep.
    Okay, curacao is kind of of disgusting so how about some stoli instead?

  23. Lazy Media

    Anybody else headed to Barracks Row once it’s official? I don’t want to drive/Metro in this crappy weather, but I think I may need the company of fellow inebriates.

  24. OffTheRecord

    [re=164182]NoWireHangers[/re]: Grad school finished in May and I am finding an evil, liberal part of the country to move to.

    [re=164189]smashtheduck[/re]: I finally figured out that it stemmed from the proud tradition of giving people a bottle of booze to get them to vote for you (which actually sounds like a good enough reason to decide down ticket races). BTW if any of you ever try to tour the Makers Mark factory, don’t do it on a Sunday cause you can’t drink. We are a strange and confused people.

  25. Lazy Media

    [re=164239]stew[/re]: I thought they wuz supposed to keep those close to teh vest until the polls closed. Dammit, am I going to have to actually watch TV in real time? I HATE that.

  26. bhosp

    Ah. My favorite drinking game is in play.

    Rule 1: Take a drink every time you take a drink.
    Rule 2: The game is over when alcohol tells you that the game is over.
    Rule 3: Everyone’s a winner.

  27. Que Sera Sarah

    My next door neighbors are having an election night party. But two of them are massive Repubs and I don’t think I wanna be around them tonight. They’re gonna be total bitches.

  28. NoWireHangers

    [re=164246]Que Sera Sarah[/re]: Just say NO! I got an election night invite months ago for something I knew would be lame and totally shot that shit down. NWH is gonna be with the young and sexy on ‘lection night. I wanna ring in the Obama administration with an elitist STD! Health care for all!

  29. FindFuckandFlee

    [re=164246]Que Sera Sarah[/re]: jesus are you serious? i live in Brooklyn and would pay top dollar to watch the time lapse decay of a Republican’s smug corpse as the results roll in. i can has live video feed?

  30. JeffGoldblum

    [re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: U HAZS WORDS 2 MUCH!!!11!

    Yeah, I haven’t posted in ages and that is my re-introduction. Also, I mistakenly voted for McKinney! Oh noes!!!

  31. Giant Robot

    [re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: If your not paid staff I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to give your full name around here… Isn’t that right Agent Mehoff?

  32. problemwithcaring

    [re=164307]gurukalehuru[/re]: Read it again, it was tongue in cheek.

    [re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: This isn’t a movie, you say? But it has Oprah, assassination attempts and the promise of Black people rioting at the end. That’s better than anything I have ever seen at the Magic Johnson…

  33. mothermaven

    Checklist:

    - Take Out Chinese Food
    - 1 bottle of Rum
    - 1 bottle of Vodka
    - 1 bottle of Kahlua
    - 1 bottle of Chardonnay
    - 5 bottles of 2 buck chuck Cabernet
    - 2 bottles of Champagne
    - 1 bottle of Sake

    Watching the republican’s bitter tears on High Def teevee = priceless

  34. tonehedge

    [re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: Uh, Hannah? Are you fucking drinking? Shut the fuck up, you voted, now sit yo ass down and pour another mothafucka.

  35. hobgoblin of little minds

    [re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: Um, please take your introspective, quasi-moralistic, poorly-written drivel somewhere else. Oh, and if that was supposed to be in any way funny, you failed miserably. Go bother the freepers, please.

  36. PenguinDreams

    I voted two weeks ago.

    In related news, my liver is now about five times the size as the “Hopey” graphic. Cheers!!

Comments are closed.