YES WE CAN HAS DRINKS  5:25 pm November 4, 2008

Wonkette’s 2008 Election Night Drinking Game!

by Ken Layne

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El Bombastico November 4, 2008 at 5:28 pm

I’m confused. Where’s the part where I start leaking amniotic fluid?

PengIn November 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm

How can I drink when I am surrounded by BLACK PANTHERS?!?!?


NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:29 pm

I’m confused.

Panderfinder November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Veuve Clicquot, chilling now.

freakishlystrong November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Cheers Queers!
Go Hopey!

AnnieGetYourFun November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

ACORN, of course, hopes that the Mickey Mouses of the world will keep cycling through the right side of that flowchart.

Gopherit November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

You’re trying to kill us all.

shortsshortsshorts November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm


StephanieInCA November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

I’m not a fan of drinking games–I don’t need anyone to tell me to finish my drink, thankyouverymuch. Instead, I’ll be playing Election Bingo ( ) and enjoying a delicious Hot Chuck Toddy

OffTheRecord November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

I am a moran who forgot the most important rule of election day in Kentucky: No alcohol sales on election day. I am distressed. The only substantial amount of booze I have is a bottle of Crown Royal. It appears I shall be drinking like Hillary Clinton tonight.

btwbfdimho November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

My drinking rule: one shot of tequila for every electoral vote that goes for Obama.

Numbat Dundee November 4, 2008 at 5:30 pm

This flow chart discriminates against us furriners. We can’t vote but would like to drink.

NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:31 pm

Promise me, Ken. PROMISE ME there will be pictures of crying wingnuts on Our Wonkette come Wednesday.

Formerly Preferred November 4, 2008 at 5:31 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Kentucky is a place of great wickedness.

InsidiousTuna November 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

3 hours in and still going strong. Gonna be a good night.

CankleBiter November 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

Screwed up already. Drank –> Voted –> Started Drinking again.

shortsshortsshorts November 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

I saw a banner ad, just now that said
Support Marriage Rights

Vote Yes on Prop 8 to Protect Traditional Marriage. Learn More.

Holy shit.

The Station Manager November 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

This I can do. If anyone else is in Spokane, there’s supposedly some kind of Dem drinky thing going on at the Red Lion downtown across from The Globe. I’ll be the guy in the blue and yellow Adidas.

nestor November 4, 2008 at 5:32 pm

Suck on this, Newell!

dmdlnt November 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Holy crap! Are you for serious?

Local Moran November 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

I’m a voter and I approve this message.

Meet up at Humphrey’s tonight at seven o’clock, p.m.! First round of ‘Hope’ is on me!

Viva la Cynthia November 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

PHEW! I have been racking my brain to come up with drinking game rules all week long. Thanks, Wonkette!

ahprahran November 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

i have no alcohol but i have a small amount of prescription medication

Cogito Ergo Bibo November 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm

No drinking up Hopey! We need some of him left to run the country!

NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:34 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Are you near the state line? Got time to drive? They don’t even sell wine?

Have you considered moving?

Lazy Media November 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm

Mmmm, gin and orange juice with lemon soda. What’s that you say, have another? Don’t mind if I do.

smashtheduck November 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm

Ken, I agree about the crying wingnuts. Except why the fuck do we have to wait till Wednesday. I want crying Wingnutz tonight!

AnnieGetYourFun November 4, 2008 at 5:35 pm

[re=164165]NoWireHangers[/re]: Oooh, children’s treasury of crying Repubes! Me likey.

OffTheRecord November 4, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=164176]dmdlnt[/re]: Yes. I has a very serious sad. I am still contemplating driving to Indiana because I fear what I have will not be sufficient.

Godot November 4, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=164151]PengIn[/re]: Colt 45

smashtheduck November 4, 2008 at 5:36 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: You’re telling me you’re in Kentucky and you can’t find alcohol? Am I missing something? Are you fucking kidding me?

SpecialHorse November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

I sent in my ballot over a week ago and I haven’t been sober since.

middleamerican November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

[re=164161]btwbfdimho[/re]: You might want to rethink that- maybe scale it back to one shot for every 10 electoral votes, maybe 20. You don’t want to drink yourself to death before you have a chance to see Obama in office!

anabellum November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

i’m ahead of ya’ll…been drinking since i voted this afternoon…

i voted for any song by Lee Dorsey….

nothing special as far as a video but play it anyway…loud…

Cogito Ergo Bibo November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Jeebus. That’s just not even fair. I think you’re allowed to break into your neighbor’s bar, at this point. It’s an emergency! November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

[re=164165]NoWireHangers[/re]: Absolutely. I totally need to replace the picture of Sobbing Little Santorum that I’ve used as my Schadenfreude icon for the past two years.

Homo Motors November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Cheers to not screwing more pooches.

Dem pooches can have a break for a few.

rocktonsammy November 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm

I’ll be at Mika’s wine and weed-a-thon. Really swanky, no morning Joe.

CankleBiter November 4, 2008 at 5:38 pm

[re=164182]NoWireHangers[/re]: Yes he/she must move post-haste.

smashtheduck November 4, 2008 at 5:38 pm

I can no longer do this alone. Heading to Playbill on P St if any of you DC communists wanna join. Shit. Must feed doggy first.

Viva la Cynthia November 4, 2008 at 5:39 pm

[re=164160]OffTheRecord[/re]: Sounds like it’s time to head for the state line–that ain’t good.

middleamerican November 4, 2008 at 5:39 pm

[re=164186]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I think I might save those pics and make a hardcover Mac coffeetable book entitled “Bitter(s) Tears- Horray for Socialism/Marxism!”

magic titty November 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Exit Polls – are we supposed to ignore them only if Obama is doing well, or if he’s doing worse than expected??

qwerty42 November 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

well heck, it’s kintuck! If i can get moonshine on this side of the mountains, you should be able to over there. (altho, i don’t think I actually have done that since high school — but the theory is sound)

writinghannah November 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

I am 22 and I’d like to capture my thoughts before America either elects a president who its first 26 presidents could have legally owned, or brazenly subverts the very ideals it was founded upon by manipulating numbers in a final embarrassingly overt goosestep towards corporate totalitarianism.

I am nervous. And not night-before-the-swim-test nervous or even night-you-lose-your-virginity nervous, it’s a low rumbling primal panic which I can only liken to Star Wars panic. Disney panic. The edge-of-your-seat-terror that makes you wonder if Skywalker’s doomed after he refuses to join Darth Vader and drops down into the abyss, if the wicked octopus or grand vizier or steroid-pumping-village-misogynist is going to wed/kill/skin the dashing prince and then evil people in dark funny costumes are going to take over the world… if it wasn’t a movie of course.

And tonight it’s not. It’s not a movie and yet I feel like Obama might as well be wearing an American flag cape while a decaying McCain, in a high-tech robotic spider wheelchair wearing an eyepatch and stroking an evil cat, gives orders to a sexy scheming Palin who marches back and forth through their sub-terranian campaign lair in four inch thigh-highs and full-body black leather catsuit bossing around the evangelical ants with a loooooong whip… umm… is this just me?

Anyway, the point is that things feel weird folks. I have friends who have peed in waterbottles to keep from interrupting a Halo-playing marathon who got off their asses/couches to volunteer for the Obama campaign not once, but many times. Friends so cheap their body content is at least 1/3 Ramen Noodle who donated a good deal of their hard-earned cash to the campaign. People have registered to vote in record numbers, and yet, something just doesn’t feel right. I think we should stop congratulating ourselves for just voting. To vote is a privilege which people have died for, and I think there’s a whole lot more to be done for the country than to simply help win an election every 4 years.

Hundreds of millions of dollars, hundreds of thousands of man-hours spent on both sides by good-intentioned people who want to make a difference in an historic election, so many resources and voices and energies devoted to a single day. After tomorrow, half of that is going to have been a waste. And I can’t help but wonder what could have happened if all that muscle had been put towards something else, and what will happen to its momentum after the election has come and gone. Shouldn’t we be donating our money to good causes whenever we can? Helping people who don’t have? Dedicating some of our time to contribute to making the country which provides for us a better place? Of course a power shift is a hugely significant step on the path to great reform, but worrying about this election has been a wakeup call for me:

Even if Obama wins, we have not “won.” This isn’t a movie and we can’t toss every greedy lobbyist oil fatcat bigot down a reactor shaft. I think if we dedicate ourselves to the ongoing welfare of the country as much as we have to the outcome of this election, we’ll have a much better shot at coming closer to the overwhelming good the liberals hope Obama will usher in, but which no mere mortal could fully realize alone.

Which brings me to the other side. I’ve heard a lot of people claim that if McCain wins, they’re leaving. I heard the same thing about Bush’s reelection, and his unelection before that, and nobody seems to be leaving. And that’s fine. Because as much as I complain about certain political happenings, atrocities, etc., I really do like it here and I suspect most other people do too. We have New York and Hollywood, purple mountain’s majesty and sea to shining sea, we created jazz and country music and baseball and cars and lightbulbs and computers and that movie with hundreds of animated singing Chihuahuas! I mean who among the shivering Plymouth pilgrims ever imagined ordering hundreds of animated singing chihuahuas onto a magical box from an invisible information superweb?

The point being, if things don’t turn out the way I want tomorrow, I feel compelled, as a college-graduated adultish-type-person, to take a stand. And if I’m going to leave I’m going to leave. But if I’m going to stay I’m not going to sit around whining like I have for the past 8 years. It’s like when I don’t clean my room because it’s dirty and then I blame the dirt. So in my very indecisive way, before you and your screen, I’m declaring my intention to make some kind of stand in the event of -(Ican’tevensayit)-, and encouraging you to consider making one too…

Jump the ship or grab a bucket?
Wasn’t everything so much easier back when the worst possible affront to your values was a PB&J sandwich cut diagonally with crust?

Anyways, I guess what I’m saying is that if we’re going to stay on board, we should probably be generous with our time and resources when times are tough even more than when the hero saves the day. Because what if he doesn’t? And what if he can’t? If we’re serious about real change, election day should only be the beginning of “Yes we can,” not the end.

Hannah Friedman

itgetter November 4, 2008 at 5:40 pm

Well, sheee-it. We might know by 7pm! Then we wouldn’t even have to stay sober enough to do the math!

problemwithcaring November 4, 2008 at 5:41 pm

Final Step alt text: “BLAZE UP”

stew November 4, 2008 at 5:42 pm

The exit polls ain’t looking too good for Walnuts…

Anita Cocktail November 4, 2008 at 5:42 pm

Izzat blue stuff at the bottom Obama’s Kool-Aid?
Add a little curacao and I’ll gladly drink long and deep.
Okay, curacao is kind of of disgusting so how about some stoli instead?

smashtheduck November 4, 2008 at 5:42 pm

[re=164208]magic titty[/re]: Ignore. All.

NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=164180]ahprahran[/re]: Mix with Tab; let the good times roll!

Lazy Media November 4, 2008 at 5:43 pm

Anybody else headed to Barracks Row once it’s official? I don’t want to drive/Metro in this crappy weather, but I think I may need the company of fellow inebriates.

shortsshortsshorts November 4, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: HA HA HA THAT WAS A HOOOOT!!!!1!

OffTheRecord November 4, 2008 at 5:43 pm

[re=164182]NoWireHangers[/re]: Grad school finished in May and I am finding an evil, liberal part of the country to move to.

[re=164189]smashtheduck[/re]: I finally figured out that it stemmed from the proud tradition of giving people a bottle of booze to get them to vote for you (which actually sounds like a good enough reason to decide down ticket races). BTW if any of you ever try to tour the Makers Mark factory, don’t do it on a Sunday cause you can’t drink. We are a strange and confused people.

smashtheduck November 4, 2008 at 5:43 pm

See you guys later unless Cheney begins the coup. Have fun storming the castle.

NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:44 pm

[re=164188]Godot[/re]: Works every time.

Lazy Media November 4, 2008 at 5:44 pm

[re=164218]stew[/re]: Where are you getting exit polls? WANT!

stew November 4, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Bill Bennett has apparently been dealing with the stress with cheddar fries. Jeesh!

stew November 4, 2008 at 5:46 pm

[re=164235]Lazy Media[/re]: CNN, MSNBC. You’re on your own with Fox.

ivenson November 4, 2008 at 5:47 pm

Dominion has a new beer…Baltic Porter. It tastes like democracy.

Lazy Media November 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm

[re=164239]stew[/re]: I thought they wuz supposed to keep those close to teh vest until the polls closed. Dammit, am I going to have to actually watch TV in real time? I HATE that.

bhosp November 4, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Ah. My favorite drinking game is in play.

Rule 1: Take a drink every time you take a drink.
Rule 2: The game is over when alcohol tells you that the game is over.
Rule 3: Everyone’s a winner.

Que Sera Sarah November 4, 2008 at 5:49 pm

My next door neighbors are having an election night party. But two of them are massive Repubs and I don’t think I wanna be around them tonight. They’re gonna be total bitches.

OffTheRecord November 4, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Oh exciting news!!! Liquor stores open at 6:00! I’m saved!!!

ivenson November 4, 2008 at 5:53 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: Hannah, I think I love you.

BigDupa November 4, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Will there be a special Fox News drinking eddition?

WagTehGod November 4, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Where’s the part about celebrating Ron Paul’s victory at his election rally in Liberty, MO?

NoWireHangers November 4, 2008 at 5:55 pm

[re=164246]Que Sera Sarah[/re]: Just say NO! I got an election night invite months ago for something I knew would be lame and totally shot that shit down. NWH is gonna be with the young and sexy on ‘lection night. I wanna ring in the Obama administration with an elitist STD! Health care for all!

FindFuckandFlee November 4, 2008 at 5:56 pm

[re=164246]Que Sera Sarah[/re]: jesus are you serious? i live in Brooklyn and would pay top dollar to watch the time lapse decay of a Republican’s smug corpse as the results roll in. i can has live video feed?

JeffGoldblum November 4, 2008 at 6:00 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: U HAZS WORDS 2 MUCH!!!11!

Yeah, I haven’t posted in ages and that is my re-introduction. Also, I mistakenly voted for McKinney! Oh noes!!!

Giant Robot November 4, 2008 at 6:06 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: If your not paid staff I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to give your full name around here… Isn’t that right Agent Mehoff?

Roger Mexico, Actuary November 4, 2008 at 6:07 pm

a flow chart. holy shit. i love “you guys.”

gurukalehuru November 4, 2008 at 6:09 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: what was funny about that?

problemwithcaring November 4, 2008 at 6:13 pm

[re=164307]gurukalehuru[/re]: Read it again, it was tongue in cheek.

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: This isn’t a movie, you say? But it has Oprah, assassination attempts and the promise of Black people rioting at the end. That’s better than anything I have ever seen at the Magic Johnson…

Carrie_Okie November 4, 2008 at 6:35 pm

I have liquor made from distilled Arugula.

mothermaven November 4, 2008 at 6:38 pm


- Take Out Chinese Food
- 1 bottle of Rum
- 1 bottle of Vodka
- 1 bottle of Kahlua
- 1 bottle of Chardonnay
- 5 bottles of 2 buck chuck Cabernet
- 2 bottles of Champagne
- 1 bottle of Sake

Watching the republican’s bitter tears on High Def teevee = priceless

rocktonsammy November 4, 2008 at 6:41 pm

Jeebus, all those words. I am depressed.

tonehedge November 4, 2008 at 7:12 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: Uh, Hannah? Are you fucking drinking? Shut the fuck up, you voted, now sit yo ass down and pour another mothafucka.

hobgoblin of little minds November 4, 2008 at 7:14 pm

[re=164213]writinghannah[/re]: Um, please take your introspective, quasi-moralistic, poorly-written drivel somewhere else. Oh, and if that was supposed to be in any way funny, you failed miserably. Go bother the freepers, please.

ladymacbeth November 4, 2008 at 7:20 pm

we leave for hopey-fest now.

no liquor til later. will miss all you dizzy children tonight.

lady katterly November 4, 2008 at 7:25 pm

U peeps are perfext. Why do I not live here? And for Sen. McCain: whine in a box.

PenguinDreams November 4, 2008 at 8:26 pm

I voted two weeks ago.

In related news, my liver is now about five times the size as the “Hopey” graphic. Cheers!!

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