Wonkette
Who is the most temperamental, childish, stunt-driven candidate in the 2008 election? If you answered WALNUTS!, you’re close, but you are still wrong. The answer is Ralph Nader, who, coincidentally, also has the worst hummus recipe of any candidate for high public office. Today Nader held a press conference and refused to supply more than a one-word answer to every question. This was a “statement,” apparently, on the “sound-byte nature of election coverage.”
How old is this sullen idiot, ten?
What is your opinion of Obama? “Clever.”
What is your opinion of Palin? “Developing.”
How much money did you raise for your campaign? “Insufficient.”
Why do you keep running for president? “Justice.”
Will you be elected president? “No.”
In Phase I of the Obama Regime, Ralph Nader will be apprenticed to Joe the Plumber and forced to soak his head in a toilet until he agrees to STOP THIS NONSENSE of running for president every four years.
Nader: I have only one word for you … [First Read]
Is it time for him to go away forever?
Ralph is seconds away from taking it to the street corners so the people can really hear him.
And the electorate collectively responds:
“Bye”
“I’m gonna hold my breath until you make me President!! Waaahhhhhhh!!!!”
At least he didn’t endorse Barry, ’cause then we’d have killer garlic hummus farts in the tank.
His palsy is getting worse
Will we miss you when you lose? “Nope.”
What is your opinion of the media? “Servile.”
O.K., even a fruitcake has it right every once in a while…
What do you think about yourself - Asshole
Do you have to go pee-pee? “Yes”.
This is what presidential races do to otherwise good, honest, honorable men: turns them into tantrum-y children. It’s very sad.
You know I don’t have much time to check it but I think Ralph Nader is an anagram for Darth Vader.
Nader is a performance artist. I give him cred.
Gross.
i still love him, no matter what you justice-hating wonketteers say!
How do you describe Ralph Nader? “Asshole.”
Who is more pathetic than you? “My supporters.”
Ooops, that’s two words.
Leave Nader alone….the guys’s just trying to make people realize that they’re blindly supporting a broken political system. Nothing wrong with a rebel.
SuperRounder: I’ll provide the soapbox.
Yeah, I’d be hating on him if he could have screwed up the Hopegasm but this year it’s not to be. I traded my Nader vote for Gore in 2000 and got a lovely Happy Ending parting gift, so it’s hard not to remember good times.
How would you describe your last 18 tries for the Presidency? “Failure.”
How would most people describe you? “Douchebag.”
Sound-bites are so late 80’s/early 90’s. Does Ralph Nader even know what’s going on in the world anymore? Perhaps these one-word answers about the real candidates (good lord did I just call Palin a “real candidate”? THESE ARE THE DEPTHS NADER HAS DRAGGED ME TO!) are less of a statement about the nature of the media and more to do with Nader not knowing who the **** any of them are.
What do you lack? “Relevance.”
aww, bless his heart…
Ralph Nader once appeared on Sesame Street to sign the “People That You Meet” song. He insisted on signing “they’re the people who you meet” instead because “that” is gramatically incorrect.
“Will you please go away now?” Unlikely.
There is such definite air of desperation and fear on Fox News today. Its little world is collapsing around it as so many nonwhites head to the polls.
jinmoom: That would be ‘garlic-y trantrum-y children’. Hummus, you know.
I can’t believe people voted for this dickbag.
Senator Bateman: As much as I dislike the two-party system we have, until we get something other than angry washed-up douches running under Third Parties I’m not as interested in branching out…
FreshCliches: GOLD.
You young’uns probably don’t remember when Ralph was An Important Person Doing Good Work For The Republic. Problem is, he does, and it was a long, long time ago.
Where is your favorite place to poop? “Pants.”
dmdlnt: It was time for him to do that right around 2000.
Can you describe your penis for us? “developing”
What was your first sexual experience? “Neverland”
Will you go away now? “no”
I can forgive Al Gore almost everything, except failing to stomp out this man’s enormous ego when we had a chance. Hope the Magic Dragon will slay him once and for all.
…damn, someone poor me a shot of whatever he was drinking!
JoeFannyPack: Actually it’s an anagram for “rape handlr”, making it clear that Nader is a rape handler, much like in 2000 when he handled the raping of Gore’s chances of victory.
slappypaddy: My uncle was asked to be his running mate about twenty years ago. He said no because the Tron family is not comprised of losers. We are winners. Except when we vote for Carter, Dukakis or Kerry.
While he predicted a “landslide,” for Obama, he reserved his harshest words for the Democrat. Nader said in various ways Obama would disappoint supporters and not do much to change the power structure and status quo in Washington
He said all that in one word answers? Excuse me for a while, guys, while I work on my translation of Hans Gadamer’s Truth and Method all written in one word sentences.
Does your mom know you suck? …pfft.
Senator Bateman:One man’s blind support is another man’s rationally deciding against being a useless enemanozzle.
lenorecutie: But who will provide the urine stained overcoat?
Nader, the only candidate more pathetic than McCain that was not Ron Paul.
Voting Nader these days is the political equivalent of being a wristcutter for attention.
I don’t know what that makes the Larouchies. I haven’t seen them at all lately around Seattle, I wonder if they just finally imploded.
You guys he’s not that bad. You’d be mad too if you did a lot for the country and was overlooked and blamed for 2000, true as it might be. Let’s just attack him for the hummus, ok? thanks.
Was he asking himself the questions, or was there actually a reporter there?
I have had the displeasure of meeting Nader twice, and both times he was a boring jackass.
I will never forgive this shithead for killing the Corvair. Damn I loved that car.
If this fossil is even alive four years from now, King Obama will appoint him Minister of Hummus . . . and Automotive Safety.
Maus: There are a bunch here in Philly - even some young ones. Go figure!
If Al Gore wanted to perform an Aztec sacrifice of Nader at Super Bowl halftime, would anyone complain? At least Gore, after the 2000 debacle, had the sense to leave direct involvement in politics behind (yes, he has compaigned for Obie, & gave a convocation address leading into the Hoper’s acceptance of the nom…). Nader? Not so much.
glamourdammerung: Nader is vastly more pathetic than Ron Paul. Ron Paul at least has supporters — crazy, retarded supporters, but supporters nonetheless. Ralph Nader is supported mostly by Ralph Nader, who absolutely loves Ralph Nader and thinks about Ralph Nader ever waking second of his life. Ron Paul wanders aimlessly through adoring crowds of imbeciles, while Ralph Nader talks to non-sentient creatures (Parots) about how awesome and underappreciated Ralph Nader is. Ron Paul is a perfect example of a goober, and many of his supporters may be paranoid schizophrenics. Ralph Nader so closely fits the DSM entry on Narcissistic Personality Disorder that it could be his biography, and again, he has no sentient supporters.
Alex Trebeks Girl: Is hummus what the kids are calling douchebaggery now?
Ok, ok. It’s just hilarious to me that Nader was all about the issue of breaking corporate interest in DC until a candidate came along that was anti-Lobbyist and suddenly it became all about the “dysfunctional” two-party system, in a year when the 2-party system probably worked as best as it was ever intended to work. And by hilarious I mean, asshole-y.
Going down swinging. A part of me admires that. A tiny tiny part.
GoBama: http://fiturl.com/0jN
Alex Trebeks Girl: Yes, he is that bad, or worse. Even his “accomplishments” are dubious and overrated. Automatic seatbelts? An utter disaster. Nuclear power? He’s played a key role in undermining any growth and development in an industry that could have significantly and safely reduced our dependence on fossil fuels (compare France and Japan — fantastic use of nuclear power — with the U.S., which continues to burn coal and oil like it’s going out of style. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_power_in_France). He’s a knee jerk reactionary, and, yes, a jackass.
This guy is older than Walnuts! What’s with all the grumpy old white men in this election? I placed my vote for the terrorist already. I figure Old white guys have been fucking the country up long enough. Why not let the black guy have a go at fucking things up?!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/75090639-RALPH-NADER-LOVES-HUMMUS
OK, I have to go vote now!
Nader gave a speech at my university in 1970.
Brace yourselves: he was boring even then.
He had to answer “justice” because “douche nozzle” is two words.
True story:
My husband was on a plane years ago and Nader was sitting next to him. When they bought out the meal, Nader asked for extra mayonnaise. He got 3 packets, and one by one he opened them, spread them out on a knife and then licked the knife clean. He did not eat his meal. HOW COULD ANYONE VOTE FOR HIM KNOWING THAT?!?!??
Also, I’ve said it a million times before, if he truly cared about changing the political system, he would run small grass root campaigns for offices like mayor, state rep. etc. It’s obvious all he cares about is fucking shit up (and mayonnaise).
problemwithcaring: True as all that may be, it says something about a person who is willing to stand up for what he, and I daresay the majority of us, believes to be right. Anyone who thinks that we’re doing just fine with the current two party system is simply inane….It took a small river a long time to form the grand canyon, you know.
Vewol Mevemont: I just think we need to be focusing on Bob Barr and Ron Paul. After what Nader did in 2000, we should ignore him and forget him. Barr and Paul = Republican spoilers. They need lots of attention and praise. I listen to R wing radio for my job and in monitoring, I hear lots of ppl who want to write in those douches names or pick Barr. I think that’s the best news aside from Obama = President. That’s all. I think Nader sucks too, but making fun of him, other than that awful hummus isn’t as entertaining when I know we’re almost at victory, my fellow prisoners.
Senator Bateman: See post above. He he truly cared, he would be running for (and helping others run) small campaigns that could be won. Then he would build up credibility and experience. From Mayor, to State Rep, To Senate, To President.
Chumley: If that’s an indication of his palate, no wonder his hummus sucks.
Senator Bateman: If Germany in the early 1930s had had a 2-party system, the Nazis would not have been able to seize power. They never had more than a third of the vote. A 2-party system has a shit-load of built-in inertia in the form of political centripetal force. The wingnuts are always marginalized. Well, almost (witness the Bush League).
slappypaddy: Hahaha…so you’re comparing Ralph Nader to Adolf Hitler? Kidding, kidding….Okay, so how about adopting something similar to Britain’s house of commons? At least there a percentage of the seats in the house is alotted according to the percentage the party in question receives of the popular vote. A two party system is just a power struggle to see who’s going to be ass-raping the people for the next four years.
Senator Bateman: Well, thanks for nothing, Ralph the Asshole motherfucker who gave the 2000 election to the worst president since Buchanan, if not in American history. Christ, nice work with the Corvair and the GM private dicks and all, but it’s been all down hill from there Ralph, you egomaniacal sack of shit. The system is broken when past-their-prime crusaders try to ram decades old ideas down the throats of an electorate who realizes that it’s not 1972 any more. So, Ralph, fuck right off.
Am I bitter about 2000? Hey, I just report….you decide.
Chumley:
That’s gross, but so is (er, was) airline food. Hard choice between airline lasagna and mayo packets.
HO SIT DOWN!
It would have been awesome if the one word he answered each question with was “hummus”.
The guy did great work pointing out the safety failings of the gas tank on the Corvair…and then he shifted to fucking up elections; man, the Corvair gig was a long time ago…points to the problem of peaking too soon, and then manically clawing for attention for the rest of your life. Ralph Nader is the child actor of the political world.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Really, they’re the people *whom* you meet each day.
don’t worry he’ll be eating creamed spinach and jello soon enough….