Wonkette
You might be reluctant to vote today. It’s certainly understandable: Maybe it’s raining, or maybe you live in one of the 48 states that isn’t a count-y one, or most likely, your identity has already been plagiarized by an ACORN. But not voting means foregoing that declarative fashion sticker, plus missing out on all of the following free pleasantries.
- Babeland: The sex toy shoppe is giving away vibrating pleasure things named after John McCain’s chatroom alias, “The Maverick.” Obviously, this offer’s only good in New York City and Seattle, the two places where Jesus can’t see you. [Babeland]
- Ben & Jerry’s: The fancy liberal ice-cream chain is celebrating democracy by distributing free scoops from 5 - 8 PM. [Ben & Jerry's]
- Krispy Kreme: Pick up a star-shaped dough-nut with red and blue sprinkles. [Krispy Kreme]
- Starbucks: Tell the barista/o at your local Starbucks that you voted and you will be presented with a free “tall” — that’s elitist for “stale” — coffee. [YouTube]
Obviously, this offer’s only good in New York City and Seattle, the two places where Jesus can’t see you.
I lol’d
wow. us non-citizens are really getting fucked over (and we need the free stuff way more than you pompous citizens)
Annie, iwillsavethispatient, and thatonegirlsays-
Get your asses to Babeland. I’ll meet you there before the election party. I’m easy to spot. I’m the guy with a vibrating crotch.
Wonder if the little sticker counts for anything at the local massage parlor. Maybe a free happy ending for everyone who makes the angry McCain face at climax.
Where’s the free arugala?
jagorev: As a former resident of NYC and current Seattleite. I can say it is positively true. We are a special kind of Godless people. Ann Coulter is very afraid.
PoliticalGraffiti: Starbucks isn’t checking ID or anything. All of us can get the free coffee. Starbucks is obviously run by teh ACORNs
I heard that Shane’s Rib Shack is giving away free chicken tenders.
Kev-O-Tron: Ann Coulter’s not worried because she already has a McCain-shaped vibrator, which she uses while she’s being assfucked
Sex-toys, ice cream, doughnuts and coffee? Pshaw! In the olden days of true democracy, they handed out whiskey by the ladle, on the courthouse steps. Now THAT was an incentive.
If you put them all together, you have Rush Limbaugh stoked on caffeine and Oxycontin fwapping a glazed over turgid Rush Jr to the loop of Bible Spice winking.
Chick-Fill-A is also giving free deep-fried mystery meat strips to anyone with an “I voted” sticker. Your arteries will say thank you.
apparently the McCain-themed sex toy looks like a vomit receptacle… turns out I am going to celebrate at the Magician tonight, there is a Babeland right near by there… I want to watch Obamatards trying to get into each others’ pants!
My voting place is a Southern Baptist church and offers no stickers, only complimentary donuts, coffee and eternal damnation to those who fail to repent.
I’m trying to make a “free fried chicken” joke that won’t come off as horribly racist, but I can’t do it.
Caffeine, carbs, and sex toys. Oh, America. I’m so proud.
This may not be the place, but I have gazed at the Neiman Marxist pic and none of you turds at Wonkette have got it to lift up Mooselini’s jacket and shirt yet. Can’t Sara do with an extra twenty for the topless shot to be Photoshopped onto Bible Spice’s pic?
You still need to pay for that pumpkin scone at starbucks, I thought we were trying socalism now.
PoliticalGraffiti: Oh, quit whining. You already get all the free healthcare you can… well not eat but whatever it is you do with healthcare, as an American I don’t know what that is as I’ve never been able to afford any, ha ha!
I think the libruls are givin’ away free abortions!
That was damned funny, Juli.
The force is strong with Juli.
I am blowing anybody with an I Voted sticker; only folks who voted Obama, though. Unlike Shirley Nagel, I don’t work on the honor system. Must show your illegal immigrant ACORN driver license.
i’m half in the bag wating for exit polls, so i just ctl-c ctl-v this:
It turns out that a giveaway to voters could violate election laws in some states that prohibit gifts for voters. While these laws are generally intended to discourage attempts to influence voters, the lawyers were worried the Starbucks policy might be a violation.
“To ensure we are in compliance with election law, we extended our offer to all customers who request a tall brewed coffee,” says Tara Darrow of Starbucks.
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/11/04/1636104.aspx
If Jesus doesn’t see Seattle, I guarantee you he doesn’t see Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, I forgot, he actively smites it with his damning wildfires.
jagorev: It really is true, caffeinated socialism.
My doughnut was not patriotically star-shaped, but I ate it anyway.
Kev-O-Tron: Us Bostonians are special though. Ann Coulter gave us a free exemption from the First Amendment when she said Cambridge banned all religion.
Side note: when that idiot book hit a few years ago, the reaction of the Harvard Divinity School was rather…amusing.
Yum, I’m drinking my free coffee now and it tastes like unicorns and hope.
Books A Million is giving away free coffees, too, which means that people in Dupont Circle can get an embarrassment of free coffee and sweets.
My daughter and I just got home from getting our free coffee…goddamn Ben&Jerry’s isn’t giving out the free scoop until 5pm.
Fun fact; on the way home, driving through Reston, VA (they have their own variety of Ebola), there were about half a dozen youngsters dancing in the median in the pouring rain and shaking their Obama signs at the traffic.
Since it’s her first time voting, I had to explain to my daughter that this doesn’t happen every election cycle.
One time, Jesus not only saw me in New Orleans, but he also bought me a drink and we shared a lid.
legglaw: that picture makes me hungry. MMMMMMM, sundae…..
Min: If they would just resume the liquor on the courthouse steps and move election day to Saturday, it would make for a hell of a weekend, except with voting!
Man, I tell ya–I was just making last minute calls as an Obama volunteer here in Florida, and I spoke with several people who are on the dole, sloppin’ at the public trough through SSI/SSID, Medicaid, etc. who are voting for McCain. WTF?!? What kind of socialist programs do they think they are beholdin’ to?
Gosh darn it! I was like 5 blocks away from Babeland during my lunch break. …. at least I got my free coffee… ok… 2 free coffees….