A Children’s Treasury Of Today’s Hilarious Fox News Clips

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Beloved teevee channel Fox News is focused as shit today on race-baiting, terrorism, and pissing off left-wing blogs. It is a marvel. So we’ve compiled some of the morning’s most comical highlights here for your viewing pleasure. The best one is above, in which lobotomized Fox & Friends clown Steve Doocy sees some random black guy walk into a polling station and immediately assumes that this is Obama. Oh boy.

Here’s one of the Fox News fembots showing frumpy old Bill Ayers going to vote — at the same polling station as BARACK OBAMA! What are those two cookin’ up now, hmm? The fembot quickly adds that Bill Ayers is an evil active terrorist who kills white babies all the time with Barack Obama and the ACORNS and they are best friends hate America deathfraudabortion.

Bill Kristol says Sarah Palin is the next FDR, and then adds that he only says that to piss off the GAY-ASS LIBERALS ON THEIR LEFT-WING BLOGS. Done and done — thank you ThinkProgress for the clip!

Now we’re getting to the real juice, the type of dream anecdotes that Fox News producers live for: Black Panthers — you know, like from the ’60s, when the blacks were burning up your neighborhoods! — scaring off nice old white McCain-supporting ladies with nightsticks! In Philadelphia! Oh that’s right, Fox News cameramen, we want to get as many scrubby looking black people in this shot as possible; we want to get America angry again about welfare! And then we’ll want to show this nice white fellow who bravely called the cops on these murderous Black Panthers; we’ll interview him for a while.

Same guy, same place, mentioning how Republican poll watchers were forced by a mean Democratic elections judge to LEAVE ENTIRELY. They claim the judge told them — and how perfect is this — “the Democrats are the party of power here.” What a corrupt machine judge, saying fantasized tripe that would be laughed out of the room in your standard undergraduate fiction writing workshop! Ha ha, even the Fox News anchor can’t stomach that. He adds that an independent council of seventy, along with Republicans and Democrats, have all called the Republican poll watchers’ story more or less retarded.

A note to Fox News: More. Steve. Doocy.

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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55 comments

  1. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Bill Kristol always looks like he’s in serious need of a laxative. Or, failing that, a Drano enema.

  2. problemwithcaring

    Oh noes! That white person came dangerously close to being enslaved by the party of power.

  3. SuperRounder

    And THIS is why black folks have been trying to get Flavor Flav to put on a suit. In hopes that the wingnuts who watch Fox shoot the wrong guy.

  4. TGY

    When Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber are on their flight to the American Siberia, the entire Fox crew will be following in separate airplanes behind them.

  5. War Eagle

    I just saw this headline on HuffingPo: “Democrats Looking To Grab 15 GOP Seats”

    Not so sure about their editing work there.

  6. Serolf Divad

    [re=163805]chascates[/re]:

    Sort of: Fox will be required to hire Keith Olbermann, who will run episodes of “Countdown” on odd hours, with regular Fox programming on the even hours.

  7. AnnieGetYourFun

    Intimidation? You’re crowding a polling place and asked to leave and you are thus intimidated? Republicans get their feelings hurt SO easily.

  8. DoctorCulturae

    “Constituents in the area…” Yeah, right little miss fair and balanced. Their fear and loathing is so palpable and so unconscious. And they don’t have a clue that that fear is utterly translated into racial… who am I kidding? They’re nucking futs!!!1!

  9. WadISay

    Black Panther members regularly skulk into a barbershop in North Philly to trade Negro League baseball cards.

  10. Accordion-o-rama

    Yeah, Bill, Sarah Palin does remind you a lot of Franklin D. Roosevelt.

    Except her handicap is mental, of course.

  11. hockeymom

    I wonder how soon after McCain loses, the FOX graphics department will start “accidently” putting a D in front of his name.

  12. Aloysius

    Golly! First Bill Clinton, then Bill Ayers… before long I suppose even Bill Kristol will vote. It’s like someone has organized some kind of festival or holiday where citizens who signed up in advance can go participate in a representative democracy. When will the madness end?!?

  13. problemwithcaring

    [re=163824]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Hellooooo, does the word “Black” mean anything to you? Those hard working Americans could have been killed and eaten.

  14. Them

    If Steve Doocy had been at that Philadelphia precinct, he would’ve reported that it was Barack Obama with that nightstick, because the guy was, after all, black.

  15. memzilla

    *PLEASE* compile a potpourri of Fox News blatherings for us all to savor, slowly, as we sip our lattes and set up abortion clinics and welfare enrollment centers.

    BTW, the morans.com domain is up for sale.

  16. Crab1

    Rick Sanchez just told Joe the Plumber to stop pretending he is going to buy a business because he is always going to be poor forever also.

  17. Styrofoam Boots

    I’m not scared of black people. Nah, nah. I’m just standing 50 feet away from them waiting for Fox to COME TO ME!

    How many times can you say Black Panther? BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK. BLACK.

    BLACK.

  18. Cogito Ergo Bibo

    [re=163815]War Eagle[/re]: The GOP has been grabbing seats indiscriminately forevah. Time that the Dems get some of that sexytime action!

  19. ironyisoverrated

    Even better! They’ll be airing the Michelle Obama tapes from African Press International any minute now….She admits that Hopey REALLY IS a closeted-homo, crack smoking, commie, Muslin terrorist, Manchurian candidate bent on the destruction of real ‘Murica – just what we’ve known all along!

  20. superfecta

    [re=163835]Them[/re]: I think you mean, ‘if Steve Doocy were anywhere in Philadelphia.’ It would be like that time my mom came to visit when I lived in SF and we went on a bus tour through the Castro and she kept spotting the ‘gay flags’ – ‘there’s one! And another! And another! They’re EVERYWHERE!’

    Here in West Philly, there’s a cool elderly Black Panther guy who just gives all us Obama-item-wearing whities a thumbs up whenever he sees us. I’m sure it would freak out FoxNews.

  21. Fly-over Correspondent

    A couple of guys in Huey Newton costumes left over from Halloween? Is that all you’ve got?

  22. sanantonerose

    [re=163815]War Eagle[/re]: ‘Cause we’re wild, we’re horny, we’ll even fuck Republicans!

  23. The Cold Sea

    A lot of Palin’s biggest supporters in the Republitard hierarchy are dirty old men who want to see her slide down a greased pole. Ladies and gentlemen, the 2008 Republican Party. Old dudes with Viagra.

  24. Mr. Mephistopheles

    Steve Doocy was the “light features” reporter at WRC in the late 80s. He was Pat Collins without self-respect and the “snow stick”.

  25. floraway

    I second the call for more Steve Doocy. Is there a funnier person on television? Fox didn’t need the 1/2 hour News Hour. They already have Fox and Friends.

    Oh, can we have more of Steve Doocy’s son, too? His reports are always delightful.

  26. norbizness

    “Steve! Steve Doocy! We found some Black Panthers in this old Saturn-5 rocket, trying to intimidate God-fearing white voters!”

    “Hot diggity! I’m on it! (enters rocket capsule)

    (rocket takes off, controls set for the heart of the sun)

  27. answerbird

    At this point Black Panthers would more likely be swinging walkers. Someone has to let Fox know that the sixties and seventies are over. No one gives a shit about the Black Panthers or William Ayers.

  28. Neon Trotsky

    [re=163838]vintageways[/re]: Why are the Democrats releasing dangerous beasts from Our Nation’s zoos onto the streets to frighten Patriotic Voters? Is this a sign of things to come?

  29. whatever_dc

    [re=163899]Mr. Mephistopheles[/re]: i hate pat collins — i really do! prolly more than i hate sarah palin! or america!

    [re=163893]The Cold Sea[/re]: i hope bob dole has plenty of viagra because liddy is gonna need a nice bone tonight as the bitch goes down in her senate race! maybe actually showing up to the state you’re representing and at least pretending to be a citizen once in a while would have helped!

  30. Junior

    EVERYONE KNOWS that Black Panthers are dyslexic. Obama crazed rapist carves a backward B on some inoccent (read: pudgy) white girls face? Coincidence?

  31. War Eagle

    [re=163892]sanantonerose[/re]: Welllllll now, I just figured that the Huffie editors had been positively influenced by—I blush to say—-Wonkettes.

    You can call me a harsh; you can call me an acrid (oh, okay, a bitter), but I would much rather kick some GOP butt than grab any.

    Besides les dames Democratiques are much more grabable, if I had grabbing in mind.

  32. agitpropster

    Hands across the aisle? Feh. As soon as WALNUTS! concedes, we’re off in a chartered bus to Blair House with pitchforks, torches and bullhorns…”HEY FAT DICK! GET OUT OF JOE BIDEN’S HOUSE!

    Gloat (glōt), v. i. [imp. & p. p. Gloated; p. pr. & vb. n. Gloating.] [Akin to the Icelandic glotta to smile scornfully, German glotzen to gloat.] To look steadfastly; to gaze earnestly; – usually in a bad sense, gaze at or think about something with great self-satisfaction, gratification, or joy, passionate desire, lust, or avarice.

    In vengeance gloating on another’s pain.-Byron.

  33. mikey mike

    That’s right. The “Black Panthers” are intimidating all of the white Republican voters in NORTH PHILADELPHIA, which is 99 percent black Democrats, and I am not exaggerating.

  34. lawnchair reactionary

    “the Democrats are the party of power here.” What a corrupt machine judge, saying fantasized tripe that would be laughed out of the room in your standard undergraduate fiction writing workshop!

    As someone who has worked as a voting clerk in Philadelphia, I wouldn’t be so surprised.

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