Wonkette
Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. (ALSO: What is wrong with McCain’s website??!)
Here’s our first long post of polling-place voting tales from America, and here are a few more tales to get you started:
sexychica009 writes:
I just wanted to share to you this little account, in contrast to all those around the block lines and comfort teams, etc. No one’s heard of Pound Ridge, NY, where the average property value is $1m…and the residents want to keep it that way since they don’t want to get bothered by all those poor minoritahs. Got to the town hall around 10:30 am, after eating a full breakfast. Was in and out in 5 minutes, after standing in line behind a couple rich folks. Some highschool kid and his mom voted for Walnuts. Everyone stood around all relaxed and talking ’bout the weather, home renovations, stock option, prep school. Made it to class on time for my 11 am class. Read the news on less priviledged areas, where people stood in line for hours with faulty voting machines. Got a niggling feeling of inequality in the back of my head.
And this Hero put the subject line “unicorn pooping rainbows in prince william county” on his email, which is a Win:
I closed my business and I’m volunteering for the scary black muslin guy here in Prince William County,Virginia today. At 6 am there were maybe 200 people in line, no rain… just darkness, weather and the sky are both in the tank for Obambi. 12:00 pm: we are now about halfway through the total registered voters in our precinct. My guess: 80% Unicornman, 20% McCrypt. We have like five dems working out front handing out propaganda ballots PLUS two dem lawyers with us. The pugs have one guy who doesn’t want to be there and a 17 year old who is being forced by her pug parents as a school project to volunteer for gramps. The mood: totally joyous and some tears! The dems coming in, big smiles, big hellos and goodbyes as they leave. The thugs: total and abject anger/denial. Anger bears won’t even look at anybody in the face, if they say anything it’s angry. You can tell how they are voting by the looks on their faces..amazing! One thug lady when handed a republican sample ballot was happy, she also took one of the democratic ballots and loudly announced “I better take one of these or my car will get trashed”..funnytard. Curiously there were a couple of hookerish looking Bible Spice impersonators voting for the republicans. This kind of excited the mendems in our group. We had to bitchslap them back to reality.
We’ve also had non-partisan vote checkers driving about to make sure there are no problems. We’ve had three of them come by and check up on us, secretly, they are all in the tank for Obambi. They reported that at all of the precincts they are checking, something like 8, have no problems.
I’m trying to not get too excited but it’s difficult with so many joyous people about! You know that scene at the end of the third star wars movie when all the ewoks are dancing around…yeah I FEEL just like that!
Is that an Enron pie?
johnbpt: I think it’s the Girl Scouts’ logo.
I like my Barack a la mode.
Mmm, liposuction pie.
Mmmmm, baked Georgia O’Keefe.
“What is wrong with McCain’s website??!”
Mega-win! Wonkette rules!
I should have replied to this fresher, newer post. Ah well.
Lazy Media:
Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris “Oz” Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
How does one do this internets trick with Cranky McGramp’s site? I NEEDZ TO MAKE SOME SCREENSHOTS!
Lazy Media: Hey, those lilies look like….!
And with this post I have found my new avatar!
Fuck - posting too fast for me to keep up with all of my blogs
niggling?
Was that really McCain’s website? Or are you clever editors making a funny?
Lazy Media: it made me kind queasy when I made the O’Keefe connection
Take with a grain of salt, but some exit polls look good for Barry:
The states looking good for Obama:
Florida: 52 percent to 44 percent
Iowa: 52 percent to 48 percent
Missouri: 52 percent to 48 percent
North Carolina: 52 percent to 48 percent
New Hampshire: 57 percent to 43 percent
Nevada: 55 percent to 45 percent
Pennsylvania: 57 percent to 42 percent
Ohio: 54 percent to 45 percent
Wisconsin: 58 percent to 42 percent
Indiana: 52 percent to 48 percent
New Mexico: 56 percent to 43 percent
Minnesota: 60 percent to 39 percent
Michigan: 60 percent to 39 percent
The states where McCain is leading in exit polls:
Georgia: 51 percent to 47 percent
West Virginia: 45 percent to 55 percent
I’m done with you guys for the evening! off to poop rainbows with ewoks on the lower east side! while rubbing vibrating slacks in the sex shp with obamatards! and then relieve myself in the vomit receptacle in the shape of McCain’s piehole! or something… be safe, ya’ll!
All this heartwarming shit is making me tear up…I hate it when my nose gets all stopped up…I don’t know if I’ll make it through the night without turning into a blubbering snot-nose crybaby. Thanks Hopey, thanks a lot.
Kev-O-Tron: HA! This one is WAY better!
WARNING!: DO NOT MIX WITH STRAIGHT TALK CRUNCH! RACE WAR MAY ENSUE IN BOWELS.
Was I not supposed to vote for “Titties-n-Beer?”
stew: Oy Vey! I wish I were in Chicago.
Finally voted at 3 PM EST at the firehouse on the county fairgrounds. I was the only voter at the time, with about 7 volunteers looking way to happy and smug that someone finally walked in. 3 of the nice ladies commented that they met my daughter this morning when my wife took her in and voted. All in all, a boring non-eventful vote. Needless to say, I’m not in Hopey country here in bitter upstate NY.
Grea.t mcCain site Gee I better eat something before the partyor maybe a tiny nap here on the floor
stew: You owe me a new computer after posting those numbers. (And it wasn’t Coke I spewed all over it.)
stew: Link? All the teevees are saying is crap like “62 percent of voters say the economy suxes.”
our long national nightmare is almost over! off to drink lots of hopefizz and surround myself with likeminded people so I can pretend the rest of the country thinks just the way I do. Peace out bitterz.
Lazy Media:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/11/04/exit-polls-2008-see-the-f_n_140986.html
Dave J.: Happy to share some of my Keystone Ice (yes, I do the cheap stuff).
ManchuCandidate: Damn. That’s not very hopey.
Carrie_Okie:
No. Dinah-Moe Humm. Because all of the Bitters are Dumb All Over, and a li’l bit ugly on the side.
that pie is in the tank for goatse.
Ken, I wish you and your various beasts the best, and thankx for the fuck on the McCain site…bastidz, now, I must go and prepare for the Race War.
stew: Shit, in college, we dreamed of Keystone - we lived on Schaeffers Weekenders (7.82 a case at Walgreens)
Oh, other problem with exit polls. In places like Georgia, 35 percent of voters voted before today, and they aren’t reflected (and they appears to skew Obama-ward). So McCain getting 52 percent of today’s vote doesn’t mean he’s actually winning.
Making calls (from northern California) to Virginia and Florida voters; not reaching many live humans (and leaving messages with poll location and hours.) Oh, yes, this is for the Hopey campaign - almost forgot.
The folks I do reach are 1) irritated to be called again and hang up or tell me it’s none of my business whether or not they voted, or 2) have voted, and often with family - these folks really breed, some have three or four children! - and are very excited about the possibility of a crazy Middle Eastern Muslin terrarist becoming their next memsahib.
But my favorite conversation was with a crazy loon in Florida - I pictured him missing a few teeth - who laughingly shared that he didn’t vote for Barack Obama, art which we both shared a hearty laugh.
It’s been a good day for proto-democracy. Now let’s have a drink!
More Senate exits (according to HuffPo, Dem sources concedes some of these are optimistic numbers):
– New Hampshire: Sen. John Sununu down 18 points to Democrat Jeanne Shaheen
– Minnesota: Sen. Norm Coleman down 12 to Democrat Al Franken
– Kentucky: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is up two over Democratic challenger Bruce Lunsford
– Georgia: Senator Saxby Chambliss up three over Democrat Jim Martin
– New Mexico: Rep. Mark Udall is up 51 percent to 44 percent over Republican Bob Schaffer
– North Carolina: Democrat Kay Hagen is up 52 percent to 43 percent over Republican Sen. Elizabeth Dole
– Louisiana: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D) is “winning” her race against Republican challenger John Kennedy
I keep telling you, this is the pie image to use!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/oncloudydays/Pie_012.jpg
(c/o Dean Davis)
Ha, Chuck Todd must have been super jealous of John King’s super TV screen! He is loving playing with his magic holo-deck screen.
God bless those hackers.
So are y’all makin calls for hopey while you’re getting smashed? ‘Cause when you’re drunk-dialing for a cause it’s noble, not pathetic!
Servo: I remember you, you were the girl stuck to seat 38 on FIDO3.
golliwog: But that means the bitters forgot to vote!
Walnuts is president of Kentucky! He can have it.
No returns and Vermont already in the tank, also.
El Bombastico: MMMMMMM…Chuck Todd does many magic things for me
El Bombastico: NOOOO! Don’t give us away! We’ll be good. I promise. Actually, just take Louisville and get rid of the rest of those losers. That is what we have been trying to do for years.
Hopey down 8-3. All is lost!
Mark Warner wins! Gilmore is a tool, no surprise there.
Went down by Grant Park in Chicago to take some pix and get a mini-experience of tonight’s festivities, and all I can say is that I’ve never been prouder to be an American. The scene around me of jubilant faces and people of all races and ages coming together to celebrate not only a candidate, but the belief that change is truly possible brought tears to my eyes. We are at the doorstep of a history-changing event, and to see my fellow Americans awash in hope and the dream of a better tomorrow is nothing short of miraculous. Tomorrow we wake up to a new day!
will someone please make a butt secks comment - I need to be revitalized
That looks like a Vagina Dentata Pie! And how come I see a shaved testicle whenever I see JTP’s ovoid skull?
nmmagayar: Mark Warner bent Gilmore over and gave him a good butt secksin’
AfghanVet: thanks
OMG…It’s princess Leah on CNN…Hopey…your my only hope.
That hologram was fucking hilarious. Between that and Chuck Todd and the pop up walls in the old roman coliseum, it promises to be an orgy of new presentation technologies.
I recall seeing only one Bible Spice wannabe while waiting in line in Pennsyltucky: she had the hair, glasses and “Palin ‘12″ shirt, but looked to be on the Ashley Todd diet.
Smooth sailing over here in Kew Gardens (Queens - NYC). I arrived around 7pm and went straight to the booth, no line for my district. According to the sweet widdle old ladies manning the district 49 table, the place was crazy in the morning. Cops at the front desk near the entrance were making plans for IHOP they were “in a waffle mood”.