Wonkette
Ha ha, our friend and Wonkette Operative “Sarah W.” went to vote in the important swing state of Virginia, where she lives, and there was a long line. So the people waiting around for an hour began conversing with one another, and a “very nice young couple” began talking about their favorite political website, Wonkette, and how everybody is addicted to this campaign. Hello, Arlington couple in your 20s who voted today like Good Americans! (Also dudes we need POLLING PLACE PIX send them with SEXY POLLING PIX as the subject line, but until then we will keep using Halloween Costume Pix you sent us, like this one, of Max Schwartz, who is obviously deep in the tank.)
When do the damned exit polls start coming out? Voting has to be the most laborious play by play event in the history of sports.
Well done Arlington couple!
Wonkette 4-EVAH!
I was so damn excited to vote, I completely forgot to take pictures! Oh and if anybody’s wondering what to do tonight, here’s a comment from 538 from Laurel-
“The first election I’ve ever gotten to vote it; and I’m so frigging proud. I’m going to run up and down in the streets singing. I’m getting drunk and watching FoxNews tonight. I’m eating an entire chocolate cake. I’m SOOO GIDDY!!!!1″
Today we are all Laurels!!!
I should have made a pic of me filling out my absentee ballot here in London.
I feel so out of the excitement here.
eoberhauser: Actually, watching Fox News might be insanely entertaining. The bullshit streaming from their horror stricken faces will be of epic proportions.
FiveThortyEight gives McCain only a 1.1% chance to win this. So why am I so fucking nervous? Gawd, end it NOW!
all the drinking done during this election will truly come to a head tonight. chances are that some will wake up in a gutter, slightly bewildered, going “who won? who won?!?”
Monkey: exit polls are bad, bad, bad. They don’t account for different demographics getting off work later in the day. They really screwed up in 2004.
That being said, I’d expect some leaking info around 5 PM EST
Max Schwartz has my vote.
Monkey: No exit polls for you until the first polls close at 7, and then only state-by-state as they stop votin’. Bad monkey, not yours.
You guys have started drinking, haven’t you?
Greetings from real America, Arlington Couple!
Anyone named Max Schwanz was obviously in Nailin’ Palin and is in the tank for Walnuts.
What? No mention of teh buttsecks? How can there be mention of Wonkette without teh buttsecks? It’s like mentioning Ron Paul without the blimp or golden Ameros!
Monkey: 5pm, EST. But don’t pay attention to that shit. It’ll just make you crazy.
problemwithcaring: So what I live in Culver City, Maccacas!
Actual text message I received from my cousin who voted in Inglewood today:
I have finally lost my verginity @29 to a famous older black man..I VOTED for the first time and it was well worth the wait. I never felt an orgasm like the one I felt when I pushed that ink dot down for barac.tried to push da pen thru da paper. Getn excited just thinking about it.
eoberhauser: ““The first election I’ve ever gotten to vote it; and I’m so frigging proud.”
Don’t worry, it will wear off when you realize that your elected officials are amoral degenerates that only wish to further their careers and line their pockets. Well done though!
Doglessliberal: Lazy Media: Okay, I know exit polls are pre-results masturbation at best, but dagnabit, I can’t get drunk to mindless, political pundit musings and blather. No fun in that.
I voted 2 Fridays ago. It felt great and I only waited in line for about 10 minutes.
Side Note: If anyone is going to be in Chicago tonight, lets meet up and drink. I will be by a tree.
Serolf Divad: me, too. I am a nervous wreck. I am too terrified to be optimistic right now. I need to go for a long run after work to burn this off. Sex would be good, too. Then maybe start checking the news around 8.
grendel: I’m really surprised we haven’t had a resurgence of Paultards coming to the forums to say “we told you so” about the need for a return to the gold standard. What’s that? Gold is down?! OMFG WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
Serolf Divad: It’s like Cheney’s 1% doctrine of terrorist attacks. ALL THREATS WITH A 1% CHANCE OF REALITY WILL BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!
Although, speaking more logically, your nerves might have to do with the epic assfuck of the last two presidential elections.
Doglessliberal: I expect some leakage when I unscrew the cap from the Jameson’s and Mrs Tommy wears the pumps and puts her hair up like Mooselini. Except she is a libtard and may object to being objectified as she should damn well be happy to be on Hopegasm Day.
They think they like Wonkette during the election, just wait until we get back to butt sex and drinking full time.
Has someone gone to a polling booth dressed as Mickey Mouse with an ACORN sticker on, yet? WE NEED PIX
Monkey: Slate seems to be pushing the envelope to garner hits and have announced that they will call states and the race when they are confident they know regardless of whether the polls in the West have closed.
Nothing like stumbling upon your core demographic and being horrified into a whitebread coma.
Serolf Divad: I feel like a Red Sox fan: so used to a lifetime of losing that even though my team is one out from winning the World Series, I’m pretty much prepared for the bottom to drop out. Until ALL the networks have “project winner: Barack Obama” on, I will be one anxious motherfucker.
And I saw that Moos one from the CNN clicking on Wonkette in one of her ‘bits.’ Can the made-for-teevee movie be far behind?
gom: It’s Battered Woman Syndrome.
But Fox says big, scary Black Panthers are being mean to white people:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCeD1RcJjAg
Political coverage is the new crack. It’s better for you and more socially conscious!
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
I’d like to go vote but I can’t get 10-feet away from the bathroom. It’s hell being a old liberal with an enlarged prostate. I know. I’ll go buy some Depends.
Grimnir: May I suggest for your entertainment until polls close:
http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/11/04/youdecide_1104/
You will never witness a more frightening blog roll of frothing rants.
dano: Well technically, that was just a quote from another comment, but I am on my third presidential election and I’m 0 for 2 so far. (*fingers crossed)
One of my seventh graders just stole my “I VOTED!” sticker.
Quick, call ACORN!
Dave J.: Here here. I’m no Sox fan, but the NY Jets/NY Rangers/ NY Knicks should suffice.
OMG Fox is fucking awesome right now. They found some Black Panthers to scare the Bitterz.
smashtheduck: Holy shit, Black Panthers! Is this 1972? I think this Obama cat is far out, man!
I plan on watching Faux news and MSNBC at the same time. Talking heads will spontaneously explode on both channels for different reasons.
This… is a REVOLUTION SURE-SHOT!
You mean **everyone** votes today? The flier said Democrats vote tomorrow…
Dave J.: You talkin jive man. Can ya dig it?
Jaysus, Hopey is text messaging me more than Michele Bachman after I introduced her to the Purring Rabbit then stopped taking her calls.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: that will separate the wheat from the chaff for sure. Only us diehards are with teh Wonkette from Cocktober to Cocktober.
smashtheduck: I will BET you that they were PAID by GOP operatives to go and stand there. Any takers?
Well this is stupid. Now Fox found that mythical black Republican. This will only confuse the Bitterz.
magic titty: we Phillies and Eagles fans never believe we will win. Some of us still don’t believe we did this year.
eoberhauser: Well, I am 3 for 6. Had to vote for the first Bush cause Dukakis just didn’t cut it. Hopefully, this will put me over .500.
I think the best thing for the McCain voters to do is to wait until tomorrow. I’m pretty sure that Black Panther guy will be gone by then.
AfghanVet: I’m not taking that bet. All funds not yet spent on red bull and smoke are reserved for my massive drunk tonight.
Can we now spread a rumor that Michael Steele (aforementioned mythical black repub) is a black panther?
smashtheduck: You know this cat Hopey’s a bad–
–Hush your mouth!
I’m only talkin’ ’bout Hopey!
smashtheduck: I heard he palled around with terrorists. AND he drinks soy lattes.
Doglessliberal: Yeh, I allus read teh Wonkette but obviously didn’t contribute. I may stick around after a week’s sleep though, the free handjob offers are alluring.
hockeymom: Wow. I may live to love Fox for their Panther fixation.
Dave J.: Shit, now I have the sudden urge to watch Airplane.
Serolf Divad:
My elderly father keeps telling me that Rove has something up his sleeve. Dad is convinced that there will be major hanky panky going on in places like Ohio and Florida that will screw all this up royally. I’m not as pessimistic as Dad, but he’s got me nervous, too.
smashtheduck: As a former starbucks latte slinger; I, on principle, hate all soy latte drinkers. That shit’s impossible to foam.
I’ve decided I’m entirely too neurotic to watch this alone tonight. Going to DC to wait for the riots.
Today we are all black panthers.
Also.
hockeymom: Just replied to myself instead of you. I need another drink.
Tommy Says Soooo: Your comments are going to make me go gay for you. Well done.
smashtheduck:
Masai: Riffs!
Gramercy Riffs: [shouts] Yeah, right!
What movie? Anyone?
Terry: Then don’t watch CNN. They’ve already done a story about voting fuck-ups in Palm Beach County. Another fucking ballot designed to confuse everyone. Can we please just ban voting in FL already?
Doglessliberal: No one saw it, so technically, you might not have.
I am thinking that by 7:30PM, when Virginia is called for Hopey Fox News cancels programming and runs the movie “Warriors”.
Cyrus: [yelling] Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours… if you can count!
[a couple of soldiers cheer for Cyrus]
Cyrus: Now, look what we have here before us. We got the Saracens sitting next to the Jones Street Boys. We’ve got the Moonrunners right by the Van Cortlandt Rangers. Nobody is wasting nobody. That… is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.
[Few more soldiers cheering for Cyrus]
Cyrus: You’re standing right now with nine delegates from 100 gangs. And there’s over a hundred more. That’s 20,000 hardcore members. Forty-thousand, counting affiliates, and twenty-thousand more, not organized, but ready to fight: 60,000 soldiers! Now, there ain’t but 20,000 police in the whole town. Can you dig it?
Gang Members: Yeah.
Cyrus: Can you dig it?
Gang Members: Yeah!
Cyrus: Can you dig it?
Gang Members: YEAH!
[shouting and Cheering]
AfghanVet: Wasn’t it The Warriors? Holy shit, if I got that one right you owe me a fucking drink. Oh wait, McCain’s thanking us vets right now! Damn, now I wanna go change my vote.
OK, for those who have not gotten tears in their eyes yet today:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/eastside93/2008/11/i-didnt-vote-for-obama-today.php
AfghanVet: I’ll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle
Yep, like most every Democrat I’m wondering how the heck we’ll manage to screw up THIS time.
Then I remind myself that the polls right before the election were just about right on in both 2000 and 2004, and I start to relax.
I don’t drink often, but I plan on getting a six pack of Three Floyds tonight.
smashtheduck: I owe you a drink!
Doglessliberal: Yeah that did it. But it’s not the first time today and I doubt it’ll be the last.
smashtheduck: me, neither. I am a weepy idiot.
I was hoping McCain would concede by lunch time and that Barack Obama would announce his first act as president by 3 pm: Trading Alaska to Canada in exchange for Vancouver.
GDTRFB: The Prime Minister of Quebec may take issue with that.
GDTRFB: I am afraid McCain won’t concede. They will have to drag him off the stage screaming “FIVE AND HALF YEARS!!!! YOU OWE ME THIS, YOU CUNTS!!!”
Talk about delusional:
http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/11/03/tbruce_11103/#comment-444146
Doglessliberal: Yah, you betcha, major win, snark-free. It won’t make the news, either, AFAIK, but I have a contact who knows that a 106 year old African American voted in Saginaw today. When told he could have voted absentee, he said, “I can stand and wait for as long as it takes.” Fuck you, Walnuts.
i’m about to crap through my second box of depends!!! i can’t believe how anxious i am. perhaps i should turn the rush limbaugh off…
IS THIS STUPID ELECTION EVER GOING TO END???????????????????
Doglessliberal: i’ve been crying ever since granny died yesterday and completely lost it at whole foods talking to some lady about it. and then as i was leaving the polling place today. and again when i finally got home and was able to pee. i’m thinking there will be more.
whatever_dc: Yeah, I am going to be wrung out tomorrow.
Doglessliberal: Just add it to the list, I’ve been a sobbing idiot since yesterday.
we’re just a bunch of overly sensitive liberal elitists who hate america…
Because I’m just a little twisted. I had to go see what the Freep Fucks were saying about the Panthers showing up at a Philly polling place:
Thanks for posting that. Now I am very glad we voted Friday.
Those combat boots intimidated me, plus the all black clothing and the attitude, but I am just a ‘typical white woman,’ what does my opinion matter?
Heck, the Black Panthers (I believe the call themselves the New Black Panthers now) along with Calypso Louie’s “Fruit of Islam” body guards will be in the White House if Obama gets in. It looks to me like the “Fruit of Islam” has already been turning up with Obama at various places. They usually wear dark blue suits, although they may have switched to black lately, and will be seen standing next to him. I don’t know what has happened to the usual Secret Service and police guards. Michelle is known not to want anybody in a police or military uniform to be filmed or even seen anywhere near her, so they may have been exiled.
whatever_dc: yes, yes we are. And if Hopey loses, there will be a lemming-like surge of us over any nearby cliff high enough to guarantee we won’t just break both legs and be f’ed up.
Doglessliberal: i live i dc where the highest allowable building has only 13 floors (or maybe 14) so in that horrible event i’m taking teh amtrax up to nyc to find a skyscraper of adequate height so that i don’t fuck it up! or i’ll just move to canada.
Doglessliberal: That would be fucking awesome!!!! I’d kill to see that!!!
and I’ve saiad this before but I’ll say it again - not Everyone in Floriduh is too stupid to function, but a lot of these people are. So just let those of us who are smart take control of the state, and let’s boot these ignorant fucknecks the hell out of here and send them to Arizona or Alaska!
eoberhauser: Lucky you. I’ve been tearing up since the first debate and the waterworks really opened when I heard Hopey talking about his grandmother and soldiering on yesterday. My husbear was really puzzled since I’m usually the staid, pragmatic one; I think he finally understood that the momentous nature of his movement (i.e. this shit can change the WORLD, mothafuckas!) is what shakes me up.
I voted absentee, but here’s some photos (and links) on LA Metblog:
http://la.metblogs.com/2008/11/04/election-day-la-hows-your-polling-place/
also some petty bitching about favoritism in line….
whatever_dc: hey, we have a few bridges here in the DC area. Just plummet off the 14th Street one into the Potomac.
Doglessliberal: i may want to kill myself but really: into the potomac??? yuck!!!
AfghanVet: That movie is teh bidneh!
Doglessliberal: whatever_dc: Fuck that jumping to your collective deaths bullshit. The only jumping I’m planning on making if this election gets stolen is onto some wingnut’s fat ass.
Fired up!
Ready to go!
whatever_dc: seriously. All you need to do is let it touch your skin.
Mr. Herpes: No, Depends are very Republican (as in, how do you think McCain spends so much time on those stages??). Go ahead and wet yourself. People will just think you were excited. Don’t do it again tomorrow, though, or people will know.
Doglessliberal: it’ll burn my skin off — i want an open casket…