Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for being weird. Clearly elitist Michelle Obama doesn’t understand how real ‘merkins vote: pick the president who has the most signs everywhere and then write-in “DONKEY SEX” for the remaining contests. [YouTube, The Page]

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  • greensprout

    CNN just showed a video sent in by some woman who wants her dumbassery to be national news apparently. She flipped a coin to decide who to vote for, and surprise surprise, probability is in the tank.

  • choinski

    Massachusetts: Most of our Dems are running unopposed, so lines went pretty quickly. The big contest was supposed to be for state senator, but the incumbent was just arrested stuffing bribe money into her bra. So that leaves three ballot questions.

    1) Abolishing the state income tax (two months ago the tax abolishers they were complaining their position wasn’t being heard because of – no shit – they did’nt have the money).

    2) Decrimininalizing small amounts of pot

    3) Banning dog racing.

    Let’s hope broke stoner dog lovers GOTV !

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …what is “Donkey-Sex’s” stance on abortion?

  • Urbanachiever

    To be fair, the Chicago ballot is 16 pages long! There are about 85,000 judges up for retention.

  • NoWireHangers

    I’ve lived in Chicago. I remember the 2004 General Election ballot. There were like 30 judges on that damn ballot. It takes awhile in Chicago.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    I voted for a real merkin. This fake one itches too damn much.

  • ph7

    Michelle is on CPT.

    (Chicagoan’s People Time)

  • Tawmn

    [re=163106]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Probably “surprised”!

  • Kwame&#39


  • Theta

    Merkins? The bitters are now all crotch wigs? Or married to lesbians?

    That would explain a lot, come to think of it.

  • JohnnyMeatworth

    “end of apathy?” fuck that, i’m going to go get drunk.

  • rambone

    Hopey, being half-whitedevil had to struggle a little to read the Chicago ballot, as it is written in ebonics.

  • jbd

    [re=163105]choinski[/re]: Seriously? That’s all that was up in Mass?

    Well fuck, maybe I should have switched my registration when I moved after all. Colorado has 14 constitutional amendments and 4 ballot initiatives. And none of them were about marijuana.

  • Deepthroat

    those are some weird ass voting, um, cubicles? Are they actually using number two pencils or something? Here in real ‘merica, Harrisburg, we have the good ‘ol booths with the curtains where you just push 1 button to select all the dems and then hit the big green “VOTE” button at the bottom. BOOM. We only had three booths for our entire 11th ward which is a big portion of the city. I waited over an hour and the line wasn’t that ridiculous.

  • Despite the graphic at the bottom of the screen, I’m not convinced that the fact that Obama voted constitutes “breaking news.” Unless, of course, it turns out that he’s an illegal alien registered fraudulently by ACORN.

  • Sean O

    Michelle can _______ (verb) my ________ (voting term) any day.

  • Monkey

    It takes time to write-in DONKEY-SEX for all the people on the ballot in Chicago.


    [re=163110]Urbanachiever[/re]: Michelle is the typical lawyer – she actually pays attention to the judge retention races.

  • Hostile Michigander

    Did Obama’s white half vote for himself?

  • you cannot be serious

    You should see the San Francisco ballot – the voter guide is bigger than a “Small-Town Real American” city’s phone book. Full of freakish proposals but the best one is naming the Sewage Treatment facility after Dubya. That one didn’t take much thought.

  • golliwog

    No doubt Hannity’s Rev Wright clips were playing in Hopey’s head when he voted for That One.

  • grendel


  • jagorev

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]:

    pull my lever
    stamp my ballot
    canvass my precinct
    examine my hanging chad

    hey, it works for everything!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I told my brother in Petersburg VA to get out there early, and he was all “Nah, there aren’t many people in this town.” Now RawStory reports there were 400 people in line at one polling place there this morning:

  • azw88

    I bet some repulitards will claim we was voting present on most of the ballot.

    [re=163148]golliwog[/re]: They are running those Rev Wright ads here in AZ. McCain is so broke and chicken-shit, he has some republitard group paying for them. I am slightly hopefull for a BLUE AZ late tonight on the mostly blue CNN election map.

  • cal

    So I was torn between for Obama or Cynthia Mckinney.

    I thought “Hmm, Obama, Mckinney, Obama, Mckinney… that’s a tough one.”


  • The Frogurt Is Also Cursed

    I, for one, welcome our new muslin overlords

  • Terry

    I got to vote on a few amendments ranging from interesting to numbing:

    – Allow early voting
    – Allow 15,000 slot machines in four counties ’cause like half the neighboring states have them
    – County amendment to say that any new taxes have to be unanimously approved by the County Council, which will never occur.

    and finally, this little number:
    – Repeal Sections 311A, 311B, and 313A of the County Charter, regarding use of County funds to operate a landfill system on residentially zoned land; burying or trenching sewage sludge on residentially zoned land; and telephone service offered by the C&P Telephone Company.

    The last one leads your to think “Holy Mother of God, what am I voting on there?”.

  • ivenson

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]: sex my donkey?

  • Bagglio Ordonez

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]: Michelle can (Punch) my (dangling chad) any day.

  • whore4hope

    I voted in Chicago. There are tons of judges on the ballot. I think it was 8 pages. Obama probably just voted for himself and, maybe, Dick Durbin then skipped the rest. Local politics are beneath him now.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    I guess they don’t check the voter list against the terrorist watch list in Chicago?

  • Giant Robot

    Ha Ha Ha, ABC news says William Ayers and Louis Farrakhan voted at the same polling station as Obama. By the time team McCain makes an attack ad out of that to air in Alaska and Hawaii, Hopey will have about 450 electoral votes. I love my new country already!!

  • JoeFannyPack

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]: hang my chad?

  • tank this

    Yeah. It took an obnoxiously long time to vote in Chicago. And the pens take forever. I had to vote on at least 50 (and, yeah, I’m not joking at all here) judges, plus congress, plus water reclamation district, plus various proposals…It takes forever. And if you skip one the machine beeps and they say “did you mean to undervote?”, which makes you look like an asshole to the responsible people in line who eagerly chose all the funny named judges. There was a 4 foot tall nun who was about 90 years old and spoke only Greek in line in front of me. They found someone in line to translate and talk her through all of it. I almost cried from the hope.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    True story: last night someone hacked into the email account of the provost at George Mason University (it’s in Fairfax, VA). There’s been lots of Obama activity there for weeks.

    Someone sent an email from that account to everyone on campus saying that the election had been postponed until the 5th of November. I got one in my inbox.

    It’s nuts.

  • mamandesfilles

    The problem in Illinois is that we are voting to retain judges… and there were a skillion judge on the back of that clown ballot we get.

  • Giant Robot

    Tonights big losers: 1. McCain, of course, when Barry wins AZ and AK, and 2. Nate Silver when we all realize that the 7-11 coffee cup poll was more accurate than fivethirtyeight. Don’t worry Nate, we still like you!!

  • Steeevyo

    A clear attempt of ACORN voter fraud!

  • dannygutters

    the obama’s should use my chicago technique of voting for judges with amusing names.

  • BobLoblawLawBlog

    The fix is in! Palin won’t say whom she voted for!

    God, I hope she’s the candidate in 2012; she’s just so easy to hit.

  • golliwog

    The hired help are already getting the Capitol ready-

  • kudzu


  • PopeyesPipe

    [re=163110]Urbanachiever[/re]: Voting for judges is such a muddle. I have this massive Alliance of Bar Associations spreadsheet I’ll be bringing with me into the voting booth. Otherwise I’d just punch holes randomly.

  • Sussemilch

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]: gerrymander my district

  • Deepthroat

    BobLoblawLawBlog: That’s because Sarah’s secret shame is that SHE CAN’T READ! That
    s the real reason why she wanted to burn all those damn elitist books with their words and letters and such.

  • KristaJulieva

    Breaking News. Bill Richardson’s beard is gone. It didn’t survive to see the end of the election, but I am sure it will be watching the results from Beard Heaven.

  • Itsjustme

    Joe and Jill either voted straight Dem. or they were just screwing with everyone walking behind the curtain, and out in record time.

  • Urbanachiever

    [re=163209]PopeyesPipe[/re]: Yeah, I did the same. It still sucks though! (Glad I voted early)

  • swinger1121

    pffftt…she’s black, she probably has never voted before. HENGGGHHH? HENGGHHH??

  • greensprout

    [re=163204]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: I don’t know if tony harris is always this drunk(?) but i did appreciate him being unable to keep it together at her indignant answer about privacy.

    hey sarah i thought privacy of the woman is liberal babykiller propaganda!

  • jbd

    [re=163200]dannygutters[/re]: It’s probably an assholish thing to do, but I’ve never voted to retain a single judge. Not once. Just because I can. Well, that and it would take so long to actually develop opinions.

  • SwanSwanH

    [re=163200]dannygutters[/re]: Most Chicagoans still simply use the tactic of voting for the judicial candidates with the Irish names.

  • donner_froh

    [re=163167]Terry[/re]: Sewage sludge sent through the phone system? Legalizing/outlawing robocalls?

  • Miller

    It doesn’t take long to vote McCain, take a cell phone pic, send it to McCain and add the text “At least one black guy voted for your old ass. Now remember to lie back and take it as I have my way with you in a rough manner tonight. Regards, B. Hussein Obama President of a Black Planet.” Then strutting out before high fiving Ayers as he came in to vote.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I think its cute how he’s go the kids hanging all over him while he’s trying to punch the friggin’ card. Just like it was for me with my kids, filling out the ballot at the kitchen table here in vote-by-mail Washington state.

    A perfect system? Hardly! One my little nippers damn near knocked over my Gin ‘n’ Tonic all over my ballot, thereby invalidating it.

  • Cranky Little Camperette

    [re=163224]KristaJulieva[/re]: Wait, you mean it was just an “Election Beard?”

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    They let coloreds vote now? WTF is happening to my country?!

  • Fly Over Girl

    [re=163140]Sean O[/re]: Michelle can finger my write-in candidate any day.

    I love words.

    Ballot actually means “small ball”

  • Maus

    [re=163204]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: So what the hell is Palin going to do with herself politically if she fails to get the vote? It’d be really tough for her to claim extra experience with just that office, regardless of how she’s going to be “groomed”.

  • facehead

    My favorite election day quote:

    “I’m voting for the black man.”

    — My Superintendent, Brooklyn.

  • HuskyMescan

    [re=163224]KristaJulieva[/re]: are your fekking serious? link, please?!??!?!? OMFG!

  • LittlePinky82

    [re=163104]greensprout[/re]: LOL omg is that for real? Did a woman really do that? Oy!

  • Chairman Miao

    I’m Welsh and Canadian and it’s the middle of the night here in Kuala Lumpur where I’m on a visa run from Thailand and flipping incessantly back and forth between Wonkette and Jezebel and Andrew Sullivan and listening to “Something’s Happenin’ Here” and wishing like hell I was an Merkin today so I could join in that voting thing you have going on there. You know, for the free Starbucks. Seriously though, this is vair vair exciting. Many people here in Asia are yearning for a Hopey win.

  • RobPetrified

    Oh, sure.
    Even the Liberal Media can’t resist showing a big scary negro who is obviously taking so long to vote because he’s unable to read a ballot and color in the boxes.
    I’ll bet he has a knife in his pocket, and he’ll be lurking around an ATM once it gets dark.

  • Origami

    Not to get all Hopey-barfy, but maybe she was taking awhile because she was getting too excited to concentrate? I know I would be shaking and/or crying (but I have a vagina). Also, Michelle strikes me as the kind of smart lady who thoroughly researches the ballot and makes a shortlist of who and what to vote for. She could blast out of there if she wanted to.

  • Theta

    choinski: HA! Diane Wilkerson! Classy, classy lady. Luckily, I live in boring old Slummerville, and not in the district that had two non-binding questions, one about replacing the State Legislature with a 100-citizen “jury” and the other some divestment bullshit from a local anti-Semitic group.

  • WonketteFirstTimer

    So, I voted in Chicago this morning… though not in Hyde Park (even though I’m there now).
    Lines were long, and I’m happy to report that, assuming my neighborhood is representative of the entire nation, Obama will win the election by 87 points.

    My ballot looks different than his in a few ways, but the judges are the same – here is the reason that he took so long to vote… it takes forever. Took me 15+ minutes:

    Long time reader, first time poster.

  • TGY

    Pretty warm and human…for a muslin terrorist.

    There’s going to be troooouuuuble when his daughters get to dating age, and I pity the poor young bastards who attempt to date them.

  • OKLAHOMAjesus?

    The was struggling against the Bradley effect, she had trouble voting for her husband’s white half

  • Street Organizer

    Hey Wonkette! Where’s the coverage of nut-cup Assley Todd voting? Surely was personally escorted to the voting booth by the McCain camp.

  • Itsjustme

    I hate Tucker Bounds….can he plz. go to Alaska?

  • AJO

    I like how after :47 seconds Matt Lauer suggests that maybe viewers are thinking that voting takes so long it may not be worth it. Because 47 seconds is a really long time.

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