Call the roller of big cigars,/The muscular one, and bid him whip/In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.Poor old John McCain can’t even win a stupid ice cream contest. Wonkette Operative David sends us this sad report: “Apparently, Baskin-Robbins has been holding a national Flavor Election, which is kind of like an election where only fat, diabetics can vote (Kinda like the real election?). Anywho, the not only did Obama’s Whirl of Change trounce The Straight Talk Crunch in national polls — ice cream is in the tank — but it seems like nobody is fucking eating McCain’s horrible Ice Cream. … Even the french vanilla with egg yolk got more love (yuk).”

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. I can only assume that “Straight Talk Crunch” is filled with all manner of conflicting candy gimmicks, to the point that very little ice cream can be found, while “Whirl of Change” is a delightful blending of chocolate and vanilla.

  2. Man, I hope they don’t discontinue this campaign, I’ve developed a taste for Palanilla, y’know, the one with cubes of smoked elk meat. I hope they keep carrying it at the Gotcha Journalism Pizza Place.

  3. BarryHopey also is so great he made my blackberry finally login to Wonkette. I can now post “Truck Nutz” while riding around on the #27 bus (because the #65x is elitist, and has fewer hott sistas riding).

  4. Do they still carry Hillary’s Heapin’ Quadruple Fudge Menopausal Munch? It was the only ice cream I’ve ever seen that had an entire stick of butter in it

  5. “Caramel ribbon, chocolate pieces, candy red states and crunchy mixed nuts swirled into white chocolate ice cream.”

    White chocolate. White Chocolate. Has he no decency?

  6. Apparently the secret ingredient, which adds the crunch, is moose chips. They’ve been proven to work better as fertilizer than ice cream flavoring.

  7. I can hardly wait for the ad campaign. “A decadent tax on your taste buds bursting with a liberal dose of peanut and chocolate flavor – Obama’s Whirl of Change…once you lick Barack, you’ll never go back.”

  8. [re=162813]Sussemilch[/re]: There are candy red states? Are they shaped like actual red states, because that would be pretty cool! Or are they all shaped like generic Wyoming rectangles

  9. *sigh* I just want this tedious “voting” crap to be done with so we can focus on something interesting: the 2010 midterm elections.

  10. Meanwhile the Ron Paul Ripple — a combination of vanilla and cheetos with old socks wrung out into it — is dead last. However, the three people who do eat it are convinced it’s the national favorite.

  11. Plese, you sick fucks (on the previous thread), no more talk of Hand Jobs from th eConfort Teams on the elections lines. My 68 y/o mom is a Comfort Captian in Rio Rancho NM

  12. Both of those flavors sound kind of gross, but I imagine frozen red candy states (or candied anger, whatever they are) would break teeth? Plus why all the nuts? Why does Baskin Robbins hate real Americans with peanut allergies? When Barry is Prez we will get free softserve on demand!

  13. [re=162877]Lazy Media[/re]: I won’t complain if it is. These last eight years have been the Gobi desert of tail.

    Wavin’ to the girls —
    Feelin’ out of sight —
    Quotin’ Wallace Stevens on a Saturday night
    Honey I just wonder
    What you do there in the back
    Of your Honda for Barack
    Honda for Baraaaack.

  14. We wouldn’t know out here in Greenbelt, Md., across the street from that NASA Goddard place—Baskin Robbins closed its store here, after at least 15 years, and possibly after about 20 years at that location. The great local mom-and-pop Asian restaurant next to the Baskin Robbins, Great Hunan Village, also closed. And at the other end of the shopping center, Dimone’s, a longtime mom-and-pop pizza and sub shop that was there at least 20 years, also closed. And the 7-11 there closed.

    Now, this shopping center sucks. If you can’t support a Baskin Robbins, a great Asian restaurant called Great Hunan Village, a great pizza and sub shop called Dimone’s, and a 7-11, for God’s sake, then the management is just stupid.

  15. [re=162935]thefrontpage[/re]: Great Hunan Village is closed????????? When did this happen? We eat (ate) there whenever we come back to MD for a visit. Dang.

  16. I think this was a vote based around the fact that Baskin-Robbins customers think Sarah Palin would still be unqualified to be Vice-President of Ice Cream. Perhaps she can take Mayor McCheese’s job, I’m not sure how large McDonaldland is. I’m more interested in the pony ride results. Did more people ride the chestnut mare or the old broken down nag that bites the children?

  17. A short culinary note: Really good ice cream has egg yolks in it, aplenty, since ice cream is simply cold churned custard: milk/cream, egg, sugar, and flavoring.

    So the fact that they advertise the egg means the rest of their flavors are crap. Which, I guess is not a surprise.

    And frankly, Obama’s flavor should totally have been Oreo Latte.

  18. The Linscott Family that owns Gilles’s Frozen Custard Drive-in, while not selling in ice-cream (but custard), has filed a protest at Obama’s supposed Presidency of Ice-cream.

    I know Pat would have it another way.

  19. I’ll have a triple Whirl of Change. I don’t care if I get diabetes; President Hopey is going to get me some bitchin’ healthcare in a couple of months.

Comments are closed.

Previous articleEarly-Morning Election Reports From Your New York Wonkette Operatives
Next articleRead Sarah Palin’s Important Medical Fax!