Wonkette
It seems like just a million years ago when the 2006 midterm elections left the GOP crippled and destroyed. Ah, Cocktober and Blovember of yore, how we miss ye! Not really. But guess what? The campaign that began on November 8, 2006 is now over, pretty much! It is Election Day!
So here is what ye shall do: Help your brother, etc., unless your brother is Joe McCain. Go vote, ye, at the place where ye shall vote. (Here is ye Google Maps app.) Be not drunk with wine — be drunk with everything. Don’t ye drink & drive, etc.
See you in a few hours, friends! Thanks for hanging out with Wonkette for these many long years of weirdness.
Troubles? Try these sites for help with voting difficulties. Try not to strangle anyone. And try this for state-specific voter hassle data:
Obama uber alles!
Obama wins Dicksville Notch–suck it bitches! This will be a microscomic, bellweather, harbinger of the rest of the election.
Ken, I had one thought going forward–wake up, organic tea, shower and dress, vote for Obama. Now I am all fucked up
Oh, and die Prop 8, die!
I so can’t wait to wake up and vote that I can’t sleep. Can I vote yet? Are the polls open?
When I watched them vote on MSNBC, it reminded me of that episode of the West Wing. Man, I miss that show. Anyway, yay to voting day! I just wonder, though, how will I waste time on the internet afterward? I might actually have to do real things…like work. Eek.
Oh sure — it’s over. Except for the eighteen hours of white-knuckle agony, the accusations of voter fraud, the rumors of a big dump truck full of ballots, the demands for a recount, the lawyers faxing huge documents back and forth, the hanging chads, the riots at the precinct headquarters, the years of bitterness and another book by that execrable Swift Boat Veterans asshole. I’m sure there’s more, but I’m going to go look for that whippet that I think rolled under the sofa a year ago.
I pledge allegiance to Obama of the United States of America.
Seems like there ought to be more to say.
Obama up by 40% assholes!
It would be so unlike us to keep gloating to a minimum, huh?
I hereby request that for the next week, all posts relate to gay congressmen and the hi-layrious hijinks of the LNS crowd. Thank you. That is all.
Let’s start a pool. How many lawsuits will be filed in the next 5 hours. I get 3200-3500. Five bucks.
Como se dice, “voluntary 24 hour coma”?
There is only one state that should be on this map. The State of Alaska. FUCK YOU LIBRULS YOU AIN’T TAKING THIS ONE FROM US.
I meant the State of California (most perfect place, ever), but we can throw Ohio, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Nevada, New Mexico, hell even Indiana (Fuck you Natalie you ex-girlfriend of mine who is a Conservative Catholic fucking everything up in Northern Indiana). OKAY NOW. POSITIVE thoughts. HOPEFUL feelings.
K-Lo has AOL IM with the door slammings and all? Geez, there’s a shock, the unibrowed perpetual virgin still uses AOL.
I expected a bit more from the Wonkette on the grandma thing.
Here: http://upsidedowndogs.com/ Go laugh. Now fucking go to sleep. Wake up and vote.
@ shortsshortsshorts: Indiana; Conservative; Catholic: that doesn’t sound like a recipe for um. . . um. . . you know. . . fun.
Having been assured by both Michael Medved AND El RushBo’s listeners that The Darks will be rioting by midnight no matter who wins, I’m taking the approach of the late Hunter Thompson for this election day:
Hallucinogenics, Wild Turkey, and a large caliber handgun. Fortunattley, all are in season in the PacNW.
I have been patiently waiting for many months (years?) to post this for my Black Arab Muslin Wonkette fellow-travelers :
A CHANGE IS GONNA COME
as performed by Sam Cooke (1931-1964)
I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I’ve been running ever since
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
It’s been too hard living but I’m afraid to die
Cause I don’t know what’s up there beyond the sky
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
I go to the movie and I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me don’t hang around
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knocking me
Back down on my knees
Ohhhhhhhhh…..
There been times that I thought I couldn’t last for long
But now I think I’m able to carry on
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will
The man said YES IT WILL. : )
suchsweetthunder: I doubt Indiana is much of a recipe for fun anyway. Therefore, Indiana is BANISHED for voting Walnuts tomorrow, which it probably will. Stupid fucking Indiana.
Oh, I’ve voted in the past, but I have never been this passionate about voting out those fucking bums from office as I have this time. They fucked up the country, Fucked up the world. The republicans have morphed into a divisive, war-mongering, bible-thumping, fiscally impaired, disaster of a party. Good fucking riddance.
Wonkette, you gave me something to hang onto these past years. Thanks Ken et al.
FindFuckandFlee: “palinización”, I think. Oh, sorry, I think that’s actually “highly functional brain death”
WHat the hell… you know what I meant.
(Going back to my Stupid Corner)
The Day of Reckoning has come! It’s on motherfuckers! Viva La Revolution!!!!
agitpropster: I’ve been listening to that song in my iPod for weeks now.
But now that this thing is about to be over, what am I going to do? I’ve been obsessed with this election for a year and now, finally, it’ll be over. I completely forgot about what I was obsessed about before all of this.
agitpropster: Yes, I was just looking for the nice YouTube of that, for the musical thread, for you nervous nellies.
Ken Layne: Try lee dorsey’s yes we can on the utubes it’s strong like hopey.
agitpropster: I sang this a couple weeks ago in public. Sam Cooke wrote it after his son died in a drowning accident. It wasn’t about political change, but was adapted for that purpose after Sam was killed, and JFK was killed. Otis Redding turned it into something new. A bunch of us are turning it into something even newer, today.
Ken Layne:
Count me among the nervous nellies…. I’m a knock-on-wood, don’t-count-those-damn-chickens-before-they-hatch Irish voter for Obama (in a really really RED state!).
I am glued to this thing called a com-pu-ter, i can’t sleep, eat, “i can still fuck”, my teevee’s fucked up so i meld with my unit. I am going to need some serious detox come Wednesday.
FUCK, BE OVER ALREADY!!!!!
Armored Dolphins.
Who’s this bitch? She looks familiar.
I’ve already voted, I’m taking Tuesday and Wednesday off with accumulated vacation time, I just spent the past three hours dancing with women roughly half my age (I’m an ancient and decrepit fellow) and while I’m definitely a family values kind of guy, I expect to spin into a sort of Zorba the Greek bacchanalia as the next couple of days wear on.
I’ve waited 38 years to gloat and celebrate, and by God I’m going to do it right!!!!
It’s only 7:15 pm on Tuesday night in Australia and I am already dixnotched from a day of drinking in the sun for Melbourne Cup Day. Now I just have to keep rollin’ til we turn the White House into the Black House. Chocolate City, bnitches!
Let’s put America in the tank!
I’m so pissed. I thought I was clicking on the link with the two hot singing chicks and I get a photo of Katherine Harris getting pleasured by Jeb at the podium. Ugh.
Happy Election Day everyone! It’s like Christmas, but without the sleigh bells and false bonhomie.
Enjoy today. Make some memories.
I stuck out the lines and voted last week, so all I gotta do is break out my voter sticker. And my flag pin, newly bought. In D.C., even, so it’s about as authentic as a flag pin can get.
30 minutes of waiting just at the outset in Manhattan! What’s going to happen to the poor suckers who DON’T get on line at 6am.
So, I forgot to change the time on my alarm clock (fall back! fall back! I have to keep repeating that) and I arrived at the polls an hour before they opened. There were dozens of people already there who intentionally arrived at our voting place at 6am. By the time I walked out at 7:30am, the line was huge, all the way around the block. I drove past two other polling places on the way to work and the lines were even longer. The other thing different about this election day was the make up of the voters. I regularly vote (or get in line) as the doors open in the morning so I can get to work on time. Usually, I’m there with a handful of elderly people (who are probably up early anyway) and some folks who look like they probably work shifts. Not today. Every kind of person in the district was there. This is going to be an interesting day.
I voted last week - and woke up this morning to find my Barry magnet removed from my car by some hooligans. Probably the same backwards B carving negro monsters who just wanted my magnet for themselves just like a socialist would. This is actually the argument I heard from a neighbor (minus the carving negro monster part) - that it was probably an Obama supporter who just didn’t want to pay for their own car magnet.
Um, yeah.
God? With the next evolutionary wave, could you maybe make it so the blindly ignorant cannot reproduce as easily? Mmm-K? That’d be great.
Is there any way that you can work in a repost of the sobbing Rick Santorum child?
Thank you for the picture of Kitty Kunt. I am now inspired to stand in line forever to vote for Obama.
Urg that photo….boner-shrinker. Line in Manhattan for my hood at 9:30 am-took 10 mins. But the line was around the building for other zones…win already please i HAVE to fucking sleep…
disgustedcitizen: It’s been two years,does she like the new job at Cracker Barrel? Tips any good?
The original Cocktober was a transformational time in the life of many depressed and bored DC professionals… until then, it looked pretty bleak for this country. Then all the republicans turned out to be cock-hungry corrupt assholes. And then Sen. Hopey came along, all straight AND smart like.