Our queen of hearts.We’ve had a wonderful year with our favorite columns-writer-of, Peggy Noonan — maybe because, in our hearts, we knew this day was coming, this declaration to end all declarations. And here, today, we have our reward, our moment of grace. As usual, as always, our Peggy doesn’t bother with tired old introductions and such — this is, after all, a woman who burst into Bloomingdale’s and demanded pen and paper, one day, when she chanced upon a Mexican. Instead, she drops the bomb we always expected, like this: “The case for Barack Obama, in broad strokes:” And then she makes her case, which contains the most delightfully cruel assessment of John McCain’s delusional character we’ve even encountered.

The case for Peggy’s latest weird column, in pointer-finger bullet points:

  • Those who have historically been sympathetic to the Republican Party or conservatism, and who support Barack Obama — Colin Powell, William Weld and Charles Fried, among others — and whose arguments have not passed muster with some muster-passers, go undamned here.
  • [McCain] is passionate, obstreperous, independent, sees existential fables within history. His self-confessed role model for many years was Robert Jordan in Ernest Hemingway’s novel of the Spanish Civil War, “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” Mr. McCain, in his last memoir: “He was and remains to my mind a hero for the twentieth century . . . an idealistic freedom fighter” who had “a beautiful fatalism” and who sacrificed “for something else, something greater.” Actually Jordan fought on the side of the communists and died pointlessly, but never mind.
  • And now look, the black man thanking Alabama for his victory.
  • A great moment: When the press was hitting hard on the pregnancy of Sarah Palin’s 17-year-old daughter, he did not respond with a politically shrewd “I have no comment,” or “We shouldn’t judge.” Instead he said, “My mother had me when she was 18,” which shamed the press and others into silence. He showed grace when he didn’t have to.
  • Eras end, and begin. “God is in charge of history.” And so my beautiful election ends.

Give her FIVE AND A HALF Pulitzers! And somebody refresh her drink, for god’s sake. These highballs don’t make themselves.

Obama and the Runaway Train [WSJ]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • slappypaddy

    Not only did Robert Jordan fight for commies and die a loser, but Johnnie—HE WAS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. There are real people who could be role models. Try your grandfather, for instance, and work outwards from there.

    Oh, it’s too late. Good.

  • StrangelyBrown

    Peggy knows no other strokes but broad. Remember that, should she ever offer you a handjob.

  • Masorca

    She’s still an ass-wedge

  • emberglance

    [re=157878]StrangelyBrown[/re]: Can I just point out that not only is this site incredibly funny but so are most of the comments. This for example. End.

  • lenorecutie

    and whose arguments have not passed muster with some muster-passers, go undamned here.

    Wait, what now?

  • persiflage

    For someone who speaks like the female Mr. Haney, she writes darn purdy.

  • magic titty

    I soundly reject Ken’s post, as she was not once referred to as “Peggington Noonington”.

    But this ‘column’ only confirms what we’ve all known: Peggy is a size queen.

  • Cookie Guggelman

    Walnuts also loves that good old-fashion Hemingway misogyny. It was a time when men were men, and people didn’t fuss so much about the “health of the woman.”

  • 3-legged Bloodhound

    Broad strokes – sounds sexist.

  • MathewBrooks

    Peggy Noonan Saw a Mexican: BEST EVAR

  • persiflage

    I meant Floyd The Barber.

  • hockeymom

    “And so my beautiful election ends.”

    Peggy Noonan IS Laura from the Glass Menagerie…given to vapors, grandiose statements and insanity.

  • Delicious

    Is she stoned all the time?

  • MathewBrooks

    do people that read Peggy even know what obstreperous means?

  • Internally valid

    I like this little rhetorical flourish: “This means nothing? This means a great deal.”

    I’m going to use this all the time. To wit:

    –This forty has done nothing? This forty has intoxicated me a great deal.

  • SuperRounder

    Jungle Fever hs spread to the elderly. Sad.

  • Godot

    ARGH FUCK YOU PEGGY NOONAN. You just HAD to title your article, “Obama and the Runaway Train”, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU! Well you’ve ruined my day and I hope you’re happy.

    “Runaway train, never goin’ back… Wrong way on a one-way track…”


  • skyinator

    Can we nominate the Nooner as Miss Sparkle Pony 2008? It’s only right and just.

  • Cape Clod

    I wonder how many times Winston, her butler, has been required to carry her from the cozy armchair she has drunkenly passed out in and tucked her into her frilly four-poster.

  • edgydrifter

    My dog has been passing muster ever since I started feeding him a new brand of lamb-n-rice kibbles. Criminy, my living room smelled like a latrine dug into a mass grave for ebola victims last night. I’m switching him back to the old food if he hasn’t “adapted” by Monday.

  • dano

    Robert Jordan was a pussy! My role model is Batman. That’s right Batman, and you know what? Batman could totally kick Robert Jordan right in his vagina. Take that, John McCain!

  • OffTheRecord

    Plus, she rhymes! The race, the case, a hope for grace.

    I literally read this entire article aloud at work this morning. I am getting fired.

  • pourmecoffee

    I’m broad stroking to her charcoal sketch right now until my beautiful election ends. What? What’s your problem?

  • Wow. I thought those finger-bullet-points were Ken’s interpretation/mockery of her prose, but … they’re direct quotes. Sweet Jesus, Peggy Noonan is something. She’s something.

  • StripesAndPlaids

    [re=157894]Delicious[/re]: Why should she be any different?

  • Local Moran


    That’s just a hoitey-toitey way of saying ‘Pass the Grey Poupon’.

  • Internally valid

    “Separate and seemingly unconnected stands do not coherence make.”

    I think Peggers took her editor’s comment on her writing and simply placed it at the end of one of her paragraphs.

  • The Neoskeptic

    i’d still do her

  • Cape Clod

    [re=157893]hockeymom[/re]: You’re right, and she does love her little crystal unicorn.

  • Godot

    [re=157903]edgydrifter[/re]: You should gradually switch to avoid that. Mix the two foods together, starting at 80% old stuff 20% new stuff. After a day or two, make it 60/40. Keep going until you’re at 100% new stuff.

  • WadISay

    Peggy quotes the great Charlie Chan: “And so, my beautiful erection ends.”

  • Miller

    If any more conservative pundits hop on the Obama bandwagon the thing is going to break down from the sheer weight of them all. Then they’re stranded and after a few days….they’ll break into warring tribes led by the dominant males and start eating each other. It’ll be glorious.

  • Servo

    Actually, “Runaway Train” was a good movie. John Voight gets his fingers reduced to pulp in the locomotives’ couplers of a runaway train in Alaska. OWEEEEE!

  • Norbert

    Well, I just read my first ever Dame Peggy Noonan column and my life is slightly diminished for it. Thanks for nothing, Wonkette.

  • Vewol Mevemont

    Peggy Noonan, you are completely fucking impenetrable. Call me!

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Bunch of fucking dizzy kids around here…

  • edgydrifter

    [re=157904]dano[/re]: No doubt–Jordan sucks ass. I have a bad feeling that even death won’t stop him from putting out another dozen or so crappy Wheel of Time novels. “Oosquai”–yeah, it’s whiskey! We get it, Jordan! Har har har you’re so frickin’ clever! Damn I’m bitter about those books.

  • hockeymom

    [re=157922]WadISay[/re]: so wrong, yet so funny!
    [re=157919]Cape Clod[/re]: well, we have been promised unicorns and rainbows.

  • wet bread

    [re=157875]slappypaddy[/re]: That’s funny, Palin’s hero is also a fictional communist who died a painful death.

  • paigow

    Tank! Tank! Tank!

  • Theta

    “Peggy Noonan adds curlicues to handwriting on the wall.”

    Now taking bets, Walnuts dies of a stroke right before the election. HENNNGHHH? Any takers?

  • TGY

    Peggy Noonan’s stuff is an entertaining train wreck, painted using all the literary colors of the spectrum. Often humorous or pretty or cute (“muster-passers”), at the end of the day it’s still just a train wreck.

  • GollyGeeWilly

    Wha is a “Mustar”? I always thought it went on hot dogs. But when I asked the lady
    at the deli to pass it to me, she thought I was crazy. So now SHE’S not passing mustar(d).
    What the fuck am I supposed to think????

  • nurple

    When the Republicans were losing in Spain, the Soviets clandestinely removed pieces of the Imperial treasure from Madrid and spirited them back to Moscow. Clearly, Peggy’s Blingee shines resplendent with purloined Aztec splendor.

  • JadedDIssonance

    [re=157916]Local Moran[/re]: Real Americans say “Gimme the Mustard!”

    But can she do it in Latin?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=157894]Delicious[/re]: Yes.

    Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
    Tears from the depth of some divine despair
    Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
    In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
    And thinking of the days that are no more.
    So bite me, bitch.

  • ella

    Meh. Noonan is still the same Peggy who wrote, “Read my lips. No new taxes.”

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Goddamn it, now I have to give Peggy the cunnilingus I promised. Turns out she loves the lapine buck teeth.

  • swinger1121

    Best. Blingee. Evah

    Only to be outdone by the imminent Joe the Plumber Blingee. Get on it people!

  • ioksotot23

    <–Standing behind Walnuts during his truly ugly and crippled back swing coughing “Noonan”

  • Tommy Says Soooo

    Somewhere Wendy Button cries as Peggy Noonan leaves her in the GOP. Poor slut. First Edwards dumps her, then Hopey, then she runs into the moist gefilte-white arms of Lieberman and vague semen smell of Mitch McConnell, only to see her mentor punch her time clock and leave.

  • Local Moran


    With a ‘Manhattan’ accent no less.

    Though, Real Americans would probably call that a drunken slur.

  • Dreamer

    [re=157875]slappypaddy[/re]: Johnny has a new role mode – Joe the fake Plummer.

  • JSDC007

    Sister Peggy just watched “Roots” for the first time.

    And Sister Peggy learned.

    And wept for her wicked ways.

    And we weep for her gaudy prose.

  • Meth Lab for Cutie

    Each one of her columns is a jewel, but this one is going straight into the Norton Anthology.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=157986]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: :(

    It’s a Poe epitaph at this point for poor, Ms. Button.

  • War Eagle

    And we stand around at Georgetown cocktail parties, mentally over-dressing Miss Pegs.

  • Meth Lab for Cutie

    I once had a chance to talk to a couple of old guys who fought in the Spanish Civil War. WHen the U.S. entered WWII, our military was at first reluctant to let them in, because the govt. had designated them as “premature anti-Fascists.”

  • Serolf Divad

    So wait… did she or didn’t she?

  • Maus

    [re=157875]slappypaddy[/re]: “Not only did Robert Jordan fight for commies and die a loser, but Johnnie—HE WAS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. There are real people who could be role models. Try your grandfather, for instance, and work outwards from there.

    Oh, it’s too late. Good.”

    He’s “guy along with dad who got my career going and kept me ‘failing upward’ ”

    People like McCain see family as something to exploit to an end, not as heroes.

  • Petticoatjunction

    [re=158002]Meth Lab for Cutie[/re]: Would that be the Ed Norton Anthology, The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Ed the Plumber?

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Noonan uses phrases that I get in spam email. See real examples:

    My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation.
    My Ernest Desire
    I do not have any child and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons.
    I do not want my husband’s hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

    So Noonan writes likes a bad Vietnamese/Nigerian to English translation. Go figure….

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=157893]hockeymom[/re]: Can we refer to Noonan as “Blue Roses” from now on?

  • Neon Trotsky

    [re=158008]Meth Lab for Cutie[/re]: Isn’t there some pharmaceutical you can take to prevent “premature anti-fascism”? I think there was an infomercial on the History Channel on it or something…

  • Lascauxcaveman

    “Obstreperous.” Yep, that’s Walnuts, right down to his rotted, privileged, petulant flyboy core.

    The word nerd in me loves some Peggington Noonington blather.

  • sezme

    [re=158009]Serolf Divad[/re]: Yeah, I read this a few times and think it’s not so much an endorsement as an elegy. She’s not climbing aboard the runaway train, she’s just jumping off the tracks and shaking her head. Obviously still can’t get over seeing that Mexican that one time.

  • llyn

    Well, poop. I was writing a lengthy comment about Peggy’s delivery of an opinion on TV this morning, and I had to go to the dictionary to make sure I was spelling “moue” correctly [I was, by the way], and when I tried to back-button to my comment, it was gone. I turned the TV off after 15 seconds, but there were possibly 25 different moues committed by Peggy in those 15 seconds. Just be grateful, you all, that you only had to read this crap, instead of watching her speak it.

  • 3-legged Bloodhound

    Peggy needs a nooner.

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    Noonan uses phrases that I get in spam email.

    I guess she has to fill her time somehow, since she only works one day a week.

  • yellowdogdem

    Jeebus, I just read the article and I think she’s a horrible writer. I guess she thinks she’s eloquent; I think she’s convoluted and windy. Who starts sentences with “However” followed by a colon? And the runaway train argument is specious. She’s just jumping off the McCain bus in order to protect her ass.

  • Dreamer

    I read that Noonan column and as usual I feel dizzy. But I am so disillusioned, I share something with Walnuts? I really liked Robert Jordan – I argued with my father a lot about this book (dad hated Hemmingway).

    On another note, I think it was Fortnight ago when I discovered Wonkette and I am yet to see anything about “stolen election”, “voter suppressions”, “Republican dirty tricks” – what gives these things are not snark worthy. I ask that because that is a major preoccupation for daily kos diarists.

  • slappypaddy

    [re=158008]Meth Lab for Cutie[/re]: You ever get a chance to see “The Good Fight”? Came out in 1984. Story of the Lincoln Brigade volunteers, with some great interviews, particularly of merchant seaman Bill Bailey, who was the guy who tore the Nazi flag down on the SS Bremen in 1935, and of the fighting in Spain said, “I would have fought them [the Nazis] with a slingshot if that’s all I’d had.” See it if you haven’t and you can.

  • totoro

    I want to put my head in her lap now.

  • dmac

    At first I really did think the bulletpoints were jokes, but then I realized nobody could make up bullshit like that — it could only have come from Peggy Noonan.

  • Captain Flaps

    It’s like Hitler’s bunker, all these conservative hacks are putting bullets in their heads as the tanks roll overhead. I’m sure she took one last glug of gin, then weepingly hit the send button. So long Peggy..

  • sleepy

    an endorsement as sincere and meaningful as stephen colbert’s…

  • norbizness

    By “highball” do you mean “a three-foot line of crushed Xanax, pixie sticks, and cocaine”?

  • regisgoat

    The Duchess of Noonington puts a napkin down on the bench, before taking her seat in the filthy plebian tank.
    A real bad Duchess Peggy article: one she wrote in this book of conservative essays about how ’50s America was like ’50s television. Oh, she must have been punishing the single-malt that day.

  • Politicalchef

    Wow, I’ve never read her columns before – I find columnists superfluous – but damn, she’s just so fucking precious, isn’t she? does she know how to write a straight-forward sentence? WTF was her opinion, exactly?

    I think I’ll continue to skip it, from here on out . . .

  • DanginMpls

    “Life moves.” That’s worse than “Runaway Train”; isn’t that a Bob Seger chestnut?

  • Mara47

    Sorry, but this isn’t Puliter-worthy:

    “He will raise taxes, of course, but he may also feel forced to bow to a clamorous base with the nonspending items they favor: the rewriting of union law to force greater unionization of smaller shops, for instance, and a return to a “fairness doctrine” that would limit free speech on the air.”

    Strange definition of the Fariness Doctrine (as opposed to “a fairness doctrine”), if that’s what she ment to do. So, giving the other side equal time suppresses free speech? Seems to me it makes it more, um, graceful, y’know?

  • wavingnotdrowning

    I can’t think of the Noonster without imagining her at home alone, doing voice-overs for dolls in Ayn Rand passion plays.

  • dkissam

    I’m tugging my braid at you.

  • Dreamer

    [re=158188]Mara47[/re]: If it is possible she is even more pompous and confusing when she talks. I find her coyness and attempts at curtness tiring.

  • Aurelio

    Soupy shit by the nutbag authoress of Poppy’s “thousand points of light.” Still the same drivel with a different agenda: she is moving toward the center in order to shore up her career as a pundit.

  • WadISay

    Did Peggy Noonan actually endorse somebody here? I re-read this, and it’s like the scene in Forrest Gump, where he gets up in front of millions to say what he thinks about the Vietnam war and the sound system goes on the fritz.

  • Words

    The woman gives even Gerard Manly Hopkins a run for his money in language use. I’m with Serolf Divad, tho, “Where’s the Beef?” or in this case, where’s the endorsement. Didn’t find it hidden in her colorful, overthetop way w/ English language.

  • Aurelio

    [re=158009]Serolf Divad[/re]: Only her hairdresser would know for sure–if she had one.

  • palmerdawg

    [re=157884]emberglance[/re]: Get a nutty avatar, it’ll be a hoot!

  • Aurelio

    [re=158259]Words[/re]: “Like shining from shook foil” has more class than anything Preggy would ever say. And there is no endorsement–or rather, it is a self-endorsement in her new role as Impartial Pundit in recovery from right-wing whoredom.

  • Snarkfest

    Peg’s just trying to disprove my reference to her hotflashes finally charbroiling her synapses. Nice try.

  • redstateblues

    The best line from this article is: “But separate and seemingly unconnected stands do not coherence make.”

    Quite so indeed.

  • Snarkfest

    [re=158357]redstateblues[/re]: Just proves she’s still a bit charred upstairs – but maybe a little light has shined in otherwise dark places.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Maybe it’s because I’ve had parent/teacher conferences for the past 12,385 hours, but I couldn’t even get through the bullet points without falling asleep.

  • hobospacejungle

    [re=158100]slappypaddy[/re]: Might as well read Orwell’s Homage to Catalonia while you’re at and read how these beautiful idealists were shot in the back by lefty infighting & finally smothered to death by the Soviets. Fucking commies ruin everything.

  • Outstando

    Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
    Over many a quaint and curious volume of election lore,
    While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
    As of someone gently fapping, fapping on a diamond whore.
    `’Tis some editor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
    Only this, and nothing more.’

    Ah, distinctly I hungover, it was in the bleak October,
    And each dying red state wrought its ghost upon the floor.
    Eagerly I wished the morrow; – vainly I had sought to borrow
    From my books surcease of sorrow for the lost year ‘94 –
    For the rare and radiant mandate whom God named ‘94 –
    Nameless here for evermore.

  • Numbat Dundee

    [re=157895]MathewBrooks[/re]: Obstreporous rhymes with rhinocerous. Which is kind of appropriate really. Ogden Nash could have done something with that.

  • Fringe Element

    For 30 years we have had a shitload (Peg — think: ‘surfeit’) of neanderthal crackpot realists and power whores (Peg: ‘conservative pundits’) foisted on us by the oh so liberal media (Peg: ‘offered up to us in the national conversation’).

    My sincere hope is that one of the major trends in the coming years will be the flushing of these turds down history’s crapper(Peg: ‘the inevitable swing of the pendulum of opinion back to the center’).

    [Apologies to C. Wright Mills for this weak takeoff on his translation of Talcott Parsons in The Sociological Imagination. Now, Mills was a real political writer.]

  • Fringe Element

    PS: Listen, Noonan!

  • Words


    Alas, sir/madam, you will probably not read my poor reply… –surely you are a fellow English major? or at least, a Lib Arts maj?

    I may have not made this reply as I should have? Sigh.

    Nice reply, you who cannot be named – Love also the … “…fall, gaul themselves, and gash vermillion”—

    Oh, it’s so appropriate for almost all the people I know now (they are all laid off thnx Bush Adm!!)

    And: …. “Mine, O, Lord, send MY Roots Rain!!”

    As you can see, if you indeed read this, I’m your basic E major— boring. yep.

    nighty-night, and happy All’Hallow’s Eve!!

  • the invisible woman

    Peggy’s from Brooklyn, yo, but she always sounds like a southern belle who’s biting on chalk after breathing helium. Her voice actually makes me nauseous.

  • MrsNateSilver

    noisily and stubbornly defiant; “obstreperous boys”
    boisterously and noisily aggressive; “kept up an obstreperous clamor”

  • vthokies383
  • Hagar7

    My hat’s off to her merely because I don’t know many people who could bang out a column on deadline after mainlining a fifth of Chivas.

Next articleGuess Who’s Advertising In Arizona?