Wonkette
Whoa. This response to Liddy’s Dole’s “Kay Hagan once attended a fundraiser where she talked to some guy who was involved with an atheist organization that actually killed Jesus” ad is probably one of the best of the year — direct, succinct, zippy, and unusually sexy. This Kay Hagan is pretty great and we hope she beats that old dingbat crow. Then she can go to Congress and release videos to Osama saying, “Now listen sir, you just stop this nonsense and get with the program, we expect your surrender by morning, the end.” And he’ll do it! [YouTube]
CATFIGHT!
When is Piper’s baby due ,again?
Hi, I’m Kay Hagan. I may fornicate with Beelzebub, but at least I’ve never been spread my legs for Bob Dole.
“Unusually sexy”?
Hmm. I dunno about that one, Jim. She looks like Laura Bush. But anything’s hotter than Liddy Dole.
KAY HAGEN IS A SECRET ATHEIST TERRORIST WILL REMOVE UNDER GOD FROM COINS, DAMNING AMERICA FOREVER!!!!!!1111
Condensed text: “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I’m a Christian, Gawdfuckindammit, and I’m going to sue your wrinkled ass!”
Ohhh, snap! Liddy Dole just got served!
ew, it’s like a literal ‘holier-than-thou’ competition.
rocktonsammy:
Bristol’s I meant.
Damn liberal media!
Oh, and another thing. My husband doesn’t need Viagra.
Dole is a hag, dole is a hag, nah, nah, nah and blah, blah, blah
rocktonsammy: Piper’s Preggers, too. That’s the real October Surprise!
rocktonsammy: It was actually funnier using Piper. Cruel, but funny.
rocktonsammy: She was five months at the Christmas… So, New Year’s, more or less.
& as my mother & brother have predicted, that wedding to Levi is never happening. In fact, within a year, she’ll be preggers, again, by another man.
[cue "Guilty Conscience"]
[Yes, I do lie & get fucked more than the President does.]
*Christmas means Convention… though for the GOP, those could be interchangeable.
Looks like it’s time to donate to Ms. Hagan just like Tinkleberry or whatever his name is in MN.
WTF is Rove running Liddy’s campaign? I wouldn’t wanna scrap with this lady Liddy she’s waaaaay godier than you……
Jim is hot for Hagan!
“And another thing, why don’t you get Joe the plumber to clear out whatever you have up your ass, Liddy!!!”
I’d wish a politician would have the courage to say “Yes, I am Godless - that’s why I’m working my hardest to make *this* world a better place - it’s the only one we have”.
OT: 23 percent of Texans think Obama is a muslim (in most other states it is around five or ten percent), see:
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6084678.html
(warning, I found this through Drudge so it may have cooties).
“Call Liddy Dole and ask her while she’s a false witness bearer”…
That was good! Pity it had come from some jeebushead, but still … I guess she couldn’t say “I mock your stupid fake sky-god! What did His hot gay black jewish hippie pretend son say: love thy neighbor? Well, love my atheist ass, you piss-ants. Oh and vote for me please, thanks.”
ph7: Pete Stark, from Pagan California is one such non-believer.
I don’t know. “Kay Pagan” has a certain ring to it.
Serolf Divad: Uhhh, neither has Elizabeth Dole.
Other than the Obama/Carol Burnett variety hour, this may be the best ad of the season?
STOP LYING ABOUT MY THEISM MRS. DOLE!
InsidiousTuna: It’s sexy because she puts the smack DOWN. Really. It’s one of the few ads in which a candidate said something that makes me cringe (”I believe in God”) but that also made me cheer her on. I say kudos.
I would have found it more persuasive had she shown us her stigmata.
But then, I’m a ex-Irish Catholic.
We go for that “Washed in the Blood of the Lamb” stuff.
Unless we’ve been drinking, I mean.
My formerly-Republican recently-turned Independent dad voted for Kay Hagan partially because he was so disgusted by the Dole ad. So suck on that, Liddy.
I will confess that when I was a small child, my sister and I were offered a choice between going to Sunday school and spending the weekends in the Hamptons and we decided that Sunday school wasn’t so important.
I wonder what mom and dad would have told us back in 1952 if we had picked Sunday school. Get in the car, goddammit! We’re going to East Hampton!
And now, Kay Hagan’s God will proceed to beat up Liddy Dole’s God. Hilarity ensues.
Daaaaammmmnnnn.She made me feel like I done and went something bad,and I’m 1200 miles away…
Barry should do one. Wearing an afro wig and mutton chops.
“John McCain is a motherfucker, etc…”
Sometimes I’m sad that I live in such a non-battleground state. Unless John Cornyn got caught fellating a goat, he’s a shoo in. Bummer that we miss some of these good commercials.
I’m sure Liddy is going to apologize for that ad. Any minute now. You just wait and see. Big ole mea culpa. On national teevee. Holding hands with Batshit Bachmann in prayer. Wait for it. Any minute now.
I sent $50 to Kay to defeat the Gorgon after that last post. I hope we can put Gorgon out to pasture next to the Minnesota Baby-Farmer, Baby Spice, and our beloved Kitty.
Texan Bulldoggette: Isn’t “goat fellatio” an approved recreational activity there?
Speaking of the older lady political DC wack set, Why aren’t yall accounting for greta van susteren and her psycho blog?
look at the shit going on there. seriously.
http://www.gretawire.com
ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU (feels like school again, huh?) gag me!
WendyK: Cows & tree knotholes, OK. Goats & other men–not OK. Even we have some standards.
Why throw a hail mary with 5 minutes left in the fourth quarter? Especially when your opponent has 60 men on the field (her spending advantage). Also, Terry Bradshaw {mumble}.. band on the field… etc FOOTBALL ANALOGIES 4EVER BITCHES
The Senate battle has devolved into dueling accusations about who believes in God and how much each believes in God. Is it too late to set charges along the NC border, separate it from the US and float it off the coast of Africa? We can let the Tarheels and other sports teams stay, but everyone else has to go.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
Well, if the Rapture occurs within the next FIVE AND A HALF DAYS then North Carolinians won’t be able to vote for either of these lovely, er, ladies …
AlexTrebeksGirl: What, there weren’t enough dead blonds for Greta to cover. (I guess she’s covering the ultimate dead blond–Walnuts!). She is seriously an annoying piece of girl shit.
OH look Jim (I am too important to vote) Newell has the hots for Hagen.
Neon Trotsky: I read that as, “remove God from under coins,” and I was like, “THAT’S where he’s been hiding???”
Of course I believe in invisible cloud dwellers. How dare you suggest otherwise!
Obama just said TIT on rachel maddow. Boob terrorist too. Sean Hannity get to work.
For Sen. Dole:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hjd8GmVKfk
Dear Wonkette Editors,
Since you started this rolling non-stop posting schedule of yours, for Hopey’s sake, why on earth are you not live-blogging Rachel’s get interview with the Hopemeister that’s going on RIGHT NOW?!1!?!?
I think I speak for all of us when I say you’ve created this monster, now http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGRN39oifsE
KTHXBAI!
Hannity is playing “Associations…” On H&C.
They even brought Ann Coulter in.
Colmes owned both of them for a coll five minutes.
“There are no atheists in foxholes.” WW2 or may be some other.
God Coulter is a bitch. She always complains about her time.
Female Republicans bear false witness. Male Republicans covet their neighbour’s ass.
magic titty: ANN COULTER! Thank you, we were playing our own little game of “Name the Skanky Bleach-Blonde Twitchy Republican Meth-Head” at supper tonight, and we could not recall those words by witch she is known.
And in other news: I’d like everyone to know that I sent a strongly-worded message to Libs this very evening. She has not, as of yet, favored me with a reply.
renttoowncoitus: That’s because athiests have more sense than to hang around in foxholes.
Haha - Colmes owns Coulter. Wonkette must get this clip!!
She was rattling off “associations…shhh…scary”, and asked Colmes if he would be in the same room with them (Ayers, Khalidi, Wright, wtc), and he says:
Yes. And I’m in the same room with you.
AlexTrebeksGirl: You mean he
The phrase “bear false witness” really leaves a handprint on the cheek, no?
rocktonsammy: Oh, about nine months and one menstrual period since the last one…
Numbat Dundee: True - look what happens to those that do - they ‘Tillman’ us.
facehead: I caint buhleev 77% of mah fellah Texuns don’t noew da teeruth!
Texan Bulldoggette: That was a very clever use of the word “fellate”, one that I haven’t heard since the late 80’s from a very witty lady I went to school with. Your name doesn’t happen to be Keisha, does it? Either way, well done.
magic titty: Win
You know Dick Morris hates his life because he doesn’t bother to say “Hey Sean. Let me finish.” He always has these historical facts and no one on fux news CARES. Poor Dick. Sean just gets bored and says “we gotta take a break dick. yip. tito the builder”. Mann Coulter has a bigger hairier set than he does. Gawd
Neon Trotsky: Yeah, because shit we decided on during the McCarthy era should definitely be sacrosanct.
Natch.
Texan Bulldoggette: Come on now, I’m from Texas too and you know Cornyn could sodomize a goat on the Capitol and he would still get re-elected. As long as the goat wasn’t Muslim or Male. Because Texans don’t like terrorist or queers.
bluebrazos: Well, “fellatioing” is so hard to type when you’ve had a few Silver Bullets. No, I’m not Keisha–apologies for not being able to re-unite you with a funny lady.
Darkness: woah, my replies are ending up on random quotes. Sorry for the surreality. Or not.
Like the kids say, “pwned.”
sk1win: So Texas like Iran does not have gays – wow another thing they have in common with that midget with the funny name.
Re Cornyn (heh) I believe the quotation was something like: To lose, they need to find me in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. google norman mailer and LBJ–maybe Obama say I got his pecker in my pocket.
Great timing. Just saw bat shit lady’s ad on Grey’s Anatomy like about right now. Actually, my wife goes “have you seen this ad?” and I’m all like “have you seen this ad?” Thank Jaweh for the intertubes.
God hates me, so I had to live in Lubbock for seven years — but with frequent trips to Austin for the state Arts Commission. Heard the best political story ever, about Lubbock’s own Gov. Preston Smith.
Smith was giving a re-election campaign speech. A black activist named “Lee Otis” had just been arrested with a joint and sent to the Big House for 5 years. UT students began chanting: “Free Lee Otis, Free Lee Otis”. The Governor wondered to his aides: “Why on earth are they screaming ‘Frijoles’?
But, seriously, folks:
http://projects.newsobserver.com/under_the_dome/claims_dept_doles_promises_ad
You may now return to your irregularly programmed schedule.
War Eagle: I don’t know this Lee Otis of whom you speak, but you should probably be canonized for having to live in Lubbock for SEVEN YEARS! (The west TX version of College Station where ‘backward B’ Ashley Scott hails from.)
Ah yes, borrowing a play from Marion Barry’s 11th hour: “b*tch set me up”.
Texan Bulldoggette: Ah yes. Met Jorge Sr. Knew Ms. Perot and the marvelous Maury Maverick, through Austin activities.
You must learn of Lee Otis and tell your grandchildren. ‘Tis part of your heritage.
Re: Miss Ashley. My first thoughts were “Dumb Aggie.”
Idiot #1: “I believe in invisible star-fairies, but my opponent does not!”
Idiot #2: “I DO TOO believe in invisible star fairies, take it back!”
It’s a beautiful, stupid cycle.
I never watch H&C but did catch the antics tonight. My take, you were watching the last of the old guard, “your a great American” crowd, talking hysterically over one another because the know their horse has left the barn and is now somewhere north of Scranton. The anger Sean and Bitch Blond had in their voices and facial expression were worth the effort of my index finger when it chose to hit their channel on my remote.
Barack THE President fuckerz!~
Jim likes the Sunday School Teacher.
Texan Bulldoggette: Oops, meant Ashley Todd.
Jeez I guess we know how to piss off Kay Hagan. Just start spreading rumors that she’s not an idiotic superstitious twit who believes in an invisible father/son duo who promise to do stuff for you if you buy their bestseller.
Texan Bulldoggette: In Texas suckin’ a goat dong is just part of the elaborate ceremony in which a boy becomes a man. That is a fact of science.
Kay Hagan, Kay Baily Hutchison, Elizabeth Dole. Aren’t they all the same lady with different wigs?
AlexTrebeksGirl: I’m going to raise the stakes. Who will be the first a-hole media gas-bag to COMPLETELY lose his/her shit if Obama wins this? I’m talking melt down… dropping the N-bomb on radio or television broadcast…
1) Rush
2) Hannity
3) Coulter
Please pick one option. Points will not be awarded unless you show your work. And… Begin.
Oh man, so many days out of the Wonkette. I liked Mme. Dole.. I thought that she was spirited and snarky on a personal level. What a sad end. Too much vino pour moi. Ya’ll understand. Not so much paying attention these days. So sick of Palin commentary. Sound a bit like yoda (sp) on the red.
sk1win: You all in Texas are going to hell for not farting unicorns for Rick Noriega.
magic titty:
Next thing you know Colmes is going to cold-cock Hannity like McFly taking down Biff in Back to the Future, and it’ll be the Colmes & Hannity show where Hannity is Colmes’ bitch for the next FIVE AND A HALF YEARS.
Speed Ball: GREAT idea. Let’s project the race to drop n bombs. I think Rush had the advantage in this scenario. First of all, he doesn’t air until noon the next day. He will be going apeshit and probably will not come on Greta. He won’t share his battiness. He’ll bottle it up and save it for his special post election show. Speaking of bottles, he will definitely be on drugs again. I do not believe for a second that he ever stopped his drugs. I admit that I don’t know much about drugs, especially the pain drugs - can he lose his tongue? It’s not like booze so I don’t know.
Hannity will probably just put on a mask of Reverend Wright and start his new stupid impersonations that he thinks he’s good at.
Coulter. Yes. She’ll be THE ONE to kill us with n bombs. She’s a white blonde Repugnant sooooo chances are HIGH that she boozes to make up for the fact that no one will come near that heat she packs in her stockings. I think it COULTER.
trophy(forparticipation)wife: We understand. Nous comprenons. And she used to can such damned good pineapple!
Now she’s like, I dunno, The Spanish Inquisition.
Itsjustme: I voted for him along with the other 15 Dems in TX. We did our part!
Boy, I’ll be happy as anyone to see Liddy Dole gone…but damn, that Atheist lady yelling into the teevee is pretty damn annoying as well.
Anonymous Office Zombie: i would love that to happen
Speed Ball: Can’t believe I found this, since dude pulled his e-sheep website, but here it is….
” Anarchy in the U.S.A., or “How Dare You Criticize Our President? ”
You know what this election’s really about, don’t you?
Gloating rights.
If Bush wins tonight, tomorrow the Right Wing Bullshit Cannons will be firing full-bore. Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, O’Reilly, and all the yammering dipshits of Fox News will grandly announce:
* The American People, in their humble wisdom, have spoken.
* Democracy is beautiful! The System works!
….
Some talk radio hosts will even announce that God chose George W. Bush for a reason. He was divinely destined to become Our Leader.*
On the other hand, if Bush loses, they’ll be saying:
* The American people were HOODWINKED into voting for Kerry!
* Our nation is SICK! Our democracy isn’t WORKING! The natural order of things has been disrupted! Dogs and cats living together!
* Bush lost because he was TOO DECENT a man to fight dirty against the seditious, filthy Democrats!
….
If Kerry wins, every time I hear a Republican criticize the new President, I’m going to jump up and scream,
“HOW DARE YOU DENIGRATE OUR COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF DURING A TIME OF WAR?”
“YOU’RE DEMORALIZING OUR TROOPS, YOU FREEDOM-HATER!”
“ARE YOU WITH KERRY, OR ARE YOU WITH OSAMA?”
“GO MOVE TO (Iran, Syria, China, North Korea) IF YOU HATE AMERICA SO MUCH!”
And of course, the cherry on the sundae: To those sanctimonious fucks who asserted that George Bush was chosen by God to be our Leader, we can all now chant:
“GOD CHOSE KERRY! PRAY FOR OUR PRESIDENT!”
Who’s with me?”
…..
The whole thing is here: http://pfarley.livejournal.com/2004/11/02/
Don’t know about ya’all, but come this coming Wednesday i’m gonna be having me a Reich-Wing Radio Gloat Fest if this motehrfucking cocksucking ASS FUCKING bitch breaks our way…
Mark Foley was good for a laff, hearing and seeing the look on their fat overstuffed faces is gonna be priceless.
Nice try, Carla Sagan. All this means is you won’t be teaching Sunday School no more, brainwashing children with your Nietzsche, Marx, Dawkins, and such as. Go back to your atheist madrassa and indoctrinate some Hawaiians.
Of course, and I’m sure someone said it already but I’ll say it again, it woulda been nice if she’d said “But all this aside, it shouldn’t matter.”
Speed Ball:
I cast my vote for my namesake.
Barack Like Me: Reich-wing is right. Coulter compared Obama to Hitler tonight. How does she get away with this? Who cares. I’m back to guzzling cheap wine and i’ll stop asking questions.
i believe in god more than you do bitch! i say god damn amerika!!
Hell, yes! This ad is great.
The best part is at the end, where she says “I’m Kay Hagan, and Liddy Dole is going straight to Hell.” Plus, unlike every Evangelical who ever lived, Kay can name one commandment.
Liddy Dole is channeling Jesse Helms. “I’m a cracker doodle dandy, cracker doodle do or die. A real live nephew of our Uncle Jeff, I died on the fourth of July” and so on.
This ad could’ve been great, but it went on exactly 2 words too long, to the weirdly nasty end of the alleged commandment against “bearing false witness against fellow Christians.” Wonder which Jews and Muslins *both* candidate ladies are lying their tits off to?
Liddy Dole is Henrietta from the fruit cellar.
Poor Kay Hagan, she forgot the part in the bible where god gives special dispensation to republicans to lie, cheat, steal, because they are self-righteous fucks.
Canuck13652: oh, Canadian. You clearly don’t know our humble country, where “atheist” comes slightly below “NAMBLA member.”
I dated a Canadian for several years, who was baffled by the fact that, while he was the one who had to say the Lord’s Prayer in public school in ruralfuck, SK, Canada was also the one with an openly-atheist member of Parliament (can’t remember whom it was, but you may know), whereas he never saw such a thing happening here. We were dating during the whole Pledge of Allegiance “under God” national meltdown, and I thought he was going to swing the car around and start heading back to the Motherland on a few occasions.
Kay Hagen would have been justified showing Liddy’s head spinning and saying “Hail Satan” every time she faced the camera.
Hey, O/T, but when’s the big Bristol-Levi wedding? It was supposed to make us all forget the whatchamacallit coming up next week.
That ad was fucking great. She kicked Dole’s hairy balls back up into her rotten uterus. Could’ve used a “cunt” here and there but that’s just my personal opinion.
Only in a Carolina. Can we get a Rastafarian write-in over there? “Peace, bote ja renk jancros, I got say, it don matta none what ja believin as long as ja be leavin me da rest a dat spliff….”
Little Blue Dune Buggy: So true. And she named one of the *hard* ones.
As a Jew, I could have lived without that “a fellow Christian” ending.
She’s not an atheist, she’s a decent family man!
Well, after seeing that ad, I don’t believe her. Anyone who taught Sunday school and still professes a belief in god is either a liar or an idiot.
superfecta: People who think there’ll be no lasting Bush legacy overlook the legions of hardcore religious fanatics with PTSD who’ll be walking our streets for the next few decades.
involved with an atheist organization that actually killed Jesus…
The Jews?
Too soon?
This is an ad for the ages. It is a nasty right hook that should put Liddy down for good. Which should be fine with her since it means that she will not have to set foot in North Carolina again.
Oh fucking A. Really? WE MUST ALL WARSHIP GAWD OR BE SLAUGHTERED.
OMFG my tour guide at Chapel Hill a zillion years ago, when I was a pubescent buck, was the finest piece I had seen in along time. That is all I think about when I think of North Carolina. Why can’t Kay Hagen look like that? This college tour video sucks, Jim. Blah blah blah my made-up god loves me blah blah campaign. How does this pertain to partying? PRUDE.
Actually, this ad is very clever political positioning on Kay Hagan’s part. She’s got the Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist, Agnostic, Pagan and Satan Worshipping votes locked up.
It’s the “she took ‘godless money’” part I want to know about … is this some special kind of money that spends differently…. the folks on CNBC want to know, is it useful for derivative trading…? Fundraising strategists could be using this to ensure offshore voting or other pretend ventures…. is it too early to start drinking today…?
ph7: I agree. Must you be Christian to win a Christian’s vote? I’m an atheist, and I’ve voted for Christians — I think they’re deluded on the subject of religion, but that doesn’t preclude their being the best candidate for a political job.
Let me say this more clearly, in the style of the ad: Shove it, Christians! Mind your own damn business when it comes to faith, and let me mind mine.
Speed Ball:
I want to place my bet for:
1) Rush
2) Perez Hilton
3) Coulter
I suspect Hannity will running around the set screaming emphatically ‘You morans choz a muslin for prez? WTF?! STFUOMG!!! And then they will quickly cut to Sarah Palin’s 2012 smear ad against Ralph Nader.
This just in. Liddy’s counter-counter-attack ad:
Dole: Knock knock
Hagan Impersonator: Who’s there?
D: Jesus!
HI: Jesus who?
D (to camera): I TOLD you she was an atheist!
gradgrind: Good. So its not just me.
An atheist will never be president. Sad.
Styrofoam Boots: I’m sure we’ve already had atheist presidents. They just don’t happen to mention it out loud.
robanybody: Tom Jefferson!
ph7: Word.
I look forward to the day in America when “Godless” isn’t an insult.
We need an atheistic president, STAT.
robanybody: Who the fuck’s this do this pussy hole poser thinks he is ! i hate when some shit bag make Jamaicans out to be simpletons. Hey douche nozzle, we speak english, the wording and accent’s different due to slavery. mi no know what the batty bouy/batty gal a chat bout.
I am a Jamaican and i approve this message.
Speed Ball: Fuck, is this supposed to be a trick question? Hasn’t Coulter already dropped the N bomb? And Fatbaugh is going to sound like those robutussin rappers in Houston after he swallows a whole cigar box full of oxycodone and quaaludes. Leaving Sean to simply foam at the mouth for hours (highlights on the You Tube upcoming….)
palmerdawg: My bad. Lame attempt at humor, and probably got the syntax wrong. To be briefly serious (this ain’t gonna last), I named my son Marley in honor of a magnificent Jamaican artist, and his–and your–language is music to the spirit. That said, my clumsy gag was meant to stereotype a fictitious-but-kindhearted Rastafarian–member of another Christian dogma-pile, which embraces ganja–rather than to stereotype “Jamaicans,” who might not.
Now can we get back to degrading those other people who aren’t us? (e.g., palmerdawg says of Hillary supporter: “Old redneck cunt!”, palmerdawg says of Ashley Todd: “Fuck that crazy, nut, neocon, jungle fever wannabe whore bitch.”) I’ll follow your lead and try to be more sensitive toward others from now on. Mother Wonkette would want it that way.
Sincerely, D. Nozzle
robanybody: That sincere apology warms the cockles of my heart and brought a lump and tear to my eye, big up to your son cause he will get a lot of pussy just for the name alone.
Yes, let’s get back to work cause the fight must go on as we strive on the nectar of snark, cuddled in the bosom of mother Wonkette, We must keep up the fight.
And with that kind sir, i will leave you with a quote from Marley ” there’s no chains on my feet but i am not free ”
Nuff respect!
palmerdawg: Nuff respect your way. Marley’s only ten, but I’ll keep your bountiful prophesy in mind and be sure he stays armed and conscious. There will be no Bristols in my brood.
Yes my friend, we’re in the streets again…
Meh. Would have been sexier if Hagan had just zinged Dole for being a lying bitch and injecting an irrelevancy into the race instead of beating the Jebus drum right back at her.