Wonkette
Wonkette operative hero “Dan the Man” sent us a powerful/artistic photo yesterday of a bunch of Christian nuts praying over a false bronze idol, the Wall Street Bull (or Bowling Green Bull for you dandies out there), asking God to nationalize the economy under the state of heaven so that they could pay for their porn subscriptions and fried NASCAR-themed dildos for a few more months. Well, “Dan” has come through again and sent us a video and a few more hilarious photos, such as the one above featuring, whoa, is that the Regina of Phoenician-Based Symbols Created To Represent Sounds, Madam Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journalshire? Scandal!
They consoled each other after they realized that they were just as poor as they had been after praying to the bull as before. Do they know that this bull is an Artistic Joke that actually mocks the greed of those who come to worship it? That is not a question worth asking.
Well there’s a blonde gal blowing into a fucking goat horn from the Hobbit movies. Our guess is Meghan McCain.
Ah, so she’s not even with the crowd at all, just trying to annoy the few money-people still employed in their work towers. Definitely Meghan McCain, who despises employment in general.
Here’s Meghan leading a paean to this “America” she supposedly wants God to nationalize. Run around the bull with those flags three times, kids, and the bull’s eyes will glow emerald green; it will snarl, utter a gutteral, ancient demon roar, “RRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR,” and fucking kill all of you with nose-fire. Do not anger this sleeping monster.
This happened in Ghostbusters, or maybe Ghostbusters II. Kids today never study history.
It’s bound to work as well as that pray-for-rain-during-the-Democratic-National-Convention prayerathon.
Thank you Jebus!
Fuckin’ hobos.
I remember in the movie, The Ten Commandments where they worshiped a golden cow - it didn’t turn out so well.
Eh, shofar, so good.
Thanks, try the veal, I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
Mooby, right? Can we ref mooby?
Jim, off topic but strategically, have you thought about what we can post about after the election? All of our favorite characters over the past month will be sent to eternal election pergatory and our simple minds won’t remember them anymore.
Also, we will need a slow comedown from the addiction of a bazillion posts a day. No cold turkey shit.
Why didn’t they just imitate the Invisible Hand and jerk the damn thing off?
Wow. That spells “dumbass” with a backwards capital B.
Lazy Media:
Funny shit.
But if that person is blowing the shofar, then who will drive the limo?
Jim, I’m stealing “nose fire”. It’s going to replace “I will physically kill you”.
Now, I will be all “I will kill you with my nose fire!”
Thanks
Ivenson
How is there more than one person there? One insane person, sure, but somebody had to come up with this as a “plan” and others had to say “gee, that sounds like a good idea. I’m going to travel my ass to wall street and blaspheme my Lord while singing God Bless America. That’ll prolly work!”
And not one of them saw the obvious irony? WTF, mate?
OHHH ME GETS IT NOW. They want a bull market so they are praying to Jeebus for one.
I AM VERY THICK HEADED.
Scarab: But this is a BRONZE BULL. Totally different.
That looks like Rod Parsley in the first photo. Remember him? He was one of the 37 preachers McCain palled around with before he found out that Rod Parsley talks about destroying Islam, all the time.
Not sure if it really is though. Decide for yourself:
http://www.rodparsley.com/assets/images/stage/about-1.jpg
Bunch a NIMRODS!
That goat horn…wow. All I can say is if this golden cow idol statue worship-thingy doesn’t work out, that horn can have a lucrative career in porn. (I KNOW I’m not the only one who thought that!)
If they need a virgin to sacrifice, I would start with Ron Paul supporters.
UCSB girl’s family must have big bucks.
i’m really really confused
WadISay: Lieberman
Slutty hipster girls are making ” ” t-shirts as we speak.
WadISay:
Are they still virgins if they had Furrie sex in 2nd Life?
God, I love this country. Gimme the bull…
WadISay: Don’t be too sure. I think they’ve all been fucked.
Uh, have the feather-coiffed newsladies of basic cable covered this?
I’m thinking that Main Street Christians would go ape-shit. Pat Robertson and anybody associated with it would dragged off and locked in a cage with Bill Ayers and Kahlil Gibran.
Texan Bulldoggette: It looks like a bully stick to me….you know, 100% steer weiner that you can give your dogs as chew toys.
So yes, you weren’t alone, though I took it to a whole other level.
More christian shenanigans under the Manhattan Bigtop…
Sorry about that, comments inadvertently were escape characters. I mean to say they made t-shirts that said “Truck Route/Local” with little arrows. I’m hilarious to me.
The Dow’s up 400+ points since they started praying to the golden calf. Suck it Moses!
nurple: Goldfarb and Sanchez know what you meant to say between the quotes in that post.
WadISay: WIN.
I see they blew the horn of plenty in honor of the fatted golden calf. May god smite them for their blasphemy.
WadISay: Pass. When you burn them, they smell like feet. Or so I’ve heard.
Totally unplanned, I was there at the bull statue site on lower Broadway about 2 weeks ago, the night of the Al Smith Dinner, when this blow-dried asshole shill for the Fox Business Channel http://www.foxbusiness.com/our-team/personalities/adam-shapiro/ was doing a live stand-up remote, just after the close, and just seeing his smug ass smiling face, like everything was just peachy, got me so riled up on sight that I couldn’t help getting into it with him and his crew.
I did manage to get under their skin enough with my ‘nice job you guys are doing these days of putting lipstick on a pig’ and ‘how do you guys like being the cheerleaders for the greatest economic crisis the country has ever seen?’ comments to the point where I earned myself a mouthed ‘fuck you’ from Mister Shapiro. Sorry, no video.
Totally made my day, especially when I walked into their live shot while he was interviewing some clueless Mid-Western ladies with my Obama cap and made a point of tilting my head down and pointing at it all while wearing my trade mark shit eating grin.
Looking back on it the only thing I regret is that I was a little harsher than I needed to be with the crew, it’s not their fault that the people they’re working for are evil fucks, they’re just trying like everybody else to house and feed themselves and their families.
Then again, it was they in the crew that were the ones that condemned me for showing up out of the blue and asking rude and abrupt questions of them while pointing a camera in their direction.
If my irony meter wasn’t already completely broken and bankrupted by everything else that’s gone on these past 8 years I might have had a chuckle over that.
Sidenote: The bull site is one of the most surreal spots in all of Manhattan these days, no matter what happens in the market on any given day you’ll find throngs of obliviously jovial people there posing and clicking away on their cameras like it’s 1997 and all is right with the world.
Who needs drugs or alcohol when you’ve got this kind of ongoing tableau to alter one’s reality with?
And God heard their fervent prayers and responded, “Stop it. You’re embarassing me.”
Lazy Media: Bravo.
They must be voting for McCain/Baal-in
My NASCAR-themed dildo is nicknamed “The Intimidator.” I was gonna go with “Rainbow Warrior”, but I didn’t want people getting the wrong idea.
Barack Like Me: Thank you, kind sir, for your courage to serve.
And the market closed down 75 points that day. The end.
HIRE OPERATIVE DAN NOW!
Really. Our NY economy is crashing. He needs a good gig. And obviously, with “real” America invading the city in hordes, you would do well to have someone on the ground documenting this travesty.
Expect a trailer park to spring up at or around Ground Zero by 2010.
And Dan should be there to document it!
Lazy Media:
har-har that was a good one. snork.
Barack Like Me: Great story, you are hero of the day; snarkin’ it up on the streets and all. To bad more folks don’t take the time and effort you did to dis these guys to their faces. It might slow them down, if just a little.
Rush:
I don’t know about you, but after 8 years of rapacious capitalism, I’m going to be ready for a cold beer and a little relaxing socialism.
Internally valid: I think that’s pretty much how it happens. You should try reading the opening pages of The Book of Mormon sometime.
Lascauxcaveman: Thanks, but again, this isn’t anything I wake up in the morning planning to do, but when the situation calls for it it feels like the right and natural thing to do. I do understand why more people don’t do this sort of thing, generally they’ve got too much to lose if things get out of hand.
SarahJessicaPorker: I’m so pissed, I was shooting across the street from Ground Zero at the hotel’s front entrance that’s at Church and Liberty when a rent-a-guard, nice guy, told me to get off the spot I was standing on so that I could point my camera down into the bowels of the 7 years old Memorial Pit, which I did. When I resumed shooting he was the one that pointed out the banner that’s on the Cortlandt Street side, which proclaims the site will be finished in 2012. He laughed and said it was only a matter of time until they’d have to put up a new one with an even later completion date. I can’t find that damn clip or I’d share with the rest of the class, since it really is a hoot.
http://www.bibleorigins.net/YahwehsBovineFormsImages.html
Bull-EL…I remember someone else who said his last name was El.
I don’t even know where to start mocking this, it’s pointless, they’re crazy.
I find myself pondering the fact that there is, in fact, NO official biblical commandment about teh gayz, nor does the Top Ten feature a “life begins HERE” arrow, but the Ten Commandments does, in fact, very specifically mention NOT DOING WHAT THEY’RE DOING IN THIS PICTURE.
Teh cristianz needs a refresher course, I’m thinking.
ManchuCandidate: In photo 1, the guy on the right with the big grin looks like he’s doing just that.
EEEWW
cal: LOL oh yeah. That was so funny. I remember that. I guess God likes Obama?
Scarab: Shh I guess they forgot to read the end of the story? Or didn’t pay attention very well in Bible class when they were younger.
Internally valid: LOL irony is lost I guess. I wonder how many of those there then turned around and supported George Bush both times and republicans in all elections and the Iraq and Afghanistan invasions and missed why we’re in this trouble now…
It’s not worship — it’s a laying on of hands. It symbolizes healing, not veneration or worship. Still, the family resemblance to worshiping a golden calf should have given them pause. As these comments show, it is all too easily misconstrued.
The gospel of wealth is truly ancient. In American Protestant Christianity it pops up persistently, most often at times of economic distress. What they’re doing does not fit this gospel — their concern is for the global economy as they understand it, not their personal bank accounts. Perhaps its not a very sophisticated understanding. But then their culture doesn’t place a very high value on being sophisticated, or witty, or smart-assed.
Early Christian Martyr: And in our own early Christiannation, you have to look at the Quakers as the greatest practitioners of wealth accumulation. That’s part of the reason that the Quakers were ass-holes and why they were never the popular kids in school. Oh, and they made the whales go away.
Sorry, I have gotten very anti-Quaker in my old age. I turn the oat box away from me every morning.
Great idea! After the collapse, I’ll walk down to Broad & Wall through the subway tunnels, and play “Godless America” on a goat’s horn, for tips. Was that what they were doing on the video, or do I need to adjust my set?
Actually, this wasn’t a group of Christians worshipping a golden calf.
It was a location shoot for a remake, set in the present day, of “The Ten Commandments”.
Oh, where’s Charlton Heston when you need him?
I wonder if this is as bad as bearing false witness about your fellow Christians.
As the “Other Allen” said:
What sphinx of cement and aluminium bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination?
Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable dollars! Children screaming under the stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the parks!
Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy judger of men!
et seq.
This would only make sense in a Land of the Lost episode.
…Or in the parking Lot of a Happy Chef.
Neilist: We’re with you in Rockland, Neilist.
Where your condition is worse and is reported on the radio.
coolcatdaddy:
“Oh, where’s Charlton Heston when you need him?”
Having his gun pried out of his cold, dead hands.
The god, Ba’al, is going to get every one of you for making light of the Golden Calf.
Jebus say…OFF TO THE DESERT FOR 400 years heathens!
“The god, Ba’al, is going to get every one of you for making light of the Golden Calf.”
Ba’al was much cuddlier than most give credit for. He just got bad press.
joe the bummer: Yes, now we will have a Ba’al market.
” Yes, now we will have a Ba’al market”
Which is a thousand times worse than a bear market. And there’ll be no manna. Ba’al doesn’t do manna. Yaweh does manna, but he’s pissed off too.
This really is surreal.
None of this praying for intercession is going to do any good unless the faithful of all the “houses” of Wall Street smear the blood of an anointed virgin on their doorjambs. No blood, no miracle. God don’t work for nuttin!
White Nick: Mooby was my first thought.
Moloch went by many names including, but not limited to, Ba’al, Moloch, Apis Bull, Golden Calf, Chemosh, as well as many other names. It has traditionally been understood that part of the rite of worship was to burn children alive to the god Moloch.
Moral of the story: Hide the Children! Quick!
My boyfriend says this is what the inquisition was for. To fix these things.
I can no longer call myself a Christian since these fundamentalists have tarnished the name.
To see what “Followers of Jesus” did on Wall Street a few years back, see:
http://www.thesimpleway.org/love_dollars/index.html
THIS is what the Bible REALLY teaches!
Here is a video of this Jubilee event on Wall Street:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ETBMhEzYKU
I bet Moloch doesn’t have a 401K going to hell in a handbasket.
Quelle joie.
Aperitifs all around.
To each according to his docking fees, from each according to his labor.
http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/03/thong-clad_model_poses_on_wall.html
Avec moi, le guillotine.
Neilist:
Moloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose
blood is running money! Moloch whose fingers
are ten armies! Moloch whose breast is a canni-
bal dynamo! Moloch whose ear is a smoking
tomb!
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows!
Moloch whose skyscrapers stand in the long
streets like endless Jehovahs! Moloch whose fac-
tories dream and croak in the fog! Moloch whose
smokestacks and antennae crown the cities!
Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch
whose soul is electricity and banks! Moloch
whose poverty is the specter of genius!
I thought of making a short film based on this event. These xtian whack-os have ruined it! except i never dreamed that “bybul buleevin kris chins” would go and lay hands on the babylonian idol in front of Merril Lynch. In my movie they were going to throw flowers at it, and place a solid gold bowl full of milk in front of it, and “preists” in double breasted pin striped robes( with pointy pinstriped phrygian hats) would be banging gongs and sacrificing doves. this is actually better.
I’m not even sure why we are even wasting our time with this. If they want to pray at least their out of our way for a while. Let them exercise their 1st Amendment “right”. Maybe God will issue an IOU or voucher? Take that one to the bank.