Wonkette
Country music star Joe the Plumber comically missed a McCain rally earlier this morning, but this afternoon he dragged himself out of his new McMansion, put on his new faux-Armani suit, and brought his three high-class hookers (Diamondchest, Firesuck and Lightningpussy) to an afternoon rally, appearing with bloodshot eyes and chugging a bottle of Dom P. and offering faint praise of politics or something, whatever it was that got him famous.
He said, “All right guys, I didn’t prepare anything. The only thing I’ve been saying is just get out and get informed.” After offering this ringing endorsement, the crowd gasped as a trickle of blood came from his nose. Joe then went insane, shouting, “SHIT SHIT SHIT I NEED MORE BLOW, MORE BLOW, THERE ARE BUNNIES CHASING ME WITH KNIVES, HAHAHHAHAHAHA,” while punching ladies and sobbing.
Got nothing to say about Joe the Plunger, but can’t quit laughing at Chuck E Cheese(?) snorting coke. Egad, Jim, you are sick & twisted.
Joe the whore? I think he was my senior class president.
Get out and get informed about why I think the dumb shit I do.
He better watch out with that Firesuck. Last time I rented that bitch she blackened my eye and carved a backwards F on all four of my cheeks.
Jesus, I gotta lay off the cheap drugs during the day. I thought I saw some big rat snorting a line of coke.
This guy is truly the Men Without Hats of politics.
Texan Bulldoggette: That’s not coke. It’s China white heroine. Ole’ Chuck E. Cheese is well known for chasing the dragon.
Hey Joe! There’s a break in my Watergate!
Poor Joe. He doesn’t realize his popularity will be measured with an egg-timer after next Tuesday, regardless of who wins.
I almost feel sorry for him, but I keep remembering what an opportunistic asshole he is. 2 minutes of hate later, I feel nothing but warm.
What a fame-whore. Didn’t he said he was ready to step out of the spotlight? I guess that signing a country music recording contract is how he plans to get back to his simple life.
I notice that “Joe the Plumber” does very little actual plumbing.
I bet you all the girls who turned down Joe are totally regretting it and are getting their hair bleached and their nails done in preparation to woo him back. LOL
He couldn’t be bothered to show up at the first rally. They only had 6000 people, 4000 of which were BUSSED IN SCHOOLCHILDREN.
http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/10/30/1616435.aspx
I wonder (hope) if Joe’s exwife is tuned into us here at wonkette….she’s got to be loving the way we’re dragging him, kicking and screaming, back to the slime pond from which he first emerged
This piece is Pulitzer material, the end.
“Diamondchest, Firesuck and Lightningpussy”….are these Laura Ingraham’s, Michelle Malkin’s, and Sean Hannity’s stripper names?
dano: He’s plumbing the.very.depths. of political discourse.
I think that’s anthrax Joe the rat is mailing to us
Diamondchest, Firesuck and Lightningpussy?! wha … Jim, are you surfing porn instead of working?
Why do I get the sense that before it’s all over Joe the Plumber is going to have a brief career in porn. Guy reminds me of John Bobbit, I swear.
Shouldn’t he be working? It’s busy season for unlicensed plumbers.
Cape Clod: I thought republicans were opposed to forced bussing.
All that fuss and he didn’t even say anything good about McCain. He just blurted out some hackneyed, rejected, The More You Know script. Maybe he found out that he will be better off under Obama’s plan after all his research. Could Joe the Plumber be in the tank?
dano: Be thankful for that. If his plumbing were as good as his political research, half of Ohio would be underwater now.
apparently here are surveillance cameras in my place
i thought plumbers were more into crack
What’s sad is that Chuck E. is forced to snort his blow through a rolled up piece of paper instead of a hundred dollar bill ’cause he’s broke.
So why the lame fence-sitting “hey people, make your own freakin’ minds up, don’t look at me” message?
Plumbers are just unreliable. They don’t show up, then they show up and look at it and say, “Looks like it’s broke, you need ta get that thing fixed, I figure, see ya”.
Has anyone interviewed Joe the Self-Serving Pulbicity Suck Ass’s exwife?
oh god, all those memories of fucking animals for coke….
Serolf Divad: Dose that mean he will tragically and yet hilariously have his dick removed and reattached? I could be okay with that.
I so look forward to the morning of Nov. 5th, 2008 when Obama steps up to the microphone, looks directly into the camera, and says…
“Hello America… I’m… ‘Barack The President’!!!”
SayItWithWookies: How did you get a hold of the Ohio GOP’s election day strategy book?
And that was the last photo ever taken of Mr. Chuck E. Cheese until,
http://images.nymag.com/images/2/daily/intel/08/07/30_deadcritter_lg.jpg
This “Joe the Plumber” crap is completely empty. It’s less substantial than the water they slam into deli ham to cut costs, it’s the “I’m out of fucking ideas, so now let’s recycle something someone else said, and staple it to a person who isn’t completely alien to our agenda, and then trot out the emphysemic gorilla to hump the crap out of it while the crowd gets drunk on paste and loud cowboy music.”
The Bitch To Nowhere is on my teevee right now saying all kinda nifty-ass stuff.
GlennBecksTaint: You are my hero.
The only reason I’m doing huge lines of coke with a rat head on is because I am paranoid that Hopey won’t win after all. I’m scared. I need a hug. I wish everyone would vote before the new video of Barry comes out of him giving a Palestinian terrorist a fist jab in the you-know-what while Michelle masterbates furiously in the corner screaming “whitey, ooooh yea whitey”. My nerves can’t take it. I need everyone to spontaneously early vote in the next minute so that my agony and this election can be over. I am not meant to be this tuned in to politricks. I’m giving up on street organizing. Just as soon as this shit is over I will instantly go back to not giving a damn. I will collect my welfare in peace and begin having multiple same sex marriages to people seeking citizenship for money. That’s it.
That’s Joe “the mascot bastard” plumber in the suit, he was doing a couple lines, that’s why he didn’t make the morning rally but he came down in the afternoon, went to the not for McNutz but to see Cindy for more coke money.
The only thing I’ve been saying is just get out and get informed…Get involved in the government. That way we can hold our politicians accountable and take back our government.
I’m so sick of this idiotic drivel. I thought government was the problem, Joe? I thought you wanted the free market to decide. I thought you didn’t want to pay taxes–you know taxes, those things that pay for the government? Just please go fuck yourself. I can’t wait until next Tuesday. Or maybe you, Caribou Barbie, WALNUTS!, and your ilk can all move to a deserted island where you can create your own asshole republic. Maybe the Paultards could help you draw up plans for a subdivision?
Seriously, what’s the over/under for his upcoming DUI arrest?
Do you have Firesuck’s cell number?
– Eliot S.
Srsly - Joe again? McCain’s internal pollster is either an incredible evil fucking genius with a spine of steel or Douglas Feith.
I hope this douche OD’s on stupid. Who’s idea was it to start treating this guy like we care?!
What, no “Thundercunt”?
dudes, enough of Joe the Plumber. (totally plagiarizing the Daily show) When you are getting hardcore owned by Shep Smith it is time to shuffle off stage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eSJuWgZGYo. What a douchenozzle.
Someone please tell this guy I NEED MY FUCKING TOILET FIXED!!!!
I shoved an Ann Coulter book in there, and now I can’t poop in it.
Tommy Says Soooo: I could have lived my entire life without having that image in my head. Thanks a lot, you bastard.
I’m sorry I forgot to wake you up this morning, Joe. I thought you said you were going to Rally’s and so I thought we could at least wait until lunchtime…
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/10/28/joe-plumber-backs-claim-obama-bring-death-israel/
The motherfucker is going rogue. Palin-Douchebag 2012!
Street Organizer: Slow, deep breaths and the constant sipping of Bushmills may help. It’s what I’ve been doing…
GollyGeeWilly: OH YES YOU CAN POOP IN IT!!!!
Since John depends so much on this elusive, yet omnipresent Joe, I would recommend to his campaign to go to Central Casting and hire a huge cast of Joe lookalikes. This should be easy since bald plumbers are the loneliest men alive who can’t get hired or a date.
My hero.
Joe the Plumber should team up with Kato Kaelin
my namer is doug the voter. and i’ve already voted against joe the plumber’s puppetmaster.
Serolf Divad: “Joe the Plumber is going to have a brief career in porn.”
He should have a starring role in Nailin Palin II. His ex-wife, too. Geez, I could write the “script” myself! “Mrs. Palin, I’m here to fix your frozen pipes.” Ooohh, I’m going to the next Annual Porn Awards in Las Vegas!! “Writer” of the Year!
stew: I banned her from my TeeVee.
Late? Joe’s just afraid of “going down the drain with McCain”. My new slogan.
I’ll like him better when he’s opening for Brad Paisley. In the meantime? Still funny: http://tinyurl.com/5hz7jr
Serolf Divad: “Joe the Plumber is going to have a brief career in porn.”
Gay porn.
Sussemilch: Poetry.
Street Organizer: I share your pain, if not your goal for what I’ll be doing after the election is over. Only the real Democrats are depressed and terrified. After years of being out-gunned, moneyed, meanied and flat-out robbed by the fucking Republicans for too many years.