IMPORTANT INFOMERCIALS  8:00 pm October 29, 2008

Liveblogging Barack Obama’s Fancy Teevee Infomercial About The Poors

by Jim Newell

Here’s Major League superstar Fred McGriff asking you to shutup for thirty minutes and practice your baseball drills while Barack Obama is talking on the teevee about poverty and murder. Then come back at 8:30 for baseball, where the Phillies will beat the Tunafish. Or you could stay here and watch us liveblog. Who will be the poorest person? All of them, forever.

8:00 — It opens with a field of grain, like in Saving Private Ryan. Maybe we will get to see some blood ‘n’ guts after all, with naked people sexin’ to funk music and also a laughtrack.
8:01 — Obama’s talking to us, he says he will tell us stories about how people need welfare. A chorus of cherubs gently sings.
8:02 — Our first subject is a lady who has stick figures of her 19 children on the back of her blue minivan, which she probably can’t afford. She lives in Missouri, an important toss-up state.
8:03 — Yes, and she’s a MILF. So that’s out of the way.
8:04 — Rebecca, such is her name, looks like she’s got a pretty stocked refrigerator to me. What’s her fucking problem?
8:05 — She is shown whining about her pills while alternately screaming at one of her children, 8-year-old Trig, during one of his pee-wee football games. She is mean.
8:05 — She was “Hope”-less, until, one night, live on the teevee from Denver, she saw Barack Obama talking about McCain, the end. Good luck, Rebecca. GET A JOB.
8:06 — Barack explains his tax plan now and how it can help this gal with 20 children and a penchant for yelling at boys who play a game.
8:06 — He’s talking to a bunch of old people about nothing. Ted Strickland says Obama can help. Deval Patrick says Obama can help because he plagiarizes his speeches.
8:08 — Here’s #2, named Larry, who worked on railroads with the Chinese in 1880 until retiring. He is a black fellow just like Barack Obama’s dad. They live in a house.
8:09 — Larry decided, after he retired, to take out a home equity line on his home to pay for all of his medical bills. This is Common in America, Barack says.
8:10 — Now he has to work at Wal-Mart, which isn’t going so– oh nevermind, the end.
8:10 — Yay it’s Barack again! This is much better than watching the depressing poor guy and hot poor girl.
8:11 — Barack says he’ll pay for all sorts of new energy. Hmm, I don’t think Larry was complaining about energy much, douchebag.
8:11 — What is this, Jimmy Carter Obama Fraud over here is now telling us to conserve. Excuse me while I go to my car, turn it on, drive 50 miles, stop, pour some oil in a fish pond and then sit on a log and type on 20 computers at once that HE CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, while sniffing propane.
8:13 — Oh and now he tells us we can’t have our Wars in Iraq anymore. Where does this guy get off? Can I have my DINNER tonight, at least, or do we need to “turn those off” too?
8:14 — Gal #3! Come on down, tell us about your poverty! How poor are you, mama?
8:15 — She is Hispanic and lives in New Mexico, so she doesn’t want to get deported, or something. Oh she’s buying food with Coupons! Oh that’s 99 cents, she should get that. Ah, nevermind, there’s some $20 fried Snickers bars, she’ll have those, Obama will pay her for this in January anyway.
8:16 — She says her life is so hard WAH WAH WAH, how will she ever escape thi– done, the end, back to Obama at the Broncos game.
8:17 — He’s now talking about how he’ll pay for your college on the condition that you die in Iraq first.
8:18 — “I’ll get you health care, buster,” he says. This guy sounds like a hot deal, HEHNGNN?
8:19 — Who will be the next poor Mexican black railroad worker in Ohio and Virginia who is dead from money cancer?
8:20 — Oh, just his dead mother, who has voted early for him thanks to Charlie Crist in Florida raising her from the dead to vote at midnight, last night.
8:21 — Oh there are his little children, who are not in any sense poor. Michelle says Barry read them the Harry Potter books because he is a Good Father. We’ll see if he regrets that when they’re muggle-masturbating goth Wiccans eating their own feces in their teenage years.
8:22 — Nevermind, the mother wasn’t the fourth Poor in his story. It’s Joe Biden.
8:22 — No — it’s Claire McCaskill.
8:22 — No — It’s Barack Obama. He is the fourth Poor in his own story.
8:23 — No, REALLY, It’s some guy named Mark, Louisville, lost job at factory, unemployment lines, can’t afford shit, THIS IS MOVING SO FAST, he wants to– THE END OBAMA SHOOTS A THREE POINTER.
8:24 — Obama says he had a friend who was recently sent to Iraq. His name was Joe the Plumber. Not really, he doesn’t actually know anyone who’s been in the military, ha.
8:25 — “John Adams,” the second president of the United States, endorses him. Nice!
8:26 — This is kind of a sad video, with black and white pictures. Still. Sara keeps telling me that she’s crying, what a pussy.
8:28 — Ah, more Obama! Now he’s in Florida giving a speech in an arena, a stump speech. Rebecca is seen in the crowd yelling at a pee wee football game.
8:29 — Change change change, the end, they go nuts in the crowd, epic music, Joe Biden,
8:29 — THE
8:30 — END.
8:30 — BYE.
8:31 — SARA’S TURN.
8:32 — No but it was a good video, from the bits I saw while not staring at my keyboard.
8:38 — Go HERE to argue about how many gallons of tears you shed. And don’t worry, Keith Olbermann will make you stop crying by being such a snide jackass.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 304 comments }

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:02 pm

God, I hate personal stories.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:02 pm

Man, these stories are giving me depressions.

bhosp October 29, 2008 at 8:02 pm

Barack Obama = Rod Serling without the scary

ForeignSickSpecialist October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

I didn’t hear this the first time on my “Audacity of Hope” audio book.

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Oh, Crime Dog, is there any international crisis you CAN’T solve?

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Can we just elect Obama to narrate things for the next 8 years? Even the Republicans can get behind that. He can be the new James Earl Jones!

MrsNateSilver October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Oh this will be fun. So far, I’m enthrZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

Whoops! What did I miss about this desperate housewife in MO?

loquaciousmusic October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

This will SO appeal to the Oprah viewers, though. It’s quite nicely put together so far.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

This is the political infomercial that gets RESULTS.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Food rationing?? Hopey, this is not what we want to see.

Barrett808 October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

FLAG PIN!!1!1!!1!11111

Wrongavore October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Solid as BARACK

SuperRounder October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Barry narrating. He’s no Morgan Freeman.

TinyTheToga October 29, 2008 at 8:03 pm

Is this the show where he touches people and they come back to life, but only for a minute?

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Great ass, Barry.

Cookie Guggelman October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Me, too, simetrias. And people!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

OK, phew, back to the grandiose Mr. O.

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Five kids. It’s her own goddam fault.

jagorev October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

I don’t have a TV, so I’m just watching the livestream of the orgasm-rally in Sunrise, FL on cnn.com

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Please don’t let him having had sex with his videographer. Pullleeeeze?

Wrongavore October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Is this live online anywhere? I don’t have a teevee

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

I’m sorry, that was the cheesiest little family people bumper sticker I have ever seen. And yes that is what I am most concerned with.

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Ugh, if I wanted to watch inspirational stories about poor white bitter families, I’d watch that show with the gay carpenter where they built substandard homes for people with retarded kids.

bugland October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Obama! tell me about why i need welfare. ’cause really, i didn’t know.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm

It’s a step toward socialism.

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Jim, it wasn’t a field of grain, it was “amber waves of grain”, like bread, as in breadline!

franklyb October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Is he going to repanel the oval office in knotty pine?

Knotty Pine sounds like a republican candidate. Knotty Pine-Glasses 2012!

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

I worry that this 30 mins could fuck up Obama’s lead and send Johnny-McCarpetbagger to the White House

Worlds End October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

[re=155049]bhosp[/re]: Agreed

grendel October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Hey! It’s Griff! I loved him as a Brave… this is setting exactly the right tone

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

I thought it was $250k a year? Promises, promises.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

None of that gross government? ENUNCIATE!

DustBowlBlues October 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Where’s Barney Smith? Hopey should bring him back–so much more credible than that asshole fake plumber. BTW–What kind of loser fakes being a plumber? Why not a cowboy or a pirate? I mean, if you’re going to make up shit, why not make up cool shit?

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm

CHARTS, motherfucker! Did you learn nothing from Ross Perot?? America loves CHARTS!

Canuck13652 October 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm

8:02–they’re talking about Shirley Q liquor, who has 19 children?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm

Barack is talking to the (white) folk. Nice touch.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm

Is he speakin’ to the seniors in front of an old school painted outdoor scene background?

SuperRounder October 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm

More white people!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

Did ya just see that??? LIVE OBAMA moment later in the program. Stay tuned. Wink wink.

bhosp October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

OO a tease

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

OOOOOOOoooooh. “Live Event Later In Program.”

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

Ted Strickland! Doesn’t he own Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories.

TinyTheToga October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

Why does this Ned character need welfare? And is the Pie shop a symbol of righteous baked socialist goods?

StuckintheSixties October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

Viva la Cynthia: I thought Morgan Freeman was the new James Earl Jones.

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

It is swing statepaloza!

Okay, crap Kansas and Massachusetts. Way to ruin my point. Now it is just democratpaloza.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm

We want CAROLINE AND TED to seal the deal. Whoops, too liberal. Back to personal stories. Two great grand children. Ugh.

restlessleg October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

[re=155081]maoglone[/re]: So did I. Whahoppin?

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

This should have been a series of 3-5 min commercials spread over the next week. 30 mins 6 days away from the election may not stick in people.

Wonks Adventure October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Whose decision was it to use the soundtrack from Brokeback Mountain?

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Hopey’s fancy director made Strickland look good.

bhosp October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

LOOK OUT HOPY ITS REV RIGHT!!

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Shit, he got B.B. King to play his special! oh, wait…

mayor_quimby October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Notice that it’s filmed in HD, but not fullscreen so as to not be elitist and shit.
You can’t rub people’s faces in the fact that their old-ass TV can’t see the whole picture

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Hey look, American Idol SMS voting!

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

That tie makes Strickland’s eyes just pop.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

I take twelve different meds a day, too, in honor of Hopey’s youth….

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:08 pm

Hey, it’s Blind Willie McTell and his junkie wife!

jasonelias October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

That fool better put that guitar down and pay for his wife’s pills!

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Larry the pill purchaser. Poor guy.

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

no white people right now

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

This is like Gummo mixed in with sporadic boners for hope.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Ha old balck woman, Cindy mcCain takes MORE pills in a day… just hope Johnny-Mac doens’t find out!

eastcoastliberal October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Jim Newell (who doesn’t vote because he is an elitist optimist)…I am trying to watch this very serious teevee show but you keep making me pee my pants laughing. Stop.

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Evil Wal-Mart!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Sloooooow piano music, talk sloooowin down, I predict a ROUSING MOMENT any second now!

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Hahaha, I just KNEW it was going to be a Wal-Mart tag.

Crab1 October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

[re=155048]Keram2[/re]: Too bad. The depressions is not covered under most health care plans.

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Fuckin’ Wal-Mart. Least he can get a discount on the new AC/DC disc.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Jesus God, the old guy working at Walmart to pay for his wife’s prescriptions? Wow… I might be getting a little misty…

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm

All these shots of fields and powerlines make me think of only one thing…

This is ooooooour country…

Undeterredbyreality October 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Hey! BB King has lost weight! Can’t he afford food?

Barrett808 October 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Shout out for Seattle – Drink your micro-brew, freaks!

Lazy Media October 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Man, this is some slick production values right here. Slick Barack doesn’t work like Slick Willie, though. Slick Hussein?

Palin-Plumber2012 October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

Energy independence? That’s 7 syllables – “Drill Baby Drill” is 5 and it will REALLY make us energy dependent just ask Sarah Palin except not for any specifics or else you’re an elitist sexist who thinks logic matters!

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

Hope they aren’t putting solar panels in those schools and buildings in Seattle, because nothing says FAIL like expecting sunshine to power shit in Seattle!

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

why did she need 12 meds a day? I was reading comments

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

Huh? How did we go from health car to buying me a car? Make mine BLUE, Mr. O

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

But will you guarantee cheep beer? Huh?

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

I do not approve of the lighting in Barry’s casual office set.

KJ October 29, 2008 at 8:11 pm

Larry Stuart is 72 and has to go sell shit at Walmart. McCain is 72. If McCain wants to keep working so badly can’t he just take Larry’s job? Then everyone is happy.

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout John Sidney?

Crab1 October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=155067]whiteasasheet[/re]: She needs more practice at abstaining.

ForeignSickSpecialist October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Barry I IMPLORE you. Just tell us when the asteroid hits. I’m BEGGING YOU!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Please, do not go thru budget line by line tonite….

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Ooh, the music is picking up, I’m feeling kinda hopey…

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Google in the tank!

LauraJune October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

He definitely had my grandma at “rheumatoid arthritis.”

Lazy Media October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Ohhhh, he’s talking surrender now. This is it, sheeple, the SECRET MUSLIN PLANS!!!11!!

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:12 pm

[re=155134]nmmagayar[/re]: she heard that was how many pills Cindy Mac takes each day, and if it is good enough for a white woman, it was good enough for her

Lady Wesley October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

I keep seeing crosses behind Hopey’s head. And there’s light.

Wait . . . are those angels I hear?

SuperRounder October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Obama 08: Bros before CEOs

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Barack Obama almost looks like black dude in this special. Weird.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

I’m worried about the white guys….

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

ooooh, iraq card thrown

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

[re=155134]nmmagayar[/re]: Rheumatoid arthritis.

It’s a real bitch; it basically killed my grandfather.

McCainsThirdNipple October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Mommy, is this what a President sounds like that doesn’t make you put your face in your palm?

eastcoastliberal October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

[re=155142]simetrias[/re]: ohmylord….I had the same thought!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Shout out to Latinos!!! Vote por mi, por favor. No hagan tonterias.

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

Well, he’s certainly touching on all of the racial demographics, isn’t he?

a-petit dejeuner October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

Aww, he’s documenting multicultural people… the white family was just there to lure you in.

Wonks Adventure October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

wow, back-to-back shots of a pasty white guy with the last name “schmidt” talking about how obama is the bee’s knees, then tim kaine and his uncontrollable eyebrow saying … something … i don’t know, i was fixated on the eyebrow.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

this is like the Ghostbusters video with all the celebrities making appearances. Google?!

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

[re=155047]simetrias[/re]: Joe the Plumber says ditto.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

[re=155124]Crab1[/re]: Fortunately, there’s always cheap whiskey… and mooshine. Delicious, delicious moonshine.

ForeignSickSpecialist October 29, 2008 at 8:14 pm

Special Needs! Special Needs!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Please, oh, please, cut out the personal stories. OK, fine, do the fed budget line by line. I hate peeps!

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

if she has to work 2 jobs, how can she aford those tacky nails?

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Trumping Sarah’s Special Needs kid!!!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Not every parent wants a good ed. for their kids…. ask Sarah Pain’s future son in law. Hell, ask Palin’s parents!

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Hey, how come all these poor people are driving nice clean cars? Where is the family in the ’94 Crown Vic?

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Yo Barry was chubby little kid.

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Hey! Regular people need Barack too! You gonna talk about us? I was privately educated, have a good job, and want for nothing. What about me? I have needs, too!

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Barack Obama opposes tardiness! Do you hear that, Big Tardy?!

earthadellic October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

whats with all the minorities? i’m a hispanican and i can tell you, REAL americans hate the browns.

eastcoastliberal October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Read To Our Children?? How much time does this terrorist think we have?

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=155158]maoglone[/re]: Only the ones that live in swing states. Inuits will not be featured tonight.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

Talks about his mom…. one thing that Obama can talk about to make me cry!

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

i’m still looking for the shamwow guy

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

“No picnic for me buster!”

This is starting to look like a compilation tape.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm

[re=155162]S.Luggo[/re]: Joe the Plumber IS a personal story… and another… and another…

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

WHERE IS THE JESUS, BARACK? WHERE THE HELL IS THE JESUS?

TinyTheToga October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

He should get Nate Silver on telling people his pretty models won’t work if they don’t go out and vote. Also, you’ll make his puppy dog eyes cry.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

crayola in the tank

dogmamaonly October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

Geez, Hopey is actually making a lot of sense. Does that make ME a socialist, too?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

Education. First time I’ve heard the word in the entire campaign. My good lord.

Cherry Garcia October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

This is kind of reminding me of the Katrina relief tv special minus the cool famous people. Kanye West would make this thing a whole lot more interesting right about now.

Madeline October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

Awww little Barry playing baseball!

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

How do those ears look in HD? Anyone?

Squiggyfm October 29, 2008 at 8:17 pm

Gotta hand it to Obama…the mole is hidden well.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Yeah, read to my kids?? That what books on tape are for, reading to my kids while I live blog!!!

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

[re=155176]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: It ain’t over yet…

jagorev October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

I hope that Charles makes an appearance:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW-6DpC-mj8

senator rosewater October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

can I keep my same abortion doctor?

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Obama has a pre-existing condition: Black Muslimness.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

“you can keep your same doctor”

GRAMMAR FAIL

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Now at least we’re hearing Barack’s story. Poor orphan. At least he has his white granny.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

he is the son of a babymomma.

also, i love him.

too much evan williams already.

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Awww. Stop with the mother. I am going to cry like a little girl.

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

Why do poor people get all the attention. What about Trust Fund babies – I am not liking Hopey’s poor love.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:18 pm

[re=155188]pourmecoffee[/re]: Large; remarkably clear.

Texas2Step October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

He looks more like his Mom than his Dad.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Holy god. I have Barry’s tie. No shit. Jos A. Bank Signature Collection in the house.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Ooooooh, now it gets epic. Love it.

a-petit dejeuner October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

[re=155175]eastcoastliberal[/re]: He wants us to do it at 4:30 in the morning too. Where does he get off, asking people to work?

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

[re=155188]pourmecoffee[/re]: Clean and hearing ALL.

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Michelle is FIERCE!!!!!!!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Michelle, mmmmmm. Oh, nice dad-daughter moment. I love this stuff.

SuperRounder October 29, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Oh no. Not the kids. Cute overload.

Barrett808 October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Obama’s a Satan-worshipping Harry Potter fan. Who knew?

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Barack and the girls…seriously, brought tears to my eyes. So cute.

ForeignSickSpecialist October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

[re=155186]Cherry Garcia[/re]: No doubt. “Barack Obama doesn’t care about racist people!”

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Man, those kids are gonna be a handful

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Now that’s a happy family story I can buy (Hopey IS selling, no?)

DustBowlBlues October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

Harry Potter! They’re satanic–I knew the Republicans were right.

Wait–witch doctors–that’s Sarah Palin territory, right?

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:20 pm

wait till he’s the Prez…. he won’t have time for them…. no, he will have interns to attend to and pretzels to choke on!

LauraJune October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

I hear a bit o’ techno…

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

[re=155167]azw88[/re]: In Sarah’s mind, special needs means being unable to go to Neiman for a new wardrobe.

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Is this lady from Missouri calling him a MAVERICK?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Reached AROUND the isle, Biden. Speaking of loose nukes, you got a few yourself. Jock strap?

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Can you conceal-carry your Dick Lugar? Mine is in my pants.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

MICHELE!

itgetter October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Joe Biden “literally” tally is now at 1

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

I like the pacing of this — not too much time spent on any one of the poorz.

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Joe the Biden: “Whoa, this guy’s good.”

Frickin’ classic.

bitchincamaro October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

Joe the Biden!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:21 pm

SCRANTON!!!!

senator rosewater October 29, 2008 at 8:22 pm

storytime!

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:22 pm

Louisville!!!!!!!!!

We haz the poor!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:22 pm

Techno? I hear a litte appalachian rift.

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Another white loser. Thought that they could make shitty cars forever…

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Ah, shit, more peep stories. Did I mention I hate peeps?

DustBowlBlues October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

In the tank for Michigan. Damn swing states. Why doesn’t anyone ever give a shout-out to Oklahoma?

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

OK, the Ford people could start by going on a fast. Both of em.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Scranton. Drink!

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Nice to see the guy who sexually violated Ned Beatty back on his feet. Ned looked awful purty. Not his fault.

senator rosewater October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

chained to ford? a ford slave made to make phonecalls all day?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Please, cut to the live event, and don’t let it be a CALL NOW, and THAT”S NOT ALL moment!

AlexTrebeksGirl October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

OMFG OMFG HE READ ALL THE HARRY POTTERS TO HIS KID. I WANT RECORDINGS OF OBAMA READING HARRY POTTER FOR MY LIBERAL DOUCHETARD IPOD TOUCH.

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:23 pm

This guy is a pale imitation of Barney Smith.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

Great depression, yup.

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

“not only did they defeat fascism, but they helped string up Mussolini and… Oh, wait. Nevermind.”

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

YAY – Rosie the Riveter – he totally hade the lesbian vote

Rodney Badger October 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

I’m at work guys. Does it suck or rule? ___Suck ___Rule

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:24 pm

Oh, Barry, how is it humanly possible for me to love you more? Even as you say Tollybon..?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Tahl-ee-bahn, there goes that goofey muslim pronunciation again….

Itsjustme October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Did he get a bracelet from the Iowa lady?

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Hey, for national security Jack Murtha can be secretary of defense, after he looses his election!

AlexTrebeksGirl October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

When Obama pronounces taliban that way, the right way, I want to cry and makeout with him. Why does he have such a big brain.

apocalypsethen October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

newell. does it hurt, seething so much all the time?

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

JOHN ADAMS!!!!! Tucson Resident!

Cookie Guggelman October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

John Adams! Back from the dead to support Hopey!

Itsjustme October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: I gotta say rules

Violenza October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

I want to kiss him so baaaaaaaaaaaaad. Barrrrrrrracka you have replaced Barracka from Mortal Kombat as my favorite Barrrrrrrrrracka!!!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

Backlit Kennedy camera angle

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm

[re=155236]simetrias[/re]: Hang tough, it’s all about the poor ‘uns.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

I have a story about a grandparent sitting in a tiny car…

loganmo October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

I wish one of the networks had the EKG machines with the fous group watching this…

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

BRING ON THE FRICKIN LIVE EVENT!!!!!!

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

Nice wife-beater Hopey.

El Bombastico October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: It’s as good as one could expect from the format.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

How fucking American is a Brigadier General named John Fucking Adams. Obama is pallin’ around with the damn American Dream.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:26 pm

i WILL NOT BE a perfect prez, but I will be prez.

End of story.

DRINK

Itsjustme October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

WHAT? wait, not perfect! I need my vote back.

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

I[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: I’m snarky, but it rules–compared to all the McCain who would rule by sniping.

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

white people overload – oh wait the Mexican governor is on now.

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

“And most importantly, I will introduce you to the right hand of our Lord.”

Worlds End October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: great

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: That’s sorta binary, but I’ll go with Rule

senator rosewater October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

I want to be involved!!!

as long as I don’t have to do stuff.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

/Snark

RULES so far…. nice touching stories with nice political celebs backing him up, with his own life story interwoven.

I now return to my snark

Texas2Step October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

OK, now I’m crying.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Live from NEW YORK, um, FLORIDA it’s Wed nite!!!

Lazy Media October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Rule.

OMFG, he said he won’t be a perfect preznit? WTF?? That’s it, I’m calling up the election commission and taking my early vote back.

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

shriners!!

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: rules

Barrett808 October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Whoa…meanwhile, in Florida…

jagorev October 29, 2008 at 8:27 pm

Meanwhile, while you TV-owning elitists watch the infomercial, I’ll report from the hope-rally in Sunrise, FL: Obama is working himself into a fine fury about Wall Street greed and the politics of fear: “No more games, no more tactics to divide us against one another; the stakes are too high…” etc. Good stuff.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

My god, you would only have to change maybe two or three words from that speech (before the LIVE EVENT!) and it would be the awesomest wedding vow ever. Oh, Hopey–let’s do it! Let’s elope!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

Hey, grandma, look at me on live TV!! Hang in there, gran, I’m almost there.

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

OMG, he is being endorsed by Petraeus and Billy Graham! I’m crying!

zhenyatta mondatta October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

next vp, bill richardson

hockeymom October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

He’s LIVE!!!
Very cool.

Maybe he can produce the Oscars when he’s president, make them less boring.

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

Oh, shit, this part’s live. Took me a few minutes to realize it.

magic titty October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

He is sooooo Stalin right now.

HAWT!

maoglone October 29, 2008 at 8:28 pm

HOLLA BACK CINCINNATI!

Seriously, though, we missed the last 3 1/2 innings of a baseball game for this?

Valerie October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Team Sara
*sniff*

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Tell us about how the lady who created “Little Einstein” is now on Food Stamps and is selling her plasma to make payroll.
The Bush years, good times, good times.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

LIVE OBAMA!

Lazy Media October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

[re=155268]Keram2[/re]: No, John Adams was our most elitist preznit. Until Hopey.

Rodney Badger October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: HA HA!!! It must rule because I keep switching back to 538.com and states are turning magically blue right before my eyes.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Bring it home, Barack. Florida (ah, Florida), make some calls, go to the Web site…. bring it home! This is nice. I’m thrilled. God bless AMERICAAAAAA

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

All kidding aside this was well done. I think Hopey’s gamble will be paid. Hey if people tune in every week to watch that builder guy then they will buy this.

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

All the Jews in the house, say Yeah! When I say cheese, you say blintzes. Cheese! Blintzes!

Cookie Guggelman October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Not bad for a Muslin.

Murph October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Wow! What a close. Rules, rules, rules, he got his money’s worth.

GideonGlib October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Hopey Looks tired…

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

I LOVE THAT MAN.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Where’s the 1-800 number? I have to order me 2 cases of this right now!

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:29 pm

[re=155286]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I want to president marry him! Seriously. I love this man.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

Take that, McCain!!!!!

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

I liked it. I hope lots of people saw it.

Itsjustme October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

[re=155285]jagorev[/re]: WHAT A CROWD! Old people 5 Hopey!

PeteJayhawk v2.0 October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

Home. Fucking. Run.

Nathalie08 October 29, 2008 at 8:30 pm

I thought it was great.

eastcoastliberal October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

I’m literally bawling my eyes out. Oops. Time for Keith. See ya elitists!

jagorev October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

wait, wasn’t Bill Clinton supposed to parachute in during the live event? What happened to that?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

The informercial? 5 million dollars. The look on McCain’s face tonight? PRICELESS.

Lazy Media October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

Gigantic animated Obama logo FTW!

AlexTrebeksGirl October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

Chris Matthews is the worst when it comes to adjectives and to overall English language usage. “Hollywood realism?”

SulkyGirl October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

What’s that noise? McCain choking on his own bile?

tread77 October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

That was amazing. Really well done, Obama.

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

MSNBC says, romantic, hollywood, presidential, populist, just right. LOL.

azw88 October 29, 2008 at 8:32 pm

Seriously, that was well done. Touching, hopeful, positive.
That was very well produced. Nice to have Hollywood friends… of course that is how Johnny-Mac will attack it for that reason.. can’t attack the content.

I am not worried that this will fuck up his campaign

chaseychasem October 29, 2008 at 8:32 pm

PLZ 2 POST ONLINE SOMEWURR

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm

LOL on Chris Mathews raggin on McCain

Madeline October 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm

I’m watching the post-game analysis on MSNBC and I think Chris Matthews is crying. Like a little girl.

DustBowlBlues October 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm

I got so distracted I missed the live part. fuck.

Keram2 October 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm

[re=155297]Lazy Media[/re]: I thought John Quincy Adams beat his dad out on that front. I mean, Andrew Jackson’s slogan in 1828 was “Adams can write, but Jackson can fight.”

TEH MOAR U KNOWS.

jetjaguar October 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm

Stop having giant families and eat shit for dinner America! Damn it…

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm

BTW, you Wonketteers are very funny.

nurple October 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm

Barry has a special easter-egg on his website for people who bought his dvd.

Viva la Cynthia October 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm

[re=155318]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: He looks like he is just as in love with Hopey as I am–can you blame a guy in love for being a little tongue-tied?

simetrias October 29, 2008 at 8:34 pm

This is amazing. McCain must be so pissed. Matthews: what more do you want before you vote for a black guy?

OffTheRecord October 29, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Okay. I am fucking teary. This man has to be president. I need this for my own personal sanity.

Worlds End October 29, 2008 at 8:35 pm

[re=155318]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: yeah

Cherry Garcia October 29, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Ending. Was. Brilliant.

nmmagayar October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

I think Matthews is crying

McCainsThirdNipple October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

What happened? I don’t watch TV, I leave it sitting in the background while I download copious amounts of hardcore pornography.

jagorev October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

[re=155323]chaseychasem[/re]: Here is the whole infomercial on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtREqAmLsoA

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

[re=155285]jagorev[/re]: I would change places with you in a Chicago minute.

War Eagle October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

I hereby renounce bitter and will go to the kitten pound and adopt me a kitten. No, make that two kittens!

ellie October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

That was very nice and very well done.

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

Why can’t whitey let Chris Matthews homeboys alone?

whiteasasheet October 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm

[re=155326]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Distracted? Doing what, may I ask?

chaseychasem October 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm

[re=155339]jagorev[/re]: thank you!

Itsjustme October 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm

KO is pissing me off!

Monsieur Grumpe October 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm

I can’t wait for the animated version!

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:38 pm

What was the Product Code to order a bright future again? I’ve got my credit card now.

OzoneTom October 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm

[re=155300]Dreamer[/re]: Haha, if PBS-types ever got their way we would have had a Prez Adlai.
And lots of other different ones since then too.

Dreamer October 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm

Panselvania did not any love in this special – what gives? Did he give up on PA?

renttoowncoitus October 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm

No TV, living in “emerging market/world” or something. But Best live Blog ever.

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm

Despite your Masters’ wins, you must still learn how to use an iron off the tee.

Woodwards Friend October 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm

When that old man put on the Wal Mart name tag, Obama just won Florida because that’s every old person’s single greatest fear. Gay grandchildren are preferable to riding out the clock at Wal Mart.

tread77 October 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm

CNN just called it “f-ing brilliant”.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP October 29, 2008 at 8:41 pm

You realize I’ve only experienced this infomercial via the “live blogging format” and listening to John Gibson on Fox ranting about the Khalid-Obama LA TIMES tape. How confusing!

Did Obama Girl make it into the infomercial? Anyone?

pourmecoffee October 29, 2008 at 8:42 pm

I wish I had my own poor person. Not a black one, of course, but poor.

dogmamaonly October 29, 2008 at 8:42 pm

Damn, that dude is big pimpin’. There’s just something about him that makes me want to give him the entire contents of my wallet.

War Eagle October 29, 2008 at 8:44 pm

I just saw an ad for wan Juan McGrumpers. Lawzy, following Hopey-Peace Theater, that poor fellow sure seems to have tummy troublex.

Basye October 29, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Enough already–get in my White House, and for God’s sake you better be worth it!

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 8:46 pm

[re=155354]pourmecoffee[/re]: Lehman Brothers has it.

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 9:00 pm

[re=155387]Basye[/re]: If “worth” is your standard, then invest in credit default swaps. The Greenspan free-marketers will be more than delighted to sell them to you.
La-la-La, La-la-La.

magic titty October 29, 2008 at 9:00 pm

[re=155194]pourmecoffee[/re]: fucking awesome. LOL. The Wonketters are the hilarities!!!!

OzoneTom October 29, 2008 at 9:03 pm

[re=155369]MISTAHCOUGHDROP[/re]: Ditto here. I was listening to NPR interview Ron Popeil.

At least we had the sense of community, interacting with the other brave, and possibly inebriated Wonketteers.

Except without the experience of seeing what they are seeing, I mean.

magic titty October 29, 2008 at 9:08 pm

[re=155288]pourmecoffee[/re]: Bullshit. Seriously??

S.Luggo October 29, 2008 at 9:17 pm

[re=155473]magic titty[/re]: You have to ask?

kokoyumyum October 29, 2008 at 9:57 pm

great half-hour, good TV. How can anyone be undecided?

AusKosh October 29, 2008 at 10:27 pm

Good piece of work, but who here didn’t expect Ty Pennington to drop in with a megaphone and a bulldozer during some of those segments?

ohiogal October 29, 2008 at 11:27 pm

Two gallons. I cried two gallons of tears.

Harold_Ignoramis October 30, 2008 at 12:18 am

“Where have you gone Fred “The Crime Dog” McGriff, our nation turns it’s lonely stiff to you. Wooo wooo woooo.”

jilly October 30, 2008 at 12:38 am

I cried 50 millions of tears and because of my lack of discipline and foresight, I licked them up with my tongue and now my sodium levels are sky high!! Fuck You, Barack Obama, and all of your impoverished friends. If I land in the hospital with my crappy insurance, I will blame all of YOU, but also the FAILED BUSH POLICIES OF THE LAST EIGHT YEARS. Enjoy riding in that same cart of shit together, my friends.

Lascauxcaveman October 30, 2008 at 1:58 am

[re=155254]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: Also, he manages to make the “Tally-bahn” sound kinda gay; which is even better.

fjelsted October 30, 2008 at 2:31 am

is it better for the taliban to be gay? it would be very hard to get rid of them…

Chief Grinning Eagle October 30, 2008 at 2:38 am

Hey mr. taliban tally me raw opium – daylight come and me want to go home.

thetalltexan October 30, 2008 at 12:52 pm

Just got to read this. You made me feel guilty for typing on 2 computers and using too much energy. Now I am in the dark on one computer.

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