important infomercials

Liveblogging Barack Obama’s Fancy Teevee Infomercial About The Poors

Here’s Major League superstar Fred McGriff asking you to shutup for thirty minutes and practice your baseball drills while Barack Obama is talking on the teevee about poverty and murder. Then come back at 8:30 for baseball, where the Phillies will beat the Tunafish. Or you could stay here and watch us liveblog. Who will be the poorest person? All of them, forever.

8:00 — It opens with a field of grain, like in Saving Private Ryan. Maybe we will get to see some blood ‘n’ guts after all, with naked people sexin’ to funk music and also a laughtrack.
8:01 — Obama’s talking to us, he says he will tell us stories about how people need welfare. A chorus of cherubs gently sings.
8:02 — Our first subject is a lady who has stick figures of her 19 children on the back of her blue minivan, which she probably can’t afford. She lives in Missouri, an important toss-up state.
8:03 — Yes, and she’s a MILF. So that’s out of the way.
8:04 — Rebecca, such is her name, looks like she’s got a pretty stocked refrigerator to me. What’s her fucking problem?
8:05 — She is shown whining about her pills while alternately screaming at one of her children, 8-year-old Trig, during one of his pee-wee football games. She is mean.
8:05 — She was “Hope”-less, until, one night, live on the teevee from Denver, she saw Barack Obama talking about McCain, the end. Good luck, Rebecca. GET A JOB.
8:06 — Barack explains his tax plan now and how it can help this gal with 20 children and a penchant for yelling at boys who play a game.
8:06 — He’s talking to a bunch of old people about nothing. Ted Strickland says Obama can help. Deval Patrick says Obama can help because he plagiarizes his speeches.
8:08 — Here’s #2, named Larry, who worked on railroads with the Chinese in 1880 until retiring. He is a black fellow just like Barack Obama’s dad. They live in a house.
8:09 — Larry decided, after he retired, to take out a home equity line on his home to pay for all of his medical bills. This is Common in America, Barack says.
8:10 — Now he has to work at Wal-Mart, which isn’t going so– oh nevermind, the end.
8:10 — Yay it’s Barack again! This is much better than watching the depressing poor guy and hot poor girl.
8:11 — Barack says he’ll pay for all sorts of new energy. Hmm, I don’t think Larry was complaining about energy much, douchebag.
8:11 — What is this, Jimmy Carter Obama Fraud over here is now telling us to conserve. Excuse me while I go to my car, turn it on, drive 50 miles, stop, pour some oil in a fish pond and then sit on a log and type on 20 computers at once that HE CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, while sniffing propane.
8:13 — Oh and now he tells us we can’t have our Wars in Iraq anymore. Where does this guy get off? Can I have my DINNER tonight, at least, or do we need to “turn those off” too?
8:14 — Gal #3! Come on down, tell us about your poverty! How poor are you, mama?
8:15 — She is Hispanic and lives in New Mexico, so she doesn’t want to get deported, or something. Oh she’s buying food with Coupons! Oh that’s 99 cents, she should get that. Ah, nevermind, there’s some $20 fried Snickers bars, she’ll have those, Obama will pay her for this in January anyway.
8:16 — She says her life is so hard WAH WAH WAH, how will she ever escape thi– done, the end, back to Obama at the Broncos game.
8:17 — He’s now talking about how he’ll pay for your college on the condition that you die in Iraq first.
8:18 — “I’ll get you health care, buster,” he says. This guy sounds like a hot deal, HEHNGNN?
8:19 — Who will be the next poor Mexican black railroad worker in Ohio and Virginia who is dead from money cancer?
8:20 — Oh, just his dead mother, who has voted early for him thanks to Charlie Crist in Florida raising her from the dead to vote at midnight, last night.
8:21 — Oh there are his little children, who are not in any sense poor. Michelle says Barry read them the Harry Potter books because he is a Good Father. We’ll see if he regrets that when they’re muggle-masturbating goth Wiccans eating their own feces in their teenage years.
8:22 — Nevermind, the mother wasn’t the fourth Poor in his story. It’s Joe Biden.
8:22 — No — it’s Claire McCaskill.
8:22 — No — It’s Barack Obama. He is the fourth Poor in his own story.
8:23 — No, REALLY, It’s some guy named Mark, Louisville, lost job at factory, unemployment lines, can’t afford shit, THIS IS MOVING SO FAST, he wants to– THE END OBAMA SHOOTS A THREE POINTER.
8:24 — Obama says he had a friend who was recently sent to Iraq. His name was Joe the Plumber. Not really, he doesn’t actually know anyone who’s been in the military, ha.
8:25 — “John Adams,” the second president of the United States, endorses him. Nice!
8:26 — This is kind of a sad video, with black and white pictures. Still. Sara keeps telling me that she’s crying, what a pussy.
8:28 — Ah, more Obama! Now he’s in Florida giving a speech in an arena, a stump speech. Rebecca is seen in the crowd yelling at a pee wee football game.
8:29 — Change change change, the end, they go nuts in the crowd, epic music, Joe Biden,
8:29 — THE
8:30 — END.
8:30 — BYE.
8:31 — SARA’S TURN.
8:32 — No but it was a good video, from the bits I saw while not staring at my keyboard.
8:38 — Go HERE to argue about how many gallons of tears you shed. And don’t worry, Keith Olbermann will make you stop crying by being such a snide jackass.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • simetrias

    God, I hate personal stories.

  • Keram2

    Man, these stories are giving me depressions.

  • bhosp

    Barack Obama = Rod Serling without the scary

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    I didn’t hear this the first time on my “Audacity of Hope” audio book.

  • El Bombastico

    Oh, Crime Dog, is there any international crisis you CAN’T solve?

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Can we just elect Obama to narrate things for the next 8 years? Even the Republicans can get behind that. He can be the new James Earl Jones!

  • MrsNateSilver

    Oh this will be fun. So far, I’m enthrZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

    Whoops! What did I miss about this desperate housewife in MO?

  • loquaciousmusic

    This will SO appeal to the Oprah viewers, though. It’s quite nicely put together so far.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    This is the political infomercial that gets RESULTS.

  • simetrias

    Food rationing?? Hopey, this is not what we want to see.

  • Barrett808

    FLAG PIN!!1!1!!1!11111

  • Wrongavore

    Solid as BARACK

  • SuperRounder

    Barry narrating. He’s no Morgan Freeman.

  • TinyTheToga

    Is this the show where he touches people and they come back to life, but only for a minute?

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    Great ass, Barry.

  • Cookie Guggelman

    Me, too, simetrias. And people!

  • simetrias

    OK, phew, back to the grandiose Mr. O.

  • whiteasasheet

    Five kids. It’s her own goddam fault.

  • jagorev

    I don’t have a TV, so I’m just watching the livestream of the orgasm-rally in Sunrise, FL on cnn.com

  • bitchincamaro

    Please don’t let him having had sex with his videographer. Pullleeeeze?

  • Wrongavore

    Is this live online anywhere? I don’t have a teevee

  • OffTheRecord

    I’m sorry, that was the cheesiest little family people bumper sticker I have ever seen. And yes that is what I am most concerned with.

  • El Bombastico

    Ugh, if I wanted to watch inspirational stories about poor white bitter families, I’d watch that show with the gay carpenter where they built substandard homes for people with retarded kids.

  • bugland

    Obama! tell me about why i need welfare. ’cause really, i didn’t know.

  • simetrias

    It’s a step toward socialism.

  • Murph

    Jim, it wasn’t a field of grain, it was “amber waves of grain”, like bread, as in breadline!

  • franklyb

    Is he going to repanel the oval office in knotty pine?

    Knotty Pine sounds like a republican candidate. Knotty Pine-Glasses 2012!

  • azw88

    I worry that this 30 mins could fuck up Obama’s lead and send Johnny-McCarpetbagger to the White House

  • Worlds End

    [re=155049]bhosp[/re]: Agreed

  • grendel

    Hey! It’s Griff! I loved him as a Brave… this is setting exactly the right tone

  • maoglone

    I thought it was $250k a year? Promises, promises.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    None of that gross government? ENUNCIATE!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Where’s Barney Smith? Hopey should bring him back–so much more credible than that asshole fake plumber. BTW–What kind of loser fakes being a plumber? Why not a cowboy or a pirate? I mean, if you’re going to make up shit, why not make up cool shit?

  • El Bombastico

    CHARTS, motherfucker! Did you learn nothing from Ross Perot?? America loves CHARTS!

  • Canuck13652

    8:02–they’re talking about Shirley Q liquor, who has 19 children?

  • simetrias

    Barack is talking to the (white) folk. Nice touch.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Is he speakin’ to the seniors in front of an old school painted outdoor scene background?

  • SuperRounder

    More white people!

  • simetrias

    Did ya just see that??? LIVE OBAMA moment later in the program. Stay tuned. Wink wink.

  • bhosp

    OO a tease

  • maoglone

    OOOOOOOoooooh. “Live Event Later In Program.”

  • Keram2

    Ted Strickland! Doesn’t he own Strickland Propane and Propane Accessories.

  • TinyTheToga

    Why does this Ned character need welfare? And is the Pie shop a symbol of righteous baked socialist goods?

  • StuckintheSixties

    Viva la Cynthia: I thought Morgan Freeman was the new James Earl Jones.

  • OffTheRecord

    It is swing statepaloza!

    Okay, crap Kansas and Massachusetts. Way to ruin my point. Now it is just democratpaloza.

  • simetrias

    We want CAROLINE AND TED to seal the deal. Whoops, too liberal. Back to personal stories. Two great grand children. Ugh.

  • restlessleg

    [re=155081]maoglone[/re]: So did I. Whahoppin?

  • azw88

    This should have been a series of 3-5 min commercials spread over the next week. 30 mins 6 days away from the election may not stick in people.

  • Wonks Adventure

    Whose decision was it to use the soundtrack from Brokeback Mountain?

  • Dreamer

    Hopey’s fancy director made Strickland look good.

  • bhosp

    LOOK OUT HOPY ITS REV RIGHT!!

  • El Bombastico

    Shit, he got B.B. King to play his special! oh, wait…

  • mayor_quimby

    Notice that it’s filmed in HD, but not fullscreen so as to not be elitist and shit.
    You can’t rub people’s faces in the fact that their old-ass TV can’t see the whole picture

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Hey look, American Idol SMS voting!

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    That tie makes Strickland’s eyes just pop.

  • simetrias

    I take twelve different meds a day, too, in honor of Hopey’s youth….

  • pourmecoffee

    Hey, it’s Blind Willie McTell and his junkie wife!

  • jasonelias

    That fool better put that guitar down and pay for his wife’s pills!

  • bitchincamaro

    Larry the pill purchaser. Poor guy.

  • nmmagayar

    no white people right now

  • Keram2

    This is like Gummo mixed in with sporadic boners for hope.

  • azw88

    Ha old balck woman, Cindy mcCain takes MORE pills in a day… just hope Johnny-Mac doens’t find out!

  • eastcoastliberal

    Jim Newell (who doesn’t vote because he is an elitist optimist)…I am trying to watch this very serious teevee show but you keep making me pee my pants laughing. Stop.

  • Murph

    Evil Wal-Mart!

  • simetrias

    Sloooooow piano music, talk sloooowin down, I predict a ROUSING MOMENT any second now!

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Hahaha, I just KNEW it was going to be a Wal-Mart tag.

  • Crab1

    [re=155048]Keram2[/re]: Too bad. The depressions is not covered under most health care plans.

  • bitchincamaro

    Fuckin’ Wal-Mart. Least he can get a discount on the new AC/DC disc.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Jesus God, the old guy working at Walmart to pay for his wife’s prescriptions? Wow… I might be getting a little misty…

  • maoglone

    All these shots of fields and powerlines make me think of only one thing…

    This is ooooooour country…

  • Undeterredbyreality

    Hey! BB King has lost weight! Can’t he afford food?

  • Barrett808

    Shout out for Seattle – Drink your micro-brew, freaks!

  • Lazy Media

    Man, this is some slick production values right here. Slick Barack doesn’t work like Slick Willie, though. Slick Hussein?

  • Palin-Plumber2012

    Energy independence? That’s 7 syllables – “Drill Baby Drill” is 5 and it will REALLY make us energy dependent just ask Sarah Palin except not for any specifics or else you’re an elitist sexist who thinks logic matters!

  • azw88

    Hope they aren’t putting solar panels in those schools and buildings in Seattle, because nothing says FAIL like expecting sunshine to power shit in Seattle!

  • nmmagayar

    why did she need 12 meds a day? I was reading comments

  • simetrias

    Huh? How did we go from health car to buying me a car? Make mine BLUE, Mr. O

  • whiteasasheet

    But will you guarantee cheep beer? Huh?

  • Viva la Cynthia

    I do not approve of the lighting in Barry’s casual office set.

  • KJ

    Larry Stuart is 72 and has to go sell shit at Walmart. McCain is 72. If McCain wants to keep working so badly can’t he just take Larry’s job? Then everyone is happy.

  • pourmecoffee

    Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout John Sidney?

  • Crab1

    [re=155067]whiteasasheet[/re]: She needs more practice at abstaining.

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    Barry I IMPLORE you. Just tell us when the asteroid hits. I’m BEGGING YOU!

  • simetrias

    Please, do not go thru budget line by line tonite….

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Ooh, the music is picking up, I’m feeling kinda hopey…

  • OffTheRecord

    Google in the tank!

  • LauraJune

    He definitely had my grandma at “rheumatoid arthritis.”

  • Lazy Media

    Ohhhh, he’s talking surrender now. This is it, sheeple, the SECRET MUSLIN PLANS!!!11!!

  • azw88

    [re=155134]nmmagayar[/re]: she heard that was how many pills Cindy Mac takes each day, and if it is good enough for a white woman, it was good enough for her

  • Lady Wesley

    I keep seeing crosses behind Hopey’s head. And there’s light.

    Wait . . . are those angels I hear?

  • SuperRounder

    Obama 08: Bros before CEOs

  • pourmecoffee

    Barack Obama almost looks like black dude in this special. Weird.

  • simetrias

    I’m worried about the white guys….

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    ooooh, iraq card thrown

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    [re=155134]nmmagayar[/re]: Rheumatoid arthritis.

    It’s a real bitch; it basically killed my grandfather.

  • McCainsThirdNipple

    Mommy, is this what a President sounds like that doesn’t make you put your face in your palm?

  • eastcoastliberal

    [re=155142]simetrias[/re]: ohmylord….I had the same thought!

  • simetrias

    Shout out to Latinos!!! Vote por mi, por favor. No hagan tonterias.

  • maoglone

    Well, he’s certainly touching on all of the racial demographics, isn’t he?

  • a-petit dejeuner

    Aww, he’s documenting multicultural people… the white family was just there to lure you in.

  • Wonks Adventure

    wow, back-to-back shots of a pasty white guy with the last name “schmidt” talking about how obama is the bee’s knees, then tim kaine and his uncontrollable eyebrow saying … something … i don’t know, i was fixated on the eyebrow.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    this is like the Ghostbusters video with all the celebrities making appearances. Google?!

  • S.Luggo

    [re=155047]simetrias[/re]: Joe the Plumber says ditto.

  • Keram2

    [re=155124]Crab1[/re]: Fortunately, there’s always cheap whiskey… and mooshine. Delicious, delicious moonshine.

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    Special Needs! Special Needs!

  • simetrias

    Please, oh, please, cut out the personal stories. OK, fine, do the fed budget line by line. I hate peeps!

  • nmmagayar

    if she has to work 2 jobs, how can she aford those tacky nails?

  • azw88

    Trumping Sarah’s Special Needs kid!!!

  • simetrias

    Not every parent wants a good ed. for their kids…. ask Sarah Pain’s future son in law. Hell, ask Palin’s parents!

  • Murph

    Hey, how come all these poor people are driving nice clean cars? Where is the family in the ’94 Crown Vic?

  • Keram2

    Yo Barry was chubby little kid.

  • whiteasasheet

    Hey! Regular people need Barack too! You gonna talk about us? I was privately educated, have a good job, and want for nothing. What about me? I have needs, too!

  • pourmecoffee

    Barack Obama opposes tardiness! Do you hear that, Big Tardy?!

  • earthadellic

    whats with all the minorities? i’m a hispanican and i can tell you, REAL americans hate the browns.

  • eastcoastliberal

    Read To Our Children?? How much time does this terrorist think we have?

  • Viva la Cynthia

    [re=155158]maoglone[/re]: Only the ones that live in swing states. Inuits will not be featured tonight.

  • azw88

    Talks about his mom…. one thing that Obama can talk about to make me cry!

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    i’m still looking for the shamwow guy

  • Murph

    “No picnic for me buster!”

    This is starting to look like a compilation tape.

  • simetrias

    [re=155162]S.Luggo[/re]: Joe the Plumber IS a personal story… and another… and another…

  • maoglone

    WHERE IS THE JESUS, BARACK? WHERE THE HELL IS THE JESUS?

  • TinyTheToga

    He should get Nate Silver on telling people his pretty models won’t work if they don’t go out and vote. Also, you’ll make his puppy dog eyes cry.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    crayola in the tank

  • dogmamaonly

    Geez, Hopey is actually making a lot of sense. Does that make ME a socialist, too?

  • simetrias

    Education. First time I’ve heard the word in the entire campaign. My good lord.

  • Cherry Garcia

    This is kind of reminding me of the Katrina relief tv special minus the cool famous people. Kanye West would make this thing a whole lot more interesting right about now.

  • Madeline

    Awww little Barry playing baseball!

  • pourmecoffee

    How do those ears look in HD? Anyone?

  • Squiggyfm

    Gotta hand it to Obama…the mole is hidden well.

  • azw88

    Yeah, read to my kids?? That what books on tape are for, reading to my kids while I live blog!!!

  • maoglone

    [re=155176]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: It ain’t over yet…

  • jagorev

    I hope that Charles makes an appearance:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW-6DpC-mj8

  • senator rosewater

    can I keep my same abortion doctor?

  • pourmecoffee

    Obama has a pre-existing condition: Black Muslimness.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    “you can keep your same doctor”

    GRAMMAR FAIL

  • simetrias

    Now at least we’re hearing Barack’s story. Poor orphan. At least he has his white granny.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    he is the son of a babymomma.

    also, i love him.

    too much evan williams already.

  • OffTheRecord

    Awww. Stop with the mother. I am going to cry like a little girl.

  • Dreamer

    Why do poor people get all the attention. What about Trust Fund babies – I am not liking Hopey’s poor love.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    [re=155188]pourmecoffee[/re]: Large; remarkably clear.

  • Texas2Step

    He looks more like his Mom than his Dad.

  • Keram2

    Holy god. I have Barry’s tie. No shit. Jos A. Bank Signature Collection in the house.

  • simetrias

    Ooooooh, now it gets epic. Love it.

  • a-petit dejeuner

    [re=155175]eastcoastliberal[/re]: He wants us to do it at 4:30 in the morning too. Where does he get off, asking people to work?

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=155188]pourmecoffee[/re]: Clean and hearing ALL.

  • nmmagayar

    Michelle is FIERCE!!!!!!!

  • simetrias

    Michelle, mmmmmm. Oh, nice dad-daughter moment. I love this stuff.

  • SuperRounder

    Oh no. Not the kids. Cute overload.

  • Barrett808

    Obama’s a Satan-worshipping Harry Potter fan. Who knew?

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Barack and the girls…seriously, brought tears to my eyes. So cute.

  • ForeignSickSpecialist

    [re=155186]Cherry Garcia[/re]: No doubt. “Barack Obama doesn’t care about racist people!”

  • bitchincamaro

    Man, those kids are gonna be a handful

  • simetrias

    Now that’s a happy family story I can buy (Hopey IS selling, no?)

  • DustBowlBlues

    Harry Potter! They’re satanic–I knew the Republicans were right.

    Wait–witch doctors–that’s Sarah Palin territory, right?

  • azw88

    wait till he’s the Prez…. he won’t have time for them…. no, he will have interns to attend to and pretzels to choke on!

  • LauraJune

    I hear a bit o’ techno…

  • S.Luggo

    [re=155167]azw88[/re]: In Sarah’s mind, special needs means being unable to go to Neiman for a new wardrobe.

  • maoglone

    Is this lady from Missouri calling him a MAVERICK?

  • simetrias

    Reached AROUND the isle, Biden. Speaking of loose nukes, you got a few yourself. Jock strap?

  • pourmecoffee

    Can you conceal-carry your Dick Lugar? Mine is in my pants.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    MICHELE!

  • itgetter

    Joe Biden “literally” tally is now at 1

  • El Bombastico

    I like the pacing of this — not too much time spent on any one of the poorz.

  • maoglone

    Joe the Biden: “Whoa, this guy’s good.”

    Frickin’ classic.

  • bitchincamaro

    Joe the Biden!

  • simetrias

    SCRANTON!!!!

  • senator rosewater

    storytime!

  • OffTheRecord

    Louisville!!!!!!!!!

    We haz the poor!

  • simetrias

    Techno? I hear a litte appalachian rift.

  • whiteasasheet

    Another white loser. Thought that they could make shitty cars forever…

  • simetrias

    Ah, shit, more peep stories. Did I mention I hate peeps?

  • DustBowlBlues

    In the tank for Michigan. Damn swing states. Why doesn’t anyone ever give a shout-out to Oklahoma?

  • Murph

    OK, the Ford people could start by going on a fast. Both of em.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    Scranton. Drink!

  • pourmecoffee

    Nice to see the guy who sexually violated Ned Beatty back on his feet. Ned looked awful purty. Not his fault.

  • senator rosewater

    chained to ford? a ford slave made to make phonecalls all day?

  • simetrias

    Please, cut to the live event, and don’t let it be a CALL NOW, and THAT”S NOT ALL moment!

  • AlexTrebeksGirl

    OMFG OMFG HE READ ALL THE HARRY POTTERS TO HIS KID. I WANT RECORDINGS OF OBAMA READING HARRY POTTER FOR MY LIBERAL DOUCHETARD IPOD TOUCH.

  • El Bombastico

    This guy is a pale imitation of Barney Smith.

  • simetrias

    Great depression, yup.

  • maoglone

    “not only did they defeat fascism, but they helped string up Mussolini and… Oh, wait. Nevermind.”

  • nmmagayar

    YAY – Rosie the Riveter – he totally hade the lesbian vote

  • Rodney Badger

    I’m at work guys. Does it suck or rule? ___Suck ___Rule

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Oh, Barry, how is it humanly possible for me to love you more? Even as you say Tollybon..?

  • simetrias

    Tahl-ee-bahn, there goes that goofey muslim pronunciation again….

  • Itsjustme

    Did he get a bracelet from the Iowa lady?

  • Murph

    Hey, for national security Jack Murtha can be secretary of defense, after he looses his election!

  • AlexTrebeksGirl

    When Obama pronounces taliban that way, the right way, I want to cry and makeout with him. Why does he have such a big brain.

  • apocalypsethen

    newell. does it hurt, seething so much all the time?

  • azw88

    JOHN ADAMS!!!!! Tucson Resident!

  • Cookie Guggelman

    John Adams! Back from the dead to support Hopey!

  • Itsjustme

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: I gotta say rules

  • Violenza

    I want to kiss him so baaaaaaaaaaaaad. Barrrrrrrracka you have replaced Barracka from Mortal Kombat as my favorite Barrrrrrrrrracka!!!

  • simetrias

    Backlit Kennedy camera angle

  • whiteasasheet

    [re=155236]simetrias[/re]: Hang tough, it’s all about the poor ‘uns.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    I have a story about a grandparent sitting in a tiny car…

  • loganmo

    I wish one of the networks had the EKG machines with the fous group watching this…

  • simetrias

    BRING ON THE FRICKIN LIVE EVENT!!!!!!

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Nice wife-beater Hopey.

  • El Bombastico

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: It’s as good as one could expect from the format.

  • Keram2

    How fucking American is a Brigadier General named John Fucking Adams. Obama is pallin’ around with the damn American Dream.

  • simetrias

    i WILL NOT BE a perfect prez, but I will be prez.

    End of story.

    DRINK

  • Itsjustme

    WHAT? wait, not perfect! I need my vote back.

  • Murph

    I[re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: I’m snarky, but it rules–compared to all the McCain who would rule by sniping.

  • Dreamer

    white people overload – oh wait the Mexican governor is on now.

  • maoglone

    “And most importantly, I will introduce you to the right hand of our Lord.”

  • Worlds End

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: great

  • whiteasasheet

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: That’s sorta binary, but I’ll go with Rule

  • senator rosewater

    I want to be involved!!!

    as long as I don’t have to do stuff.

  • azw88

    /Snark

    RULES so far…. nice touching stories with nice political celebs backing him up, with his own life story interwoven.

    I now return to my snark

  • Texas2Step

    OK, now I’m crying.

  • simetrias

    Live from NEW YORK, um, FLORIDA it’s Wed nite!!!

  • Lazy Media

    Rule.

    OMFG, he said he won’t be a perfect preznit? WTF?? That’s it, I’m calling up the election commission and taking my early vote back.

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    shriners!!

  • nmmagayar

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: rules

  • Barrett808

    Whoa…meanwhile, in Florida…

  • jagorev

    Meanwhile, while you TV-owning elitists watch the infomercial, I’ll report from the hope-rally in Sunrise, FL: Obama is working himself into a fine fury about Wall Street greed and the politics of fear: “No more games, no more tactics to divide us against one another; the stakes are too high…” etc. Good stuff.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    My god, you would only have to change maybe two or three words from that speech (before the LIVE EVENT!) and it would be the awesomest wedding vow ever. Oh, Hopey–let’s do it! Let’s elope!

  • simetrias

    Hey, grandma, look at me on live TV!! Hang in there, gran, I’m almost there.

  • pourmecoffee

    OMG, he is being endorsed by Petraeus and Billy Graham! I’m crying!

  • zhenyatta mondatta

    next vp, bill richardson

  • hockeymom

    He’s LIVE!!!
    Very cool.

    Maybe he can produce the Oscars when he’s president, make them less boring.

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Oh, shit, this part’s live. Took me a few minutes to realize it.

  • magic titty

    He is sooooo Stalin right now.

    HAWT!

  • maoglone

    HOLLA BACK CINCINNATI!

    Seriously, though, we missed the last 3 1/2 innings of a baseball game for this?

  • Valerie

    Team Sara
    *sniff*

  • S.Luggo

    Tell us about how the lady who created “Little Einstein” is now on Food Stamps and is selling her plasma to make payroll.
    The Bush years, good times, good times.

  • azw88

    LIVE OBAMA!

  • Lazy Media

    [re=155268]Keram2[/re]: No, John Adams was our most elitist preznit. Until Hopey.

  • Rodney Badger

    [re=155249]Rodney Badger[/re]: HA HA!!! It must rule because I keep switching back to 538.com and states are turning magically blue right before my eyes.

  • simetrias

    Bring it home, Barack. Florida (ah, Florida), make some calls, go to the Web site…. bring it home! This is nice. I’m thrilled. God bless AMERICAAAAAA

  • Dreamer

    All kidding aside this was well done. I think Hopey’s gamble will be paid. Hey if people tune in every week to watch that builder guy then they will buy this.

  • pourmecoffee

    All the Jews in the house, say Yeah! When I say cheese, you say blintzes. Cheese! Blintzes!

  • Cookie Guggelman

    Not bad for a Muslin.

  • Murph

    Wow! What a close. Rules, rules, rules, he got his money’s worth.

  • GideonGlib

    Hopey Looks tired…

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    I LOVE THAT MAN.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    Where’s the 1-800 number? I have to order me 2 cases of this right now!

  • OffTheRecord

    [re=155286]Viva la Cynthia[/re]: I want to president marry him! Seriously. I love this man.

  • simetrias

    Take that, McCain!!!!!

  • simetrias

    I liked it. I hope lots of people saw it.

  • Itsjustme

    [re=155285]jagorev[/re]: WHAT A CROWD! Old people 5 Hopey!

  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Home. Fucking. Run.

  • Nathalie08

    I thought it was great.

  • eastcoastliberal

    I’m literally bawling my eyes out. Oops. Time for Keith. See ya elitists!

  • jagorev

    wait, wasn’t Bill Clinton supposed to parachute in during the live event? What happened to that?

  • simetrias

    The informercial? 5 million dollars. The look on McCain’s face tonight? PRICELESS.

  • Lazy Media

    Gigantic animated Obama logo FTW!

  • AlexTrebeksGirl

    Chris Matthews is the worst when it comes to adjectives and to overall English language usage. “Hollywood realism?”

  • SulkyGirl

    What’s that noise? McCain choking on his own bile?

  • tread77

    That was amazing. Really well done, Obama.

  • simetrias

    MSNBC says, romantic, hollywood, presidential, populist, just right. LOL.

  • azw88

    Seriously, that was well done. Touching, hopeful, positive.
    That was very well produced. Nice to have Hollywood friends… of course that is how Johnny-Mac will attack it for that reason.. can’t attack the content.

    I am not worried that this will fuck up his campaign

  • chaseychasem

    PLZ 2 POST ONLINE SOMEWURR

  • simetrias

    LOL on Chris Mathews raggin on McCain

  • Madeline

    I’m watching the post-game analysis on MSNBC and I think Chris Matthews is crying. Like a little girl.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I got so distracted I missed the live part. fuck.

  • Keram2

    [re=155297]Lazy Media[/re]: I thought John Quincy Adams beat his dad out on that front. I mean, Andrew Jackson’s slogan in 1828 was “Adams can write, but Jackson can fight.”

    TEH MOAR U KNOWS.

  • jetjaguar

    Stop having giant families and eat shit for dinner America! Damn it…

  • whiteasasheet

    BTW, you Wonketteers are very funny.

  • nurple

    Barry has a special easter-egg on his website for people who bought his dvd.

  • Viva la Cynthia

    [re=155318]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: He looks like he is just as in love with Hopey as I am–can you blame a guy in love for being a little tongue-tied?

  • simetrias

    This is amazing. McCain must be so pissed. Matthews: what more do you want before you vote for a black guy?

  • OffTheRecord

    Okay. I am fucking teary. This man has to be president. I need this for my own personal sanity.

  • Worlds End

    [re=155318]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: yeah

  • Cherry Garcia

    Ending. Was. Brilliant.

  • nmmagayar

    I think Matthews is crying

  • McCainsThirdNipple

    What happened? I don’t watch TV, I leave it sitting in the background while I download copious amounts of hardcore pornography.

  • jagorev

    [re=155323]chaseychasem[/re]: Here is the whole infomercial on Youtube:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtREqAmLsoA

  • Dreamer

    [re=155285]jagorev[/re]: I would change places with you in a Chicago minute.

  • War Eagle

    I hereby renounce bitter and will go to the kitten pound and adopt me a kitten. No, make that two kittens!

  • ellie

    That was very nice and very well done.

  • pourmecoffee

    Why can’t whitey let Chris Matthews homeboys alone?

  • whiteasasheet

    [re=155326]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Distracted? Doing what, may I ask?

  • chaseychasem

    [re=155339]jagorev[/re]: thank you!

  • Itsjustme

    KO is pissing me off!

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I can’t wait for the animated version!

  • pourmecoffee

    What was the Product Code to order a bright future again? I’ve got my credit card now.

  • OzoneTom

    [re=155300]Dreamer[/re]: Haha, if PBS-types ever got their way we would have had a Prez Adlai.
    And lots of other different ones since then too.

  • Dreamer

    Panselvania did not any love in this special – what gives? Did he give up on PA?

  • renttoowncoitus

    No TV, living in “emerging market/world” or something. But Best live Blog ever.

  • S.Luggo

    Despite your Masters’ wins, you must still learn how to use an iron off the tee.

  • Woodwards Friend

    When that old man put on the Wal Mart name tag, Obama just won Florida because that’s every old person’s single greatest fear. Gay grandchildren are preferable to riding out the clock at Wal Mart.

  • tread77

    CNN just called it “f-ing brilliant”.

  • MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    You realize I’ve only experienced this infomercial via the “live blogging format” and listening to John Gibson on Fox ranting about the Khalid-Obama LA TIMES tape. How confusing!

    Did Obama Girl make it into the infomercial? Anyone?

  • pourmecoffee

    I wish I had my own poor person. Not a black one, of course, but poor.

  • dogmamaonly

    Damn, that dude is big pimpin’. There’s just something about him that makes me want to give him the entire contents of my wallet.

  • War Eagle

    I just saw an ad for wan Juan McGrumpers. Lawzy, following Hopey-Peace Theater, that poor fellow sure seems to have tummy troublex.

  • Basye

    Enough already–get in my White House, and for God’s sake you better be worth it!

  • S.Luggo

    [re=155354]pourmecoffee[/re]: Lehman Brothers has it.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=155387]Basye[/re]: If “worth” is your standard, then invest in credit default swaps. The Greenspan free-marketers will be more than delighted to sell them to you.
    La-la-La, La-la-La.

  • magic titty

    [re=155194]pourmecoffee[/re]: fucking awesome. LOL. The Wonketters are the hilarities!!!!

  • OzoneTom

    [re=155369]MISTAHCOUGHDROP[/re]: Ditto here. I was listening to NPR interview Ron Popeil.

    At least we had the sense of community, interacting with the other brave, and possibly inebriated Wonketteers.

    Except without the experience of seeing what they are seeing, I mean.

  • magic titty

    [re=155288]pourmecoffee[/re]: Bullshit. Seriously??

  • S.Luggo

    [re=155473]magic titty[/re]: You have to ask?

  • kokoyumyum

    great half-hour, good TV. How can anyone be undecided?

  • AusKosh

    Good piece of work, but who here didn’t expect Ty Pennington to drop in with a megaphone and a bulldozer during some of those segments?

  • ohiogal

    Two gallons. I cried two gallons of tears.

  • Harold_Ignoramis

    “Where have you gone Fred “The Crime Dog” McGriff, our nation turns it’s lonely stiff to you. Wooo wooo woooo.”

  • jilly

    I cried 50 millions of tears and because of my lack of discipline and foresight, I licked them up with my tongue and now my sodium levels are sky high!! Fuck You, Barack Obama, and all of your impoverished friends. If I land in the hospital with my crappy insurance, I will blame all of YOU, but also the FAILED BUSH POLICIES OF THE LAST EIGHT YEARS. Enjoy riding in that same cart of shit together, my friends.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=155254]AlexTrebeksGirl[/re]: Also, he manages to make the “Tally-bahn” sound kinda gay; which is even better.

  • fjelsted

    is it better for the taliban to be gay? it would be very hard to get rid of them…

  • Chief Grinning Eagle

    Hey mr. taliban tally me raw opium – daylight come and me want to go home.

  • thetalltexan

    Just got to read this. You made me feel guilty for typing on 2 computers and using too much energy. Now I am in the dark on one computer.