apocalypse

Jesus People Pray That False Idol Will Save God’s Economy

Did you know that some Christian dingbat has dubbed today the “Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies?” Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems.” Don’t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh? Thank you Wonkette operative “Dan the Man” for the sexy photo. [CBN]
UPDATE: We have more terrifying photos of this idolatry, plus frightening video!

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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144 comments

  1. NewSpence

    Worshiping a golden calf?
    The more I learn about evangelical conservatives, the more I realize that they never, ever read the bible.

  2. 3dollarbill

    First Chuck in a loincloth and now the Bull. Is Yul Brenner gonna show up somewhere on wonkette today, too?

  3. elcapitan

    You can’t spell ‘Kommandments’ without ‘tank.’ WHY ISN’T THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA COVERING THIS?

  4. Min

    Hey, I already saw this movie! But more importantly, have these people ever actually read the New Testament?

  5. DarkSynergy

    Oh, the majority and their silly “God”. Don’t they know to pray to Michael Savage? He alone holds the key to everything.

  6. slappypaddy

    “The love of money is the root of all evil” something something something “worshipping the false god Mammon” something something something, I forget most of it, it’s a big book.

  7. MARCdMan

    They really should ask the Jews that were with Moses about how that whole bull-worshipping thing worked out the last time…

  8. Jebediah

    [re=154481]One Yield Regular[/re]: [re=154483]teebob2000[/re]: Will there be smiting? Please let there be smiting!

  9. condour75

    Hmmph. They must’ve started praying at around 3:15 and stopped around 3:45, judging by the last hour of the Dow. Either that or Jesus is a commie.

  10. blinky_twinkie

    Did these people not SEE the “10 Commandments”?? Don’t they know that praying to that thing with the horns, hooves, and gigantic brass harbls will bring Yul Brenner and his horde of angry ancient Egyptian pagan sodomites into their childrens’ kindergarten classrooms looking for first-borns and twinkies?

  11. monty

    ok i wanna know whos underneath rubbin the bronze balls, everybody knows thats where the *real* power is at in this false idol, ive never seen this thing in person, does it have balls? and if so are they big? what about a schlong does it have a schlong?

  12. WhatTheHeck

    Actually god gets mad if the idols are made from anything but gold. You see, god is a total capitalist. He believes in the gold standard and the republican/christian way of greed. Only they call it blessings.

  13. ColdCupofHope

    They understand that the bull statue there doesn’t actually control money on Wall Street, right? That’s why we have Jews. Why don’t you lay some hands on them?

  14. MrsNateSilver

    Great idea Jesusfreaks! I hope it works! Keep up the good works. (Also, is anyone asking God why He made this mess in the first place, since He can intervene to fix it well? COuld it be that God is also IN THE TANK for Obama?????)

  15. Aurelio

    Didn’t God smite the Israelites for this kind of shit? Moses was sure pissed. And that was just a golden calf.

  16. StripesAndPlaids

    My favorite bible verse: Deuteronomy 23:1 “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

    I want to go to the Super Bowl and hold that verse up on a sign. Like the John 3:16 dude.

  17. Worlds End

    remember these insane sky wizard believers also control the stock market…………………..

  18. ConstitutionalRiots

    [re=154504]condour75[/re]: Yeah, the arrow is red and it’s pointing downward. It’s a sign from the Lord to those fake Christians, and it looks like He sayeth to them, “Go to Hell.” (Sorry Lord, I hope that wasn’t a bad thing to say.)

  19. El Topo

    I’ll lay 10:1 on the guy who’s grasping the false idol’s hornthingy being a closet Larry-Craig-style glory-hole-wanker.

  20. MarieDeGournay

    Exodus 20:

    1 Then God spoke all these words. He said,

    2 ‘I am Yahweh your God who brought you out of Egypt, where you lived as slaves.

    3 ‘You shall have no other gods to rival me.

    4 ‘You shall not make yourself a carved image or any likeness of anything in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the waters under the earth.

    5 ‘You shall not bow down to them or serve them. For I, Yahweh your God, am a jealous God and I punish a parent’s fault in the children, the grandchildren, and the great-grandchildren among those who hate me;

    They are all doom :D

  21. DarkSynergy

    Typical douche bags. They think that praying will solve the problem rather than actually working to do something about it themselves. I know for the most part that the economy and it’s direction is out of their hands but this is the same shit these people do for CANCER.

    Manchu: There isn’t any little to it, they are full blown, delusionaly retarded. Every last one of them. Maybe if they pray hard enough though, the lord savior will make them smart. Seriously, WTF.

  22. magic titty

    [re=154528]Truculent[/re]: Why don’t they all start turning tricks? The money would arrive quicker.

    Ten points for the ‘Socialism from Space’ line.

  23. facehead

    FILL IN THE BLANK:

    “Jumping The Shark” is to Television Shows

    AS

    “Touching The Bull” is to ____________________

  24. Tommy Says Soooo

    If I wake up tomorrow, and the Burger King costume dude is speaking from the Oval Office, I will repent my evil ways, for verily this prayer will have worked.

    If he is merely waking up with shortshortshorts in that TV commercial giving him breakfast, I will know it was the clams.

  25. 3dollarbill

    [re=154517]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: excellent book and verse s&p, but sounds so much more glorious in the KJV “He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD”

  26. WIDTAP

    [re=154490]3dollarbill[/re]: I second this motion. I’m thinking the face-open shot of Yul from Westworld.

  27. azw88

    The second Commandment says nothing about bulls, as any good Christian will tell you. No sir, you heathen, every good, God (YHWH) fearing American Christian knows that the 2nd commandment is all about worshiping GUNS and being able to take them anywhere you want!

    [re=154520]nuckingfutz[/re]: It’s good to be the king!

  28. magic titty

    Does actual Christianity exist anymore? Or is it more or less these kooks walking around touching bull statues, etc.

  29. HeyHey

    I’m not surprised, but I thought it would take a little longer to get to this.

    I’ve seen it before on a smaller level (still scary).

  30. ManchuCandidate

    [re=154542]Cape Clod[/re]:
    Problem is they did which is why everything is so wonderful right now…

  31. Woodwards Friend

    Pat Robertson told me about the Lion’s Market economy years ago. Basically it involves getting your friends to sell vitamin supplements for you and also investing in slave labor whorediamond mines in Liberia. With God there is no cap! http://www.newsweek.com/id/108441

  32. JohnnyMeatworth

    and it seems like just yesterday that Obama parted the seas so his supporters could get to their cars after the Pennsylvania rally….

  33. AngryAtheist

    “Verily I say unto you, that a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God”

    Matthew 19 verses 23-24

    Why is it that the atheist knows this and these fundie ass-clowns don’t?

    After they sacrifice Lieberman to the golden calf…

    stone them.

  34. Truculent

    [re=154564]Mista Eko[/re]: Einstein said “God does not play dice with the universe.” But he didn’t say anything about God running a litle pump and dump scam to gin up some quick cash. But yeah, the colossal irony of Christians praying to a golden bull is really interesting.

  35. PoliTacky

    Those christians sure love the beef. I want the pix of the one guy who broke his teeth trying to bite through the leg.

  36. DAmicosonegoodyear

    Wow. Just…. Wow.

    Way to read your book, bible bangers.

    Thank Bob that I still have my slack.

  37. TGY

    Because that worked SO well here in Atlanta, when Sonny Perdue asked us all to pray for rain during the drought.

    Fuckers.

  38. HeyHey

    Oh, and I’d like to add that these are not Jesus people, though they would claim so themselves.

    According to historical stuff, Jesus was totally not in to this kind of crap.

  39. Giant Robot

    Dear God, (aka Wakan Tanka)
    Years ago, you promised your chosen people that great herd of Buffalo would return one day to push the white man back into the sea. Please, God, tell the buffalo to hurry the fuck up.
    Amen

  40. TGY

    So, hey, is there a statue of a BEAR there, too? Bull and bear. Only natural.

    Also, that pic reminds me like a bit of the Running of the Bulls in Lesser Buttfuckistan or wherever. Pomplona? Pimplona? Pumpkinola? Somewhere.

  41. ConstitutionalRiots

    [re=154620]TGY[/re]: Sadly, the bear that is not there, is the famous Zero the Polar Bear who is protesting Sarah Palin’s pick. The fact that he is in a moat is a message from the Almighty warning us that we will be returning to feudalism if McCain wins.

  42. TGY

    [re=154509]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Sure, also God gets irate if a sperm is wasted. Unless, of course, it goes into the gold idol.

  43. KilgoreTrout_XL

    That fucking Bull is in Bowling Green, not Wall Street, so maybe these people stole the bull and took it to wall street? Former Bear Stearns employees? Someone stop them?

  44. jetjaguar

    That is one of the few times in life when the presence of a ventriloquist could have been really, REALLY funny.

  45. chaste everywhere

    StripesAndPlaids: Here’s my fave–Ezekiel 23:20

    “There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.”

    Nothing about bulls, though. (Or bears.) Pity.

  46. Sassette

    So they’re praying to a giant bronzed cow for money…

    These are the same people who think gays will burn because the Bible says so, yes?

  47. Numbat Dundee

    [re=154515]Aurelio[/re]: That was a long time ago. The Golden Calf is all grown up now, and he’s got a gig on Wall Street.

  48. hobospacejungle

    [re=154607]azw88[/re]: I’m a little wary of a Wikipedia entry that quotes Jonah Goldberg, ol’ Doughy Pantload himself, as a source.

  49. War Eagle

    The Baptist in me [no, THAT is not what I mean!] takes absolute umbrage at this idol worship.

    If this ain’t somebody pranking Christians, this has to be the absolute strangest event ever. I bang my head at the ignorance and hypocrisy. I bang my head. I bang my head.

  50. The Station Manager

    Can I leave a Golden Calf comment as well? Because I thought it was wicked clever, and I’d like it if all these other comments wouldn’t detract from that.

  51. azw88

    [re=154595]PoliTacky[/re]: Maybe they aren’t Christians// maybe they are really just a bunch of PETA-tards protesting the wearing of leather and the eating of hamburger helper, shich is soon to be a staple in every american household in this new golbal-clusterfucked economy.

  52. lumpenprole

    [re=154754]lumpenprole[/re]:
    Wait a second…

    Dear Golden Bull, ruler of Earth and the Electronic Money Horde,
    Please reinflate our bubble so that we may continue borrowing until the Great Heavenly Shopping Trip. Have mercy on your worshippers for we have brought you sacrifices of great value – a Mercedes coupe, this iPhone, the deed to a Ranch House located outside Stockton and a crate of bottled water.

  53. palmerdawg

    McLiar and Paleshit all they do is create whackjobs not real jobs.

    change they believe in.. *sigh*

  54. Crab1

    It’s like Christians just pick and choose which Bible verses are applicable. Someone should remind them what happened the last time monotheists turned to a golden calf in trouble times. Hooray 4 Olde Tymey Relijun!

  55. masterdebater

    You know, as a Christian, I have to say…it’s just…this is so…i mean…really…this, this…

  56. PoliTacky

    [re=154762]azw88[/re]: Soon, they’re going to have to change the name to “Catfood Helper.”

  57. Borat

    If this happens, I’m absolutely shorting the market. Oh, that’s been banned – I guess it must be satanic to against losers

  58. Mr. Herpes

    And thennnn the Lorddddd saiddd “Rise up, Dow Jonezzzzz, and the Dow riseth by 900 fuckin’ points. Now, that’s what I calllll prayer.er.er.er.”

    Hey, I’m willing to get circumcised AGAIN if it will put my 401(k) back on its feet.

  59. 3-legged Bloodhound

    I heard that alot of evaginacals are fasting for the upcoming elections. Is there any way we could get election day pushed back, say 2 months….?

  60. mayor_quimby

    It would have totally scared the shit outta them if some dude with a long beard walked up, threw down 2 stone tablets and stormed off.

  61. ForeignSickSpecialist

    All right, let me just say that white people who used to have a lot of money are crazy!

  62. null

    [re=154507]monty[/re]: That thing has scary enormous balls. I think the oligarchs originally just wanted a statue of balls, but added the bull as justification.

  63. DangerousLiberal

    [re=154745]The Station Manager[/re]: Yeah, but it’s the first thing I thought of too. Ya know, in the KJV it says golden calf, but in the NIV it’s “bronze bull.” In the Good News Bible for Teens it’s like a “shiny cow,” or something. Hard to remember through the haze of good weed.

  64. Hmmmer

    Any time you have a fanatic, you have a problem!! Doesn’t matter what kind, could be a hockey mom without her lipstick, you got a problem!

    Hey, look at that, has that friggin’ bull got lipstick on?

    Hmmmer. Things that make ya go, hmmm?

  65. bertieb

    Such foolish people in this forum that do not understand the workings of man, how much less do they understand the things of God.
    The ten commandments does in fact command followers not to make graven images sacrifice to, or bow down in worship to idols or false Gods.
    However it does command one not to pray for the prosperity or peace of the nations
    As a matter of consequence the Bible does require one to “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.”

    Praying or talking to such an unamimated object or even invoking such a act is not as sacrilege as you want to infer to the “Jesus People” in photo shown above.

    God told Moses to speak to the rock and it would give the people water to drink.
    Jesus told Peter to cast a hook and take up the first fish on the line, open the mouth and find a piece of money to pay the tribute(tax) of Caesar.

    Jesus was not a community Organizer, he was the author of life coming in the volume of a book forseen by all the prophets of the Old Testament.
    Pontius Pilate was a Governor; however, he found no fault in Jesus, He ask the people what should be done? They replied crucify him! He then took water and washed his hands saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just person.”

    If the above people in the photo believed that a prayer over a statute of a bull would help the economy and prosper the people of the Nations, then who did it hurt. You perverse generation of vipers that gag at a gnat but can swallow a camel is
    sad and sorrowful to say the least.

    Why not become educated before thinking you are wise student, becoming known only foolish followers of lies, and untruths.

    Read The BOOK, not just the COVER…it is more interesting than you will ever know.

  66. schvitzatura

    [re=155647]bertieb[/re]: Just more ‘Name-It-Claim-It” prosperity theology slaves…see Joel Osteen, for instance.

  67. llewelly

    From (NSFW) cbn :

    “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems,” she said. “While we do not have the full revelation of all this will entail, we do know that without intercession, economies will crumble.”

    The Christians are praying for the bull and bear markets to be replaced with an Aslan market.

  68. Unwit

    I HAVE read the Bible, and I find the Christians praying to a golden calf just too funny. But that’s the Old Testament. What part of Jesus’ saying “Pray in private, not in public like the Pharisees” do these guys not get? Jesus doesn’t say that much about praying, but twice he tells his disciples to pray in private:

    Matthew 6:5 – “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.”

    Matthew 6:6 – “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

    The folks who haven’t read the Bible are the ones insisting that Obama is the AntiChrist, a 40-year-old Muslim guy. There are no Muslims in Revelation and there is no Anti-Christ, either. Just plagues, dragons, angels, more plagues, the Lamb, horses richly arrayed, and a lot of guys in white. Could THEY be the Muslims? But they’re the good guys!

  69. Czn939

    [re=156009]Unwit[/re]: Yeah. The whole Muslim Antichrist thing comes from Nostradamus. These people are heretics and they don’t even know it. They should be burning themselves at the stake and using The Origin of Species as kindling for added irony.

  70. Unwit

    “They should be burning themselves at the stake and using The Origin of Species as kindling for added irony.” Oh, man, do I wish I had said that!!

  71. Unwit

    [re=154611]HeyHey[/re]: Right — they’re more accurately described as Jesus-Nazis or Christian jihadists. Not sure which fits better.

  72. Unwit

    [re=154581]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Hey, remind me, which Commandment is it that says, “I gave you a brain — DO NOT, under any circumstances, use it”?

  73. dani

    “You perverse generation of vipers that gag at a gnat but can swallow a camel is sad and sorrowful to say the least.”

    that’s pretty rude and self righteous of you…

  74. TaniaWinter

    This is real Wacko Wacko land. What was the name of the litle gold calf from Dogma? Moobie? The King from the Burger King commercials reminds me of Buddy Jesus anyway. As for me, I’m with the Stag Party…

  75. OKbutwhatif?

    But it worked, didn’t it?
    Until now, that is!?!
    Seriously now. I wonder which is true:
    - The guy who led them was wise/lucky/cunning enough to figure out the turning point of the Dow and so to convince the worshipers that their prayer did it or:
    - The same “desperation” that drove those guys to pray to the bull convinced some investors that it can’t go any worse so they started to buy.
    - Both of the above are equivalent.
    Anyway this was my best morning (my time) in a while. The Dow rising and a very witty site to read. What more can a happily married man can ask for?

  76. yaneurabeya

    Those people are no more believers than I am Henry the Eight — I am not, am not :P.

    Most likely just a bunch of yuppie Southern Californians, sad that they couldn’t afford their houses after the market crash.

  77. Ashank

    Well,

    i´m sittign here in Germany, wondering if people really can be that stupid…
    In fact, what my eyes see and my ears hear, are some people surrounding a golden, bull-shaped statue, singing “god bless america”. What I read here, ist the claim them to be some christian folks praying for money… …but in the pictures, I don´t see any gesture of worship, I don´t see any crosses or fish signs. Without the words given on this site, what I see could be anything, e.g. an ironic happening caricatureing people´s aim for money, really a quite missplaced christian happening or a flah mob organized for propagana purposes. How should one know? Looking at Google, Wonkette seems to be the only source for the Informaion, and as fas as I can see, Wonkette is an admittedly angled source. Furthermore, I could get hardly any Information on the Web about who organized the happening, I only get the Info that there indeed was a day of prayer for the economy. But that´s all.

  78. pc

    Makes me sick! Really, is this what Americans do in their free time? Worship at the feet of bronze bulls?

  79. rgaddis

    Can we talk about Idolators???? Which Christians aren’t supposed to do??? Just remember what happened with Moses when he went upon top of the mountain to talk with God and then came back and found out that the people made a Golden Calf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am just shaking my head at this. What will happen next????

  80. AtheistGalore

    Oh wow, I can see them now behaving like any other mob would. If Jesus would show up (because you know he is bound to return, right?), they would probably string him up on the bull as an expiation offering to their god….because obviously since the Jews got us into this mess…

  81. Rev._Christian_D._Seaver

    “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:24) – I think this means that praying for your stocks to go up gets you a first class ticket to hell.

  82. SlickerySlim

    This is interesting, but is your friend sure they were praying for money, or praying to end greed? Perhaps they were “exorcising” the bull? There could be different explanations for this.

  83. terycarl

    you idiots on this site are great……Oh sorry, I just neted the dates on the previous posts…..2008….that figures

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