Wonkette
Ceaselessly contrarian Internet magazine Slate has released this election year’s installment of a feature they’ve run every cycle since becoming the first website on the Internet in the year 1542, in which each staff member reveals his or her voting intentions for president, thus putting the site BEYOND CRITICISM. Well, guess what, they are a bunch of filthy liberals. The final vote tally is Obama: 55, McCain: 1, Barr: 1, “Not McCain”: 1 (sounds like they’ve got some wiseass over there), and Can’t Vote: 4. Media critic Jack Shafer is the Barr hobo, and some copy editor gal likes Walnuts. Jesus, even “Somerset Perry, Intern” is going with Obama — we’d always pegged Somerset Perry as a McCain man! Extra tanks are being shipped to Slate HQ to contain the crowded staff, and in the meantime, Slate editor David Plotz has kindly responded to a couple of Important Journalistic follow-up questions we e-mailed him about Slate’s fancy transparency.
Wonkette: How many inspirational posters of Obama are you and your staff staring at right now, rounded to the nearest hundred?
DP: None, though we have several hundred Obama-themed cups that 7-11 sent us.
Wonkette: How many of them are shirtless?
DP: Be still my heart!
Well the second question kind of hinged on the first answer being a multiple number of posters. But now we know that Slate drools all day over its several hundred shirtless Obama cups. This is the most transparency ever in political history.
How Slate’s staff and contributor are voting on Election Day [Slate]
We’re running out of tanks. Do we have enough room in here for the electoral college?
They like the shirtless cups cuz the hot stuff slops all over their hands, leaves brown rings on their desks, etc.
They carry Doonesbury. That’s the smoking gun!
Why do I think a guy named Plotz invented the Cleveland Steamer?
It would be great if Wonkette did the same thing, but you’re all excons so whatevs.
That photo!! Where can I get it on black velvet? Also what is Barry holding in his right hand? digital camera, pack of Kools, remote control to Walnuts’s heart??
I’m surprised the title of this article didn’t pay homage to Slate.com by being entitled something like:
“What exactly IS a Slate.com contributor?”
or
“How Slate Intends to Create a Landslide”
PLUS: “The Dogma of Sl(h)ate” by Christopher Hitchens
facehead: Sara is for Trig, Ken is for Piper, and I am also for Trig.
Hell, even the tank is in the tank for Obama.
Good. Now they can get back to posting about how black people are stupid and we’d probably all be better off if poor people just went and died - in a semi-ironic contrarian way of course!!!!!!!!
Is Christopher Hitchens an American citizen or is he just an “ACORN American”?
Yaybuls: Well done.
And here I thought all us copy editor gals were voting for Hopey because we have no lives and no other hope for that sweet sweet rose-bearing, camera-waving, Fabio’s-glistening-shirt-wearing, unicorn-riding, kitten-rainbow-pooping Man-Candy… Oh, Copy Editor Gal For Walnuts!, you do us wrong!
Spackle Camshaft Palin: Keep ‘em out, I say. No one wants Slate farting in the tank.
Does this mean that True Democrat Mickey Kaus is putting down his Santa Monica contrived contrarianism and actually voting for a Democrat?
If Slate were really contrarian anymore, they would have found a way to convince us that not voting at all, and moving en masse to Ecuador, was somehow the most patriotic thing that we, as Americans, could ever do.
Serolf Divad: Well played, you’ve now put the entire “tank” meme to rest.
Jim Newell: I thought you were for the dropout on a mission to torture some Iraqis for mommy. Me and my fellow sleeper cell muslins want to know.
I hope our tank has a good filter and a lot of chlorine. I’d hate for the health department to close our tank for disinfecting before election day.
I am predicting this front-page article on Nov. 5:
Slate’s entire staff planned to vote for Barack Obama. What happened?
How the Bradley Effect worked on us.
Everyone should throw their support behind this guy:
http://i36.tinypic.com/eajo2b.jpg
He was in the tank, but then he was SAVED.
PrairiePossum: is this a salt-water tank or a fresh water tank? Must be salt-water…prettier fish.
Jim Newell: Oh, snap. Probs.
blinky_twinkie: You are so gay for David Sedaris.
Jim Newell: That’s not bad, but you can’t afford that classics edjimication. How ’bout “How the Bradley Effect Euripides Slate Apart?”
Holy shit, Dahlia Lithwick is Canadian? And we allow her to report about… our… stuff?
Why do you Wonkette editors hate copy editors so much? First, you were practically blaming that National Review article “Liberals <3 Abortions” on the lazy copy editors who didn’t do a find/replace with “liberals”/”trucknutz” or some shit. Now, you’re saying the only mouth breather at Slate who will vote for McCain is a CE.
Well, I’ll have you know, that we copy editors are not all apocalypse-beckoning losers whose sole goal in life is to elect Walnuts. Nerdy borderline sociopaths, yes; McCain lovers, no.
Condiments-Only Diet: You are so in the tank for hermeneutics.
Tommy Says Soooo: should say…can’t afford to forget the classics…
What the hell, I’m not a copy editor, thank you Lord.
Canmon (the Inadequate): Hitch is a naturalized godless American.
Condiments-Only Diet: From one copy editor to another, WIN and 1,000 whore diamonds.
Condiments-Only Diet: Hey now, I’m just stating the facts! The Slate copy editor gal likes McCain! It’s true!
(Now go get your fuckin’ shinebox)
Serolf Divad: “Hell, even the tank is in the tank for Obama.”
MC Escher is in the tank for the tank that is in the tank for Obama.
Slate coffee cups are apparently mostly filled with Obama induced backwash.
Somerset Perry is either a huge WASP, or a huge black man who plays lineman for Florida State. Either way, tank.
stolichnayaaa: It is much more likely that he is in the tank of all tanks that do not contain themselves.
I’d bet Jack Shafer is not voting for Obama due to Hopey’s awful stance on drug policy (and choosing Biden as VP). Let me go read and I’ll finish this comment, one sec.
Hey, look, Shafer gets a whole sidebar to himself about how he doesn’t like Barr but he always votes Libertarian, blah, blah, blah. So I was wrong, he was never going to vote for Obama in the first place. Damn.
Anyway, I had a joke here but I don’t remember it now. Whatever, the election is almost over, I can’t wait.
Spackle Camshaft Palin: If someone can help me jumpstart it, there’s a spare one sitting in front of the local VFW that we can requisition.
The tank’s going to break soon. There’s just too much stuff in it. It’s going to rupture and explode everywhere and drown the whole world and all that will be left is Kevin Costner adrift drinking his own distilled urine to survive.
facehead: As ex-cons, they may not be able to vote, but they can be senators. Ship Jim to Alaska, stat!
Shouldn’t Hopey be walking ON the water?
The only one voting for McCain is a copy editor. Surprise surprise. Fucking grammar Nazis, all of them.
This Jamaican’s in the tank, can’t swim but in the tank nonetheless…………. I know, i know, i took swimming and the beach for granted plus my house in Jamaica is close to the beach. With sand, little boats, sea gulls, coconut trees, warm year round and, and… and now it’s fucking cold, windy and raining……………… Rambling
palmerdawg: Are you black? I only ask because when I went to boot camp and we did water training the vast majority of the black dudes couldn’t swim. I think it’s a cultural thing.
It was really messed up. They made all the non-swimmers get on the high dive and jump off. And if they didn’t jump, the DI would push them off. They were all scared shitless, but they all can swim now. I don’t think you should join the Marines in order to learn to swim, though. There are better ways.
Rodney Badger: I’ll let that race question slide as i am in a good fucking, blood claut mood, join the marines? no can do buddy! As for swimming, i never really care much for the ocean, ( this is for the christian whack jobs out there ) if god wanted fish to walk on land he/she would have given them legs, get it! hit me back if you don’t.
CHAT BOUT!
palmerdawg: I didn’t want to make any assumptions. I figure some white people must live in Jamaica year round.
You should learn to swim. It’s refreshing. Go to one of those all-inclusive resorts that are all over Jamaica and learn to swim in one of their gigantic unicorn-shaped pools.
America is basically a series of tanks.
Rodney Badger: I would if could afford a ticket, how’s your wallet looking these days?
shortsshortsshorts: too delicious! “Now married to a woman with no uterus!” It’s like a resume for Joe the Plumber!
palmerdawg: If they accept lint and rubber bands, then I can book you the Presidential Suite.
Tommy Says Soooo: How did you know??? I can’t resist a Christmas elf with great hair and a cocktail. Sigh…
Why doesSlate have such a big staff? Surely it would take only one or two people to turn out that jive-assed, inane, cockamamy drivel they post every day. You could dig it up right out of the trash cans at Scandia.
Rodney Badger: Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aurelio: Include the boring publishing staff, the website code monkeys, the janitor and the hobo and it’ll all add up.
The internet is a series of tanks connected by toobs.
palmerdawg: Rodney Badger: : Get a room.
Condiments-Only Diet: I would if i can get more than lint and rubber bands, you must be from Alaska….. with your socialist/government/big oil rebate check.
Oh the humanity!