Alaskan Republicans are all so corrupt and stupid, when we saw the big “McCain Tells Alaskan To Fuck Off” headlines, for a fleeting happy moment we thought he fired Sarah Palin — even though, in our hearts, we knew it was about Palin’s creepy old boyfriend and convicted felon criminal, Ted Stevens, the other Republican from Alaska. So Palin won’t be thrown under the Straight Talk Express until after the election. Then she can get a show on the NASCAR channel where she just shoots out new brothers for Trig every five or six months, forever, demurely covered by a Confederate Flag. [Christian Science Monitor]
Why Is McCain Making the Alaskan Quit?
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In Alaska, they have frozen colons, so fudge packing is an alternative energy source.
Check out the whack Christian Scientists website!! Gettin all cartoon-y on the candidates and the blogging and everything!! I thought they’d have been still doing etchings in wood panels.
…I actually envisioned her with her own show on the “Hunting Channel”!
…I did the math and I calculate that Ted Stevens and Walnuts have a combined age of “Let there be light”.
Will the Christian Science Monitor cure me of my ailments? Where’s Mary Baker Eddy when you need her, anyhoo?
hey, this is shocking.
I just learned that the viewers on FOX don’t believe the polls.
Also, the race is very, very close. Too close to call.
According to FOX.
must. not. watch. fox.
November 4, 2008, 6:45 p.m. EST:
McCain [sitting with his feet up behind desk, swirling scotch in a glass with a single giant ice cube]: “Sarah, I’ve been thinking about it. You’re nothing but a self-serving, egotistical, empty-headed, back-stabbing, lipstick-wearing, bitch-queen wannabe. I’m already married to that shit. If I win this thing – which seems pretty doubtful thanks to you – you’re not coming with me. Joe? Where are you? Oh, there you are, Joe, good. I never should have left you. I’m sorry. Sarah, meet my new VP. That’s right: Joe’s in, you’re out. Sarah, you are f.i.r.e.d. FIRED!! HA! God, that felt good! Now let the games begin!”
Ted steps down and Sarah appoints herself to fill out his term. What could be neater? The only question is whether it’s better to have this happen before or after next Tuesday.
With all that free time on his hands while his appeals are being heard, Ted could run for veep!
Malamute, not Palin.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5ijClHoidEl8XEJMJoUooHU1R_nmgD943KGQ83
Obama has 16-point lead over McCain
By The Associated Press
*******
They’re playing with our fucking heads. I know it.
If the headline refered to Palin, “step down” would become “step off.”
So Palin has a thing for men with saggy jowls. Lou Dobbs should oil his up and schedule an “interview” stat…preferably near a creek if he really wants to get laid.
This is a brilliant mavericky move on McCain’s part. Force Stevens to resign right before the election. Then Sarah Palin quickly appoints the First Dude to Stevens seat. The media goes gaga over all this mavericky behavior, pushing McCain up in the polls and him and the First Dude to victory. The Republican’s take control of Congress.
This is the kind of Hail Mary that will make McCain the second greatest president ever after Bush.
How naive ARE you people? Senator Ted isn’t Palin’s old boyfriend, he’s McCain’s.
I find it a bit strange that we have heard not a peep from the only statewide Alaskan who is not currently imploding, nepo-senator Lisa Murkowski. Cat got your tongue, Little Lisa?
When will Ted spill his poop on Palin? Come on Ted, you know you wanna. Put your poop on the tubes!
I was wondering how Palin was going to be “more rogue,” but now I see. Not only will she not tell Stevens to step down, she’ll suggest replacing WALNUTS! with him, then run under the Alaskan Independence Party. I, for one, will join them in voting for their secession.
If she was a democrat, I’m sure I would vote to tax that ass!
Sarah’s flying back to Alaksa for an emergency meeting of the oil cartel to decide who should be appointed to replace Stevens and take bribes. So far, the vote looks good for Bristol, so Levi can be Second Dude.
Palin’s not going away anytime soon. The GOP knows a barnstormer when they see one. She’s Reagan with boobs, and they’re going to hold on to that. Er, those?
[re=152813]AllHat[/re]: “Palin’s not going away anytime soon” Yeah, she’s McCain’s gift to America, a gift that keeps on giving
[re=152819]3dollarbill[/re]: Is Palin latin for Herpes or something?
The prosecution screwed this case up so bad, and the jury was so wack, that it’s astonishing to think how guilty Ted must really be. Astonishing, but not surprising.
Let’s just get rid of Alaska. What say you? We can just continue to take their oil and ignore them the rest of the time.
Oh wait. We kind of already do that.
http://www.entertonement.com/collections/6250/Ted-Stevens%27s-Conviction
AIP, AIP, AIP will be the new war cry at those rallies, fucking nut sacks!
[re=152741]hockeymom[/re]: “too close to call”
Don’t worry, Diebold will make sure McCain wins 51% / 49%
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks
“Then she can get a show on the NASCAR channel where she just shoots out new brothers for Trig every five or six months, forever”
So, you’re saying she can speed up her estrus/gestation period in response to political pressure, then? WICKED RAD! She’s not just a new breed of Republican, she’s a New Breed of Breeder! All hail Homo Palinus, the new race!
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