Wonkette
We are one week before the election — consider that the next time we have a “Tuesday,” campaigning in the 2007-2008 Presidential Election will be over, our fate thrown into the tabulations of Machines — and the DNC website has the strong lead story, “Watch Obama’s Closing Argument.” The RNC website, conversely, tells you to watch lazy bumbler Fred “Dipshit McGoo” Thompson speak from a fake Oval Office, for two minutes, under the banner of “Straight Talk.” That’s not even Fred Thompson’s fucking slogan! There is just not much confidence coming from the Republican party re: its candidate for president. [GOP.com via MoJo Blog]
Dipshit McGoo’s gotta do something. It’s not all diaper changes and breast feedings, and then there’s his grand, er, daughter.
So the GOP’s strategy for the home stretch of the campaign boils down to a week-long episode of “Where Are They Now?”
It’s like the joke that’s never funny.
Fred. Wow. That was moving. I’m gonna have to rethink my support for the eloquent thin-resumed one.
I con haz Senate Seat againz?
Side thought: Do you think that McCain’s daughter offered to get the tattoo because she wanted her dad to win or because she figured it was a safe bet that no needle would touch her skin?
All Votes are GO!
Great. Now, whenever I watch “Law & Order” re-runs with Dipshit McGoo, all I can think about is, “How the fuck did Dipshit McGoo ever get elected D.A. in New York?”
“Consider that the next time we have a “Tuesday,” campaigning in the 2007-2008 Presidential Election will be over”
Until the shadow government drafts up a law abolishing Tuesdays (and elections).
I just woke up from a three-month coma, and I’m confused as to who, exactly, the Republican candidate is. I’m hearing a lot of talk about Mitt Romney in the news, I’ve seen Rudy Giuliani do some speeches, the governor of Alaska seems to be getting a lot of play for some reason, now this Fred Thompson stuff - who, exactly, is running?
Haven’t seen it. Does he say anything or does he just waggle his jowls until the spittle starts flying in all directions? That would probably be the most eloquent message from a Republican we’ve heard in weeks.
What a clusterfuck of nonsense the GOP is! My surprise at their incompetence has all dried up.
Also good: on the front page they have something that says “The Republican Party is hiring.”
OK, let me explain something to you GOP operatives out there: last night my 4 year old daughter crawled into our bed at 1:30 am. When that happens, I sleep poorly if at all. This morning I had to wake up at 5:00 to do some early reading for a class. If you think there’s any way I could possibly stay awake through that “folksy,” droning, lazy disquisition (more of a soporific than a phillipic) then you’re in even less touch with reality than I realized.
To answer the “Where Are They Now” question, let’s take a look see at Republican “Leadership”:
Rudy Giuliani — no longer in office
Mike Huckabee — no longer in office
Fred Thompson — no longer in office
Mitt Romney — no longer in office
John Sidney McCain — can no longer find office
It’s a good thing business is in the shitter; I’d never be able stay abreast of all of today’s important stories otherwise.
Hee hee, he said “doodie”…. … uh, oh—I think he meant “duty”. Oh well.
WAIT! Did he just give us an ultimatum at the end? I think the GOP has WMDs.
You pinkos just feel left out ’cause you don’t speak Creationish.
“Responsible change is the essence of conservativism.” Head explodes.
That man is a FIREBRAND! Do not sit too closely to your computer teevee, because he will blow you away!!!
Is he gone? Thanks Jeebus.
When that Jowly there walks down the street all the trees must lean in his direction. He both sucks and blows.
suchsweetthunder: Win.
I thought it was Fred “Dipshit McGee” Thompson…? Has the epithet I have been hurling at him this whole time been based on a lie?
I thought the part where he invited everyone to join him in a dream world where he is president, taxes are non-existent, Muslims are easy to find and kill, and certain people know their places, to have been very daring.
When Dipshit McGoo turns around and says, “You got a few minutes?” it was impossible to think anything, but: “Uh, sorry, no…gotta rearrange my sock drawer right now.”
His wife has big tits, though, so there’s that.
Parts edited out:
“Gotta minute?” [snip]I’m not a presidential contender, and I don’t play one on TV.”“Responsible change is the essence of conservativism.” [snip] And if you believe that your dumb enough to be a young Republican. That’s why we have been against every new idea that has come down the pack.”
“Thank you.” [snip] “oh and by the way well make sure that our brand of responsible democracy will continue by not allowing comments on this You Tube internet thingy.”
why isn’t the gop putting their diva goddess on the front page?
“Now John McCain may be older than a swamp-turtle’s great-uncle, and meaner than a racoon with a skunk tied to his tail, but he’s hates them Socile-ists and will NEVER, EVER vote for the the State to assume control over the means of production….oh…wait…”
McCain Wins! Wetsuits for everyone!
now that would have been a winning slogan
Fred ” law and Order ” Thompson was a joke on that show and is a joke on this one.
The only thing that would have made that video better is if Freddy started it with “Oh, I didn’t see you there.”
MMS: MMS hell yes! I was hoping it would turn into something more like ‘Welcome to my home.’ Whatever; Dipshit McGee/Goo has packed his eye-bags and is ready for 012.
Everyone knows that graphic designers are in the tank, but I still find it funny that at the top of that web site screenshot it appears to say ‘Rehublican’ in the upper-right quadrant.
Fred Thompson: still as dynamic and hard-hitting as ever.
TGY: Yeah, a 2×4 to the back of his head.