Wonkette
John McCain does not believe Earmark Welfare Queen Ted Stevens should be running for Senate re-election anymore, now that he has been convicted by a jury of being a terrible fraud. Yesterday Stevens was found guilty of making false statements regarding the free sex dungeon a contractor built for him and his wife in Nowheresville, Alaska. And today John McCain pitched Ted Stevens’ corrupt, embittered old carcass under the bus.
He called on Ted Stevens to step down because he was convicted of a mere SEVEN FELONIES. Sarah Palin said it was a very sad day for Alaska, and she trusted Senator Stevens to do “the right thing” for the state — which is to say, appropriate $3 billion in federal highway funds for buildin’ a giant Zamboni to make the entire town of Wasilla into a nice skatin’ pond. (And then resign.)
Ted Stevens of course told everybody to cram it.
McCain calls on convicted senator to step down [Political Ticker]
Palin on Stevens’ Conviction: “It’s a Sad Day for Alaska” [FOX News]
Where are we putting bets down that Stevens actually WINS Alaska?
You forgot the wrap-around porch. Every article I’ve read about the Ted Stevens sex dungeon is careful to make mention the wrap-around porch, for some reason. Actually, I’m starting to wish my personal sex dungeon had a wrap-around porch, now, too.
with everyone under the bus, who is driving the damn thing?
Aren’t they all sad days in Alaska?
Jammakain is just pissed it wasn’t FIVE AND A HALF felonies.
It’s not the wrap around, it’s the reach around. We are talking about the GOP here.
A new dessert has been created to honor Senator Stevens…half-baked Alaska.
How long before Stevens starts spilling all the Palin dirt he knows?
Ohhhh…..feel another schadenfreugasm building…..building…
OLD GUY FIGHT!!!!!!1111
I’m sure Uncle Ted will fit right in at Shawshank prison. He’ll befriend a negro inmate. Get raped by the sisters and eventually escape through his hand dug tunnel that’s concealed behind his Rita Hayworth poster. That or Bush will just pardon him.
He can’t vote, but he can run. USA! USA! USA!
Gopherit: “schadenfreugasm”, ok, that and the afore-posted gif have cemented my forever loyalty to Wonkette.
Sure, Stevens is corrupt, a convicted felon, 84 (!), and sort of a moron, but his opponent is a Democrat, people! That means he’s some sort of baby-murderin’ baby murderer who murders babies and ships the carcasses to Richard Dawkins for evolution research or something.
Walnuts sure looks old in that picture. And is he wearing a soap bubble as a wig? OH WALNUTS
magic titty: Actually, it s one 6 month long sad mosquito filled day followed by 6 months of terrifying darkness, bitter cold, and substance abuse.
I should send Steven an internet to tell him how I feel. I hope it doesn’t take too many days to get there with the series of tubes so clogged.
Crab1: Meth, specifically.
Gopherit:
I suspect that’s why Palin is mum about the whole thing. If there is one guy in all of Alaska she can’t shank in the back, it’s Tubez.
dano: And don’t forget, with all those Muslims in prison, their names start with every letter of the alphabet, especially “Q”. The Tubester will soon have TWENTY-SIX BACKWARDS LETTERS carved in his cheeks.
dano: Ironically today is the day Kwame Kilpatrick heads to the hole. Maybe Kwame and Ted can be cellmates.
FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH!
Ya ain’t got no cred, Ted.
But we otta be jailin’ Palin.
I love the smell of Bitter in the morning. It smells like… VICTORY!
You know, I’d be disappointed if Uncle Ted didn’t fight this tooth and nail. He’d take down his Party, his State, heck, the whole democratic system, just to score a win.
it’s bubble wrap.
I wonder if Uncle Ted can eat 50 eggs?
dano: Nobody can eat 50 eggs!
Ted will easily retain his Senate seat, and will be pardoned by Bush on Nov 5th. This I predict.
Latest Pew poll:
Overall: 52 O 36 M
Best part is this:
Republican states: 47 O 43 M
Crab1: Well, the “Naked Lunch” portion of the year sounds at the very least…noteworthy.
Today we are all Walnuts.
Strait-talkin outta Compton
Ms. Sara Smith, It’s more like McCain pushed him off that bridge to nowhere.
Oooh, do I win?
The ‘right thing’ would be for Palin to lose, Stevens to run and win, then resign, then allow the Governor to appoint a young and ambitious political star . . . OMG that’s me, Gov. Sarah Palin!
Hairy Reed: How is it possible for the truth to be so hilarious and yet so sad? Just like a clown.
Uncle Ted did file a receipt of gift with whomever he was supposed to, it just got lost in those dagnabbed tubes. Free Uncle Ted!
I just hope Stevens wins so that Palin can appoint that dude who knocked up her daughter as the Senator when he goes to jail.
http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/
that’s what he gets for Palin around with the Republican Elite
Why hasn’t anyone mentioned that the future Zamboni Palin will be honored by Steven’s newest earmark?
Did you know that every Alaskan gets a $1200 check from the massive Alaskan corruption scandal industry?
Ted Stevens Response, With Analysis From The Black Community:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qbRW5p-faI
(be sure to watch in entirety!)
84 years old, a convicted liar and a felon…being so close to Russia and all, I’m thinkin KGB, naw hell, that doesn’t work. What balls that old fart has, I’m guilty, but, fuck you. You can’t make me America, and if I win this election, I’m back, keep the fuckin house, I can steal 10,000 times what that is worth in six days and fuck every whore and little boy in Washington on the seventh, why, I’m Ted Stevens.
rev_matt_y: I tend to agree - unless Bush tackles the pardon list alphabetically. He’ll never get to the S’s…
In other news, Conservative pundit David Brooks throws Stevens under the truck.
This puts Bush in a terrible spot. If he pardons Stevens before the election, he takes the voting-for-a-guy-going-to-jail thing off the table, but (further) antagonizes the general electorate. If he pardons after the election, Alaskans are voting for a convicted, unpardoned felon. What to do? (Answer: invade Turkey)
Terry: Stayin the course. Icebergs dead ahead, Cap’n.
Miller: That was great
Remember the old days? When nobody gave a shit about Alaska? Who knew that there would be more national stories about Alaskan politicians this year than there would be about an important state, like California?
magic titty: That book is banned in Alaska.
She trusts Stevens to do the right things… just like he’s been doing all along.
Gopherit: oh man, that would fantastic. ahem. I mean, that would be a sad day for America.
dano: you totally made my morning.
A week away and polls are lookin good for Obama. It’s shitting diarreah all over the republicans right now.
But don’t get cocky and don’t fuck it up Barry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xnk9aqih8o
Serolf Divad: Wow, your dungeon doesn’t have a wrap-around porch? LO-SER.
It’s amazing how quickly Repubes are turning on one another right now. It’s like Lord of the Flies.
I can’t knock Ted, he’s the artist of one of the most-played songs on my iPod.
The Series of Tubes techno mix is truly magical.
Ted Stevens is my wife’s favorite senator. She figures if the poor bastard’s spent 42 years in congress, the least he can do is get his wife a puppy and some nice home repairs.
magic titty: There’s a reason they’ll pay you to live there.
Palin’s plan is to pardon his ass just in time for Nov 4. She will then be slapped with the reality that the veep doesn’t have pardon powers, and that is especially true of a veep candidate, in spite of her claims that the Constitution gives her those powers, if she so chooses to use them.
McCain’s staff will then go all Jonestown at campaign headquarters and drink the special Kool-Aid they have prepared.
“My wife doesn’t have a fancy mansion. She does have a good Republican Cabin with a wrap around porch, however.”
How courageous of McRage to throw Teddy under the bus one week before the election, after he’s been convicted. 25¢ worth of bravery from the Hanoi Hilton’s most famous songbird.
But it’s not McCain’s bus; the GOP bought it. He’ll return it as soon as the campaign is over. He will then buy his (14th) vehicle from a consignment shop.
Crab1: Genius.
azw88: So the sled dog is named Checkers?
Wouldn’t it be ironic if he “stole” the election?
user-of-owls: of course, and his kids love the dog, so they are not giving him back.
dano: The Sun King used to eat 40 for breakfast. Fuckin Frenchies;)
fuckinredneck: That’s not a wig. That’s his real afro.
Oh if I were to be a fly on the wall on that first night in prison…the sobbing, the screaming, the raping, the selling of his soul for a Salem…oh, yeah and of course he would be praying the whole fucking time.
It’s hardly surprising that Miss Congeniality Not threw Stevens under the bus. There is no one he wouldn’t throw under the bus to become Leader of the Free World. And they were never close - two drama queens (imagine if Bette Davis and Joan Crawford had been Republican senators - something that Bette would NEVER had done mind you). What causes the chunks to rise up in my throat, however, is the pious, hypocritical statement of Fraudbot. This may not have been a smart move. La Stevens is notoriously bitchy and if he is to go down you can be sure he will take the McTanic down with him. Expect leaks to the media that are VERY damaging towards Walnuts and his young ward. I am going to go nuke some popcorn and sit back and watch.
I can’t wait to hear Sarah Palin sing the Maverick praises of her running mate for telling his own party member to step down! After that she will no doubt talk about how she always knew he was a crook, never liked him and was just pretending to be his friend.
choinski: Alaskan governors are no longer allowed to appoint replacements for senators that step down or die horribly. This is thanks to the previous governor, who appointed his daughter to fill a senate seat. True story!
BINGO!!!!!!!! I won this at bingo.
W has a whole series of pardons to consider over the next few months. I’d be surprised if this bozo doesn’t get 7 of those pardons. Who else?
(This is where I feel I should insert a self-promoting blog to drive up traffic, but alas, I’m far to unmotivated to have a blog or even promote it)