prophecies

Sarah Palin Planning 2012 Run, Will Be With America Forever

Good times are just around the corner!Jesus, has this 2008 election happened already? Like last week sometime? Nope, it starts exactly seven days from today, and will end sometime in December after all the dumb Virginia Democrats who voted November 5th are cast into the sea and John McCain is crowned Permanent Dictator by the Supreme Court, which does not legislate from the bench. Or! Or Barack Obama will win the election fairly cleanly and handily, and Sarah Palin will immediately commence her 2012 REVENGE PLOT.

Here’s the theory: John McCain lost the election because he failed to capture the imaginations of millions of Americans with stirring, big-picture speeches about Reverend Wright and ACORN — the kind that Sarah Palin wanted him to make while he was prattling on about wars and the economy. Palin, having put in eight hard weeks of ritual humiliation on national TV, has “earned” the right to campaign for the top spot in 2012.

So in four years, John McCain will be way too old to run for President again, Palin will be the obvious front-runner, and she will be free to run the campaign she wants to run: a campaign about black preachers and socialism. Conservatives are already starbursting their shorts thinking about what a wonderful Reaganesque transformative figure this woman is, this proudly ignorant hater of fruit flies who has not cracked a “book” since she opened up the Sky Mall magazine on a flight to Juneau. The 2012 election cycle will make this one look serious and thoughtful.

Is Sarah Palin preparing for 2012? [Politico]

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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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97 comments

  1. Monkey

    Or, Sarah Palin will return to Alaska in December to be on trial for a cornucopia of new charges of kidnapping newly aborted fetuses and bringing them to her subterranean abortion-reversal lab where they all languish in thick pink fluid attached to a dozen hoses with life force fed into their soulless bodies until the end of time.

  2. MoodProcessor

    Well, at least we have another four years till bible quotin’ and other forms of attack-jesusery become the compulsory national past-time…

    q: “Yeah, uhh…Can I get a Diet Coke?”
    a: “Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”

  3. Come here a minute

    In four years, John McCain will be 100 years too old to run for President again. Sarah will be wiser due to reading all the magazine post-mortems of this campaign, such like.

  4. dano

    Palin’s right about re prioritizing our spending. Why should we put money into fruit fly research when we still haven’t found Noah’s Ark???!!?? I mean come on morans!

  5. Monkey

    [re=152163]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Homosexuality is genetic misogyny a.k.a. sexist. That’s we learned in the bible class.

  6. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    General Patreaeus tosses John McWalnuts under the Winebago, by having tea with the Taliban. Where’d the General get that idea? From Hopey!

  7. ManchuCandidate

    A Palin 2012 campaign will be even more pathetic than Walnuts 08 has been.

    On the plus side, she’ll be four years older. Tits will be saggier. Face will be more wrinkled. Ankles a bit thicker. The only thing that will be constant is the burning stupid.

  8. Dreamer

    Anyone who believes election day is November 5th does not belong in the tank.

    Hopey is in PA right now giving a speech in the freezing rain – risking getting a cold and making all those voters sick.

  9. Weeping Jesus

    And, in a shocking prediction, someone thinks Sarah will hold a press conference by 2012, by which time Katie Couric will be too old to hassle her.

    And Bristol will crank out her third or fourth spawn by then.

    And the other one that she drags around will be ready to be in a family way.

    And Ted Stevens will be elected Mayor of Wasilla.

    And…..*heaves violently* *expires*

  10. Serolf Divad

    Seriously, how absurdly, monumentally ignorant do you have to be to not understand the importance that the study of fruit flies has been to our knowledge of genetics? There is no reason in the world that I should remember the word “drosophila melanogaster” other than the fact that I’m not a complete fucking retard and still have vague memories of high school and college Biology classes and such topics as recessive and dominant alleles, dumpy wings, red eyes, etc.

    Surely Hitchens nails it when he characterizes Palin thus: “This is what the Republican Party has done to us this year: It has placed within reach of the Oval Office a woman who is a religious fanatic and a proud, boastful ignoramus. Those who despise science and learning are not anti-elitist. They are morally and intellectually slothful people who are secretly envious of the educated and the cultured.”

  11. AngryBlakGuy

    …in 4 years Bristol would have given birth to her imaginary baby, Levi would have left her for his second cousin, Trig will be running around with a helmet, muzzle and leash and Piper will pregnant with her second child!

  12. Canuckledragger

    When David Brooks pronounced her a “fatal cancer on the Republican party,” I agreed, but had no idea it was a tumour on the rectum.

    Wrecked ‘em? Damn near killed ‘em.

    Thanks, I’m here all week. Tip your waitron generously.

  13. magic titty

    Haha. The 2012 starting lineup: Palin, Mittens, Huckabee, Jindal, Snowe, Pawlenty, and Ridge.

    If Obama wins this one, he might not even have to campaign in 4 years.

  14. WadISay

    The next four years in Alaska will be unpleasant. No big earmarks from Stevens, oil revenues down, and the inevitable scandals involving the Palin’s free house, the Wasilla community center, the pipeline, and Piper’s Louis Vuitton bag. By 2012, Sarah will be a withered old crone.

  15. One Yield Regular

    Say what you will about that Alaskan disaster, but do not taunt Sky Mall. Sky Mall is maybe the one “book” from our era I’d like to have lowered into a time capsule for future generations to ponder.

  16. Weeping Jesus

    [re=152182]The White Crow[/re]: If you can find the interview with the chick who plays Palin in the video, it’s hilarious. I think I saw it on Boobieblog or Hogrockcafe… not that I frequent those sites, mind you…

  17. coolcatdaddy

    If only Palin and Ron Paul decided to run on a ticket together in 2012, it would give magical starbursts to comedians and Wonkette pundits for months on end…

  18. dano

    [re=152188]WadISay[/re]: Without Uncle Ted to bring home the bacon all of Alaska will be on welfare and eating government cheese. They may even have to burn their bibles to heat their homes.

  19. Vewol Mevemont

    Sarah Palin is the perfect embodiment of the “ignorance/bliss” meme. She apparently derives her incomprehensible confidence from her inability to measure and understand the depths of her own stupidity. Sarah Palin — even more than George Bush — is the platonic form of “happy idiot.” She really thinks she has a shot at 2012. It’s hilarious. Good jesus, this woman is beyond stupid.

  20. Mrs. K

    and she has fifteen million kids to make the Palin Dynasty worse than the Bush Dynasty.

    She’ll have four + years to study. I’m scared.

  21. masterdebater

    This is a political party that hasn’t had a new thought since 1932. I can totally see them running Sarah in 4 years.

  22. Serolf Divad

    [re=152201]Vewol Mevemont[/re]:

    She apparently derives her incomprehensible confidence from her inability to measure and understand the depths of her own stupidity.

    That quote should be framed and hung somewhere important for all to see.

  23. facehead

    [re=152190]One Yield Regular[/re]: Only reason she reads it is to figure out what the liberally biased media am thinkin’

  24. Tommy Says Soooo

    We will hold the Palin rallies at night by the bonfires of burning Jettas and flaming hoboes.

  25. President Beeblebrox

    [re=152161]dano[/re]: Let’s get Barry elected to a first term before we start considering Obama ’12.

    /concern trolling

  26. ky-jellydonuts

    Ah yes, the campaign that will ask the question, “Are you any smarter now than you were four years ago?”

  27. DangerousLiberal

    [re=152188]WadISay[/re]: Nah, Alaska’s got like $35b in the bank, investments…oh wait, that’s $34…no, $29,….ooops….aw, fuck it. If we use seal oil to power generators, does that count as biofuel?

  28. Sussemilch

    Four years from now the GOP will be embarrassed for suggesting this. People forget what kind of news vacuum the losers in Prez races and Superbowls fall into… Look at John Kerry fer chrissake. He came within a percentage point of being Prez and we’ve completely forgotten him, and he’s still a US Senator!

    No, Sarah will retreat to the frozen north with her troupe of meth-addled animal children and disappear into anonymity.

  29. Tommy Says Soooo

    I think Palin 2012 is a feint. She wants money and publicity, not the nasty side. Right now she’s putting up with it ’cause her eyes is on the prize. I bet $50 Wonkette Ameros that the View dumps Hasselchump and hires Palin.

  30. masterdebater

    [re=152220]ky-jellydonuts[/re]: And answers that question with a, “No, but by golly, I just don’t think a person has to be smart to be President. Just look at President Bush for example…”

  31. PrairiePossum

    [re=152206]Serolf Divad[/re]:

    It should be etched in granite above the front door of the Alaska State House in Juneau.

  32. lampadadog

    Wow, sounds like a lot of you have had too many abortions to appreciate the little sparkly starbursts!

  33. gjdodger

    The way oil prices are going, they’ll be down to a Clintonian $12 by mid-2010 and Heap Big Oil Giant Alaska will be Mississippi Jr. Palin will be Haley Barbour and begging her Democratic Senator and Congressman for extra food stamp money.

  34. Shot at Wolf

    Although fun to snark about, Palin will pale to insignificance before the snow flies. She’ll submerge deeper into the dust bin of history, forgotten by all save the truest wingnut, a cult figure who’s in her fourteenth minute. She and Joe the Plumber are so over. 2012? Fugedaboudit!

  35. larz

    The good news is that she’ll need to keep her hands clean for 4 years. No more firing family members, no more pregnant teenagers, no more bridges to someplace boring in freezerland. Alaskans will be able to sleep soundly for the 2 years.

  36. DoctorCulturae

    [re=152183]Serolf Divad[/re]: Thanks for the delicious Hitchens quote. He is the likely heir apparent to WF Buckley & Gore Vidal. Which reminds me, what does he have to say about the Palin-oscopy circus?

    Tommy Says Soooo: If she stays around much longer we’ll all have to undergo a Darwininan transformation of ear mutes the same way we have acquired them for Buchanan & Dub et al.

  37. Godot

    [re=152197]dano[/re]: I read your last sentence as “They may even have to burn their babies to heat their homes.” Which, given their propensity for squeezin’ out young’uns and their disdain for that fancy book-learnin’, might well be in greater supply.

  38. Serolf Divad

    [re=152271]DoctorCulturae[/re]:

    Here’s Hitchens’ article. I was actually cribbingn from Andrew Sullivan’s website when I quoted Hitchens, so imagine my surprise, upon reading the article itself just now, that I was basically channeling the rest of Hitchens’ article in my comment above.

  39. qwerty42

    “…The 2012 election cycle will make this one look serious and thoughtful.”
    please. god. not. that.
    anything. but the “muslin socialist nazi arab black white godless christian affirmative action elite communist”. anything. is the jury still out on satanic influences?

  40. ManchuCandidate

    [re=152203]Mrs. K[/re]:

    I go with the Fish Called Wanda School of Reasoning as to why even 4 more years of study won’t help Sarah.

    Otto West: Apes don’t read philosophy.
    Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don’t understand it.

  41. Doglessliberal

    [re=152186]magic titty[/re]: I saw somewhere that Huckabee had a great chance in 2012 because he is appealing, experienced, and the religious right loves him. If he picks her as his VP, we need to worry.

  42. thesycophant

    [re=152231]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Sarah Palin may be the only female conservative more shrill, irritating, and stupid than Hasselback.

  43. Doglessliberal

    [re=152244]lampadadog[/re]: actually, with the economy as it is, we are too poor to maintain our schedule of regular, weekly abortions (performed by Muslin terrorist abortionists), so we are all a bit cranky.

  44. fuckinredneck

    This is what FuckinRedneck sees:

    A GOP split into two parties. The God N’ Guns party headed by Palin et al, and the Brown is the New White party headed by Brown Man B. Jindal and his martini-swilling intellectual Repubnerds.

    God N’ Guns will be trying to play 2012 old-school, waving their guns in the air like they just don’t care; Brown will be playing it like, “We are teh smart, also being colored worked for Obama, so uhhhh vote for us!”

    They will tear each other apart. The End.

  45. JeffGoldblum

    Elections? My friends, this is the last election that this country will ever see. Once Barack Hussein Stalin Black-Jesus Obama gets his FINGER ON THE BUTTON.

  46. Hooray For Anything

    [re=152353]fuckinredneck[/re]: Actually, a Jindal/Palin pick makes perfect sense. One of them performed an excorcism and the other one was blessed by a witch hunter and what else do you want out of your Presidential Candidates?

  47. longjohnson

    It may come down to the “GOP Dunderhead Bitches for Palin” crowd against the “Marvelous Mittens and Moneyed Mouseketeers” for Romney 2012. Its a small world after all . . .

  48. azw88

    [re=152386]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Yup! The world end December 21, 2012, just ask the Mayans… oh that’s right, they were pretty much wiped out by the Spaniards(don’t blame this white boy, my ancestors are French!)…. but they did leave us this nifty calendar that tells us when it all will end.

    We’re gonna party like it’s 12-20-12!!

  49. Tarheel

    Are they trying to throw the 2012 election too? I so hope she runs again. It’s a lot like the “Ernest goes to…” movie series – Palin must be in some new wacky place that is foreign to her (like California, or an accredited institute of higher learning) to make funny time.

  50. HuddledMass

    [re=152201]Vewol Mevemont[/re]: She apparently derives her incomprehensible confidence from her inability to measure and understand the depths of her own stupidity.

    Oo! There is actual scientific proof of this phenomenon:

    http://www.webster107.com/2007/08/ignorance-is-bliss.html

    “When asked, most individuals will describe themselves as better-than-average in areas such as leadership, social skills, written expression, or just about any flavor of savvy where the individual has an interest. This tendency of the average person to believe he or she is better-than-average is known as the “above-average effect,” …. Clearly a large number of the self-described “above average” individuals are actually below average in those areas, and they are simply unaware of their incompetence….”

  51. Bob Hopeless

    I just heard a woman from the National Review excitedly proclaim how she’s looking forward to a possible Palin/Jindal ticket for 2012 – YES!!

  52. V572625694

    [re=152178]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Although Mrs Palin will be four years older in 2012, she’ll have all the intervening time to get botoxed, nipped, tucked, fraxelled, and otherwise groomed to continue her current state of hotness which, it must be admitted, is considerable. The tanning bed, lip-liner tattoos, and general beauty-queen self-absorption/vanity/self-centeredness are pretty good indicators that this will happen.

    It’s not like running Alaska takes much time: just be there on the docks to supervise the quarterly arrival and unloading of federal and oil money.

  53. Woodwards Friend

    Sarah Palin is going to be superbummmed in 2012 when she discovers Bobby Jindal is appeals to the exact same people as Sarah Palin AND he isn’t a complete and total moron. Oh sure the exorcism this is weird but he knows what magazines he reads.

  54. fuckinredneck

    [re=152397]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Good point, Hooray.

    Personally, what I would like to see is Jindal trying to bait Biden into ordering a Big Gulp from him.

  55. Politicalchef

    So, if Stevens wins the Senate race, but then is kicked out for being, y’know, a criminal – can Palin appoint herself to the Senate? Because if she wants to be President, a national profile and 4 years as a Senator is, well, the ‘same’ as Barack. (but without the intelligence or record of public service)

    On the other hand, I can’t quite believe she wants to be a Senator more than, say, a highly paid Fox news host with her own show . . .

  56. azw88

    [re=152477]Bob Hopeless[/re]: That ticket would lose in the south. Now way, no how is a good ol’ southern boy gonna vote for a ticket where a man is second fiddle to a woman. No matter how hot she looks with a deer rifle!

  57. bitchincamaro

    Much like my recurring heartburn, I know I can count on Princess Hitler to return regularly to plaque me.

  58. greatgooglymoogly

    Palin on November 5 (me hopes):

    RNC: [John McCain has just collapsed with shock] “Sarah, your running mate is not well. We better call an ambulance.”
    SP: “Fuck him! Now, you listen to me! I want voting reopened right now. Get those voters back in here! Turn those machines back on! [shouts, echoing throughout the reception hall] TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ON!”

  59. Borat

    The more I see that pixxx of her head, the more I am scared of that Futurama jar technology to preserve people’s heads permanently. Am I right in assuming there would be a long line of people in the tank to smash that jar?

  60. palmerdawg

    No one can dispute that Sarah “i fuck eskimo” Palin has cock sucking lips! i dare anyone to come forward.

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