NOBODY'S CHEEKS ARE SAFE  9:11 am October 28, 2008

Facial Branding Meme Takes Hold

by Sara K. Smith

She was just looking for an ATM...Oh look, here is an indie-pop songstress who was brutally attacked by BErack OKama, an avenging Halloween Marxist who wants to teach John McCain supporters “a lesson” by gently painting his initials onto their cheeks. Thanks to Pam for bringing this strange coincidence to our attention. [Ingrid Michaelson]

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Hola wonkerados.

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stew October 28, 2008 at 9:15 am

The “B” isn’t backwards.

mattbolt October 28, 2008 at 9:16 am

The penmanship of these mutilations is really getting better! First they were scrawling half-assed backwards scribbles, now a nice little serif font across both cheeks. Next, muslim communists from Pittsburgh will be slicing the words “Vote for Barack Obama in 2008″ across my entire body in a flowing freehand, using the tip of the shank like a fine calligraphy pen

TJBeck October 28, 2008 at 9:17 am

Kobe Bryant attacked this woman!

golliwog October 28, 2008 at 9:18 am

BE OK. That’s what she tells you after she’s done bagging your groceries.

Cape Clod October 28, 2008 at 9:18 am

I suppose that once a Maverick is branded, they are no longer a Maverick.

Neon Trotsky October 28, 2008 at 9:18 am

This is what you get instead of an “I voted” sticker if you vote Democratic. You become the branded property of “Barack ‘Engels’ Obama of Kenya”…

mattbolt October 28, 2008 at 9:18 am

Ew, Ingrid whatever’s news page reads like a rambling teenage myspace, I don’t even need to watch the video, I can imagine the soft-spoken vocals and jaunty little acoustic guitar twaddle and longing stares beneath indie glasses

4tehlulz October 28, 2008 at 9:24 am

She was attacked by Keith Olberman and Elizabeth Berkley! ZOMGWTFBBQ

Tommy Says Soooo October 28, 2008 at 9:25 am

I dig indie songwriter chicks. They cry if you forget to pass them the salt or laugh at Sylvia Plath.

But if you catch them in their experimental phase and they have a hot girlfriend, she will blame the sangria and you will have a Penthouse Forum letter.

Johnny Zhivago October 28, 2008 at 9:25 am

It’s obviously all backwards.

But KOEB??? What is that supposed to mean?

Yaybuls October 28, 2008 at 9:26 am


:) I’ve never heard a better description of those insipid indie-pop chicks… but goddammit I wish I wasn’t so madly in love with that kind of girl :(

TJBeck October 28, 2008 at 9:30 am

[re=152122]Yaybuls[/re]: Yea, but maybe you took it too far with the face carving.

2druk2phluq October 28, 2008 at 9:30 am

Ashley Todd was a Paultard. She was a crazy little liar for them too.
Boing Boing
via some liberal blog.

The Pumpernickel October 28, 2008 at 9:33 am

The campaigns should consider taking ad space on the faces of their most fervent supporters. Just think- Joe the Plumber with MCCAIN/PALIN on both cheeks. The possibilities are endless!

CorkPopper October 28, 2008 at 9:37 am

Surprised nobody mentioned Samantha Bee’s facial branding from the Daily Show last night. Attacked by a scary old white man on the floor of the NYSE, who blackened her eye and carved a backward “G” on her face. He was apparently driven crazy by the shocking revelation that given free reign, people in the financial industry will behave in stupid greedy ways that bring down the global financial system, go figure.

polyscientist October 28, 2008 at 9:38 am

If you look at the first initials together and then look at the second initials together, you may find, like I found, that this is obviously a message intended for Senator Kennedy from Senator Obama. God bless the girl, I say.

monty October 28, 2008 at 9:40 am

[re=152134]CorkPopper[/re]: dont forget the ear hair

dano October 28, 2008 at 9:40 am

[re=152115]mattbolt[/re]: I watched her video, and boy oh boy were you close on this one. The only difference between your description and the video was that she plays a ukulele instead of an acoustic guitar. It seems the ukulele is the latest hipster singer songwriter flavor of the month.

golliwog October 28, 2008 at 9:42 am

[re=152137]dano[/re]: Remember, ringtones are also available.

BruceLee5000 October 28, 2008 at 9:45 am

at least Ingrid figured out how a mirror works…

Darehead October 28, 2008 at 9:45 am

There’s a lot of possibilities with this new facial branding thing. Wonkette, how much will you pay me to carve W-O-N-K-E-T-T-E across my face?

One Yield Regular October 28, 2008 at 9:45 am

Aha! So Ashley Todd’s attacker was actually an Ingrid Michaelson fan, and just got scared off before he could add the “E” and the “OK.” SHAME on the mainstream media for jumping to conclusions!

Serolf Divad October 28, 2008 at 9:47 am


I like the Van Halen version better… I think they called it “Could this be Magic?”

Spackle Camshaft Palin October 28, 2008 at 9:49 am

[re=152109]mattbolt[/re]: I think the next step has to be that torture machine from “The Penal Colony.”

Come here a minute October 28, 2008 at 9:52 am

The lovely Ingrid was “Knocked Out” by the lyric beauty of E.B. White — “Some Pig!”

dano October 28, 2008 at 9:56 am

[re=152147]Serolf Divad[/re]: “…Lonely ships upon the water, better save the women and children firrrrrst”

grendel October 28, 2008 at 9:57 am

[re=152119]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: You are my hereo.

chaste everywhere October 28, 2008 at 10:10 am

What’s the big deal? I had “John G raped and murdered my wife” tattooed on my chest eight years ago and nobody raises an eyebrow anymore.

Serolf Divad October 28, 2008 at 10:25 am


I have a sneaky suspicion than any two songs played on a ukelele will sound like the same song with different lyrics.

One Yield Regular October 28, 2008 at 10:26 am

[re=152110]TJBeck[/re]: Very nice.

masterdebater October 28, 2008 at 10:37 am

Well, personally, I would just like to thank the young lady for the comforting thought. You know, before they give her back her meds.

Giant Robot October 28, 2008 at 10:47 am

Seriously… can’t we agree to let the wingnuts have facial tattoos? It seems fair. Rational, sane people get the white house, congress, senate and the internets – they can have mullets, face tattoos and AM radio.

dano October 28, 2008 at 10:57 am

[re=152196]Serolf Divad[/re]: No so my friend. Watch this kick ass video:

Kingbee October 28, 2008 at 11:13 am

“Facial branding” — isn’t that called “bukkake” in Japanese?

Kingbee October 28, 2008 at 11:17 am

[re=152196]Serolf Divad[/re]: You’ll have more opportunity to prove that for sure. The ukelele is the preferred instrument of Hawaiian unicorns.

Neilist October 28, 2008 at 11:32 am

I’d say I suspect an unspecified “angry black guy” again, but I don’t think he’s from Oaklahoma (OK).


And I don’t think a lot of people from Oaklaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahoma know the alphabet all the way up to “O” in the first instance.

Miller October 28, 2008 at 11:41 am

As a Pittsburgher, I hate to see our street thieving culture cheapened by its inclusion in a national ad campaign. They’re diluting our art. Caving face initials is our thing, backwards or forwards.

natoslug October 28, 2008 at 12:40 pm

[re=152137]dano[/re]: She’s trying to make Adam Sandler feel relevant.

Hart88 October 28, 2008 at 12:50 pm

I’m completely in the tank for Ingrid Michaelson.

Mr Blifil October 28, 2008 at 12:54 pm

I would “be OK” with that…

groupuscule October 28, 2008 at 1:28 pm


Lionel Hutz Esq. October 28, 2008 at 2:36 pm

This is what happens if an angry liberal sees your “John McCain” tramp stamp.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 28, 2008 at 2:38 pm

[re=152137]dano[/re]: Is the ukulele the current hipster douche bag instrument of choice? I was at a music store the other day, and they had “We have plenty of ukuleles” on their sign. I thought they were being ironic, as I could not figure out why anyone would care.

villageatrois October 31, 2008 at 1:12 am

So, OK, Sara, why do I have a “W” carved in my face? There was this pretty, older white gal, outside the ATM. I was surprised at how fast it all happened. She had me down and seemed ecstatic, while all my thought-processes were crowded out by exploding starbursts in the area of her mouth. And then, as she was shouting “JEE-slurp-US huff huff slurp”, her eyes must have landed on my Obama sticker.

She was pierced, uhh, down there. Good penmanship, for an older gal. Good, but painful, penmanship.

Don’t believe me? Ask any of the guys in line behind me. All the ones with “W”‘s on their faces.

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