Wonkette
Republican hero Ted Stevens is guilty on all charges, ha ha, but his name will remain on the ballot, so who knows, maybe Alaska will give him another term, for fun. Anyway, it looks like Sarah Palin’s favorite boyfriend is going to jail, and Fox News is so sad, because this means, what, 79 Senate seats for the Dems?
What, the internet wasn’t enough?
Prison will acquaint the delicate Sen. Stevens with a wholly different “series of tubes.”
He really messed up - look like he did not wear his Incredible Hulk tie to intimidate the jurors.
He can still be elected and seated in the Senate–a felony conviction doesn’t disqualify one for the Senate. It would be funny if he had to miss a vote due to a meeting with his parole officer.
Well, heck. Didn’t someone lose out in Missouri to a dead guy? Stevens still has a fighting chance!
From the Spell of the Yukon, by Robert W. Service:
“They’re making my money diminish;
I’m sick of the taste of champagne.
Thank God when I’m skinned to a finish
I’ll pike to the Yukon again.
I’ll fight-and you bet it’s no sham-fight;
It’s hell!-but I’ve been there before;
And it’s better than this by a damsite-
So me for the Yukon once more.”
Good night, Uncle Ted.
You Heard It Hear First (a la Biden’s comment about Hopey facing a crisis):
(1) Palin tanks on November 5; Stevens resigns on November 5, before he is censured; and (3) on November 6, BibleSpice (as the Governor of Alaska) appoints herself to Stevens’ now-empty seat.
Voila!
Six More Years of Palin!
Come on universe! All this day needs to top it off is story about a Michelle Bachmann/Michelle Malkin lesbian tryst.
Hey look — it’s Ted the License Plate Stamper.
And nice alt-text bubbles btw, Ken.
Monkey:
John Asscroft lost to a dead guy. Watch the Corpse Soar!
Monkey: Then President Obama would appoint the Democratic senate loser the new Attorney General.
Monkey: That was John “Let the Eagle Soar”
AsscrackerAshcroftchascates: In this case, the “Cremation of Sam McGee” might be more appropriate.
Or “Self-Immolation of Sam McGee.”
Whatever.
I has a sad… we won’t have Ted Stevens to kick around any more….
see…told ya ted…you can’t begin your testimony with the words “Once upon
a time.”
see…you can fool some alaskans some of the time, but you can’t fool all
alaskans all the time. [only for 40 years]*
*case in point, palin.
Cry, bimbo-caster, cry!
Na-na-na-nah, na-na-na-nah, hey-a-a die in jail.
just watch those stupid fucking idiots vote for the asshole anyhow………….
Monkey: That was John Ashcroft, amazingly enough. It was only a short time afterwards that he was appointed to ruin the nation.
Shit. Does this mean that Ted can’t keep the hot tub?
Next step: Perjury charges against Mrs. Ted.
Alaska needs some serious PR efforts after 2008 is through.
Hmm. I wonders what happens to rich, old, corrupt senators who go to jail with angry, horny criminals. I wonders….
Can you overdose on schadenfreude? Is constant, hysterical laughter one of the warning signs?
Tra: Just don’t take it with Viagra…
Everyone say it with me: Greetings, Sen Palin!
Gopherit: You bad man. Bad man!
Monkey: That was John Ashcroft, amazingly enough. It was only a short time afterwards that he was appointed to ruin the nation.
I’d be tempted to agree (Ascroft did have Lady Justice’s blindfold moved to cover her boob, after all), but it was a hospital-bedridden Ascroft who had the stones to stand up to BushCo over warrantless wiretapping. Strange days when Ascroft is on the side of civil liberties…
/”this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners”
(channeling Nelson) Ha-ha! That is all.
Tra: There’s nothing wrong with being multiply schadenfreugasmic. Some cultures try to make it seem shameful, but at times like these, it is liberating.
Fox Bimbo has a sad
shortsshortsshorts: Yeah. And running a dead guy against Ashcroft really isn’t fair, given Ashcroft’s personality.
Still, a semi-comatose Ashcroft did turn out to be the only ethical member of Bush’s administration so far. So he has that going for him.
So now who will battle Robert Byrd in the Daily Show “coot-off” now that Stevens is headed for sing-sing?
Actually, the right wing media is kind of interesting today, since I’ve had a chance to listen in. FNC just seems depressed, with a slight edge of paranoia running through. On the other hand, the big talkers on radio are just letting their mania and paranoia carry them away. I’m pretty sure that Sean Hannity thinks that if you look hard enough at the Obama “O” symbol, you will see a hammer and sickle.
Can anyone tell the difference between one Fox News bimbo and another? Maybe I’m just blinded by the light reflecting off their lip gloss, but I swear they’re all completely identical.
You know what will cheer all the conservatives up? A $150,000.00 shopping spree.
and to think he went down after all these years for some lousy piss of shit A-frame house? priceless. it wasn’t even a mcmansion. it’s like linking all the trailers together in one trailer park and calling it graceland. oh wait…
Vewol: I dunno, but CNBC has a mid-morning anchor who looks just like Emma Peel. Buy Buy Buy!
Neilist: Ugh. Thanks for that little vision of the future.
You know, in the era of teleconferencing, Old Ted may learn enough about the internet tubes in order to serve his term from jail.
The Cold Sea: From her dress, it looks like breaking this story caused her to cut short her time at the discotheque.
This is GREAT NEWS!!! For John McCain!!!
Sorry, I couldn’t help but bring that tired old meme from 538 over here to give it new life…
A bit off topic, but soon to be a topic – Obama’s mean mean plan to redistribute the country’s gold bricks to poor people – here is a politico post that actually examines what was said way back in 2001 (and what you’ve already heard tons about today) :
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/1008/Obama_advisor_pushes_back_on_redistribution.html
shortsshortsshorts: I was a big Ashcroft-hater, too … but it turns out he was one of the few folks in the administration to stand up to Bush/Cheney.
One thing about those ramrod-rigid humorless old religious guys: occasionally, some of them actually *do* share a principle or two with reasonable people.
We are all Ted Stevens now.
Monkey: Daily affirmations, repeated in front of a broken mirror used for shaving; “You’re not a Fish. You’re a former Senator. You’re NOT a Fish. You’re a former Senator.”
Nice!
iolanthe:
Too bad it was one flavor of nut job standing up to another flavor.
that POP UP VIDEO feature in youtube is the worst.
ManchuCandidate: What? No 3-way with Ann Coulter (she could be the dude).
I can haz pardon?
that’s a felony I can believe in.
echoman2000: Ain’t that always the way? Two-bit corruption. Like most crooks, these guys are so f-in’stupid, it’s right out of a Hiasson novel. Perhaps now Stevens will be waterboarded in Gitmo or “rendered” to a foreign nation like Mississippi.
Awwww. Poor old fuckstick. Can we tie him to Bush-McLame? Should be easy, no?
http://www.mondosapore.com
OK! Who wants a Ted Stevens blingee? You know you want it!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/74316961-TED-STEVENS-GUILTY-OF-EVERYTHING
W ain’t gonna let no flag-salutin’, bribe-takin’ white boy go to the joint. He’ll pardon Uncle Ted for his tireless efforts in the past on behalf of blah blah blah….. As for Sen. Palin? Sounds like a lock to me. Then she can put up her Sunday School charts up in the Senate and explain to us all why God loves Israel and hates people wearing the Mark of Cain, which happens to include our new president, you betcha…
The best thing ever is he can’t vote for himself.
http://www.aclu.org/votingrights/exoffenders/statelegispolicy2007.html
Prison is a series of tubes.
So while Sen. Palin is in D.C., Gov. Todd Palin will be defending Alaska from the Rooskies, who will be watching the children, please think of the children!!
that reporter’s spirit was not broken enough for my taste
on the other hand, i officially took off on November 5. The 4th may be the most glorious day in the history of Republican hating and I’m not missing a second of that shit. And neither is my liquor cabinet. Plus, there may be riots, assassinations, zombies, etc.
PoliTacky: That is amazing. i thought i was good!
nurple: Erin Burnett?
Neilist: In Alaska the Governor doesn’t appoint a senator to complete the term. They need to hold a special election. The good news, maybe he will lose and give us 60 seats in the senate for the Democratic Party. Woohoo!
If you’d like to put a little salt in Ted’s wounds, contribute to his enemy below. I just did, and it feels sweet!
http://www.begich.com/home
the new alt-text format made me think my computer was under seige.
the path of technology / progress is never easy for me as a luddite.
We in Missouri are very proud of electing a dead guy (well, his wife, but whatevs). We know an asshat when we see one, and Ashcroft was an asshat. If Stevens was running here, he’d have already been strung up by his heels under the arch or bound and gagged and thrown into the Mississippi to be slowly devoured by catfish. Then again, we HAVE sent Todd Akin to congress several times, so I suppose I should hold my hometown pride in check…
“I hereby sentence you, Senator Ted Stevens, to a term of no less than 10 years in a Federal ‘pound-me-in-the-ass’ Prison. And you are a very bad person, Sarah Palin.”
Sarah Palin is an evil genius.
She makes Rove look like total pussy.
His next task will be to dig a series of tubes out of federal prison.
Sorry - redundant but had to write it.
Deepthroat: haha… I gladly risk a seizure with each and every one!
Neilist: There are strange things done ‘neath the midnight sun…
My High School was named for Robert Service, even though he spent about five minutes in Alaska. He was in the Yukon with all the manly men. And tho’ he write tired doggerel (think Kipling, with less imperialism and talent), his skills are strangely useful right now.
Dead Man`s Party: All signs are that it will be this grumpy old fart from Arizona, what’s his name, it’s right on the tip of my….aw, fuck it.
Murph - “Ted SMASH!”
ManchuCandidate:
They don’t have to be lesbians do they?
Its sexier that way.
Listen to the audio stream of the Dan Fagan talk show on 650 KENI in Anchorage, AK, and you will hear one dope after another call in to affirm that yes, indeed, they will still vote for Stevens. It’s mind-boggling, but helps explain the thought process of “conservatives”.
By the way, am I the only one who thinks Ted Stevens’ daughter looks like Belinda Carlisle, lead singer of girl band The GoGos (when she was hot)?
The appoint-your-pal/family to fill a vacant senate seat in Alaska was only recently changed. It should be remembered that this is how Ted originally got into office. . .he was appointed to fill the vacant seat of a Democrat Senator (!) that died in office. I think even the most un-cynical see a Presidential pardon for Ted and almost zero impact on his viability as a candidate in the 49th state. People here have their heads so far up their asses the only thing that sinks a Republican candidate is incarceration or possibly getting caught in flagrante with a minor of the same sex.
The D: Win! See, this is the kind of tasteless, self-referential comment that I would love to add a +1 to, if only I had the technology.
So wait, if Alaska WERE to give him another term, would Say-Pay get to anoint a new corrupt senator? Estrangiero seems to know what he’s talking about…
I kind of think W won’t pardon him. Don’t they usually give pardons for people who have taken one for the team? Stevens just did some minor, thoroughly embarrassing, white trash corruption. He didn’t lie to a grand jury for Cheney, or give tons of money to the RNC (like Clinton & Marc Rich.)
But then again nothing W does surprises us anymore. I’m sure he’ll find some way to rationalize the pardons he submits at 11:59:59pm January 19th, 2009, before he runs, drunk & staggering from the pills, out of the oval office and into obscurity, his reverse midas touch intact.
Amazing. And he’s still not the biggest public embarrassment to come out of Alaskan politics.
He can’t vote as a felon (former or otherwise), but he can still be a US senator?
That IS f****d up!
Steven’s cant vote now in Alaska. LOL!!
I see him as a slightly grumpier and dissipated Ed McMahon to Huckabee’s Carson on his spiffy new Fox News show.