mittens for emperor

Comical Romney Loyalists Trying To Destroy Sarah Palin

A couple of fantastic stories this weekend reported on the so-called INTERNAL CONFLAGRATION erupting between McCain loyalists, Palin loyalists and imported Bush slaves currently working for the “McCain-Palin ticket.” Most of it focused on Palin, with several advisers saying she’s “going rogue” by randomly walking over to reporters during events and saying “Ask me hard questions, friends!” as campaign handlers haplessly shout “NO NO NO JESUS DAMN WHAT IS THE IDIOT DOING?” on their walkie-talkies. Palin, these “insider sources” suggest, knows McCain will lose everything always, and she is trying to salvage her “reputation” for what is sure to be a hilarious two-week-long aborted Disney campaign in 2012. So of course the people leaking this information are secret loyalists to everyone’s favorite personified tumor, Mittens “Willard” Romney CLXXXVI.

Wonkette heartily endorses RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING NOW the Mittens nomination in 2012 due to his defining Character Traits, Fraudulence and Harmlessness. You might argue that Sarah Palin is also a harmless fraud, but she’s also annoying and, in fact, very harmful, as her campaign strategy rests on ordering thousands of racists to kill Obama every day, with guns. And at least Mitt Romney has actually had real jobs in his life, right? Pretty accomplished for someone from Outer Space.

And so that’s why he is trying to kill off Sarah Palin as much as possible, right now, according to the completely unreliable American Spectator:

Former Mitt Romney presidential campaign staffers, some of whom are currently working for Sen. John McCain and Gov. Sarah Palin’s bid for the White House, have been involved in spreading anti-Palin spin to reporters, seeking to diminish her standing after the election. “Sarah Palin is a lightweight, she won’t be the first, not even the third, person people will think of when it comes to 2012,” says one former Romney aide, now working for McCain-Palin. “The only serious candidate ready to challenge to lead the Republican Party is Mitt Romney. He’s in charge on November 5th.”

[...]

Some former Romney aides were behind the recent leaks to media, including CNN, that Governor Sarah Palin was a “diva” and was going off message intentionally. The former and current Romney supporters further are pushing Romney supporters for key Republican jobs, including head of the Republican National Committee.

Infiltrating the operations of power and stealing American jobs. This is a classic deceitful Mormon scheme, and in this case it’s trying to steal Republican power from the Moonies, a.k.a. George W. Bush and his father, George.

Post-Defeat Planners [American Spectator]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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77 comments

  1. SelfDeprecatingFed

    Hey, wasn’t there, like, and imminent Chinese invasion coming back at the end of the summer? What ever happened to that?

  2. rambone

    Romney’s got a shot. After four years of our Muslin president, Mormons will seem like normal Christians.

  3. The Lucky Republican

    Get that people? Mittens is in charge starting Nov. 5th. Bow down and tremble in fear

  4. slappypaddy

    Oh Jesus damn, so the 2012 campaign has already begun. Well, it’s good for business. Sales of bullshit detectors will go off the charts. Get yours while they’re still cheap.

  5. Mr Blifil

    If Mittens truly regards Palin as a genuine threat to his 2012 ambitions, he’s not very ambitious.

    I don’t buy the notion that Palin resents not being made more available to the press. She’s already said “Drill, baby, drill” twice in public. And it wasn’t exactly greeted as if she had captured lightning in a bottle. At this point the only question I’m nominally interested in hearing her dilate upon would be whether she prefers to spit or swallow.

  6. Bigfoot

    Man, I am SO disappointed that’s what they meant when they said “going rogue.” I thought it was something like going commando…

  7. swarm of bees

    I’m sorry, but what is this guy’s appeal? I don’t get it– he looks like the pervy girls track coach who makes every girl on the team give him a hug. Though, in that “artist’s” rendering on the NR cover, he looks like Warren Beatty from “Bullworth.”

  8. JoeFannyPack

    This is awesome. Now we need Obama’s people to start spreading rumors among the Romn-ulans about nasty things said by the McCainites and vice versa. Fun will ensue.

  9. hockeymom

    plus, depending on which way the wind is blowing, romney could run as a democrat. or a green. whichever looks better for him.
    the man does know how to pander.

  10. ManchuCandidate

    Mittens the Republican Savior will be as welcomed like a Mormon wake up call of an “apostate” and his fifty wives pounding on your door at 8am on a Sat to tell you the joys of Brigham Young while your hangover/lack of sleep shattered brain screams for mercy.

  11. iwillsavethispatient

    Mitt Romney having actually had real jobs in his life is not much of an accomplishment for someone from Outer Space; being from Outer Space is a great resume builder. It differentiates you from all those Terrans going for the job and if you use your mind control on the interviewer, it really helps to secure your dream job. The only way to fail as an Alien, is to pose for pictures at a fudge-packing factory.

  12. american mutt

    The Palin bottom-feeders and Mitten republiqueers will completely destroy each other. I look forward.

  13. blader

    This will be great stuff to see, like watching sexual cannibalism in spiders, eating each other right after they copulate.

  14. Iggy Plop

    Romney’s counting on the Shakespearean tragedy scenario: the McCain/Palin ticket and the GOP leadership destroy each others’ reputation and standing in a huge character-assassination bloodfest, and then he walks on and gives a stirring soliloquy over their bloody remains.

    I’m counting on the Night of the Living Dead scenario where some fat sheriff mistakes him for a zombie and pops him off too.

  15. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=150822]american mutt[/re]: I look forward to Huckster’s minions entering the fray. No way Huckster cedes the religious nuts to Bible Spice without a fight. (He may have to get on the treadmill though, he’s looking a bit rotund again.)

  16. shortsshortsshorts

    Jeebus Mittens! Don’t you know that the Presidential race isn’t like your religion? You can’t just look into a hat and dictate your popularity.

  17. MarSF

    I’ve seriously had it with Mormons. They have been fucking with California by throwing huge piles of cash at Prop 8 and now this! Romney is a “tumor”- with a tan and whitened teeth. Nice to see his people undermining McCain, but he is still a tool.

  18. WIDTAP

    See, now I doubt the lauded political savvy of the Clintons. Had they Mitten’s eye for political intrigue they would not have shot their wad during the primaries, but would have move their entire staff into the Obama campaign and done backgrounders on how Michele secretly is ready to divorce Barack for being a nerd and a poor lover.

    Then it would have been all clear for Hill’s 2012.

  19. problemwithcaring

    You know, “fradulence” and “harmlessness” was once how many of us thought of McCooter. I believe the Repubtards understand America’s love of adorable incompetents and uses that against us.

  20. Internally valid

    Um, does Mittens even have a job right now? Shouldn’t he be, like, in politics or something for the next 4 years? Or is he going to stay unemployed and run as a bitter in 2012?

  21. grendel

    [re=150835]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: We’ve already had the secession of the intellectual conservatives… now the social conservatives must invade to force them back.

  22. Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=150842]WIDTAP[/re]: Ain’t no way Barry’s a poor lover. I’ve seen him bust a move on Ellen…oh wait. Crap….

  23. grendel

    [re=150842]WIDTAP[/re]: I don’t think the Clintons would do well with mentioning the term “divorce” ever, at all…

  24. AfghanVet

    You are ALL wrong! Karl Rove will be running Jeb Bush in 2012. “Bring Back the Good Ol’ Days, Bring Back a Bush.”

  25. Josh Fruhlinger

    Ha ha, totally awesome quote from that American Spectator article, on Romney’s half-assed campaigning for McCain: “He said the only time he’d travel for us is if we assured him that national cameras would be there.”

  26. jagorev

    Nice line about how Mittens has held a real job unlike Palin, but you know who else has never held a “job” in his life (unless you count dope-dealing and treason as “jobs”)? Your boyfriend Barry O, according to the Corner

  27. blader

    [re=150830]Iggy Plop[/re]:

    I agree.

    The only way Romney will completely neutralize Palin for 2012 is by outflanking her and choosing Levi Johnstone as his running mate. Now THAT would be a Jerry Springer episode I’d pay to see.

  28. grendel

    [re=150863]jagorev[/re]: He’s been a community organizer… It’s like a small town mayor without responsibilities.

  29. The White Crow

    Now that would be a South Park episode for the ages:
    Battle for the Republicans Soul – The Mormans vs The Moonies
    I’m betting on the Moonies. You don’t want to F with with the Rev.

  30. 3dollarbill

    [re=150824]grendel[/re]: bible spice, mittens, closet crist, hickabee, exorcist-jindal… it’s true! the 2012 repubs do have one big tent.

  31. jagorev

    a.k.a. George W. Bush and his father, George.

    You mean “George W. Bush and his higher father, the Holy Ghost.”

    [re=150869]grendel[/re]: Yes, his community service years count towards the “treason” part of his resume.

    (I need to stop channeling Jonah Goldberg)

  32. facehead

    Feel Good Prediction: McCain will lose (jk, that’s already happened), and in 2012 Palin wins the repub nomination for prez., and loses the general election, because she chooses HAL 9000 as her running mate (because of his foreign policy experience) and the FBI finds way too much kiddy porn on his hard drive.

  33. AngryBlakGuy

    …obviously whomever name their child the stupidest name is the true heir to the republican party!

  34. S.Luggo

    [re=150827]blader[/re]: The female eats the male, then goes to Neiman Marcus to shop. It’s nature’s way.

  35. Gopherit

    There’s too much chum in the water. Of course, they’re going to eat each other. It’s their nature.

    And, god it’s beautiful.

  36. HuskyMescan

    In 2012, the common theme will be Once you go Barack, you never go back. He’ll have to momentum of fixing all the shit the republicans broke. We’ll look back at 2000′s and cringe at the thought. Next Tuesday will be the end of the Republican party.

  37. Tra

    So things are so bad that Republicans have decided to skip this election and just move on to the next one? Cool.

    I think that’s the best way to go, Republicans. Just pretend it isn’t happening, and go about your business.

  38. jagorev

    [re=150911]HuskyMescan[/re]: Ha, like we’re going to have elections in 2012 after Comrade Hussein Obama sends us all to the gulag. You must be joking, tovarisch!

    (If you thought the paranoid Clinton-hatred and the paranoid Bush-hatred was ugly at times, just wait till you see the next four years… I expect entire counties in West Virginia and Idaho to commit mass suicide.)

  39. S.Luggo

    [re=150863]jagorev[/re]: You’re bitter, so bitter. Hug a gun, shoot something or someone, and then read the Bible. We understand.

  40. aleks

    [re=150776]4tehlulz[/re]: “ROMNEY/TODD ‘12″

    Nope, Ashley wouldn’t risk her dignity like that.

  41. WIDTAP

    To steal something form one of the panelists on Bill Marh:

    The Republicans are now forming their circular firing squads.

  42. Borat

    “aborted disney campaign”

    Too funny. I can totally picture if she ever wins anything in front of the media…

    Rush: “Ms. Palin, what are you going to do next”

    Caribou Barbie: “I’m going to Disney World ™!!!”

  43. hemlockecho

    An aborted Disney campaign in 2012? Does this mean that all those ACORN-registered Mickey Mouses will finally have their voices heard?

  44. Borat

    If it means not reporting to Palin, I will gladly change my underwear to Morman and jackoff to Mittins

  45. hamletta

    Good Lord! This is like the “house of mirrors” scene in Lady From Shanghai.

    Pass the popcorn!

  46. Fringe Element

    Mitt, Palin, Huckabee, Rudy — what a great crop of candidates. And who else will crawl out from under those red rocks? Gawd I am so looking forward to ’12 already.

  47. ChuckWood

    HuskyMescan: … I expect entire counties in West Virginia and Idaho to commit mass suicide.
    Will five suicides even make the news?

Comments are closed.