Your Guide To America's New War In Syria

Finally, the October Surprise! (Ashley Todd's cut-nut negroid fantasies were in no way worthy of the title.) We have a war, of sorts, in Syria! Who knows why or anything. It's the Kissinger Doctrine all over again: Just bomb shit, everywhere, whenever you feel like it. Who's gonna stop you, HEHNGHH?

• It's not on CNN or Fox or anything, yet. It's our little secret for the next few minutes!

• U.S. helicopters are raiding some village or villages near the Iraq border.

•  Seven or nine people have been killed, so far -- maybe Syrians, maybe Barack Obama's brothers from Kenya.

•  Ha'aretz describes it as a "helicopter-borne commando attack inside Syrian territory."

• Doctors in the town say five people are wounded , too.

• The U.S. military command in Baghdad won't say anything.

• McCain should come waddling out shortly to hiss that this is "my destiny, HENGH HEHNGGH!" and demand Cheney turn over the nuclear codes NOW. Barack Obama will shake his head with dignity.

• Jesus, let's hope this is really the extent of the October Surprises.