Wonkette
In last week’s installment of “Wonkette posts about Peggy Noonan’s Wall Street Journal column,” your editor Ken Layne did 100 kilos of coke and proceeded to comically insult everyone on the face of the Earth for two or seven million words. If Madam Peggington had chanced by Ken’s post, probably via that “Google Alert” on her name that her loyal butler Winston set up for her, the vulgarities would quite veritably indeed have inflamed her rheumatism! But Peggy has survived another week, another seven-day of the political news, so let us study the elegant paragraphery in today’s dramatic episode of “Declarations.”
I. Peggy Noonan Is Troubled By The Perceived Media Bias!
The press knows who the press is for, and it isn’t generally the one to the right. This has been true all my life. What has also been true is that the Republican had to get around it with the truth of his stands, the force of his arguments, the un-ignorability of his words, the power of his presence. You have to go over the head of the interpreters and gently seize the country by its lapels. Mr. McCain never got much over their heads. This is not because they’re so tall. His campaign was not so much about meaning as it was, in the end, a series of moments—a good interview with Rick Warren, a good convention, Joe the Plumber . . .
Ms. Noonington claims that this has been true “all my life,” going back to her childhood days as a penniless street urchin bootlegging homemade gin in Victorian England. But let’s focus on her time in America over the last 40 years, when this terrible liberal bias has won a whole three (3) presidential elections out of ten (10) for its beloved Democrats. Pegasus, c’mon. You know perfectly well that the news industry cares about nothing except determining which press narrative will please stockholders the most. It was a financial decision that led every single major media source in this country to accept John McCain’s bit that The Surge Has Worked without a single question, because of the troops. Every news source in this country is on the brink of bankruptcy. There was never any doubt that this election would be about superficial shit, and John McCain daily goes out of his way to step in some superficial shit.
II. Peggy Noonan Is Dismayed That 43% Of The Country Will Not Get Its President Elected!
Not a single poll has Mr. McCain ahead. The RealClearPolitics average of national polls as I write, rounded off, is Obama 50%, McCain 43%. Actually Mr. Obama has 50.1%, and if that is true and holds, it would make him the first Democratic presidential nominee since Jimmy Carter to break 50%. But I find myself thinking of what that 43% means. It’s a big number, considering that this is the worst Republican year in generations. Amid two wars, a deep economic crisis, a fractured base, too much cynicism, and a campaign with the wind not at its back but head on in its face—with all of that working against Mr. McCain, 43% of the American people say, right now, in these polls, they are for him.
Indeed, this is a strange thing about the 2008 election of politicks: It is the first time someone has led by a small but significant majority, ever. Which leads us to…
III. Peggy Noonan Would Be Disheartened If Obama Used His Victory As A Mandate To Govern In A Liberal Manner!
This is the thing: If Mr. Obama wins, and governs as a moderate liberal, not veering left, not seeming to be the cap that pops off a kettle that’s been boiling for eight years, but governs to a degree, at least in general approach, as Bill Clinton did—as a moderate Democrat well aware of the terrain—he may know some success. And he may be able to tamp down the insistence of the long-simmering left by the force of his own popularity, which will grow once he is president among grateful Democrats, and others. But if he goes left—if it comes to seem as if the attractive, dark-haired man has torn open his shirt to reveal a huge S, not for Superman but for Socialist, if he jumps toward reforms such as a speech-limiting new Fairness Doctrine, that won’t yield success. It will yield trouble, and unneeded domestic arguments. We have enough needed ones.
In other words, “DON’T YOU EVER CONSIDER FUCKING WITH MY ESTATE, OBAMA.” [Blushing, embarrassed], followed by [polite throat-clearing] [sip of single malt Scotch] [modest sigh] “As it were, of course.”
[Butler Winston escapes and flees country.]
43% Isn’t Nothing [WSJ]
up hers. Enough with this ‘tard
I think Nooner is done.
“What has also been true is that the Republican had to get around it with the truth of his stands, the force of his arguments, the un-ignorability of his words, the power of his presence.”
Wow. The Douche Checklist. I’m gonna laminate me a copy!
maybe ms noonan can help sarah palin get her own reality show after the election. let’s hear some ideas for series concepts…biggest loser is already taken.
That was quite a long rant, Peggy. What did you say again?
I think her columns should just say “ailuhgawn tpsgihap9e awetphono o32n nioasndoinn !!!!!1!”
PEGGY BLINGEE! YAY
Don’t trample us the way we trampled you when we “won” by a vanishingly small margin in 2001, or there will be Trouble.
Masorca: Peggy Noonan Takes Little Pleasure In Being Referred To With Such Denigrating Verbiage!
(this is the only way I know how to write sentences now).
Translation: “So long as Obama doesn’t seize the opportunity to push major policy change as any Republican would with such ‘political capital’ and instead decides to be a completely ineffective do-nothing like the Democrats have been for so long, then I will pretty ok about things. I will still criticize and mock him, just not excessively so.”
Ken won’t share his coke
Peggy won’t offer any of her single malt round
Fine fucking Friday this is turning out to be
50+% Wasn’t nothing back in 2000 either, Nooners…
Someone should politely notify the Tsarina that the Red Guards are at the gate, and would like a word.
(We don’t have to mention anything about the Markov pistol to the back of the head. Let that be a SURPRISE!)
I’m sure Peggy also pointed out how this would be completely different than when George W. Bush won the popular vote with a 51% majority and assumed he had a blank check on the war and the political capital to dismantle Social Security…
If Barry wins, Peggy should ride bareback through the town square, like Lady Godiva before her, protesting his bulbous and Socialist ‘S’…
How many times in a day do you think Noonie Googles herself?
“…if it comes to seem as if the attractive, dark-haired man has torn open his shirt to reveal a huge S…”
OMG OBAMA IS REVEREND DIMMESDALE.
oh pegasus, as if the 48% who voted for kerry, the 48% who voted for gore, the 46% who voted for dukakis, the 41% who voted for mondale, the 41% who voted for carter the second time, and the 38% who voted for mcgovern WEREN’T disappointed. PISH POSH.
Peggy, all the scotch in the world is not going to fix the damage to the McCain Campaign done by that self cutting bitch, and please consider, just for your health, taking a long vacation after Jan. 20, as we re-distribute your wealth.
Mr. Obama has a great chance, in this area, to confuse the world. And a confused world is not all a bad thing. His persona, name, color, youth and approach will, at least initially, jumble up long-settled categories.
Uh, Peggy — most of the world is already used to intelligent, articulate world leaders of any color, and will probably not be confused. You, on the other hand, could not possibly be more confused. Just a hint — if you actually ever meet Senator Obama, try to refrain from giving him your drink order.
“gently seize the country by its lapels”
Peggy, in REAL, PRO-AMERICA, there ain’t no fuckin’ lapels.
As you were.
Dientes: Putting hyphens in-the wrong place is fun! I have disappointed Noonies with my idiocy :(.
i think Peggy has a sad because J. Edgar Hoover is dead…
now there was a man who could stand up for the rights of the republican minority and “tamp down the insistence of the long-simmering left”…
Peggy should drink more scotch……
someone needs to teabag this chick…
why do I make myself suffer through this noonan nonsense every friday when my head is about to explode!!!!
why does wonkette want me to die of alcohol poisoning/ death by noonan? please post her noonsense earlier
in the day so I may start my binge with a full flask and some o.j. thank you for your consideration.
Pegs, you and Kathy Parker have every right to be pissed. The former It Girls of the Red States have been thrown aside for a curvy, gun-totin’ baby-mama whose thoughts aren’t even remotely logical. All along, that’s what your heroes really wanted: Bible Spice. Not you and your well-trimmed tresses and your well-crafted sentences. Go cry into your Waterford Scotch glass and consider that you should have thrown in with those elitists your compatriots hate so enthusiastically. And take a break. Come January, you’re going to have a tough row to hoe, saving the Republican Party from Joe the Whatever. He can’t even spell “National Review.”
Please, the Palin Brownshirts have already put her on their Desired List of turncoats. Her, Brooks and Buckley are going to a gulag on Attu after the Civil War.
anabellum: and he looked fetching in those frilly frocks and pumps….
“What has also been true is that the Republican had to get around it with the truth of his stands, the force of his arguments, the un-ignorability of his words, the power of his presence.”
It is so true. George W. Bush’s words were nothing if not un-ignorable. “What did he say?” we asked ourselves, constantly, both during his campaign and his presidency. “Did he really say that? He did not. Really?”
““…if it comes to seem as if the attractive, dark-haired man has torn open his shirt to reveal a huge S…”
You know she was touching herself when she wrote this. Nooner indeed.
Congratulations, Mr. Newell! You proved Ken’s assertion last week to be wrong about your ability to deal with La Peggy Sue with your excellent interpretation of her remarks…. Drinks all around!
I love the Noonan readings. It’s what Friday is for. Bravo! Bravo!
The return of the Fairness Doctrine would not limit anyone’s speech, merely require an equal amount of time to refute that speech. That’s the great fear, that another point of view opposite to the neocons’ would get out. If they can’t dominate the media then the media is biased against them.
Peggy’s a fucking liar.
Case in point: EVERYTHING SHE WRITES OR SAYS ON CAMERA. She always just dances around, in a long-winded meechy-sort of bravado. Confident but quiet. IS THERE EVER A POINT, Peggy? No. No not ever. The only time she has EVER been honest, even before her speech writing days for Reagan, was when she was caught on camera saying “Walnuts is fucked” after she didn’t think she was being taped anymore.
It is the Lord’s truth, children. Peggy is the ultimate in hacks.
I’m with Peggy. Walnuts has been victimized by various headwinds (ideological failures), not being able to communicate his (terrible) agenda, and a liliputian media in the tank for Obama (reporting on his dominance and clear superiority).
Despite this, a minority of our well-informed electorate will vote for him instead of a black guy! Go WALNUTS!
“He will give calculating Western European leaders an opening to be friendly to America again; they will feel that Mr. Obama’s victory constitutes the rebuke of the Bushism they desire. They will befriend the rebuker.”
OMG, she’s the world’s greatest seer. What dark witchcraft does she practise in order to foretell the futures that have yet to come, in advance?
“-if it comes to seem as if the attractive, dark-haired man has torn open his shirt to reveal a huge S, not for Superman but for Socialist”
I was reading between the lines just now, and I think that our Nooners just revealed her secret sex fetish for bare-chested socialists.
Peggity Peggity. Oh my dear me, what makes you think that Walnuts will even see 43% on Election Day? And, please dear madam, when did such higglety-pigglety things like MAJORITIES and MANDATES ever stop the Republitards from launching a blistering jihad against any elected Democratic president? Not even FDR’s blow-out of 1936 convinced them that perhaps the country just wasn’t on their side. Surely you remember that one.
The thing is, the next wave of winning Republicans will be young people who have nothing to do with the current power structure. (Barack Obama, anyone? Who the hell heard of him 3 years ago?)
We can expect Coulter, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Hannity….Noonan, Barnes &c to wait obediently outside the door of this anointed one for days on end. Hannity alone may be young enough to win a place at the table. (Did I spoil it? Sorry! Actually, their shame will be all the more sweet since I predicted it.)
The best part is when she fantasizes about how dark-haired Barry will rip off his clothes to reveal his huge…
er that was a quote.
OMG. Terrible writing, plain and simple. Peg–there’s a book by E.B. White titled “The Elements of Style.” Take a look, Please.
the fair Ms. Noonington was on Morning Joe today, and I’m pleased to announce that the only reason I recognized her was due to My Wonkette’s Blingee.
Fair Peggy:
Oft I oscillate, akin to the fair hummingbird, between the sintering ideological poles of Statism and Libertarianism. How, say I, can I choose between the two holy, irreconcilable states, one stolid and homily secure, one adventurist and beckoning pirate adventure?
And then I read your tripe and realize, largely because of your abuse of the average reader’s innate goodwill opposing viewpoints, that the struggle between liberals and conservatives is in fact a struggle between good and evil.
The whole “OH NOES MEDIA BIAS!” bandwagon has really kicked into high gear lately. As has the “ACORN kidnapped all the votes!” bandwagon, the “This is all Palin’s fault” bandwagon, and the “This is everyone but Palin’s fault” bandwagon. Basically, the GOP right now is a bunch of bandwagons speeding out of control toward their final destination, Loser Town, where they will smash into each other in a fiery pileup, and the survivors will fight over whose fault it is that they ended up there instead of Winner Town.
Then Peggy will write a heartfelt sonnet to the poor neglected 43% whose candidate didn’t win. Why should their guy lose just because the other guy got more votes? American should demand a system where what really matters is that you tried, and at the end of the election everyone gets medals.
hahahahhaha. I love it when you talk about Peggy. God. This is like the fifteenth time today I have professed my love for wonkette, but y’all have had a good day. Seriously.
Nooners: “Mr. Obama can more easily go left in foreign relations for the precise reason no one knows what going left is, because no one knows what going right in foreign relations is”
Going right = preemptive war?
But I find myself thinking of what that 43% means.
It means that 43% of the people in your country are absolutely crazy. My brother-in-law told me that he was very disappointed about Bush in the last four years, and I almost crashed the car. How stupid do you have to be to have Bush “disappoint” you?
nurple: You’re right about this - the next successful Republican will be young and not associated with this current clusterfuck.
Bobby Jindal is probably thanking his guardian angel that McCain didn’t pop a boner for him under a sycamore tree. Jindal’s future looks brighter than that just about any other prominent Republican. He could be the elite, competent, Oxford-McKinsey-trained anti-Obama figure in 2012.
eatsshootsleaves: FTFW. Awesome.
I would just like to point out that Lady Peggy needs a lesson in noblesse oblige. Get thee to a soup kitchen!
Jesus God Almighty shut up! I am PEGGING you! Please enter the line to the left: “Nothing to declare”.
I’m tired of this “moderate,” “centrist” bullshit, the “middle” has been skewed too far to the right for too long. Neither liberals nor conservatives were big fans of Bill Clinton, but it was the right that had the political clout to fuck up his administration and replace him with Bush. If the next president turned this country into fucking France, that might restore some actual balance. But instead Obama will likely spend the next four years attempting to pander to the people who want his head on a pike, just like Clinton did.
I love the succinct conclusion that ties everything together perfectly and makes it all clear as to what the point of the art– o screw it. HOW DOES THIS WOMAN HAVE A JOB? Also, I have a new avatar. It’s a Blingee’d photo of Nate Silver. Isn’t it delish? Thanks for the idea, Wonkette!
Peggy asked to narrate Ken Burn’s next PBS special, but Ken had to decline. He only had 54 hours to tell the story.
FRANCE? Come on Guppy, I think two steps left of Hugo would be nice! My man Chavez ain’t no be fraid of Bush. At this point in the game, I’d prefer my Dictator to at least be HONEST about it! Think about it, a Kalishnakof, a spiffy old Land Cruiser and a red bud in every pot. What could be better! We don’t like no stinkin’ Fox News, we go down and editoralize the crap out of the station. On off days, for fun, we can go over to Paraguay and raid Bush’s compound!
Peggy Noonan is the ideal columnist for the WSJ editorial page.
(’nuff said.)
Peggy Noonan is the ideal columnist for Tiger Beat, the “way we were” edition.
I’ve known lots of Peggy Noonans in my day (Catholic schools) and on my seaboard (Eastern): the subspecies of Irish chick who spends her life out-pearls-and-monogram-pinning the bankers’ daughters with great success, measuring her achievement by how easily and how often she passes for a trust-funded Episcopalian. On the teevee she’s always trying to push a Buckley accent through her sinuses, doing her best to talk trash in flutey words that won’t get her blackballed from the sailing club.
On “Morning Joe” this week she slowly, show-offishly mispronounced the name of David Strathairn, another guest, after his name had been repeated several times the right way by folks who didn’t want him dead. “That, Mister Stratt Hah-harner, will teach you to disagree with the Queen!” And to be a bearded artist librul.
Pegeen, Pegeen, who told you rude people are going to heaven?
Titonwan: I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Noonan is soooooo tedious. Ugh. She’s trying waay too hard to be profound.
magic titty: If Barry wins, he should ride Peggy bareback through the town square, like some kind of hyper-literate mare, or … Pegasus. /fixed
I’d hit that, will she shut up for 15 seconds?
Memo to Ms Noonan
Peg, my Pearl:
Along with my fellow Wonketteers, I consider it my duty, not only to entertain and snark, but to inform and educate those clearly in need of enlightenment; ie, utter ignoramuses like you.
It is in this spirit that I draw your attention to a superb website, full useful information to assist you in your journalistic pursuits. I refer to:
Askoxford.com Run by the folks who bring us The Concise Oxford Dictionary, it’s full of easy-to-understand definitions, such as the following:
Democracy: noun (pl. democracies) 1. a form of government in which the people have a voice in the exercise of power, typically through elected representatives. 2. a state governed in such a way. 3. control of a group by the majority of its members.
That means, the winner of such an election has every right to pursue his or her agenda (as long as it conforms to his/her pre-election undertakings).
It appears clear that if, as current polling suggests, Senator Obama wins in a landslide, it will be because the majority of The People want him to flush George the Dumber’s rancid, corrupt, and morally bankrupt excuse for government down the nearest toilet, and start forging a new Administration- One that will actually serve its people, rather than screw them.
Best Regards
The Captain.