IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS  3:08 pm October 24, 2008

by Jim Newell

So long, suckersBACHMANN TO ADDRESS NATION: Ah, this is a typical thing people do when they are UTTERLY FREAKING OUT about their entire careers: “Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) has taped an advertisement apologizing for her televised comments calling Barack Obama anti-American, according to a Republican source familiar with her campaign’s decision.” It is still staggering that this one dingbat appearance on Hardball finally did the trick, after daily doses of such standard Bachmannia for the last two years. [Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 94 comments }

Serolf Divad October 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Well, it’s a good start and all, but I personally won’t be satisfied until she crawls up to Obama on her knees, washes his feet with her tears and dries them off with her hair.

shellbomber October 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

When is she going to apologize for being a wingnut?

Tommy Says Soooo October 24, 2008 at 3:11 pm

I’d still do her if she wore the Julie Newmar outfit.

shortsshortsshorts October 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm

“I meant what I said, but somehow my entire character, being as awful and terrible as I am, will somehow convince you that I didn’t mean what I said. I am truly a horrible fucking person.”

Dientes October 24, 2008 at 3:12 pm

The Nation or the Real Nation?

Lascauxcaveman October 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

Bachman? I’d turn her over and drive, if you know what I mean.

Viva la Cynthia October 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

I completely expected most people (well, most Republican people) to ignore/tacitly agree with her batshitness, so I am very happy to be proven wrong.

Masorca October 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

burn baby burn

mdotsota October 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Apologizing is elitist.

Serolf Divad October 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

[re=147484]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:

Just make sure you wrap your rascal, because she’s über fertile.

tunamelt October 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

[re=147476]Serolf Divad[/re]: Sacrilegious win.

Carrie_Okie October 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

I’d hit it with an imaginary black assailant.

StripesAndPlaids October 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

Possible Headlines for tomorrow:

“Bach-anal Fest: She is so screwed”
“Bachman Turner Under Whelmed: The apology that fell flat”
“Bach to the future: Michelled tries to turn back time”
“Crazy Texas girl who has nothing to do with Michelle Bachmann lied”

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2008 at 3:15 pm

What in fucking hell is happening to Real America?

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Doesn’t she know that someone else came to Earth 2000 years ago and apologized for everything that ever happened ever so we wouldn’t have to apologize anymore?

nurple October 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Don’t despair, Michelle. I’m sure there’s a Hallmark Store that could use a duster. Just please take something for the jitters.

NoWireHangers October 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Yeah, the voters won’t stand for this now, but the same assholes voted her into office in 2006. Let’s be real, Congresscrazy Bachmann totally could have gotten away with that “unamerican” horseshit in 2004. Those were dark days.

bitchincamaro October 24, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Srsly, how much GOP FAIL can a reasonable person absorb in one day before becoming callous and cynical?

Oh, wait.

Terry October 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

[re=147484]Lascauxcaveman[/re]:

Honestly, you guys have TERRIBLE taste in women. Do you see the female Wonketteers lusting over Kristol?

facehead October 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm

I AM Michelle

THE Failed McCarthy Impersonator

Tommy Says Soooo October 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Wiki says she went to ORAl Roberts Law School:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelle_Bachman

Now you know.

echoman2000 October 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

it she must, at least make it cable access. like on comcast or something. the ether can’t handle any more of her particles flying around. her orbit has warped.

Gopherit October 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm

Why do we always lose our MILFy Conservatives before they hit prime crazy? Well, at least they keep making more.

StripesAndPlaids October 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=147509]bitchincamaro[/re]: It is kind of like a mini Coctober, except there is no sex. Just satisfying little bits and pieces of unadulterated joy.

mdotsota October 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

[re=147500]StripesAndPlaids[/re]: You forgot “Bach-akke: Congresswoman Floods America With Her Apologies”

problemwithcaring October 24, 2008 at 3:21 pm

What’s the over-under on her questioning Obama’s patriotism again in the ad?

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 24, 2008 at 3:22 pm

My fellow Minnesotans, obviously I did not mean to say that Barack Obama is anti-American. Chris Mathews tricked me into saying that. All I meant to say is that he is uppity, and just wants to find loose shoes, tight pussy, and a warm place to shit.

Tommy Says Soooo October 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

[re=147512]Terry[/re]: Hey, compare to some of the libtard trollops I’ve dated, that’s high living. Besides the female Wonketeers are lusting over Rachel Maddow…and you better believe we’re watching.

OffTheRecord October 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

This is the single greatest day in the history of the world. Why must all of the glorious fail come at once?

JoeFannyPack October 24, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Is it just me or is the guy on the left in front of W checking out his erection and the guy on the right doing some serious stroking? That is quite a kiss and these guys aren’t used to seeing two people of the opposite sex with both of them being over the age of 10 doing such a thing.

JJva October 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

Will she be wearing leather trench coat and monocle when she delivers this speech?

freakishlystrong October 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

The Republicans are in the Tank.

SayItWithWookies October 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=147502]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That’s brilliant!

Tommy Says Soooo October 24, 2008 at 3:24 pm

[re=147534]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Win. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Though I could bear the tight shoes for t’other.

Styrofoam Boots October 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

I heard Chris Matthews invited her back on the show so he could trick her into giving him fellatio.

TeddyS October 24, 2008 at 3:26 pm

MINNEAPOLIS — Congresswoman Michele Bachmann today apologized that Socialist idiots like Democrats did not understand her remarks about Barack Osama being disAmericanized. “I may be crazy but I am not the only Republican nutcase running for Congress,” she shouted. “The main stream media needs to back off and pick on somebody else. Like that guy in North Carolina. Go contribute to his opponent. Leave me alone, you unpatriotic traitors.”

NoWireHangers October 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm

[re=147542]OffTheRecord[/re]: Don’t you fret. There will be plenty more glorious fail for everyone to enjoy on November 4.

PrairiePossum October 24, 2008 at 3:27 pm

All the DNC has to do is run that picture of her smacking Bush. It doesn’t matter what apology she makes, she is finished.

echoman2000 October 24, 2008 at 3:28 pm

[re=147534]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: maybe this all happened because she know’s in her jeezbus filled heart that her shoes are tight, her pussy’s loose, and she’s gonna be living DOWN BY THE RIVER with only cold places to shit.

facehead October 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=147525]Gopherit[/re]: You find her MILFYy? I admit that Sarah Palin erects my flagpole (wink wink (I’M TALKING ABOUT MY BONER!!!! HA!!!)) but Michelle Bachmann… she’s just someone I’d like to poo on (a SILTPO, that is).

rev_matt_y October 24, 2008 at 3:29 pm

[re=147512]Terry[/re]: Not all of use male wonketters find Palin/Bachman/whatever crazy chick they find next to be teh hottness. Some of us have taste and standards. Though not in political commentary, obviously.

nurple October 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

Keep your chins up, friends. There is so much more to come. We await the public snit/freak out, at least one talking-head storm-off, more embarrasing fancritters doing crazy things, and many, many Armani…

Woodwards Friend October 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

I hope shit blames her comments on compact fluorescent light bulbs. The mercury made her go natters.

Palin-Plumber2012 October 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

My fellow Americans and liberal terrorists…

OzoneTom October 24, 2008 at 3:30 pm

[re=147512]Terry[/re], [re=147538]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: And each other! Don’t forget that fantasy.

magic titty October 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

Maybe she’ll just give everyone head so we can forget the whole thing.

freakishlystrong October 24, 2008 at 3:31 pm

[re=147563]facehead[/re]: Yeah, but if her mouth was open, and you’re dick wasn’t in it, you’d have to listen to that voice…

Rodney Badger October 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=147542]OffTheRecord[/re]: We should celebrate it as a holiday in the coming years.

grendel October 24, 2008 at 3:32 pm

I think I’ve had a schadenfreude aneurysm…

Palin-Plumber2012 October 24, 2008 at 3:34 pm

[re=147502]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Haha yeah. Her apology will consist of, “Last week, I made some comments that were divisive and accusing Americans who do not share my view of treason. BUT I believe Jesus is my savior, so joke’s on you, later sinners.”

problemwithcaring October 24, 2008 at 3:34 pm

[re=147576]magic titty[/re]: I’d rather get a yeasty vag than get head from her…though it’s prolly a two-fer.

facehead October 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm

[re=147570]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Or Hand Sanitizer:

http://www.dui1.com/duilawyers/DuiLawyersListingDetail84.htm

Gopherit October 24, 2008 at 3:36 pm

[re=147563]facehead[/re]: She’s not my favorite , but she definitely has shades of Kitty.

And so, bring in the next one!

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 3:37 pm

[re=147546]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You’re starting to rub off on me. So to speak.

[re=147512]Terry[/re]: To be fair, I do lust after Keith Olbermann and Chris Buckley in what is an apparent display of a major daddy issue.

Gopherit October 24, 2008 at 3:38 pm

[re=147582]grendel[/re]:schadenfreudeurysm. Hahaha! Thanks grendel! That’s gonna be a bitch to type, but it fits this week so well.

whiteasasheet October 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

[re=147512]Terry[/re]: It’s not about taste. It’s about variety.

coolcatdaddy October 24, 2008 at 3:41 pm

Sigh. You can put lipstick on a Bachmann, but it’s still a McCarthy.

MoodProcessor October 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm

I’m fully expecting the standard narcissist apology,

“I’m sorry you guys are so pissed off.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm

[re=147477]shellbomber[/re]: Pffft. You want the sun, the moon, and the rest of the planets.

magic titty October 24, 2008 at 3:44 pm

[re=147586]problemwithcaring[/re]: I didnt say I wanted it. Because she skeeves me. But I still think she’d offer it.

nurple October 24, 2008 at 3:44 pm

In triumph today I am blasting Tchaikovsky’s 5th in my cubicle. An ancient Melodiya recording. The track list loads in Cyrillic on Real Player.

stolichnayaaa October 24, 2008 at 3:44 pm

[re=147476]Serolf Divad[/re]: Glorious.

GlennBecksTaint October 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

Palin – Bachmann 2012!!!

stolichnayaaa October 24, 2008 at 3:46 pm

America is “In the Tink”!

(I am going to keep flogging this, yes.)

Gopherit October 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm

[re=147602]coolcatdaddy[/re]: so was McCarthy, when he put on lipstick.

The Church of Realism October 24, 2008 at 3:49 pm

[re=147554]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’ve got images of her asking if shes doing it right and Matthews going HA! over and over…ewwwwww

Tommy Says Soooo October 24, 2008 at 3:50 pm

[re=147610]nurple[/re]: You’re Pathetique.

bitchincamaro October 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm

[re=147582]grendel[/re]: Take 2 Bidens and call me in the morning.

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm

OT, but fun: Sorry if this has been posted already; I just saw it.

nurple October 24, 2008 at 3:53 pm

Church: the icky thing would be Matthews and Scarborough and the other guys talking about it afterwards, icky locker-room style, because they all want to be with each other more than the ladies.

Styrofoam Boots October 24, 2008 at 3:53 pm

[re=147608]magic titty[/re]: Don’t lie. That gaping black hole of right-wing fantasies coming towards your junk—teeth bared. Who wouldn’t want that?

Styrofoam Boots October 24, 2008 at 3:55 pm

[re=147630]The Church of Realism[/re]: 10 bucks says by the end of it Matthews donkey punches her.

cal October 24, 2008 at 3:56 pm

I hope she goes down guns blazing.

Don’t let ‘em take you alive, Shelly! Let your crazy free!

peachgirl October 24, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Actually, word is she’s so sorry that she will ENDORSE Obama. She’s in the tank with Opie and Andy. In case you missed the Weekly Standard today:

http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2008/10/opie_and_andy_taylor_for_obama.asp

The Church of Realism October 24, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=147644]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: And she bites his dick off, a perfectly funny ending. HA

Off topic, but I want to start a petition to officially change Rudi G’s name to Rusty Thrombone.

fuckinredneck October 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=147498]Carrie_Okie[/re]: I’d hit it with an imaginary black assailant.

FUN FACT: 90% of imaginary crimes are committed by imaginary black people.

AnnieGetYourFun October 24, 2008 at 4:08 pm

[re=147636]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Maybe if you post the link, you git.

http://palinaspresident.us/

magic titty October 24, 2008 at 4:09 pm

[re=147656]The Church of Realism[/re]: Your avatar combined with your snark have won you this round, friend.

magic titty October 24, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=147639]Styrofoam Boots[/re]: I couldnt get a hopey with a thing like that coming towards me.

Lascauxcaveman October 24, 2008 at 4:15 pm

[re=147494]Serolf Divad[/re]: Not where I’m goin’ she ain’t.

[re=147512]Terry[/re]: Oh woman, that’s just gross! (and actually, I was just joking. Although brunette and dangerous-crazy is my type. Just ask Mrs. Caveman.)

grendel October 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm

[re=147662]fuckinredneck[/re]: We should deport all imaginary black people!

edgydrifter October 24, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Since nobody above has done so, I declare a Bachmanalia–a weekend of lust and nuttiness made worse by heavy drinking and prescription medication abuse. Let the mirth begin!

sarahconnor October 24, 2008 at 4:25 pm

[re=147578]freakishlystrong[/re]: that is a very unpleasant thing to say, is all.

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 24, 2008 at 4:37 pm

after daily doses of such standard Bachmannia for the last two years

You’re forgetting that the American electorate has the attention span of a caffeine-and-sugar crazed two-year-old retard.

sadstone October 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm
econdave October 24, 2008 at 5:16 pm

[re=147476]Serolf Divad[/re]: When you wrote about Michelle going up to Barry on her knees, that didn’t finish like I thought it would.

But it does allow me to make a Spinal Tap reference:

Yeah, just simple lines intertwining, you know very much like, I’m really influenced by
Mozart and Bach(mann), it’s sort of inbetween those, really, it’s like a Mach piece really, it’s…

What do you call this?

Well, this piece is called “Lick My Love Pump”.

aleks October 24, 2008 at 5:28 pm

Much as I’d prefer Twinkleburger as a representative and human being, Bachmann performs an invaluable service by saying what Republicans really think.

Rush October 24, 2008 at 5:49 pm

Dear Barry, democrats, people who live in cities, colored folks and anyone outside Wasilla, I am sorry I called you satan.

earthadellic October 24, 2008 at 7:00 pm

its actually not an apology, really just blatant damage-control

edgydrifter October 24, 2008 at 7:49 pm

[re=148142]earthadellic[/re]: Ah yes, the good old “I’m sorry if anyone was offended” passive nonapology. Classic.

Naked Bunny with a Whip October 24, 2008 at 7:59 pm

Classic.

Yeah. Barely a step over “I’m sorry you’re so stupid.”

josereyes.theroof October 24, 2008 at 8:09 pm

Crazier even than the Bachman family I knew. One of whom was a Shelly (short for Michelle).

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