surprise surprise

BREAKING: McCAIN CUT-NUT MADE IT UP!

So many Blingees to be made!KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.” Ah HA HA HA HAH HAH. Do not try to bullshit Wonkette, people! It might work on old Gullible McDrudge, but not here. Good work, cut-nut! [KDKA]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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353 comments

  1. JeffGoldblum

    Ha!! This is great, although I really wish it happened later in the day so Palin could bring this asshat up 50 times at her rally, talking about what a tragedy it is.

  2. queeraselvis v 2.0

    *ahem* “If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.”

    So let it be written, so let it be done.

  3. Larry Fine

    We love you Ashley, and still support your cause. Don’t let the anti-christ followers get you down.

  4. mdotsota

    And so ends Ashley Todd’s moment in the sun. Let us reflect.

    Oooooooohh chiiiiild, things are gonna get easy-uuuurrrrrr

    Okay, now let’s laugh.

  5. WonderWomyn

    The story you linked doesn’t say she made it up or confessed. I need to verify that this story is a total hoax before I start making fun of her IRL.

  6. edgydrifter

    SHOCKING. I am literally in shock, litearally. What is up? What is down? Reality is spinning and crumbling all around me.

  7. Serolf Divad

    I don’t understand it… her story was no less believable than the McCain campaign, in general.

  8. Miller

    Who could have foreseen this, it was all so credible. The backwards B, the black eye doctors called fake, the fact that her story continually changed, her remembering nothing except for all those details that made it politically motivated, and how nothing she said matched security footage or eyewitness accounts. It’s just so amazing and plausible and I can’t believe she was a liar.

    http://thesebastards.blogspot.com/

  9. SelfDeprecatingFed

    You can put lipstick on a pig, but if you do it in the shape of a backwards B, everyone will know the pig did it to herself.

  10. Iggy Plop

    this is still not going to dent the wingnuts maddening denial of basic reality. i’m sure the story will have some kind of racist half-life in on-line commentary for weeks to come.

  11. Neon Trotsky

    Now she personally has DOOMED the McCain campaign for good! As libtards blamed Nader in 2000, let Republicans blame Ashley “B” Todd n 2008…

  12. slappypaddy

    Yee-haw! Who needs drink and drugs on a day like today. Ashley’s been a bad girl, time for her to bend over daddy’s knee for her spanking. It’ll be one she won’t soon forget.

  13. FreshCliches

    C’mon, Matt – put up at least three sirens to show the world what a magnificent tool you are.

  14. Rodney Badger

    [re=146968]WonderWomyn[/re]: It’s the breaking news at the top of the page. They haven’t done a full writeup yet because they are too busy laughing at Poor Ashley Todd.

  15. Larry Fine

    I’m still supporting her, because a horrible thing like this could of happened. Or it could happen in the near future.

  16. Rush

    Ken – I think Wonkette needs some sort of Drudgelike siren. Ohh, we have blingees.

    By the way, where is Ms. Noonan today – did I miss her??

  17. totoro

    If she doen’t flag her *ss back to Texass in a hurry she’s won’t have to make up a story about being smacked up in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for her, she might be spending some time in a Pittsburgh pokey explaining herself to some actual muggers. Lets hope they do thorough pat-downs at the PPD lock-up. The great irony here is that she’ll likely be in jail on election day instead of the polls. And, the irony, in line with the nice little Reconstruction compromise allowing Southern states to disenfranchise blacks by arresting them, she cant vote anymore.

  18. Dr. Zoidberg

    God bless the librul media! I mean, Wonkette!

    Wow, how pathetic is this poor thing. I kinda wish, too, that this story had had longer play, so the McFailin campaign and FauxNews would have had more time to bring it up.

    Ah, well.

  19. Dave J.

    Free Republic: “Tawana Brawley II. I blame Drudge for over-reporting this and under-reporting verified attacks on McCain volunteers like the one in New York City recently.”

    LOLZ! Bwaaaa! Truly an epic fail.

  20. El Bombastico

    Today is like Christmas. I wake up to multiple stories about the internal Republican meltdown, and now I have this little treat to savor. Mmmm, your tears are so yummy and sweet!

  21. The Neoskeptic

    it’s been fun sharing this moment with all of you. i have no doubt all of us will now receive 50 fake anthrax letters from the rove/bachmann joint office of anti-american terror hoaxes

  22. DoctorCulturae

    Photoshoppers pleeeze get to work on Gov. Palin/Ashley Todd version of the pix replete with red Michael Jackson leather vest and big gaudy caribou broach!!!!1!

  23. Sassypants

    What’s that again, John? You’re PROUD of ALL of your supporters? Ah, yes. Plain to see why.

  24. Liverspots

    No I’m totally going to go around branding McCain staffers with backwards Bs, and nobody will believe them when they call Drudge to complain.

  25. Worlds End

    Lies, its all lies
    Everything they say
    Lies, they keep telling lies
    We hear them everyday
    Do you think that we don’t know
    That you’re up to no good
    When you’re tellin’ lies

  26. Lazy Media

    OK, so I totes know now what my Halloween costume is going to be. Ick, I gotta buy a McCain shirt, though.

  27. Mara47

    I wrote to Moody at Fox News and got a reply. Heres what I wrote: “Sir, with all due respect to your position (and I wish you respected it more), I think your comments about that pitiful Ashley Todd were unncessarily inflammatory and devisive. What does the alleged incident in Pittsburg have to do with how much voters do or don’t know about Barack Obama? How can you possibly justify your reasoning for such a statement without admitting to race-baiting? I hope you and Fox News will make your apology for this assault on reason as prominent as you’ve made the assault itself.”

    Whomever answers his mail wrote back: “As soon as you apologize for misspelling Pittsburgh.”

    So I did. And now, I’m holding him to his promise. Everybody hold your breath now.

  28. LuxMentis

    I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Yet I feel nothing but contempt.

    She is a, intentionally or otherwise, a race-baiting liar and deserves to be prosecuted for these spurious claims.

  29. WoundedVeteran

    I think it’s believable, yea, and Karl Rove promised to take her to the RNC halo ween parta. He’s gonna stick his head up her ass and wear her like a hat.

  30. HuskyMescan

    I can’t find it, but someone a few weeks ago posted a youtube of Porky pig laughing his ass off. I think that would appropriate at this time.
    I sent another nice “follow-up” email to racist and KKK member (eVP of foxnews, same shit) John Moody.

  31. CrabtreesBludgeon

    LULZ!!!!!! Stupid lying whorebot bitch! God but its been a great week – so many retards, so little time!

  32. middleamerican

    I couldn’t be any less shocked. The girl really needs help from a mental health professional.

  33. Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=147044]ManchuCandidate[/re]: There may be some twisted revenge seekers out there. I kinda got it for Michelle Bachman. I’d have to stop at the face mutilation bit. but make ‘em say, “Ooooh, socialized medicine! Socialized medicine!” Sweet.

  34. Hunter Gathers

    [re=147007]Larry Fine[/re]: You know what else could happen?
    Being invaded by space apes who will anally rape the entire human population.
    The possibility of that happening is only slightly more than WALNUTS! pulling a election day victory out of his ass.

  35. Dreamer

    I am just shocked at this tern of events. I personally believed Willie Horton was the culprit. This just shows how wrong I am about any thing to do with race.

  36. sk1win

    Her next rape won’t be imaginary. Wait until the Black Mamba’s of Cell Block B (as in Black Rapist) get a hold of her. Hold her down and strap it on. Good luck Ashole Todd.

  37. gjdodger

    McAncient and Bible Spice want to know if they can have their egging-on-the-wingnuts sympathetic phone calls back.

    Actually, this election has done some good. The right wing bloggers are so sick and tired of covering for McCain everytime he reverses field that they’re starting to approach all of this nonsense with extreme caution. Michelle Malkin was one of the first to say ATodd didn’t pass the smell test.

  38. edgydrifter

    [re=147034]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: Odd as it may sound, I’d opt for for the pasty fraud-frau, as she has demonstrated her willingness to do basically anything, and that scores high marks with me.

  39. Mara47

    [re=146968]WonderWomyn[/re]: Did you see the update? It’s a tiny button above the original story.

  40. Borat

    So how many “colleges” did this “college student” go to? I’m guessing its a few less than Caribou Barbie, I mean even she be more educational than that.

  41. WendyK

    The Stormfront folks had a field day with this. Most of them still believe it’s true. They are even asking members to spread the word. God Bless America!

  42. sarcasticusername

    i’m shocked i tell you, absolutely shocked. i thought for sure this poor girl’s story of negro terrorization was true. shocking. now what is fox news going to talk about all day?

  43. Bologna

    Munchausen Syndrome by Ashley

    What-a-fake, what-a-fake, Ashley’s scam.
    Make up her as face as fast as she can.
    Punch it and paint it and mark it with “B”
    And post it on Drudge Report as quick as can be.

  44. Viva la Cynthia

    So, according to that Fox dude, John McCain’s campaign is officially over now, and it’s all this chickie’s fault. THANK GOD. I’m going to send her a thank you card.

  45. WIDTAP

    So does this mean that the exec over at Fox News will declare the McCain campaign dead, as they promised?

  46. JoeFannyPack

    You know if she would have used a backward O instead of a backward B this may have all turned out differently.

  47. 4tehlulz

    Enjoy trying to find a job. Google has doomed you forever, Ashley Todd. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.

  48. gjdodger

    [re=147064]facehead[/re]: That rocks! What do you think he’ll call his campaign aides? “Plumber’s Helpers”?

  49. JoeFannyPack

    [re=146938]JeffGoldblum[/re]: You know, this is off topic but I really enjoyed that TV series that you had briefly with Ben Vereen back in the 70s. It didn’t last long but you were very funny on it.

  50. Bypartizoa

    I’m sure somebody tried to tell Steve Schmidt that this was a bad idea, but he never fucking listens.

  51. Mara47

    [re=146965]OffTheRecord[/re]: Oh, I’ll bet some bitters will be trying to make us all believe the poor girl was intimidated by Big Black Pleessmuns and confessed before being forced to watch them tear up her pretty posters real slow-like.

    Not that I’m gloating here, mind you. I feel sorry for mentally ill people, but this one? Not so much.

  52. NoWireHangers

    Does Ashley know that 50 years ago they would have gone a lynchin’ on account of her lies? Stupid bitch. You stupid deranged bitch.

    Meanwhile Drudge still has the original story up. Only when you click through do you see that there are “discrepancies” in her story.

    This better blow up on a national scale. Drudge kicked this shit in to the national media stratosphere and I want to shit to hit the fan on a national level. Mother fuckers all of them. When will this damned election be over? You’ve LOST WALNUTS! Give it up.

  53. mdotsota

    Does that twinkle in the eye of her blingee represent the hopes and dreams of all unborn babies? I say yes.

  54. lumpenprole

    Good. Now that everyone has figured out what occurred, the wingnuts can get on with the difficult work of figuring out what really happened. After all, the “B” was backwards – what could the large black man have meant when he carve the first initial of his islamoverlord on her? What don’t the libruls want to know the answers to such troubling questions? Who gains from this cover-up?

  55. Rodney Badger

    Filing a false report is a 2nd degree misdemeanor and carries a penalty of up to two years in prison. But she’ll probably get much less than that. A fine, some community service, maybe a short stint in jail. She will carry the shame and humiliation with her forever, though.

  56. Mara47

    To all my fellow Wonketteers who are sad that this BESTEST of all possible story arcs appears to have played itself out: Relax. I’ll bet some bitters will soon be trying to make us all believe the poor girl was intimidated by Big Blue Pleessemuns and confessed before being forced to watch them tear up her pretty posters, real slow-like.

    Not that I’m gloating here, mind you. I feel sorry for mentally ill people, but this one? Not so much.

  57. stolichnayaaa

    [re=147101]elcapitan[/re]: It’s kind of amazing how close this “15 minutes” thing is becoming to the actual amount of time involved. This girl whent from WTF to Hero to Suspect to Antihero to Criminal in about twelve hours.

  58. CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=147064]facehead[/re]: OHHHHH!! That’s good! That’s very, very good. And – that gives me three years or so to sharpen up the snark (jeebus knows I need it) Woohoo!!

  59. liberaltruthsayer

    But it is nice to speculate that if she does have a scar from this epic fail incident it will at least be fitting, because the “B”itch is indeed “backwards.”

  60. 4tehlulz

    [re=147115]stolichnayaaa[/re]: And Wonkette was here to record it in all its glory.

    God bless you Wonkette.

  61. spencer

    [re=147115]stolichnayaaa[/re]: It really is amazing. I was telling my friend about it over IM: “The McCain Boston Red Sox girl has admitted it was FAKE” and he said, “Who?” It was impossible to get him up to speed on the whole thing because it happened so fast.

  62. Gopherit

    [re=147064]facehead[/re]: With someone like Laura Ingraham backing him, how could it go wrong?

    Thank you Republican Party!

  63. Styrofoam Boots

    Man, she is so dumb.

    If she was really smart she would’ve had one of her dude-party douchebag friends paint himself up in blackface for the security cameras.

    Well, better luck next time.

  64. Weeping Jesus

    When my caretakers read me this story, I told them, “Unplug the iron lung!” (I use one recreationally, trying to empathize with those with special needs).

    I then drove over to the local Republican headquarters and shaved a big letter D (for Douche) on all their heads. Well, I would have, but the place is boarded up and there were some 6’4″ white rednecks milling about….

  65. american mutt

    ASK HER WHO SHE’S VOTING FOR?!! A REPORTER BETTER ASK WHO’S SHE’S VOTING FOR!! SHITTY ENDORSEMENTS FTW!!

  66. Dreamer

    Ken – did anyone check if she was waterboarded to make this confession. I am still inclined to believe the Halloween makeup.

  67. Crow T. Robot

    Don’t you see you libtards! This is a ploy! McCain is too smart for you. He’s got you RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS TO. Just wait.

    Bradley Effect. October Surprise. My friends lie to pollsters! You’ll see!

    Can’t wait to see you on suicide watch on Nov 5th!

    /asshattery

    (Actually, seriously, let’s buy this woman a cake or something–I feel like i’m ten, i’m Richy Rich, and it’s my birthday)

  68. facehead

    [re=147077]JeffGoldblum[/re], [re=147121]CrabtreesBludgeon[/re]: Tx dudes, I know it isn’t much, but it should feed us through the winter.

  69. thejames

    Poor little Ashley must not have any friends at all to tell about her little fraudulent plans, or one of them might have told her what a stupid, stupid, stupid plan she had.

    Donuts & bacon, yo. Donuts & bacon.

  70. CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=147126]liberaltruthsayer[/re]: Please let there be a scar! ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!!

  71. hockeymom

    Drudge finally changed his headline to “She made it up!”
    Followed by “Chryler Cutting Jobs.”

    Clever, but no sirens.

  72. StrangelyBrown

    Strangely enough, RedState, NRO Corner, and Drudge seem to be very slow to respond to these developments…

  73. dougbob

    you know, ya’ can’t make this crap up. oh, wait, they did.
    special thanks to fox for conceding the election. which one of mccain’s advisors okayed that?

  74. DoctorCulturae

    So, another cruder Rovian storyline eats dust:

    1) look what happened to me
    2) they did this to me
    3) maybe this didn’t happen to me
    4) no it didn’t happen to me
    5) you made me behave this way
    6) you all made me behave this way because you think differently than me
    7) why are you all treating me so unjustly?

  75. ConfederacyOfCuntses

    Unlike yesterday when Drudge had the story up, no big flashing siren retraction. I will personally shit in his fedora if I ever see that self-loathing ghey.

  76. rambone

    I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of Red State commenters’ voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

  77. Mojopo

    Is there any way I can contribute some eye make-up remover to Ashley? Or maybe we can ask Grampy Warbucks for $150,000 towards Ashley’s therapy?

  78. dearmurray

    This whole ordeal reminds me of a joke my uncle told me when I was a kid about “three pickets to Tittsburgh.”

    To make a long story short, it ends with St. Finger pointing his peter at you.

  79. Woodwards Friend

    Well in fairness. When her boyfriend beat the shit out her last week she claimed she fell into a door. She needed a new excuse this week. You know Ashley if dinner had been ready on time all of this could have been avoided.

  80. CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=147154]hockeymom[/re]: Posted all the way at the top so you have to scroll to see it. What a fucktard.

  81. Dave J.

    Seriously, are we surprised that Drudge seems oddly inexperienced at fending off the self-pitying stories from headcase 20 year old women who only want to get on his site?

  82. TRUECRISTIAN

    [re=147165]dougbob[/re]: I just don’t understand this fascination with BOOKS. It’s a
    waste of time. TV is a much better alternative. I haven’t read a
    single book since about 6th grade or 7th grade.

  83. slomojoe

    Watch the wingers go all civil-rights on the Pittsburgh PD and complain he didn’t get properly Miranda’d before confessing….

  84. Chuck Fildren

    well, that was good to waste a day or so – this wait for the election is excruciating. please let this become a big story.

  85. The Church of Realism

    In honor of this fail of epic proportion, MTV should play Blind Melon’s “No Rain” for 12 hours straight.

  86. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=147045]Mara47[/re]: And you should apologize for your pedant-baiting spelling of “devisive”, too. But apparently Mr. Fox VP didn’t catch that one.

  87. rambone

    I think we should all cut the poor girl some slack.

    She’s young. I’m sure that, as she gains wisdom with the years, her race-baiting techniques will improve and she’ll be as credible as any other Fox News host.

  88. OzoneTom

    [re=147161]StrangelyBrown[/re]: They probably won’t mention it again and just let their bitter haters keep thinking that it is a reason to keep “that one” out of the White-mans House.

  89. Styrofoam Boots

    [re=147147]CrabtreesBludgeon[/re]: Oh, there will be a scar but my guess is it’ll be shrouded from public view by the eternal GOP facial bukakke she’s so rightfully earned.

  90. magic titty

    Goddamit! I missed this breaking news by being out to lunch!
    But I’m glad I was part of a full-fledged Wonkette investigation.

    WOOOHOOO!!

  91. Masorca

    Cant wait to see this on Olbermann’s show. It shoudl also be a leading story on every media outlet – that some fucktard made such an over the top attempt to race-bait

  92. problemwithcaring

    [re=147064]facehead[/re]: NOoooooooooooooo! Wait. Yes! When God kills one Sarah Palin, he brings us another one.

  93. StupidGeek

    [re=147064]facehead[/re]: Sweeeeeet! I’m going to start saving up campaign contributions for his opponent right now.

  94. sk1win

    So the Fudge Report finally got on board and decided to declare this a fake. But what is really funny is the sweet BHO ad on the homepage. The same homepage that is disparaging BHO without mercy (or facts).

  95. StrangelyBrown

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Wow, the Freepers are blaming the Paultards. This is just the story that keeps on giving!

  96. sublicon

    Okay, so Drudge made it a headline now that she made it up. However, I don’t think her photo is large or embarrassing enough.

  97. President Beeblebrox

    This transcends epic fail and soars into the realm of ultimate, super-ultra deluxe fail.

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: The Freeper comments are priceless. Some are disappointed it wasn’t real, others are convinced she was an Obama plant. Let the wingnut paranoia begin:

  98. Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Win. This is the best comment there: “Yep. Thanks a lot stupid girl.

    Here comes the libs field day.”

    Hahaha, suck it, freepers. And Angelina Jolie was a hotter cutter too.

  99. edgydrifter

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Fan-fucking-tastic. She’s a McCain volunteer, but the Freepers have “outed” her as a Pautardian saboteur. Ameros FTW!

  100. FMA

    Following the evolution of this episode, I think we can predict that, pretty soon, the right-wingers will say that the chick is really an Obama supporter who staged this whole thing in a lame attempt to discredit the McCain campaign.
    We’ll be hearing this on Fox News before the end of the day.

  101. DoctorCulturae

    [re=147184]Austingunner[/re]: Speaking of Halloween. It happens on the Friday before the election. What surprise lurks in the hearts of politicos and evildoers for next weeks News Dump? Who will be exposed as a cheat, a fraud, a crossdresser, as having teh geh? Halloween is Xmas in Wonkette-i-stan.

  102. freakishlystrong

    Blingee! The poor girl sholda maybe looked at the poll numbers before mutilating herselfz..just sayin…

  103. whiteasasheet

    It wasn’t the backwards ‘B’ that made me doubt her, it wasn’t the phoney-looking black eye, it wasn’t the fact she was out of sight of the security cameras, it wasn’t not getting medical attention…but when she quoted the black dude from the “wrong” side of Pittsburgh as saying, “That’s for supporting John McCain!”, well, then I knew it was bullshit. Nobody in Pittsburgh city talks that way, black or white.

  104. OutOutBlogger

    What makes it more pathetic is that all the Democratic materials feature the letter O for Obama, not the letter B. If she’d had a brain in her head, she would have carved herself with an O and avoided the mirror mistake! Hahahaha!

  105. CrabtreesBludgeon

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Here’s my favorite:

    “Yep. Thanks a lot stupid girl.

    Here comes the libs field day.”

    Might be the only correct thing they’ve ever written!

  106. Tommy Says Soooo

    Kudos BTW for the lipstick on the pig, Kenny boy. I have almost forgiven you for sodomizing my naugahyde sofa.

  107. problemwithcaring

    [re=147105]NoWireHangers[/re]: Now, now. That talk of lynchin’ is exactly the type of thing bougie blackies try to NOT think about, Nowire. We reserve thoughts like that for Sunday service with the good Rev. Wright, ok? Today is Happy Implode-a-Friday!

  108. Itsjustme

    [re=147193]rambone[/re]: Yes, Fox news presents “The Palin-Todd show” Here we will learn about the Jesus and Evil Negroes.

  109. Gorillionaire

    At the Freeper site about 1,200 commenters have written “come to think of it that “B” did look backwards, like she wrote it looking in the mirror!” and then “hey I think I noticed that too!!!111″
    Geniuses, they are.

  110. Anonymous Office Zombie

    [re=147219]edgydrifter[/re]: [re=147218]Tommy Says Soooo[/re]: [re=147217]President Beeblebrox[/re]: [re=147210]StrangelyBrown[/re]:

    Freeperland is always great for a laugh. My favorite comments are by the people who are saying this idiot has now sunk McCain. Yes. The whole McCain failure. It’s all the fault of this secret Paultard/Obama plant and her lie 11 days before Nov 4th.

  111. dwarf74

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Holy cow! Those comments are completely priceless. All the repubtards are crapping themselves.

  112. problemwithcaring

    [re=147172]Woodwards Friend[/re]: Was her boyfriend Black? Because that could spell the end of the obama campaign.

  113. Dave J.

    [re=147230]whiteasasheet[/re]: I’m surprised she didn’t quote him as saying “That’s for supporting former POW John McCain and his freedom-loving agenda of prosperity and tax cuts!”

  114. The Decider

    Funny, last night the fine folks over at Redstate were calling for a certain Presidential candidate’s head on a platter. Now? Crickets.

  115. LittlePinky82

    [re=146938]JeffGoldblum[/re]: Oh I know! But she and McCain did call her so…. They still believed her story. I’m glad Obama didn’t go that far and instead spent time with his grandmother.

  116. gjdodger

    [re=147111]Rodney Badger[/re]: You’re kidding, of course. She’s probably already been offered a column at townhall.com.

  117. Mara47

    [re=147188]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Quelle horreur! I ashame myself very much. Pedant-baiting in such parlous times, too; unforgivable. You got anything to drink?

  118. LittlePinky82

    [re=146966]JoeFannyPack[/re]: Apparently the police got surveillance tapes from the cameras at the bank she claimed to went to and it wasn’t her there. They also did a polygraph.

  119. dearmurray

    Fox News headline!

    McCain Worker ‘Confesses’
    She Made Up Attack Story

    It would up their credibility if they would replace the quotations with animated gifs of Hannity doing the universal hand gesture for “QUOTE”.

  120. Reefpilot

    Man, I thought October could never be better than 2006 with Mark Foley’s AIM gifts to the world.

    But this one-ups it.

    My wife is going as ashley todd for halloween and I’ll be the imaginary unidentified black male. Question: Should I carry a toothpick, or a swiss army knife plastic toothpick that’s been disengaged?

  121. Mara47

    [re=147261]JSDC007[/re]: Ooh! Shiny! Let’s go to one of those manga baby-maker sites and see what kind of kiddies they could burp out.

  122. LittlePinky82

    [re=147018]The Neoskeptic[/re]: So true! Nice for my first time here at Wonkette. :) Love y’all!

  123. monty

    i knew it i called it on the first post, the guy was carvin the ‘B’ for Bitch, then he blew his load and lost interest..wait, she lied? NOO WAYYY!! Serves me right i had a whole bi-racial rape fantasy thing in my head. oh well whats next?

  124. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=147045]Mara47[/re]: I will write him today. I can’t believe anyone at Fox News noticed a typo.

  125. Keram2

    I’m not going to wade through eleventy billion comments, so this might be a tad redundant:

    BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    That is all.

  126. LittlePinky82

    [re=147039]Roj[/re]: Oh yes so true Roj. Oh and are you an “The Soup” fan? It’s the spaghetti cat!!

  127. LittlePinky82

    [re=147046]LuxMentis[/re]: Exactly. She knowingly did this scam to the police to slam Senator Obama and Obama supporters. I hope something happens to her. Police don’t like it when you waste their time like that.

  128. Polly Sigh-Entist

    [re=147048]Hamster[/re]: Almost as good as: “Uncut: Gov. Sarah Palin Speaks in Beaver Co.”

  129. longjohnson

    Even the National Review is eating its words . . .

    http://corner.nationalreview.com/

    Re: Assaulted Volunteer Story [Andy McCarthy]

    In view of the developments noted by Jonah, I have removed the picture and allusion to mutilation from my prior post. I have not deleted the post because I am not trying to purge the fact that I appear to have jumped on the news report too early. I’m not apologizing, because the story is news and it would have been discussed whether I’d posted on it or not. But I do wish I had waited until we could be reasonably sure it was true.

  130. wellspring

    [re=147111]Rodney Badger[/re]: oh, if only it were a felony, that would be the most delicious justice. Anyone this stupid deserves to have their voting rights taken away. Except in Texas they let felons vote after they finish serving their sentence…probably because they just go ahead and kill most of them before they can get let out of jail.

  131. Cape Clod

    Waterfalls of Awesome! Have to give credit to Chubbsy Ubbsy for sticking to this lame, childish fanatasy for this long.

  132. azw88

    It was reported that Palin and McCain called the girls family offering their sympathy and condolences on the vicisous attack…. Wonder if they are going to call them back and tell them, “Look, tell that little bitch that she had damned well better learn to tell better lies if she wants to be a true Republican”

  133. Mara47

    [re=147289]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Oh yeah. Probably some intern from Pittsburgh whose mother still tells him he should have gotten that gig at KDKA, I mean, with their connections and all.

  134. Tommy Says Soooo

    [re=147270]dearmurray[/re]: Speaking of that arsehole, I am sure he will downplay it as one kooky person. HOWEVAH, said nutter was a volunteer on the campaign, NOT like Ayers or Wright. Though Ayers probably would carve up someone…probably Hannity.

  135. Maddrjeffe

    [re=147105]NoWireHangers[/re]: That lynching shit still goes on now… so this bitch should be locked the hell up

  136. Mara47

    [re=147289]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: [re=147289]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Oh yeah. Probably some intern from Pittsburgh whose mother still tells him he should have gotten that gig at KDKA, I mean, with their connections and all.

  137. lawrenceofthedesert

    [re=147088]Gopherit[/re]: I couldn’t find the “victim” reference at Drudge, but two items there bothered me enough to comment on. One is a poll with some past success showing Obama and McCain a point apart; not likely, but still disconcerting to see.
    Much more disconcerting was a Gallup poll that showed 75 percent of 18-24 voters are waiting until election day, while a much higher percentage of seniors will vote early. That gives the weatherman a huge sway over results in battleground states, with advantage to McCain’t, who should do best with seniors. An election day ice storm in Pennsylvania and Ohio, and things could get uncomfortable.
    Young people need to learn the old Chicago saying about elections: vote early, vote often. I’m sure that many a fine Chicago ancestor will punch a card for Barry, but we need the kids, too.

  138. PrairiePossum

    As part of her punishment, she should be forced to pay $60.00 to the Obama campaign – the amount she reported stolen – and she should be forced to get a blue B tattooed on her cheek, so she will be forever marked as “that one.”

  139. problemwithcaring

    [re=147309]azw88[/re]: Nope, ’cause her confession and subsequent charge for lying to the police are simply more attacks from a gotcha police department and city prosecutors. The Mavericks will carry on with the meme as usual – the darkies did it.

  140. LittlePinky82

    [re=147095]JoeFannyPack[/re]: At least long enough until the police got the surveillance cameras stuff…

  141. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=147010]totoro[/re]: I hope it has changed over the years, but you DO NOT want to spend a night in the Pittsburgh Metro holding cell waiting for Monday Morning’s Araignments Judge. I bailed people from there and saw the ‘temporary holding compound’ in Hue in 1969. I would have preferred Hue.

  142. picardia

    I wonder if she specifically wanted to make campaign news, or whether this is somebody with a richly developed case of Munchausen’s Syndrome who thought making it political might get her a bit more attention. I suppose, either way, it’s all come to pass.

    Seriously, I’m very glad that something violent and frightening didn’t happen to her.

  143. McCainsThirdNipple

    Drudge actually has the “She made it up!” headline on the front and center. I wonder how many minutes before it goes down, never to be mentioned again.

  144. LittlePinky82

    [re=147111]Rodney Badger[/re]: I wonder though because she’s twenty. I don’t think she’s considered a juvie though is she? It will be interesting to see what the police does with this.

  145. Weeping Jesus

    [re=147348]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: My old roommate got popped in Pittsburgh for a DUI. They put him in the overnight cell without even frisking him. He had a joint in his shirt pocket. He said he was lucky there were only a couple other guys in that night, so they all got stoned without causing a riot. True story.

  146. LittlePinky82

    [re=147212]bitchincamaro[/re]: Not South Korea but perhaps North Korea or China. I don’t think the people of South Korea do that stuff.

  147. hunglikejesus

    Porky should look on the bright side. There will plenty of sweet jelly roll on the menu where she’s going.

  148. Q2

    So who punched the bitch her in the eye…or did she…like…run onto a doorknob to create the black eye? WTF?

  149. LittlePinky82

    [re=147231]OutOutBlogger[/re]: Exactly. And plus the “O” would’ve been easier to do and run. Plus she had a cell phone with her and didn’t take his picture? C’mon she has a Youtube account with that janitor man.

  150. Rowdy Monster

    Well predicted, I guess you wonkette guys totally called that this was a fake! Seemed obvious to me too, but I guess Matt Drudge and Fox News, which also had a big headline about this, were just a little slow on the uptake. What else is new?

  151. LittlePinky82

    [re=147246]mdotsota[/re]: I’m now wondering about a Lifetime movie. ;) Fox would probably do it though since it’s up their ally or perhaps give her a show or something.

  152. CorkPopper

    [re=147178]Anonymous Office Zombie[/re]: Awesomest comment at Freeper in response to this story: “Now it will be harder for us to run Rev. Wright ads because everyone will scream ‘oh look, the nasty Republicans are appealing to racism again.’”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m so happy right now, champagne would be redundant.

  153. LittlePinky82

    [re=147261]JSDC007[/re]: Hey how perfect because he now is saying he wants to run for Congress in 2010. I guess Ms Todd will be free by then?

  154. AnnieGetYourFun

    From Fox News: McCain Worker ‘Confesses’ She Made Up Attack Story

    Why is ‘confess’ in ‘quotes’?

  155. Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov)

    I so HAPPY that the report has cleared her of any violations. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

  156. LittlePinky82

    [re=147364]Roj[/re]: LOL. It cracks me up each time. Especially when Joel and the cat make out. That’s hot!

  157. fuckinredneck

    [re=147409]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Why is ‘confess’ in ‘quotes’?

    Because you can’t believe anything this chick “says”.

  158. Quietly

    Barry should dedicate his presidency to this bitch after he wins.

    McCain should name his next face tumor after her.

  159. AnnieGetYourFun

    I find it fabulous that the add on Pittsburgh Live that I see features a jack-o-lantern with a kitty face. If pumpkins with a backwards B carved in them aren’t all the rage this Halloween, I don’t know what will be.

  160. Mara47

    Apparently todd told police she’d had mental problems before (shocking, I know). And now I’m wishing I’d mentioned something I noticed last night: those dilated pupils. That’s consistent with a variety of drugs, street and otherwise. One of the “otherwise” drugs is for bipolar disorder. All those YouTube productions are the product of two manic phases, perhaps?

    And yes, yes, I *do* enjoy parlor analysis very much. Especially with sherry…where’s the sherry….?

  161. echoman2000

    i think i saw missy in that JESUS CAMP movie.
    how much you want to bet she was home schooled?
    it’s like we have to stay drunk 24/7 just to keep up.

    by november fifth i’ll need a liver transplant.

  162. Vewol Mevemont

    Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

    Oh, that’s too awesome. When will it finally be drinky time?

  163. Beans

    This just gets better and better. The Pittsburgh, PA press conference was held by the asst. chief, who is an African-American woman. She’s talking about how ugly this could have turned. Oh, the self-righteous, black pain. I love this woman–the chief, and kinda’ Ashley, too.

    Now McWalnuts campaign is clarifying they never paid this nutcase.

    Yeah, like that makes a difference.

    And the crowing CNN anchor is bragging they didn’t show it and blaming Fox.

    I just realized I’m liveblogging CNN. Sorry about that.

  164. Beans

    [re=147127]4tehlulz[/re]: Regarding wonkette being first:

    “America’s Finest News Source” now completely wonkette.

  165. East of Sweden

    [re=147409]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: You know, she was interrogated by the Spanish Inquisition.

    Now I’m just waiting for the Mean Janitor to endorse Joe the Plumber.

  166. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=147496]East of Sweden[/re]: Unexpected!

    I wonder if the Mean Janitor has any idea this is going on. Ignorance = bliss, in this case?

  167. Red Headed StepChild

    hmm, and she claims she has mental problems? ya think?!

    This your base, John.

    Bravo, McCain/Palin. Bravo.

  168. Decoy

    But wait…. how’d she get the black eye? I mean… I can see the whole self-mutilation thing with the letter B — but you’ve got to be one determined soldier to give yourself a black eye.

  169. GDTRFB

    [re=147090]WIDTAP[/re]: No, this only means he will lose PA. FNC will soon explain how this hoax will actually boost McCain’s numbers in OH, FL, and NH.

  170. Stimulate this Package

    Whatever… I think physcotic cutting is hot. And this shows her creative, spunky, “thinking out of the box side”. go crazy cutting chick!

  171. NYNYNY

    Oh my God. The police are in the tank. Who wants to go break her out of jail and bring her to Matt Drudge’s house?

  172. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=147105]NoWireHangers[/re]: 50 years? The last lynching was in 1981 to Michael Donald, 19, the night after an all white jury returned a hung jury verdict during a trail of a black man charged with killing a white policeman in Mobile. That is if you don’t count the time when three texas good ole boys tied James Byrd to the back of his truck and dragged him for three miles. A pathologist testified that Byrd was alive as he was dragged by a tow chain around his ankles until his head, shoulder and right arm were torn off by a drain.

  173. messickc

    I hope that backwards “B” forms a scar. She’ll look like an idiot and an illiterate whore for the rest of her life.

  174. slappypaddy

    [re=147227]Bigfoot[/re]: “Little bit slutty, lit bit nutty–I’d hit it.”

    Me, too, if it were a hit-and-run and my hands were full (left hand, anyway).

  175. LittlePinky82

    [re=147438]Mara47[/re]: I really hope the police do some sort of mental evaluation before just believing her about her “mental issues.” It seems to me a lot of planning went into this whole ordeal. Even though she sucked at it she still put a lot into it. Sorry but this isn’t a mental issue at all.

  176. facehead

    [re=147609]LauraJune[/re]: She needs to change her name to “Tralfaz” and move to another country.

  177. LittlePinky82

    [re=147568]JamesMichaelCurley[/re]: Oh yes I remember reading about those events. Simply awful. I wonder if this girl got her ideas from that? So sad.

  178. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=147230]whiteasasheet[/re]: And the incident was alleged to have occurred at Liberty and Pearl, about three blocks from West Penn Hospital and across the street from a large Catholic Church.

  179. iolanthe

    [re=147045]Mara47[/re]: Might want to clean up your spelling of “divisive”, too, while you’re at it. Just ’cause you’re trying to look extra-smart and extra-snarky when you write back to this tool.

  180. Mara47

    [re=147613]LittlePinky82[/re]: I’m not letting her off the hook. I’m sure there are many reasons for her behavior, and we might even find out which is the real one, but what remains is that she put the world at risk: no shit. I would be very happy to see her stuck in a padded cell somewhere forever, if only as something parents could point their kids toward when telling them how important it is to keep taking their meds when they go away to collitch.

  181. Bruteguy

    was emailed this by a friend at work, it’s on craiglist

    Will you “B” mine? – w4m – 20 (Liberty Ave, Bloomfield)
    ——————————————————————————–
    Reply to: pers-891957192@craigslist.org [?]
    Date: 2008-10-24, 2:58PM EDT

    I was on Liberty Avenue near (but not exactly at) the Citizen’s Bank near Pearl, and I caught you out of the corner of my eye. You were a 6’4″ 200 lbs black man, and, I must admit, you’re way sexier than any of the 72 year old men I’ve been hanging out with recently.

    I know I might not be exactly your type, but I’m wondering, will you “B” mine?

  182. Mara47

    [re=147637]iolanthe[/re]: Catch up, honey. We’ve visited that station of the cross already and have had a couple of good laughs over it. Two old ladies saying their rosaries in nearby pews had to tell us to shush.

  183. Beans

    [re=147449]echoman2000[/re]: “how much you want to bet she was home schooled?”

    And now Bob Jones U and Liberty College are offering her full scholarships. The two of them are actually in a bidding war. BTW–I just made that up, but it sounded so feasible, I thought is best to add a disclaimer, lest my political commentary sink to the level of Drudge rather than living up to the fine journalistic standards of Wonkette. America’s most reliable news source.

    Wonder when America’s Investigative Reporters on PBS will come knocking at wonkette’s door.

  184. Mara47

    [re=147171]dearmurray[/re]: For that alone I would ask you to marry me, if my beautiful musician husband hadn’t recently snatched himself an ID and an icon and started posting here. But I’ll remember you in case the musician thing doesn’t pan out in the long run.

  185. slappypaddy

    [re=147471]Beans[/re]: “America’s Finest News Source” now completely wonkette.

    We all raise a glass in salute.

  186. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=147377]Weeping Jesus[/re]: I once had to bail a guy on Christmas Morning, he was thrown in at about 12:00 (still dressed as Santa). His cell mates were a tranny hooker and the night chef from the Eat ‘n’ Park just a few blocks south of where little miss toddy said she was lifted.

  187. LittlePinky82

    [re=147641]Mara47[/re]: Well I wouldn’t go that far with the world at risk but maybe that general area. Thankfully the security cameras got enough evidence to show she was lying. Now the College Republicans don’t want her anymore.

  188. Mara47

    [re=147229]magic titty[/re]: Okay. I’ll even spell-check myself this time ;-) I’m gonna say… “Still waiting, John. You promised!” And then I’ll threaten to tell his wife about us. Do you think she’ll care, or does the Bergdorf’s account pretty much cover it?

  189. Gorillionaire

    Decoy says at 3:25 pm, October 24th, 2008 – ReplyBut wait…. how’d she get the black eye? I mean… I can see the whole self-mutilation thing with the letter B — but you’ve got to be one determined soldier to give yourself a black eye.

    Black eye is easy. Break your own nose – that shit is hardcore. Nobody does that. Even the woman that killed her kids and blamed it on the imaginary dude that broke into her house couldn’t do that.

  190. Mara47

    [re=147660]LittlePinky82[/re]: Oh, if this had cost Obama the election, you can be darn sure the world would have gotten the ultimate short end. That’s what I meant. (Imagine two bright, heartbreaking eyes blinking at you) Is that okay?

  191. LittlePinky82

    [re=147666]Mara47[/re]: Oh I got ya now. Make it a little cute kid with the two bright heartbreaking eyes. ;)

  192. dotdotdotdotdot

    Oh, the redstaters make me so happy. Observe the paranoid delusion:

    “Which direction was she trying to influence it?

    bk October 24th, 2008 at 3:05 p.m. CDT (link)

    Was she trying to turn people off toward Obama?

    –or–

    Was she trying to make it look like McCain people planted it and therefore help Obama?”

  193. monty

    [re=147326]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Are you talking about the Nazi AP/Gfk poll? Yeah that poll was conducted in nuremburgH(sp?) germany. Maybe…

  194. robanybody

    I blogged last night on some off the wall rightie sitey I stumbled on like a lying sociopath looking for a Pittsburgh ATM (wasting way too much time on this hobby). I joked to this hostile room that the Ashley story probably wasn’t exactly precisely true and laughed at the racists on the site who bought it without hesitation and tweaked them about “hey, Obama is about to be your president so you better get used to it.” Some Klannish lady responded to my post that “you obviously don’t know what it’s like to have a large man who’s 5x stronger than you hold you down and carve your face.” And I was thinking, Scarlett, girlfriend, you have one active fantasy life.

    And it suddenly hit me: the story was widely believed because all those Scarletts out there WANTED to believe it, because something about the fantasy made them go, like, all wiggly. I learned something about righty Klangirls last night: a lot of them are going to secretly vote for Barack. So don’t be surprised if his victory in Real America is even more virile and potent than expected.

  195. S.Luggo

    Ashley Todd, a walking advertisement for the need for universal (psychiatric) health care. Please, America, don’t let another one slip through the cracks.

  196. zhubajie

    [re=147111]Rodney Badger[/re]: Every time she applies for job, the form will ask if she’s ever been of a crime. She’ll have to say “yes” and then explain all the sorry details. If she lies, say “no,” well, getting caught won’t help her record, either.

    Zhu Bajie

  197. zhubajie

    [re=147212]bitchincamaro[/re]: Yes! I remember a prof from Japan telling me once that their pols are always apologizing for things, but only the suicides were sincere!

    Zhu Bajie

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